He Just Wants To Dance.

Ezra slept for eight solid hours last night. I slept for three, thanks to a complete and utter inability to breathe due to the aforementioned Y.A.F.C.

Noah -- who has made a full recovery and is back at school today, probably contracting the next bacterial scourge as I type this -- slept for less than eight hours but more than three, as I heard him conversing until midnight with an imaginary scary goblin who lives in his closet and is his new best friend in the world, because he's a NICE scary goblin. They go on ADVENTURES. Shut the DOOR, Mama. I BUSY.

I am pretty sure the scary goblin is actually the garden gnome from our neighbor's yard.

I have no idea how he ever got so hopped up last night. It's like someone was ordering him to dance until he collapsed headfirst into the furniture in exhaustion right before bedtime, or something.


Noah's Dance from amalah on Vimeo.

(Totally gratuitous footage of the baby doing absolutely nothing of interest is at the end. You're welcome.)

(Also, yes, we are out of butter. Thanks for the update, Jase.)

All This & More, Thanks to the Wonder of Technology

Some of the hideous post ideas I started and trashed yesterday:

"My kitchen sink is drip...drip...dripping and aaaaaahhhhhhhhhstopit!"

"Dear Dog and Cat: How do manage to time your vomiting TO THE EXACT MINUTE we run out of paper towels?"

"Yeah, so I WANT to write another installment in the Deodorant Wars, but I've been struggling to come up with a plot line for my new stick of Dove Clinical Protection. Who IS she, as a character? What's her MOTIVATION?"

Then I was all: cop-out time! Noah photo! Belly photo!  But then all the camera batteries were all simultaneously dead. Simultaneously and AT THE SAME TIME EVEN. Clearly, the blogging gods were against me, determined that I should keep at least a few damn thoughts to my own damn self. This was, judging by the above examples, probably for the best.

I don't really have much else to say today, other than to issue a warning to anyone in the DC area: hey! You know what's a bad idea? Like, a really, really bad idea? Blindly following your GPS, even when it's telling you to turn left onto a one-way, do-not-enter street that happens to be oh, directly in front of the PENTAGON.

Luckily, the cops let us off with a warning. "Try not to drive into any lakes next time, okay?"

Sigh. I've really got nothing today, except for the crushing need for my 27th burrito of the week. Take me to Chipotle, GPS!  I can no longer find my way out of a paper bag, thanks to you.

Here. This is video of my kid screeching into my laptop's built-in camera for five straight unbearable minutes. Special cameo by my chins and belly.

Hams from amalah on Vimeo.

08/08/08

We've outlasted the marriages of people who predicted the demise of ours. We've ended up a million years from where we started, and from where we probably expected to be. I tumble into tired clichés every time I try to come up with words worthy of this anniversary, this milestone, this day like any other day, really. We'll wake up on 08/09/08 and...keep at it, for another 10, 20, 60 years. If I get to be that lucky.

10 years, in two-and-a-half minutes. It feels like that, sometimes.

10 Years (Take Two) from amalah on Vimeo.

Music: Together Forever in Love by Go Sailor.

(EDIT: Sorry for the video glitch. I uploaded in the middle of major site maintenance at Vimeo and lo, there were Issues. I've reuploaded it and I think everything is working now.)

 

He Calls Them Veedy-Ohs

Things We Have Learned This Week:

1) We've got a LOT of chronically incontinent, publicly flatulent, oops-I-crapped-my-pants, weird and wonky-boobed bitches up in here, and I love y'all for it.

2) Breastfeeding. Is a touchy subject. Still. Noted, and moving on.

Things We Are Not Talking About Today:

1) Breastfeeding, and thank God.

2) How UPS held my new fetal doppler hostage all week, and yes, I know I said I wasn't allowed to rent one this time, but nobody said anything about BUYING ONE. So I bought one. And then UPS wouldn't give it to me.

3) And then UPS finally gave it to me, but I haven't really been able to find the heartbeat yet but we are not talking about that today, LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAohshit.

On that ominous note, allow me to present the Tonedeaf Family Sunshine Singers and their rendition of "You Are My Sunshine."

This is, admittedly, not their best work, but SOMEBODY forgot to actually hit the "record" button during an earlier and far-superior take, and then SOMEBODY ELSE refused to perform like the little performing monkey that he is and frankly, I don't think they're going to get it together enough in time for the world tour. Expect low ticket sales and eventual cancellations blamed on exhaustion and acid reflux.

It's Another Blue's Clues Day. On the Couch. Winning Mother of the Year.

Whenever I happen across a blog entry about someone's kid having the stomach flu, I always cluck sympathetically, and then CLICK CLICK CLICK AWAY EW PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR KID'S VOMIT.

Commence clucking, y'all. And the little X up in the corner over there will show you the way out.

Noah woke up wailing around 3 am last night. "A MESSTH! A MESSSSSSTH!" he sobbed, pointing despair at his bed. He cared much less about the messth he made in our bed an hour later, and an hour after that he was over messthes completely and viewed our proffered plastic trash can as just getting in the way of his good time, man.

This continued all night and morning and well past the time when it finally occurred to Jason that he had a JOB he could go to instead, fuck this noise.

(Tangent! Did you know that the Noggin network airs 24 hours now? [Much to the despair of dozens of tweens who depended on the 6 pm switchover to Degrassi reruns, I'm sure.] But did you know that this is a LIE and an ILLUSION and if you actually do decide that all you need in the world is a damn episode of Blue's Clues or Dora or holy hell, I'd even accept Little Bear at 4 in the morning, you will instead be confronted with bizarre Barney-like imports from the mid-90s that involve a lot of neon and a bunch of very, very tall children playing leapfrog and singing to the camera with eyes that clearly say, "I AM GETTING NO RESIDUALS FOR THIS, THANKS MOM.")

(We switched to Cartoon Network and watched old Hanna-Barbera cartoons that were chock full of ethnic stereotypes and cavalier attitudes towards cigarette smoking instead.)

So while all plans for today were obviously hosed, we've managed to stay entertained, mostly through the power of Photo Booth, which Noah absolutely loves now that he's made the connection that WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY to record his every move and mug and deep thoughts on aballs.

(One day we're going to have to have a talk about where blogs come from, but I am not ready for that, frankly.)

Anyway, since I have sheets to wash and odors to...deal with...I'd like to present Noah's First Podcast. Today he'd like to talk about Dogs, Dessert, the Firefox Whee! Video and also Some Random Point On the Ceiling He'd Like Us All To Look At.

The Noah Report from amalah on Vimeo.

Uh. What up?

I just got back from New York, where I've been for several days now. Alone. With a toddler.

I don't even know where to begin. The screaming? The train? The 150 pounds of luggage that contained zero pairs of socks? The screaming? The getting locked out of an apartment by two semi-naked toddlers and having to explain how THAT HAPPENED, EXACTLY?

Fine. I'll start with this. More tomorrow, or...you know, ish.

Rockstar Lifestyle from amalah on Vimeo.

Life. Too Boring for Words.

Wow. I did...exactly not one interesting thing this week. I...unloaded the dishwasher a lot? I hid brussels sprouts in a fruit smoothie? I wore my cute new jacket from Target and bought Noah a new hat?

Yes. All this, AND MORE! In the span of five whole days! Man, life is a crazy buzz sometimes.

Yesterday Noah and I trekked up to Baltimore to hang out with this lunatic for a while a few hours longer than appropriate straight on 'til bedtime.

Tracey and I got into a very heated discussion re: megapixels, and our differences could only be solved by blinding each other with camera flashes while shrieking our heads off.

It made a lot of sense at the time.

We were both admittedly pretty jealous of M's stylin' pink camera, though.

The original idea was to sign some important business-y work-y type paperwork for mamapop.com (I'd rather not be sued for defamation by Britney Spears' busted-ass weave, you know? It looks litigious.) and let the kiddos work on their "sharing."

Noah got his first taste of the Barbie accessories catalog and Halloween Oreos.

Step One: Lick.

Step Two: Dilate pupils.

Step Three: RUN RUN RUN MUST CONSUME ENTIRE COOKAY NOM NOM NOM.

Anyway. That was yesterday. It was nice to get a little change in scenery and sit on a different couch for awhile.

Today? We're back to our usual routine of thrilling, intellectually stimulating conversation, with a hefty side portion of dimples.

choochoo from amalah on Vimeo.

Speaking of choo choos, next week Noah and I will be taking one to New York to visit my sister for a couple days. By ourselves. Because this seemed like a good idea once. Because I am crazy. May God have mercy on my crazy soul.

Post-Processing

Please indulge me, because this is exactly what I needed today.

Professional photography by Kaileen Galhouse.
Music: Calico Skies by Paul McCartney

(Last year's session with Kaileen is here, if you're in the mood for TWO sappy montages and a good dose of OMFG WHERE DID THE BABY GO?)

All of a Sudden, Two

Sometimes, yes. It's a little weird to see.

Last night I interpreted a jumble of words and signs for Jason. Light, off, eyes, surprised. Oh! His favorite page in Goodnight, Gorilla.

I know that "eee eye eee eee eye eeee ooh" is the Farmer in the Dell. I know "nee nee" is singing and "bapap" is backpack.

I didn't know he knew the sign for "help" until he did it just now, because he'd dropped a toy behind a cabinet.

I know when he's sad or hurt or hungry, when he wants a banana or a cookie, and I know because he tells me. 

There's so much I don't know about this motherhood thing and every day I'm reminded that I've yet to really learn who Noah really is, as his own little person.

So much to learn. Together. What an amazing gift and a privilege.

Noah's second birthday from amalah on Vimeo.
Music: Together by William Shatner (featuring Lemon Jelly)

Happy Birthday to the coolest little boy I know. 

Her Fanbase is Skewing Younger

Two videos in a row? Fucking cop-out, man.

But I thought some of you -- particularly those of you who declared Noah some kind of musical prodigy a couple weeks back -- might be interested in Noah's opinion of the new Britney Spears single?

I mean, everybody's got an opinion on her comeback chances, but WHAT DO THE TODDLERS THINK?

Personally (and provided that Death Is Not An Option), I prefer Gimme More, but Noah seems to dig Cold As Fire.

Noah and Brit Brit from amalah and Vimeo.

It's got a better beat than the Wiggles, I'll give it that.

(Have a great holiday weekend, peeps. Don't sprain anything while busting moves at da clubs.)