The Most Weirdly-Specific Mother's Day Gift Guide on Earth

For the Mom Who Likes Zombies

The Walking Dead Compendium One and Compendium Two

Zombie Brains friendship necklace

Zombie Love Portrait Plate

Zombies, Run! running training app

For the Mom Who Is a Drunk

Corkcicle Wine Chiller

Wine-dyed napkins

Mustache Drink Markers

Danger Zone!

Wine

Different wine

Another variety of wine

For the Mom Who Maybe Needs to Chill With the Instagram

Casetagram

Stitchtagram

Printstagram

For the Mom Who Trips & Injures Herself a Lot

Foldable ballet flats

LUSH Volcano Foot Mask

LUSH Fair Trade Foot Lotion

Advil

Ice packs

For the Mom Who Is Obsessed With Food

SodaStream Home Soda Maker

Mastering the Art of French Cooking (2 Volume Set)

All the Good Eats volumes by Alton Brown

Silicone prep bowls

At least one good-sized Le Creuset dutch oven, unless you love her a lot, in which case you should buy her more than one size

Vintage Pyrex

Self-watering EarthBox kit

Groove Resin iPad Stand 

Magnetic spice rack

A super-cute apron

For the Mom-to-Be Who Is Nesting Like a Motherfucker

Closet organizers

Custom butterfly mobile

Nerdy baby nursery decor

Maternity/delivery/nursing kaftans

Stupid-snob-fancy boxed chocolates and a package of like, Slim-Jims

For the Mom Who Has Not Given Up Entirely But Who Is Maybe Pretty Close

LUSH No Drought Dry Shampoo

LUSH Fresh Farmacy facial soap

Peter Thomas Roth SPF 45 Mineral Powder

Dr. Brandt Pores No More Pore Refiner

Cover Girl NatureLuxe Gloss/Balm

For the Mom Who Just So Happens To Have My Exact Taste In Decorating & Jewelry HI JASON CLICK HERE

Vintage Kyes moire glaze trays

Prints by Farouche

Custom family tree print

Tiny stars initial necklace

This ring

These earrings

YES

These

This

ALL OF THIS

(Amazon links are affiliate links; nothing else is sponsored and I make no money from any of it but hey don't let that stop you from sending me a box of dollars if you feel like you want to.)

Adventures in Cloth Diapering, Part Whatever: 18 (FREAKING) Months Later

COMPULSIVELY WORDY & SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC DISCLAIMER: A lot of people have asked for another cloth diapering post. And I really do mean "a lot." And hardly any of them were sockpuppets or the voices in my head. (Who, incidentally, sound just like Cookie Monster and Tom Hanks narrating a war documentary.) 

But I kept not writing another cloth diapering post because I ALSO know that a lot of you could not be more bored by the cloth diapering posts. Bored! Boring boredom streaming out of your eye sockets! 

LINDSAY FEELS YOU, BRO.

Anyway. Guess what! This is a post about cloth diapers. The bored portion of the class is hereby dismissed for the rest of the day. Go sneak smokes by the monkey bars or throw vodka bottles at each other for awhile. 

YOU KNOW, LIKE THE GLAMOUROUS PEOPLE.

The rest of you, well...let's talk hippie butt rags.

A Million Tiny Onesies

Okay, so this is random and possibly a little creepy, but are any local readers out there currently expecting a baby boy?

Because...

I have somehow mysteriously managed to acquire a metric buttload of baby boy clothing over the years. 

The plan was to pass most of it along to a friend of mine who was pregnant, but she had a girl. Then another friend got pregnant but SHE'S having a girl. Everybody everywhere, with the girls. I guess it's because I HOGGED ALL THE BOYS. THE UNIVERSE IS TAPPED OUT OF PENISES. Sorry, ladies.

(Okay, that's kind of a lie. I did have one friend who had a boy last winter. And I was all, "I SHALL GIVE YOU ALL THE CLOTHES!" But that was before everything was sorted and boxed up all neatly-like and it turned out I was way, WAY too disorganized to make that promise.)

(And also emotionally unprepared, as I got predictably sentimental and hoard-y about the newborn clothing. The pile of "special" and "meaningful" outfits kept growing and growing, as I suddenly couldn't bear the thought of parting with a single itty-bitty Circo-brand onesie or factory-outlet footie sleeper. I feel more ready now. Kind of. Mostly because I keep tripping over the goddamn boxes.)

(Also because Jason won't let me put them up in the attic "just in case." JUST IN CASE HIS ASS, AMY. WE'RE DONE.)

(Just don't tell him about the box of newborn cloth diaper supplies I've hidden in the back of the closet. NOBODY IS GETTING THEIR MITTS ON MAH ABSURDLY TINY DIAPERZ.)

Anyway, before I just donate the whole lot of it, I figured I'd float the offer out: I literally have mountains of hand-me-downs here, covering most sizes and seasons. (Noah and Ezra were early-fall babies, so June-born Ike basically got an entirely new wardrobe his first year. The photo is everything from newborn to 12 months, but I expect to also have a stash of 12-18 month stuff available VERY SOON, FOR MY 15 MONTH OLD IS GIGANTIC.) It's all clean and in very good condition, though our local consignment shops would surely turn their noses up at the non-fancy-pants brands, WHATEVER. I'd just kind of like to know someone is USING it, you know? Need a snowsuit? Carseat bunting? Onesies? Jammies? Overalls and dress shirts and some stupid-tiny bathing suits? A full collection of every Trumpette sock ever made?

If you can arrange to meet me somewhere in the near-ish vicinity (and promise not to murder me and stuff), shoot me an email (amy @ amalah.com) and we'll talk. Tawk, even. 

(Likewise, if anyone in the area is looking to unload winter boys' clothing in the size 6/7 range, ME! ME! RAISES HAND! PICK ME!)

(Metric buttloads of hand-me-downs and yet he's almost always naked and baby-beefcake. That's some good Alanis-Morissette-definition irony right there.)

UPDATE: Aaaaaand done. I think. For the most part. Assuming everybody actually takes everything they've requested, I'm fresh outta baby clothes. Absolutely thrilled everything will get put to good, loving use, and especially all touched and mushy that the majority of the clothes are going to families who REALLY EXTRA MEGA NEED THEM. You guys are good friends and good people.

If you have baby clothes of your own to give away, I highly recommend scanning the comments section for some excellent charity/donation ideas. (Which have made me realize it's ALSO time to stop hoarding my maternity stuff and pass that along as well.)

The Ultimate Master List: PLAGUE & PESTILENCE EDITION

Previously: The Ultimate Master List Of Every Baby-Related Thing I Like & Recommend Except For All The Things I Probably Forgot To Mention

So. I hate to break it to you, but it turns out there's a hell of a lot more to parenthood than onesies and strollers and debates over whether the right crib mobile can increase your child's chances at getting into Harvard. And while you might think you can add a first-aid kit and some Infant's Tylenol on your registry and call it a day, the fact is that your child, one day, is going to get sick. Disgustingly, relentlessly sick. 

We've gotten caught woefully unprepared plenty of times -- it happens. We've reached for the Motrin only to discover it expired in 2007. We've cursed at empty post-Tylenol-recall shelves at the drugstore because NOW WHAT. We've stood around Googling rashes and cough sounds in the middle of the night. We've paced the hallways and stared helplessly at the ceiling while our baby wailed because there was just nothing we could do except wait until whatever was wrong with him was over.

You probably will do all that too. And everything will still turn out just fine. 

But in case you'd like to feel somewhat kind-of prepared, or at least would like to bookmark a handy list for frantic Amazon shopping later, here. I made you another list. It's a lot less fun than the last one. Keeping it real blows, man, I know. 

FOR COLDS/FLU/GENERAL ICKINESS:

Crane Cool Mist humidifier

PediaCare Gentle Vapors Vapor-Plug-in & Nightlight

Vicks BabyRub 

BabyComfyNose Nasal Aspirator (way more effective than the hospital freebies)

Boogie Wipes (Unscented) (despite usually being a big skeptic/mocker of the 5,029 different kinds of specialty pre-moistened wipes out there, these saline wipes are UH-MAY-ZING for crusty and over-wiped noses.)

Hyland's Cold Tablets with Zinc 

Chestal Honey Cough Syrup, Boiron Homeopathic (Ezra will take straight tablespoons of honey for his coughs, but Noah refuses. He'll accept this stuff no problem, though. Whatever, child.)

Braun Thermoscan Ear Thermometer (nothing fancy, just a basic thermometer we've had for years and years and used many, many hundreds of times) 

Pediatric dosing charts by weight for Tylenol, Mortin and Benadryl

FOR EAR INFECTIONS:

Earache Drops (Hyland's, Similasan, whatever. Just HAVE SOME HANDY.) (Same goes for pink eye drops.)

Xylitol gum (if your kids are old enough to chew it; Xylichew makes a natural gum without anything artificial.)

Warm compresses

Tylenol (duh)

We have never bought an ear scope and probably never will. Chances are you will know when your baby and/or child has an ear infection just fine without one. If they wake up shrieking and clawing at their ears or head (particularly if they're just getting over a cold), it's an ear infection. Tylenol, drops, warm washcloth. They'll probably be just fine in the morning -- our pede doesn't even want you to bother coming in for an ear check until the second night of screaming (which has only happened to us once, because it was a double-secret-probation infection).

FOR HEAD LICE:

RID (I know, I know. Crazy controversial. Full of terrible chemicals. Doesn't work for a lot of people. It works for us. I use it at the first sight of trouble, then switch to natural products after one initial nuclear blast.)

Nit Free Terminator Lice Comb (Don't even waste your time with anything else. This comb is the bomb.)

Fairy Tales Rosemary Repel Shampoo & Conditioner

JASON Shampoo, Tea Tree Oil

LiceLogic Household Lice Protection Spray (use on mattresses, furniture, car seats, anything that can't be washed or heated in the dryer)

FOR THE HORKOVIRUS OF DOOM:

Top-of-the-line mattress and pillow protectors (we like Protect-A-Bed) 

Emergency Sleeping Bags (a MUST for bunk beds, but also handy for anyone who doesn't feel like changing sheets for the third time in a single night)

Layer of old towels in between mattress protector and sleeping bag for localized-area clean-up

NO WICKER BASKET-TYPE TRASH CANS IN KIDS' ROOMS OH MY GOD

Popsicle Trays

Pedialyte, if liquids aren't staying down for an extended stretch of time; you can also whip up a homebrew batch in a pinch, too. 

Probiotics (we buy whatever powder has children's dosing instructions on it)

Miralax (for if/when things swing in the other direction, especially after your children have eaten three bunches of bananas in a single weekend)

Lysol Disinfecting Wipes  

Bummis Bio-Soft Flushable Diaper Liners 

Bummis Reusable Fleece Liners (the flushable liners catch solids; these fleece ones will protect your diapers and minimize the mess when it's not actually solid enough anymore ewwww I know sorry)

bumGenius Diaper Sprayer (never honestly felt compelled to buy one of these before, but LO I COMPLETELY SEE THE POINT OF THEM NOW, HOLY LITERAL SHIT)

Bac-Out

GrowVia Magic Stick Diaper Ointment (if you're changing diapers and treating diaper rash a dozen times a day, it's super nice keep your hands goop-free in the process)

Earth Mama Angel Baby Angel Baby Bottom Balm (HOWEVER, if you're dealing with a really vicious, painful-looking rash, this is the nicest, richest, soothing-est cloth-diaper-safe ointment I've used) 

FOR YOU:

Zinc, probiotics, handwashing up to the elbow

American Horror Story, Downton Abbey and Absolutely Fabulous on OnDemand

LUSH bath bombs, melts and/or massage bars, who cares, just get in the tub and lock the damn door.

Big House Red wine, in a handy-dandy three-liter "home wine bar," which is fancy-speak for a BIG ASS BOX OF WINE, because SERIOUSLY.

Oh No Oh God Not More Cloth Diaper Talk Stop

I had a brief flash of menstrual-cycle panic this week, while Jason was away. I found myself sitting in the nursery, happily contemplating the various ways I could organize the contents of my brand-new changing table, while eating black olives out of the can. 

Good news! I am not pregnant in the slightest, but do seem to have retained a few of my weirder pregnancy habits and compulsions. 

BEHOLD

I know what you're thinking: Who in their right mind buys a new changing table when her third baby is already six months old? 

Well, duh. Obviously I make no claims about being in my right mind, but whatever. In addition to the ruined-by-way-of-wipes-warmer surface on the old table, the crappy particle-board back had completely fallen off, a door hinge was busted and wouldn't close and finally one of the drawer guides snapped off and broke in two, and also I kind of own too many freaking diapers at this point OH RIGHT THAT.

Consider this my cautionary tale to anyone trying to justify spending a small fortune on nursery furniture because you know it will totes grow with your child and they'll use it their whole lives and take the changing table to college as a desk or whatever. If you or your children manage to not completely destroy the stupid thing by preschool, it's a damn miracle, albeit a miracle you may feel slightly annoyed by because ARGH I CHANGED MY MIND AND AM SO SICK OF THAT DAMN FURNITURE.

(For the record, no, I have zero idea how I'm getting the old changing table out of the nursery. Jason's back is acting up again and the table is pretty heavy and awkward even without the drawers. But fiddle-dee-dee, I'll just shove it in the corner and ignore it for now. Or for a few months. And now you understand why I end up living with tires in my foyer for close to a year.)

So I know there are people who like to tell pregnant women that they don't even need one changing table in the first place, that it's a dumb piece of furniture and you can just change diapers wherever -- just toss down a pad! Or a towel! RESIST THE CORPORATE CHANGING TABLE INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX, PEOPLE. 

I'm not going to say those people are wrong or crazy -- but just that they are not my particular brand of crazy. I love changing tables. I need changing tables. A well-organized changing table keeps me zen, peaceful and gives me a sense of control in a world full of chaos. Also, I'd probably get peed on a lot more. 

KEEP THE PEE CONTAINED TO THE SAME GENERAL WALL AREA. THAT'S MY ADVICE FOR THE WORLD.

Mr. Hoot Owl, pictured here suddenly re-thinking his life choices.

Anyway, can I show you more changing table pictures? Please? Oh, whatever. Shut up. You know how I get after trips to Ikea by now, right?

So here's the cloth diaper stash at six months (and 15 pounds) in, which should probably not be used as an example to anyone as anything considered "normal," because it's been well established That I Have A Cloth Diaper Problem. 

Top Shelf Diapers, aka The Good Booze, are currently one dozen fitteds (including the same Rebel Baby Co. ones I continue to squeeze Ike into despite the occasional glimpse of baby plumber's crack, and a couple Green Mountain Diapers Workhorse Fitteds) and one dozen GMD prefolds, size medium.

As soon as this "Christmas" and "buying stuff for other people" nonsense is over, I plan to buy more of everything you see here. One-size versions of the fitteds and just plain more of the GMD stuff. Do I technically need more of the GMD stuff?

No. NOW SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH. 

10 flannel fitteds and soaker pads. I bought these because Jason was getting a bit weary of diapers/covers with snaps and requested Something Easy With Velcro, But Cheap, Because I Know How You Get, Amy. 

The nighttime box, AKA heavy-wetter big-gun central. Wooly pants, fleece, mega soakers and other assorted doublers, inserts, boosters and whatnot.

This morning a friend emailed me some questions about doublers and liners, and after responding with a 17-paragraph explanation about how oh-so-simple they are, I had to stop and apologize for writing a novel about, essentially, poop catchers and pee sponges.

And then I took a picture of them. And put it on the Internet.

YOU GUYS I NEED HELP I AM SERIOUS.

I "borrowed" this corner shelf from my parents' house back in 1997, and then proceeded to never have quite the right place to put it in any apartment or house I've lived in since. UNTIL NOW, when I dragged it up from the basement, mentally congratulating myself on being such a persistent packrat. I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.

Top shelf: Wipes (actually cloth, but stored in a plastic container with a little water and wipes solution), diaper rash cream and a container of Snappis. Spray bottle of Bac-Out is hiding out on the windowsill.

Second shelf: PUL/waterproof diaper covers. I currently have six, but half of them are technically too small. Still stubbornly using them, though, for now.

Third shelf: Liners. bummi's Bio-Soft flushables and reusable fleece liners. I use the fleece at night and with cotton/flannel diapers if Ike has a rash or seems chapped. The flushable ones are leftover from Ezra's diaper days but Ike doesn't quite need them yet. (SOON, says the coming solid-food-diet poop. SOON.)

Bottom shelf: Lotions, snot suckers and other assorted infant torture devices.

Oh, and let us not forget about the Box of Shame, currently full of repelling/leaking pocket diapers and a few unfortunate Etsy disappointments that just weren't well made or quite what I hoped for. When I'm reaching for these diapers you know the laundry situation has turned critical. 

Is totes unimpressed with my organizational skills, plotting to delay potty training for as long as possible in order to pinpoint the moment when my love of cloth diapers turns to hate and my spirit is broken. 

The Ultimate Master List Of Every Baby-Related Thing I Like & Recommend Except For All The Things I Probably Forgot To Mention

I've gotten a lot of requests for more baby product reviews and recommendations. And when I say "a lot" I actually mean that, as opposed to that fake "ohhhhh fine, since I'm being begged by so many people for my important thoughts on this important topic" thing you might do after like, one person asked you the question. On their Facebook wall. Where they asked everybody. But regardless! To the Opinionmobile! Away!

So while I don't really *do* product reviews, I do enjoy making a good list. And yo dawg I heard some of you also like lists so here I made you a list. 

This list contains just about everything baby-registry-related that I have used and found to be Pretty Much To At Least Mostly Awesome. Some items/brands have been my favorite ever since Noah, while others are upgrades during the Ezra and Ike Eras that I now prefer. Everything here, unless specifically noted otherwise, was bought and paid for by my own damn self or is something I received as a gift from a friend or family member, NOT the company in exchange for linkage. (Amazon links are affiliate links, because, well, why the hell not? I do enjoy the occasional nickel.)

While a lot of this stuff can be used long-term (Ergo, strollers, toys, etc.), this is MOSTLY a list of stuff aimed at the first six months or so. Some of it is just gifty and fun and/or helpful, some of it is stuff we couldn't live without. Some of it is just the stuff we had hanging around from the previous go-rounds with babies and didn't see the point of replacing because it worked well enough, even though there *MIGHT* be something newer and better on the market. 

I tried (and sometimes failed) to keep the commentary to a minimum, lest this entry become another Monster Listicle That Ate My Soul And Also New York City (see also: the cloth diaper posts), plus a lot of it is pretty self-explanatory.

I am keeping comments closed -- NOT because I want to squelch dissenting opinions or repress your right to tell me I am full of shit, but because I remember being pregnant and reading someone's glowing recommendation of something and going all, "YAY I WILL BUY THAT NOW" and then reading the comments where the BAJILLION contradictory opinions and alternative suggestions would start and basically make me cry. You don't want to make the pregnant ladies cry, do you? I MEAN DO YOU? God, you're such an asshole sometimes. 

But if you have a specific question about anything on this list, please feel free to email me at amyATamalahdotcom and I will do my best to ramble wordily at you for awhile. (Though be aware that my answer to most "why product X instead of product Z" queries will likely be something super-non helpful like, "because I never tried product Z.")

Okay. That was a horribly ridiculous amount of wind-up because I haven't yet gone and inserted links to any of this shit yet and I'm procrastinating. LET'S DO THIS THANG.

FOR BABYWEARING

Ergo I am a function over form kind of babywearer, it turns out, despite multiple attempts at Other, Prettier Kinds of slings. The Ergo is a structured, utilitarian front/side/back baby carrier and is the most comfortable model I have ever tried, with the least amount of did-I-do-this-right guesswork involved. Plus, Jason can wear it too. 

AnnaCarrieBaby Mei Tai. Well, FINE. Sometimes you do maybe want something a little cuter. If I do have any complaint about the Ergo, it's that it's a LOT of carrier for a newborn. I wanted something less structured for Ike's early days, and used this one (with the Ergo Infant Insert usually). You absolutely cannot beat the low price and the carriers are beautiful and very well made. Do not be intimidated by the tying -- tying your shoelaces is more complicated than a Mei Tai, I swear. I still use it quite a bit for quick jaunts to the bus stop or if I happen to be wearing an outfit that matches the pattern better SHUT UP. (If you or your significant other are on the bigger/wider/bustier side I would recommend springing for the extra-long strap option.)

Rockin' Baby Sling. If you do want something that's just plain gorgeous (and not a Mei Tai), check these out. I used one of their pouch slings until Ezra was a year old, though sadly Ike never quite warmed to the pouch like the Mei Tai. Too thrashy and kicky, I guess. And then Ceiba chewed on the zippers and ruined it. GODDAMN YOU DOG.

(Sidebar: I fail at all ring slings, period. Just...fail. But Rockin' Baby also makes very lovely ones, if you prefer that style.)

Sucking Pads. Fabulous accessory for the Ergo or Mei Tai or Babyhawk or any carrier with shoulder staps that your baby can gum/drool/barf on. Ergo makes an "official" set of these but they are not as cute and don't have the taggies option, which is sooo worth it.

Stuff Sack. Sized perfectly for the Ergo or Bjorn, but will also hold two less structured carriers, like a Mei Tai and a pouch. Helps keep them clean and out of the way, and is great for tossing in the car or in a stroller basket without dragging straps behind you everywhere you go. (Note that Charlotte sent me one of these as a thank you for giving her sucking pads a previous shout-out. But this only means she is more awesome and you should buy stuff from her.)

FOR BREASTFEEDING

Soothies Gel Pads

Lanolin. So much lanolin. Then some more lanolin.

Medela Symphony pump. RENT, don't buy. I have a Medela Pump In Style now and it's fine, but the Symphony is the best pump I ever used. 

Simple Wishes Hands-Free Pumping Bra (MOO)

Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover. WELL KIND OF. I honestly don't use a nursing cover anymore, unless I'm wearing something that's particularly not well-suited for nursing. I find covers in general attract more attention and take longer to get a baby settled under than a simple slouch-over-and-cover-with-hair-or-burp-rag technique. But this comes after nursing three babies and having a lot of practice at whipping boobs out. If you're a first-timer and think you'll be more comfortable using a cover, then by all means buy a cover and don't let anybody reverse-shame you about covering up when it's your right to nurse in public blah blah blah. 

I've used two different nursing pillows -- the Boppy and the Balboa Baby. They were both okay, but never essential for me. I usually went with a couple regular pillows instead, then nothing at all.

FOR BOTTLEFEEDING

Dr. Brown's. All the parts are a pain in the ass, but for the spit-uppy/gassy baby these are a lifesaver.

Adiri Natural Nurser. Expensive, but if you find your breastfed baby is resisting the bottle, it's worth a try. I only own one but that was enough to use as a Gateway Bottle for both Ezra and Ike. Once they got used to it, other bottles quickly followed suit.

Note that I bought all kinds of bottle warmers and sanitizers before Noah was born, and quickly punted each and every one after discovering the 1) duh, dishwasher, and 2) duh, microwave (just microwave the water in a measuring cup, pour in bottle, add formula, shake, hot spot problem solved). (For pumped breastmilk I warm the storage bags up under running hot water.) (And then eventually I convince them to drink stuff at whatever temperature it happens to be at, because WHATEVER, HIGH-MAINTENANCE BABY.)

FOR SLEEP

Miracle Blankets

Aden & Anais swaddles

White Noise Machine, with the caveat that this thing sat around and collected dust throughout Noah's AND Ezra's babyhoods and I regularly declared it useless. Then Ike came and changed all the rules on me and this thing runs probably 18 solid hours a day now, good effing lord, on the "ocean waves" setting. 

Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Soother

Fisher Price Soothe & GlowSpermSeahorse

FOR BABY

Freddie the Firefly

Sophie the Giraffe

Little Alouette wooden teethers

Taggies blanket and Taggies ball. Or anything Taggies, really. TAGGIES!

Anything by Whoozit

California Baby bath products

Anything from this shop, OMG

FOR READING

Let's Panic About Babies! (By Fussy and Finslippy!)

Go the F**k to Sleep

The Baby Owner's Manual

FOR MOM

Nursing kaftan from Silkandmore on Etsy. Also a great option if you want to wear your own nightgown at the hospital. (She'll also do a custom one if you see a fabric you like in a non-nursing style.)

Mother's Special Blend oil for belly, boobs, etc. 

Belly Bandit (especially for c-section pain management, but it'll also help you fit into your clothes and feel LOADS better at first)

iBaby Feed Timer app for nursing tracking, timing, which side, etc. 

Non-cheesy motherhood/initial necklaces from SoulPeaces and OneLifeJewelry

FOR CLOTH DIAPERING

Diaper/Wipes Clutch. When I used disposables, one of my favorite baby items ever was a Diaper & Wipes Pod by JJ Cole. But it's way too slim to hold even one bulky cloth diaper. So Etsy! To the rescue! This clutch is generously sized so you can fit a cloth diaper (or two, if you're talking newborn fitteds or smaller prefolds) along with your wipes case and a folded changing pad. Plus, so cute! Mine is a Day of the Dead pattern.

Planet Wise wet bags and pail liners.

Charlie's Soap (for everyday washing), Rockin' Green (for stripping/deep-cleaning), biokleen Bac-Out (for your pail)

Thirsties diaper covers, Duo or Original (I like both)

Wool covers. Knit, crochet or repurpose from old sweaters if you've got the skills, or bug someone you know who does, or get sucked into an Etsy search for a year or two.

Green Mountain Diapers prefolds and Workhorse fitteds. If you're planning to try prefolds DO NOT SKIMP. Go with the best, and GMD prefolds are amazeballs. (They also sell newborn starter kits that I wish I'd tried instead of hodgepodging it myself.)

Snappis

FuzziBunz and bumGenius OS pockets. No, these are still not my personal favorite for Ike, but that's mostly because I've gone off the deep end with an endless love of mixing, matching and personalizing Ike's diaper for home, away, overnight, etc. and this is admittedly not the best entrance point for a newbie diaperer. I used pocket diapers exclusively with Ezra and they were great. I'm just nuts now. 

RebelBabyCo. newborn and OS fitteds. Yes, I know. Still on hiatus. But I'm stubbornly still pimping these as the Greatest Diapers On Earth because ONE DAY Leanne will come back and the world will be a better place because of it. Bookmark and practice patience. (SADFACE LEANNE COME BACK I NEEDS SOME MORE DIAPERS PLEEZ.)

Cheribums and Angelbottoms. Cloth diapering on a budget but aren't interested in prefolds or buying used/seconds? Donna makes basic, no-frills fitted diapers and soaker pads out of inexpensive fabrics. Jason and our babysitter love these because they're easy to put on (and don't leak), and I love them because I was able to almost double my diaper stash (hooray for less laundry!) for hardly any money at all. You will still need covers (and a sweater de-piller, if you're twitchy about pilling flannel after a few washes), like any fitted diaper.

bummis Fleece Liners. Great for preventing rash/chapped skin in prefolds or other cotton diapers, and keeping poop stains to a minimum.

Thirsties Stay-Dry Duo Inserts and Thirsties Fab Doublers in cotton velour. GREAT for boosting the absorbancy of just about any diaper for overnight or other long blocks of time. Could honestly build an entire diaper using just these and a waterproof cover. Ike is a CRAZY HEAVY WETTER and I couldn't live without them. 

Gift cards to Hanna Andersson for baby clothes that are cut generously enough in the butt for the added bulk of cloth.

(I used to own and recommend a wipes warmer, which SOUNDS ridiculous, but I actually found it quite awesome for keeping cloth wipes wet and ready to go without a trip to the sink. But then it cracked and leaked and completely ruined the finish on the top of our changing table. So fuck you, wipes warmer! YOU'RE OFF THE LIST.)

FOR BABY-FOOD-MAKING

You don't need fancy specialty appliances or equipment. I use a pot with a steamer insert from Ikea, a Cuisinart mini-prep that I've had for ages, and a small bullet blender/grinder of the non-babyfood-infomercial variety. (Though any blender will do -- the bullets are nice for small batches and easy cleanup. And also my MIL gave it to us as a gift a long time ago so YAY FREE AND ALSO SMOOTHIES.) Get some ice cube trays with lids, though plastic wrap will work too. Sheet pans for roasting, a strainer/colander, peeler, Ziploc bags and a fork. That's seriously it. Maybe an apple corer if you're fancy.

For recipes, Cooking for Baby and Baby Love make great gifts, though you can get all the basics online at sites like wholesomebabyfood.com for free and then start combining/tweaking/inventing your own from there. 

FOR NURSERY

Butterfly Orb mobile

Playmats by Peppermint Pinwheels

Shabby Hoot Owls by JP Pinkdaisy

Custom keepsake birth announcment by e-customcards. (Here's Ike's! It's SOCUTEILOVEIT.)

Nerdy Baby ABC Prints

FOR TRAVEL

Graco Pack-n-Play

Eddie Bauer Infant Travel Bed. When we went to the beach this past summer, space was at too much of a premium to justify the Pack-n-Play, especially since I guessed there was less than a 50% chance Ike would actually sleep in it. Instead we brought this and it was perfect. The Pack-n-Play is essential when your baby gets bigger, but for traveling with a newborn, you can totally skip the bassinet attachment option and go with something like this.

ASSORTED AND MISC. GEAR

washPOD. Teh babeh bukkit! BEST TUB EVER. 

Padded infant car seat handle and strap covers 

Angelcare monitor. We had a fancy video monitor once. We lost the receiver. By the time Ike arrived I was all out of neuroses and wanted a basic old skool monitor, with none of that crazy video/movement mat/heartbeat-checking nonsense. Just light up and transmit sound when he's crying, godammit. This is that monitor, and it's great.

Diaper Dude Messenger Bag. You know, as my kids get older I generally ditch the utilitarian diaper bags and go for a nice, oversized purse that suits my taste. (cough Coach cough yesstill) And then I have another baby and go RUNNING back to this thing. It's about as basic and un-fashion-y as it gets, but I can 1) fit everything I need in it, even with THREE children making clothing/toy/accessory contributions, 2) not kill my back and shoulder because it really isn't big at all, just well-designed, and 3) hand it over to my husband to carry without insulting his sense of Man Shame at carrying something flower-y or babyish. 

Snap-n-Go stroller frame. If you plan to use an infant bucket seat (we use a Graco), put off the Big Stroller Purchase for awhile and get yourself a lightweight, easy-to-fold stroller frame. There's no reason to use a bigger or heavier stroller than you absolutely need to early on. I don't recommend the Maclaren version (we had one and it shed nuts and bolts constantly before breaking completely), but the Snap-n-Go is an inexpensive, handy thing to use while you get a sense of how often you use a stroller and on what terrain, how wide/heavy you're willing to go, etc. Sell it on Craigslist when you're done with it, if the limited-use-window of it bugs you. 

Maclaren Triumph. Pros: Folds small, easy to carry, utilitarian, the complete opposite of those heavy, hard-to-fold $1,000 sidewalk tanks you've probably had clip your ankle at least once. Cons: Reclines but only slightly, and lightweight = tippy (unhook your diaper bag BEFORE taking your baby out lest you want the stroller to go TIMBER on you). Not really good for rough terrain where rubber tires would be more appropriate.

Phil & Ted's inline double. Pros: INLINE, not side-by-side. You can get through doorways and store aisles. Most people are shocked to even notice your second baby hiding out in the back. (And no, we've never gotten complaints from the rear rider, they seem to think it's pretty cool back there.) Rubber tires and great steering/handling. Lots of configuration options. Cons: Expensive, heavy and a pain-in-the-ass to fold up. Doubles kit and newborn cocoon thingie cost extra, bringing our total investment in this stroller to more than I can honestly fathom sometimes. (Lots of poor reviews on Amazon re: tires, recalls & poor customer service but we've experienced zero problems like that.)

(No, the Mamaroo is not on this list. It was great when Ike was teeny, but the truth is teeny babies will sit contendedly in a dresser drawer if you let them. Once he got bigger he wanted everything that the Mamaroo doesn't do -- a quick/fast-faced swinging motion, lights and toys to grab, general gaudy plastic-ness. The only saving grace of the Mamaroo for us are the white noise functions, which still will occasionally help knock him out for a nap. But you can absolutely get decent white noise machines for a HELL of a lot less than we paid for the fancy, shiny Mamaroo. And you can get an acceptable, more traditional swing for a lot less too. We've been using the same basic Fisher Price Ocean Wonders take-along swing since Noah was born and you know what? I LOVE THAT GAUDY PLASTIC PIECE OF SHIT.)

Fisher Price Rainforest Bouncer. You know, everytime I'm pregnant I start eyeing the fancy bouncy seats -- the European ones in the solid fabric with teak frames and maybe one small crossbar with some plain Waldorf-like wooden beads for baby to play with. And I think about how much nicer that would look in my living room than the ugly green thing we have that lights up and bubbles and plays Pop Goes the Weasel over and over and over. And then my babies are born and I'm reminded that OH YEAH, babies will sit there and watch the SHIT out of those lights and bubbles, and Pop Goes the Weasel is fucking magic.

Bumbo, though this is another one with an asterisk/caveat. The Bumbo was God's Gift and a Bag of Chips with Ezra, who was 50th percentile for length and super-mega thunder-thighed. He fit great in it. Ike is 90th percentile for length and has thighs like an underfed chicken. He slides around in it and the back doesn't come up high enough to support him properly so he flops over after a few minutes. Damn. We still use it, but it's not quite the go-to baby-containment spot it was for Ezra.

(gasps for air)

Dear God. DEAR GOD that's a lot of crap. And I'm know I'm probably forgetting entire categories, but after pacing through the house and staring at everything we actually use on a daily or semi-regular basis...anything I've left off probably isn't all that important. I mean, none of it really is, besides boobs and diapers. But it sure is fun, once you get past the deer-in-the-headlights nesting feeling of IF I PURCHASE THE WRONG KIND OF SWING WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. 

Anyway, hopefully this was kind of helpful for someone out there, and is the last time I need to bore the rest of you to tears with this kind of thing for a long, long time.

Now I must get back to figuring out what to do with my SIX-MONTH-OLD BABY who is getting TWO MORE TEETH and WON'T SLEEP SWADDLED and WON'T SLEEP UNSWADDLED and HATES NAPS and IS ROLLING ALL OVER THE PLACE and now that I think about it I should probably add some kind of Booze Sampler to the "For Mom" section of this list.

YEAH YOU KNOW IT.