We spent all weekend outside, with Jason finally getting to plant the proper non-container vegetable garden of his dreams in the backyard, while I sullenly weeded and pruned and planted shit in the front. This was my halfhearted response to the fact that almost everyone else in our cul de sac was visited by professional landscaping teams last week, and as the lone DIY-ers on the block I am suddenly terribly self-conscious about our lack of real plants and our abundance of weeds. The 'burbs, man. You don't think it'll happen to you and then it does. Tonight I fully intend to drive my garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. Although my contributions weren't solely aesthetic, as I planted two small blueberry bushes out back, with the goal of maybe getting some actual berries around the time the boys head off... Read more →


I have no idea what to write about, because I am having troubled coming up with any string of words or letters or even basic sounds that would come close to what life is like around my house right now. This is the closest I've been able to come: GAHGAHAGHAHFOSDLHJKAWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (needsmoreEEEEEE)KJALZPP;A,K293,A,NA,N>>>"*@#&DKJN I should copy/paste that so I can have it handy for the next person who asks, "So how's it going?" The house is almost ready to sell. Once the dishwasher get repaired tomorrow, because OF COURSE the dishwasher choose this very moment to break. (But it's fixable! And we are getting it fixed! Have no fear, prospective homebuyers. It just needed some little hose-y part replaced and we have ordered a top-of-the-line little hose-y part and will have it professionally repaired by a licensed and bonded hose-y part expert. Spared no expense! We also refinished the deck!) In the... Read more →


The Day of the Beepening

Beep. Beep Beep. Beep. Jason and I were both working from home when the beeping started. It wasn't loud, but it wouldn't stop. Beep. Beep Beep. Beep. Jason didn't hear it at first, but of course after I asked what is SAM HILL is that BEEPING it was all he could hear. Beep. Beep Beep. Beep. It definitely wasn't anything in our house, and after opening the window it got noticeably louder. I went outside, but the beeping took on a weird echo-like effect in our quiet neighborhood and seemed to be coming from everywhere. It wasn't a car alarm, but after spotting a construction crew repairing the sidewalk up the street, I figured it must have something to do with them. Really annoying, but would probably stop soon. Plus, I needed to leave for my piercing appointment, so I didn't have to listen to it anymore ANYWAY. Have fun,... Read more →


So we are maybe starting to hypothetically think about moving. Again. Deep down, I know how this will end: We spend a few months purging and cleaning and powering through the house repair/improvement to-do list, completely exhausting ourselves, then tour a couple houses that cost a bajillion more dollars than we can afford that also need like, a roof and floors and kitchen cabinets and ERMAHGERD THERE'S UGLY WALLPAPER EVERYWHERE, and then we look at each other and decide you know what? Let's just stay put for a little while longer. But now Jason's on a new long-term project at work that has rendered our super-convenient/central location irrelevant, because he's driving for hours every day. We have new neighbors in the rental next door who are sloooooowly driving us insane in a myriad of first-world-problem ways. We still have all the same old complaints about space/privacy/townhouse living as ever, plus... Read more →


This is our garden. We have sage, a batshit amount of parsley, two pots of chives, and a big mishmosh of rosemary, thyme, dill, and marjoram. Beans, bush tomatoes, and peas. Two sacks of potatoes. Delicious little radishes. Tons of not-quite-ripe strawberries that are straight-up torturing my children. Cherry tomatoes, carrots, beets... ...and a fucking squirrel trap. Squirrels became a big problem for us last year. We were super-ambitious and planted about twice what we have this year. They ate every single tomato. We'd go outside and find our big, gorgeous heirlooms lying in the dirt, half gnawed on. If there weren't any tomatoes, they went after strawberries, squash, melons...whatever else they could wring a little liquid out of on dry, sunny days. It was just two squirrels in particular. One had a bald spot on its butt and one had lost the tip of its tail. We named them... Read more →


Question: Have you ever gotten to a point where you are so thoroughly stressed out that you wake up every morning covered in a rash? And then you become convinced that the rash is from bedbugs, but bedbugs that exist ONLY on your side of the bed and ONLY bite you, and then you get even more stressed out and stop sleeping because GAAAAHHHH bedbugs and also persistent, recurring anxiety dreams. And then during the day you're basically a sleep-deprived anxiety zombie whose hands shake uncontrollably every time you think about all the things that are making you feel so overwhelmed, to the point that you can barely even type or hold a pen or apply topical ointment to your super-attractive stress rash? Yeah, me neither. (But I can confirm that no, we most definitely do not have bedbugs. So that's a plus.) Anyway. Changes afoot, big decisions to ponder.... Read more →


Sometimes, when I finally get around to clearing out the thousands of photos I've allowed to accumulate on my phone, I discover something special. Something mysterious, unique and bold. Photos taken by someone other than me, by someone with a keen visual perspective and something to say. The latest are presented below, with comment and full artistic interpretation... Through the Glass Coffee Table The exhibit is not afraid to start off challenging. What is this? Where was this taken? Why the hell is this on my phone? Through the Glass Coffee Table, Revisited, With Legs A blurry glimpse of a child's legs and sneaker gives the viewer some perspective, but still no answers. Much like there is a sleeve, but no hand. There is a rug, but it is not our rug. Boy With Green Phone At this point, viewers who are familiar with this particular artist's work (and his... Read more →


As of this morning, Ike's snowpants still had the tags attached. Even though they are snowpants that I myself did not even buy, but were handed down unworn from my nephew several years ago, and were originally intended for Ezra. I'm happy to say those snowpants finally got put to some good, heavy-duty use. This was Ike's first "real" time out playing in "real" snow. As in, snow that's more than a heavy dusting, and not half-melted by the time we got our collective acts together to get out in it. I think he's napped though every other play-in-the-snow opportunity this winter. This time, though. 15 inches! Enough to just open the front door and toss him into the nearest drift. It's safe to say he's a fan. Ezra, on the other hand, originally spent less time out in the snow than I spent getting him dressed for the snow,... Read more →


So Ezra's (ZAH! ZAH!) first day of school went very well, provided you don't bring up the part where I forgot to go get him at the end of the day. Oh, you're gonna bring up that part? FINE. You're a bitch, though. Figure 1: Glorious light-filled angel babies who deserve better Noah's bus arrives around 3:25/3:30. But it arrives maaaybe a block away, just around the corner, over there-ish. *points over shoulder at office window just to really clear it up for the folks reading at home* Thus, "picking Noah up" usually goes something like this: 1) La la la worky work work work type type 2) OH SHIT LOOK AT THE TIME 3) Dash downstairs and out door 4) OPTIONAL BONUS ROUND: Put on shoes, be showered, vaguely presentable, etc. 5) Be at least down to the corner by the time the bus is pulling up to the... Read more →


Back when I thought we "needed" to move, a bigger backyard was probably on the top of my list of "reasons." You know, for the kids. So they'd have room. To play. (Because....clearly. They don't have that. At all.) Our backyard isn't perfect. It's on the larger size for our townhouse community but still not what I considered ideal for three growing children, or for entertaining more than like, two additional people. We're not allowed to have swingsets or playsets that are taller than the fence. The drainage isn't great so the grass is perpetually dead on that one side and a couple hours in the sprinkler means the whole yard is vaguely swampy for the next two days. The soil is crap. Our gardening options are limited to what we can grow in containers on the deck. Blah blah, whine whine, nit, pick. I remember my childhood backyard being... Read more →