Hello! How was everybody's Thanksgiving? Did y'all trample anybody over an Xbox? (Are Xboxes still a thing? I don't know what the thing is this year. Because all my children are getting is the Xbox we already own, that Ezra broke as a toddler by feeding it Legos. Jason figured out how to fix it, so TA DA! Here's your Christmas miracle, kids.) (The boys all really, really want an Xbox, but I keep saying NO XBOX because I'm a mom who hates fun and plus you guys broke the last one. I am still saying NO XBOX even now, to their great collective distress because it's ALL THEY WANT FROM SANTA, because I'm ALSO a mom with a video camera who wants an epic reaction on Christmas morning, mwa ha ha.) (I am also a mom with an upper respiratory infection and goddamn bonus pinkeye right now. This has nothing to do with anything else in this post, but it feels wrong not to mention in because I'm whiny and sad and leaking out of way too many parts of my face right now.) In honor of Cyber Monday and literally everybody on the planet telling you where to... Read more →


POWER RANKED IN ORDER OF WHICH BOOKS HAVE BEEN LITERALLY LOVED TO PIECES AND/OR EATEN (BECAUSE LOVE) (ALSO TEETHING) We have QUITE the library of children's books in our house. I'd call them children's literature but...I dunno. Some of our books are really dumb and make me kind of stabby. (Has anyone read The Little Engine That Could lately? Do you remember it being so long? Because it's soooo looooonnng. It's like 20 solid minutes of crying toys, mean trains, laments about the good little girls and boys in the valley not having any milk or fruit or toys [which are STILL CRYING], heavy-handed symbolism for Get The Fuck Over Yourself And Help The Goddamn Train Already, with a bonus clown who kind of looks like the great-grand-uncle of Pennywise.) (Our copy got mysteriously lost during the great move-that-didn't-happen house purge. AND I'M NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT SORRY.) The above photo is but a small representative sample of our book collection, but I believe runs an acceptable gamut of board books that your baby/toddler will love, to those he/she will tolerate, to those that no baby or toddler ever gave two shits about but no matter, you will somehow... Read more →


Noah's Oil

This post is sponsored by the Honest Company. Have we talked about Noah's weird skin? I feel like we haven't talked about Noah's weird skin. Okay, "weird" probably isn't the right or nicest word — the cosmetics industry would probably just prefer I label it as "sensitive" but I think that undersells the full scope of crazy-making issues we've faced with Noah's skin. Up until he started preschool, he'd regularly get eczema every winter. But it didn't bother him at all. I never once saw that child scratch or rub at the CLEARLY horribly dry, angry raised patches that would appear and scatter all over his arms and legs. I've always guessed that his SPD had something to do with it — he was really underresponsive to temperature, so many he just didn't feel...itchy sensations, either? I don't know. I do know that at some point, his body suddenly switched on and decided to START PAYING ATTENTION TO THINGS. TO ALL OF THE THINGS. And while it's really nice to have a child who can tell you that you've accidentally turned his bath to boiling and who no longer steps off the bus wearing his winter coat even though the... Read more →


The Most Weirdly-Specific Mother's Day Gift Guide on Earth

For the Mom Who Likes Zombies The Walking Dead Compendium One and Compendium Two Zombie Brains friendship necklace Zombie Love Portrait Plate Zombies, Run! running training app For the Mom Who Is a Drunk Corkcicle Wine Chiller Wine-dyed napkins Mustache Drink Markers Danger Zone! Wine Different wine Another variety of wine For the Mom Who Maybe Needs to Chill With the Instagram Casetagram Stitchtagram Printstagram For the Mom Who Trips & Injures Herself a Lot Foldable ballet flats LUSH Volcano Foot Mask LUSH Fair Trade Foot Lotion Advil Ice packs For the Mom Who Is Obsessed With Food SodaStream Home Soda Maker Mastering the Art of French Cooking (2 Volume Set) All the Good Eats volumes by Alton Brown Silicone prep bowls At least one good-sized Le Creuset dutch oven , unless you love her a lot, in which case you should buy her more than one size Vintage Pyrex Self-watering EarthBox kit Groove Resin iPad Stand Magnetic spice rack A super-cute apron For the Mom-to-Be Who Is Nesting Like a Motherfucker Closet organizers Custom butterfly mobile Nerdy baby nursery decor Maternity/delivery/nursing kaftans Stupid-snob-fancy boxed chocolates and a package of like, Slim-Jims For the Mom Who Has Not Given Up... Read more →


COMPULSIVELY WORDY & SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC DISCLAIMER: A lot of people have asked for another cloth diapering post. And I really do mean "a lot." And hardly any of them were sockpuppets or the voices in my head. (Who, incidentally, sound just like Cookie Monster and Tom Hanks narrating a war documentary.) But I kept not writing another cloth diapering post because I ALSO know that a lot of you could not be more bored by the cloth diapering posts. Bored! Boring boredom streaming out of your eye sockets! LINDSAY FEELS YOU, BRO. Anyway. Guess what! This is a post about cloth diapers. The bored portion of the class is hereby dismissed for the rest of the day. Go sneak smokes by the monkey bars or throw vodka bottles at each other for awhile. YOU KNOW, LIKE THE GLAMOUROUS PEOPLE. The rest of you, well...let's talk hippie butt rags. (Note: Amazon Affiliate links ahoy! I have no affiliation to any of the other sites/shops mentioned/linked, however; they're just the places where I like to be shoppin',) So when we last chatted in excruciating detail, Ike was still a very small, slightly chicken-legged baby. We were using a combination of newborn-sized prefolds... Read more →


(This post is sponsored by Hipiti.com.) I get a lot of email. Like, more than that. A lot a lot a lot. This is by no means a humblebrag about how ever so popular I am, or anything. I probably get a very small handful of ACTUAL emails from ACTUAL people who count. Opening the laptop in the morning usually reveals a crop like this: ONE Mamapop distro thread about Sparklecorn 2012/gossip item/posting schedule that devolved rapidly into an animated .gif war at some point the night before and now contains 73 messages. ONE email from a friend, or maybe my mom or sister. ONE email from a nice friendly blog reader. SEVENTEEN DOZEN assorted newsletters I did not sign up for, you rat bastards. SEVENTY-FIVE HUNDRED spammy PR pitches of the Wil Wheaton collating variety (i.e. Hello Blogger Mommy, I have been reading your blog AMALACH for several months now and love it! Your recent post about your dog/baby/houseplant really hit home and is what prompted me to write and offer you the chance to interview Dr. Martin Van Hornsplotch on the role that non-organic orange juice may have played in the TomKat divorce.). FIVE blog-related businessy emails that... Read more →


Hey so remember the time I rubbed all y'all's faces in the fact that I got sent a heapload of free jewelry? And then was like, "okay I guess one of you can win some free jewelry too?" Yeah, so it turns out that a lot of you seemed to be very much in the pro-free jewelry camp (shocking!!1!), and also in the screw you, blogger, I can buy my own jewelry myself camp. The post was a success, is my point, and I was then repeatedly asked to do another sponsored post/giveaway for JewelMint's sister site, StyleMint. Repeatedly! There is only so much resisting of free clothing with a side of bonus money a girl can do, you guys. So really, this is all your fault, if you think about it. DEAL WITH IT. StyleMint operates the same way as JewelMint, only with clothes: Take a style quiz, get recommendations based on your answers, and every product comes with helpful Styling For Dummies suggestions to give you ideas on how to wear it and look like you have not given up on life. It's a membership site, so you can either treat yourself to something new each month or... Read more →


The Ultimate Master List: PLAGUE & PESTILENCE EDITION

Previously: The Ultimate Master List Of Every Baby-Related Thing I Like & Recommend Except For All The Things I Probably Forgot To Mention So. I hate to break it to you, but it turns out there's a hell of a lot more to parenthood than onesies and strollers and debates over whether the right crib mobile can increase your child's chances at getting into Harvard. And while you might think you can add a first-aid kit and some Infant's Tylenol on your registry and call it a day, the fact is that your child, one day, is going to get sick. Disgustingly, relentlessly sick. We've gotten caught woefully unprepared plenty of times -- it happens. We've reached for the Motrin only to discover it expired in 2007. We've cursed at empty post-Tylenol-recall shelves at the drugstore because NOW WHAT. We've stood around Googling rashes and cough sounds in the middle of the night. We've paced the hallways and stared helplessly at the ceiling while our baby wailed because there was just nothing we could do except wait until whatever was wrong with him was over. You probably will do all that too. And everything will still turn out just fine.... Read more →


So. Okay. You guys know I don't really do paid product reviews and giveaways all that much -- and not entirely for any MAH BLOG MAH INTEGRITY credo thing, but more because 1) I don't think I'm very good at them, and 2) they really interrupt the flow of "talking non-stop about myself" I've had running non-stop here, for eight straight years. That said, I will do sponsored posts, so long as ME ME ME I MUST FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT ALL ABOUT ME, or at least tangentially related to the usual crap I write about. It's an incredibly complicated personal algorithm I employ every time a potential sponsored post opportunity comes up, and it usually comes down to my confidence level re: Will I Be Able To Work In A Reference To Baby Poop? TL;DR version: Hi! This is a sponsored post. The lovely folks at JewelMint wanted to send me some jewelry, and at first I was like MAH BLOG MAH INTEGR...wait, did you say jewelry? I MEAN GIDDY UP. The site doesn't just...show you jewelry, though. First you're asked to create a "personal style profile" by clicking on photos of celebrities you like and which... Read more →


I've gotten a lot of requests for more baby product reviews and recommendations. And when I say "a lot" I actually mean that, as opposed to that fake "ohhhhh fine, since I'm being begged by so many people for my important thoughts on this important topic" thing you might do after like, one person asked you the question. On their Facebook wall. Where they asked everybody. But regardless! To the Opinionmobile! Away! So while I don't really *do* product reviews, I do enjoy making a good list. And yo dawg I heard some of you also like lists so here I made you a list. This list contains just about everything baby-registry-related that I have used and found to be Pretty Much To At Least Mostly Awesome. Some items/brands have been my favorite ever since Noah, while others are upgrades during the Ezra and Ike Eras that I now prefer. Everything here, unless specifically noted otherwise, was bought and paid for by my own damn self or is something I received as a gift from a friend or family member, NOT the company in exchange for linkage. (Amazon links are affiliate links, because, well, why the hell not? I do... Read more →