Hormones & My Hair: A Postpartum Update

*peeks head around door* *eyes room nervously* *steps inside* Is it...is it safe? Is everyone...healthy? Can I sit down and relax for a minute without...you know...having to talk about the vomit and the vomiting and the vomiting on top of various surfaces up to and including my own neck? Can I at last possibly maybe change the frigging subject already? The coast looks clear. For now. Hurry! WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY HAIR. The last time I yammered on about the topic, you may remember, I was going through what I affectionately and accurately described as my Chia Pet... Read more →


Galled

The third trimester of this pregnancy has not been a particularly easy one, and up until...oh, the last 36 hours or so I was perfectly content to chalk most of the unpleasantness up to stress. Everything DID start going downhill right around the time my dad died, what with the false labor and mysterious aches and pains and the throwing up and the weight loss and then a delightful little interlude of "pre-bedrest" and "pre-pneumonia" and "pre-let's-not-panic-here-but-seriously-you-need-to-stop-getting-sick-and-put-some-weight-on." Then, over the weekend, my hands and feet started itching. And suddenly -- well, "suddenly" after HOURS of unrelenting itching and twitching and... Read more →


39 Weeks

I would like to officially and formally take issue with my own damn post title here -- technically, according to the LMP math, today should be my due date. Early ultrasounds bumped me back a week, only for the later scans to once again suggest that I was actually farther along than we thought and jibed with the May 30th hypothesis. But we officially stuck with the original U/S dating and a June 4th due date and I didn't really care all that much at the time but for the record I SUDDENLY CARE AN AWFUL LOT ALL OF A... Read more →


Anytime Now, Fetus

Seriously, baby. THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN DO FOR YOU. There's a freaking custom-made butterfly mobile here, for crying out loud. And wall decals. That I will apply more of, so help me God, out of sheer boredom. Your call. And if you think perfectly-color-and-damask-pattern-coordinated hoot owl toys just HAPPEN, well, they don't. This is nesting OCD driven to the breaking point, baby. That's you, through the ages. We're very excited at the prospect of adding some less-blobby-looking portraits to the gallery. I have every kind of cloth diaper and cloth diaper accessory imaginable . And about four dozen... Read more →


NBY

NO BABY YET. For the record, I promise -- pinkie swearsie promise -- that updating my blog or Twitstream or whatever will indeed be among the very first things I'll do, should anything interesting happen re: my womb. In the meantime, you can safely assume that radio silence just means I am sleeping. Or, in the case of the last 24 hours, that I was alternating between sleeping and running around like a crazy person trying to take care of things related to my two pesky existing children. Oh, and puking. Because why not? It's the third fucking trimester, let's... Read more →


I Know

I climbed into bed late last night. My nerves were on edge, my brain refused to stop inventorying and obsessing over the pre-baby to-do list, all the things that I MUST do, SHOULD do, WOULD LIKE to do, and was that a contraction or is the baby just stretching and jamming limbs into tender organs? I put my hands on my belly and tried to will the sensation to memory, because this is it. The last time. The last few days. Oh, but I'm so tired and sore and done. And yet not ready. Not enough time. One week to... Read more →


38 Weeks

THINGS I DID THIS WEEKEND: 1) Got a pedicure, had total Blush-and-Bashful moment when the bright, funky royal blue color I chose in honor of Baby Boy Number Three dried way too dark and now looks all black and goth-y. I don't really pull off "goth-y" too well, even when I'm NOT wearing giant maternity caftans with extraneous underboob ties and ribbons. Then again, I seriously just tried to describe blue toenail polish as "funky." I AM HOPELESS. 2) Saw Bridesmaids, had moment of brilliant inspiration during a scene that (SPOILER) featured someone vomiting on someone else's head that, wow,... Read more →


Praise You Like I Should Even Though It's Like, Soooo Embarrassing

(SPOILER ALERT: No baby yet.) You know, I've been making fun of my husband a lot around here. And honestly, he probably only deserves...eh, let's say about a third of it. (THE SWING. THE SWINNNNNNGGGGGG.) The rest is a combination of good-natured ribbing and the natural reaction to seeing your partner up and relatively spry and able to function like a normal human being while you loll around on the couch, grunting like a beached whale, wishing you had the ability to whip other people into a nesting-like frenzy using only the power of your MIND, like, seriously? Would it... Read more →


Today's No Baby Yet Update

There is no baby yet. Self-portrait as Walking Fetus Jail, From Which There Is No Escape, Also No Real Flattering Angle, My LANDS. PS. No, Jason still hasn't looked in the attic for the missing swing part. PPS. But he did make me a batch of fudge brownies (from scratch!) and let me eat pretty much all of them. PPPS. Then he encouraged me to take a nice long bubble bath and even lit some candles. PPPPS. Then he was all, "Sex can totally start labor, riiiiiight?" PPPPPS. No. PPPPPPS. OBVIOUSLY. Read more →


In Which I Am A Truly Pleasant Person & A Joy To Be Around

Obligatory: No baby yet. I am not in labor NOR I am in anything even approaching what could be considered a good mood. I slept like crap last night because I'm just so all-around lumpy and uncomfortable AND THEN I had a dream that I was trapped on an MTV spinoff/prequel show called Jersey Shore Babies and was responsible for changing an infant Snooki's diaper AND THEN I woke up with a terrible headache -- like a why is there not someone I can hold personally accountable for this amount of pain and thus murder with my bony bare hands... Read more →