A Pregnant Woman's Ultimate Dream TV Wish List

Or, A List of TV Shows That Don't Actually Exist Yet, But Totally Should Or Or, Why I Should Be In Charge of a Television Network Already Or Or Or, Why I Should Probably Never Be In Charge of a Television Network This post is brought to you by XFINITY from Comcast. Watch all your favorite shows from anywhere with XFINITY TV. The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Comcast or its partners. MAN V. (PREGNANT LADY) FOOD In which Adam Richman is challenged to explore and partake of... Read more →

Surviving in the Desert

I don't talk about my in-laws that much. I mean, do I? I don't think I do. FUN FACT: I have probably deleted all of about...three or four blog entries, tops, ever, since I started this site (counts on fingers...oh my GOD) seven years ago. But I still remember the very entry I deleted. It was about visiting my in-laws, and despite sound incredibly tame and ridiculously nice compared with the kind of screeds you saw flying across the average anonymous Blogspot blog back in those Wild West days, I deleted it at Jason's request. So I've been good, right?... Read more →

Superbowl Sell-Out Spectacular!

Jason and Amy watch the Superbowl Halftime Show. An only vaguely embellished transcript. Jason: Why isn’t anyone else doing a halftime show? Like MTV usually does something. Amy: Who knows. Who cares. They all suck. Jason: We could watch the Lingerie Bowl on pay-per-view. Amy: (silence) Jason: Oh. The regular halftime show is MTV. Sellouts. Amy: Jessica Simpson! Aaaaeeeiiiiii!!! Jason: Nice majorette costume. Amy: She’s stupid dumb. Jason: Look, here’s the least embarrassing member of the Jackson family! Amy: And she’s gone goth! Or gladiator. Jason: She is so not dancing. Amy: You mean singing? Jason: Yeah, that too. Amy:... Read more →

Short Bits and Follow-Ups

After looking at my stats and referrers, I must conclude that Tolkien was mistaken: all who wander here ARE lost, actually. While amalah.com is rife with keywords, it's horrifically devoid of actual content. So I shall address a few Google search terms, because I'm bored: Ford fuel pump recall: Yeah, you know what? Don't bother. Even though the cause of this recall (car stalls or nearly stalls in low gears on low fuel) has been well-documented and complained about since the Focus was first produced, Ford just issued the notice...but still, the parts won't be available until next month. If... Read more →

An Open Letter to the Oxygen Network

Oxygen! Again with the Roseanne episodes labeled as Absolutely Fabulous! Oy with the poodles already! What the eff is your problem? See, here's how the happy world of TiVo is supposed to work. I tell TiVo to record all eps of AbFab. You tell TiVo when AbFab is on. But no, you tell TiVo that AbFab is on when really, it's Roseanne. This is where the entire system breaks down, Oxygen, and as far as I can tell, the blame is solely in your court. What do you need me to do, Oxygen? Help me help you. I want to... Read more →

TiVo Betrayal

Woke up this morning and was absolutely beside myself with glee when I discovered that TiVo had recorded an old ep of Absolutely Fabulous for me last night. TiVo, sweetie darling, how did you know? So after finally chasing Jason away from his zillion old Star Trek episodes (Starring! Captain! James T. Kirk and a cast! Of! Thousands!) I settled down to watch the Brit-style drunken debauchery of Edina and Patsy and secretly note how similar my friends and I can be to them sometimes...and...and... ROSEANNE?? The hell? Damn you Oxygen channel! Not only does 99% of your programming suck... Read more →

Holiday Cheer & Commercials

I love Christmas so much. Am such a dork, really. I love decorating the tree, putting up lights, non-mall-parking-lot-shopping, trying to get other people to bake cookies for me, TNT's all-day marathon of A Christmas Story, and of course, presents. And then two days later, birthday presents! And then it's all over for me, for a whole year. Boo. Poor, poor Christmas baby. So in the spirit of over-compensation, I milk the entire month of December for all it's worth. So who am I to complain about holiday commercialism? A girl with a blog and a deep-rooted need to complain,... Read more →

I'm Not A Survivor, But I Play One On TV

Ok, everybody MUST go read Television Without Pity's recaplet of last night's episode of Survivor, which was like, the best thing EVER. The full recap should be a hoot, since the recaplet includes the best sentence ever written about Burton. "He is seriously the tooliest tool that ever tooled." My god, that's literary genius. I won't even attempt to describe Burton after that. Jon? Hate him with every fiber of my being, which makes me hate him even more because he's not worth spending that kind of emotional energy on. My only hope is that after his 15 minutes as... Read more →