Multimedia

Okay, now that I think we've got everything working with the new design, and now that my designer is off to Ecuador, thus fleeing the country and my emails, let me see if I can completely blow it the fuck up by posting a video window that will probably be too wide for the margins. Come on, it'll be fun!

It seems like people are still questioning the proper pronunciation of "Amalah." AIM-a-la. Like how you pronounce Amy? AIM-ee? Oh, whatever, here's me having a conversation with my dog about it.

AIM-a-la from amalah and Vimeo.

I probably should have enunciated Ceiba's name a little better too, now that I think about it. Her name is SAY-bah. Again, whatever, I don't even correct our vet anymore.

Just be happy I didn't name my kid D'Artagnaienalyah or something. Because you know it was on our short list.

Speaking of Noah, hey! Remember that time we qualified for free speech therapy? Our first session is on Tuesday morning.

He's made some progress in the past few weeks, although nothing to suggest that a true language explosion is right around the corner -- he's still gaining language right in step with a five- or six-month delay, but progress is progress, and I'm extremely confident that he's going to respond really well to the therapy. Plus, it's like free babysitting. I plan to paint my toenails.

We scored a gigantic set of Signing Time DVDs this week. My expectations were...not very high, since I've been faithfully signing (More! Milk! Eat! All done! Cookie! Cracker! WTF!) with Noah for over a month now and he's shown the same level of interest as back when I tried the infant signing with him. Which to say, zero. Mom, you're so lame.

But we started watching them about two days ago, and Noah...well, he likes them, but he likes pretty much everything on the glowing teevee box, especially since we've drastically limited his intake of Dora and Blue.

Well, let's not get CRAZY here. We do need to be good playdate hosts, now.

He wanders in and out of the room, which is fine, since I prefer that to the enthralled, slack-jawed video stare (see, uh, above), but I doubted he was actually taking any of the signs in, especially since he continued to pointedly ignore my clumsy attempts to sign along.

This morning he finished his milk and cereal and then, without a moment's hesitation, he said "eat" for the very first time while making the sign for "more."

Uh. Holy crap.

Baby Einstein? You just got PWN3D.

Amalah's Got Talent

But not as much as her kid, who is clearly ready to cut a demo.

Twinkle twinkle...sort of from amalah and Vimeo.

(Please note that you should never put your barely suppressed stage mother tendencies ahead of your child's physical safety. Wow. That's some gooooood parenting right there.)

(Also good parenting: the absolute and very last diaper in the entire house is the one currently on my sleeping child's butt. That's gonna be a FANTASTIC post-nap jaunt to the store, let me tell you.)

Taking My a'Drinkin' Skillz to the Next Level

On the off-chance that our trip to New York and the fourteen million pounds of pizza we consumed there were not QUITE enough to sufficiently celebrate Jason's birthday, we continued the birthday blowout extravagaaaaahnza with a bus trip to the always gorgeous Virgina wine country on Saturday.

It was awesome. One person puked on the bus on the way home and another fell out of her seat and into the aisle and still did not wake up. Meanwhile I was engaged in a high-level discussion about racial profiling with a nice young man whose family bought his ticket for Father's Day but did not accompany him. He assured me he actually preferred it that way, and also, NO, the fact that he, Jason and I were relatively sober after consuming just as much wine as Ol' Pukey and Ol'FallOuty McDrunkAss over there was NOT a sign of serious alcoholism, it was a sign that I needed to pass him a damn plastic cup, he was opening another bottle.

Also: I learned how to open a bottle of bubbly with a sword, people. A fucking SWORD.

Wine Viking from amalah on Vimeo

Yes, I biffed it the first time, which made the wine foam when I tried again, but the cork landed in the hat I was aiming for, so: 1,000,000 FREESTYLE POINTS! RADICAL TUBULARNESS. YOU HAVE ACHIEVED DRINKING NINJA STATUS.

The trick also works with a chef's knife, as I demonstrated last night in our backyard because I cannot get enough of my new stupid human trick.

This could get expensive, and also somebody is probably going to lose an eye.

(Noah had yet another nice day with Grandma and Grandpa. They worked on painting Noah's Room Take 2, Big Boy Edition, Now With 100% Less Bunny Rabbits and 100% More Breaking of Mama's Heart.)

ABlooper Reel

Presenting! Some footage shot during three days of nonstop attempts to get Noah to say "ABEAH" clearly on video ("What's this, Noah? What's this called? Huh? Huh?"), and also preferably a clip that did not involve 1) possible poisonings, 2) propane and/or head injuries, 3) blank vapid stares, or 4) an actual abeah.

Because, you know, I wouldn't want the Internet to know what a shitty parent I am. At least not right away. Maybe a few days later, when I was feeling lazy and didn't want to actually write anything.

Abeah Abloopers from amalah on Vimeo

I swear, that kid misses his mark almost every time. He'll never be an Olsen twin at this rate, dammit.

(It's the Boston accent that really gets me.)

"Did he just say what I thought he said?"

"Yes."

"When did that start?"

"Just this morning. He picked up a bottle of lotion and called it that. He also says it to soda cans."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"We should probably discourage that."

"I know, but not until I get him to say it on video."

ABEAH! from amalah on Vimeo

a BALL! a BALL! BALL BALL BALL etc.

Believe it or not, I have real thoughts. And opinions. About things! And I would like nothing more in the world than to spend some time putting these thoughts and opinions (about things! actual real-life things!) into words. Sentences even.

But Noah won't take a nap. He screamed in his crib for a very long time, and when I poked my head in to make sure everything was okay he put his arms out for me and did this breathing-in sobby thing, and I am sorry, but YOU try being a Nap Hardass when YOUR kid does the breathing-in sobby thing. I'm out.

So instead of my words about things,* I present a few of Noah's words about things.

Noah Talks from amalah

(We really have unpacked all the boxes, more or less. That's our new patio furniture (from Target, of course) that was just delivered this week. Okay, maybe last week. Okay, maybe you just need to quit with the judging right now.)

*Things that may or may not include whether we should do Clomid again and/or just how much turkey bacon one person can consume in one day before it's considered excessive.