Night at the Roxbury

All right, enough talk of near-smothered babies. It is once again time to DANCE! Here is Ezra, possibly rocking out to the beats of the 30-Day Shred DVD menu. Night at the Roxbury from amalah on Vimeo. Hey, if we're going to believe in guardian angels and all that stuff, I don't think it's too far-fetched to believe in a 12-week-old who has already mastered the White Man's Overbite. (PS: the break in the video isn't really a break in the action, but a sloppy attempt to edit out the part where I said, "You wanna get in shape, Noa-- uh, Ezra?") (PPS: the 30-Day Shred is everything you've heard it to be. If you hate gyms, hate working out, have absolutely zero patience and demand instant gratification, this is the workout for you. It will kick your ass up and down the block, but by day three you're no longer panting and gasping quite so much, and you can at least scream back at the TV to shut the fuck up about more jumping jacks. Progress, baby!) Read more →

He Just Wants To Dance.

Ezra slept for eight solid hours last night. I slept for three, thanks to a complete and utter inability to breathe due to the aforementioned Y.A.F.C. Noah -- who has made a full recovery and is back at school today, probably contracting the next bacterial scourge as I type this -- slept for less than eight hours but more than three, as I heard him conversing until midnight with an imaginary scary goblin who lives in his closet and is his new best friend in the world, because he's a NICE scary goblin. They go on ADVENTURES. Shut the DOOR, Mama. I BUSY. I am pretty sure the scary goblin is actually the garden gnome from our neighbor's yard. I have no idea how he ever got so hopped up last night. It's like someone was ordering him to dance until he collapsed headfirst into the furniture in exhaustion right before bedtime, or something. Noah's Dance from amalah on Vimeo. (Totally gratuitous footage of the baby doing absolutely nothing of interest is at the end. You're welcome.) (Also, yes, we are out of butter. Thanks for the update, Jase.) Read more →

All This & More, Thanks to the Wonder of Technology

Some of the hideous post ideas I started and trashed yesterday: "My kitchen sink is drip...drip...dripping and aaaaaahhhhhhhhhstopit!" "Dear Dog and Cat: How do manage to time your vomiting TO THE EXACT MINUTE we run out of paper towels?" "Yeah, so I WANT to write another installment in the Deodorant Wars, but I've been struggling to come up with a plot line for my new stick of Dove Clinical Protection. Who IS she, as a character? What's her MOTIVATION?" Then I was all: cop-out time! Noah photo! Belly photo! But then all the camera batteries were all simultaneously dead. Simultaneously and AT THE SAME TIME EVEN. Clearly, the blogging gods were against me, determined that I should keep at least a few damn thoughts to my own damn self. This was, judging by the above examples, probably for the best. I don't really have much else to say today, other than to issue a warning to anyone in the DC area: hey! You know what's a bad idea? Like, a really, really bad idea? Blindly following your GPS, even when it's telling you to turn left onto a one-way, do-not-enter street that happens to be oh, directly in front of... Read more →


We've outlasted the marriages of people who predicted the demise of ours. We've ended up a million years from where we started, and from where we probably expected to be. I tumble into tired clichés every time I try to come up with words worthy of this anniversary, this milestone, this day like any other day, really. We'll wake up on 08/09/08 and...keep at it, for another 10, 20, 60 years. If I get to be that lucky. 10 years, in two-and-a-half minutes. It feels like that, sometimes. 10 Years (Take Two) from amalah on Vimeo. Music: Together Forever in Love by Go Sailor. (EDIT: Sorry for the video glitch. I uploaded in the middle of major site maintenance at Vimeo and lo, there were Issues. I've reuploaded it and I think everything is working now.) Read more →

He Calls Them Veedy-Ohs

Things We Have Learned This Week: 1) We've got a LOT of chronically incontinent, publicly flatulent, oops-I-crapped-my-pants, weird and wonky-boobed bitches up in here, and I love y'all for it. 2) Breastfeeding. Is a touchy subject. Still. Noted, and moving on. Things We Are Not Talking About Today: 1) Breastfeeding, and thank God. 2) How UPS held my new fetal doppler hostage all week, and yes, I know I said I wasn't allowed to rent one this time, but nobody said anything about BUYING ONE. So I bought one. And then UPS wouldn't give it to me. 3) And then UPS finally gave it to me, but I haven't really been able to find the heartbeat yet but we are not talking about that today, LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAohshit. On that ominous note, allow me to present the Tonedeaf Family Sunshine Singers and their rendition of "You Are My Sunshine." This is, admittedly, not their best work, but SOMEBODY forgot to actually hit the "record" button during an earlier and far-superior take, and then SOMEBODY ELSE refused to perform like the little performing monkey that he is and frankly, I don't think they're going to get it together enough in time... Read more →

It's Another Blue's Clues Day. On the Couch. Winning Mother of the Year.

Whenever I happen across a blog entry about someone's kid having the stomach flu, I always cluck sympathetically, and then CLICK CLICK CLICK AWAY EW PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR KID'S VOMIT. Commence clucking, y'all. And the little X up in the corner over there will show you the way out. Noah woke up wailing around 3 am last night. "A MESSTH! A MESSSSSSTH!" he sobbed, pointing despair at his bed. He cared much less about the messth he made in our bed an hour later, and an hour after that he was over messthes completely and viewed our proffered plastic trash can as just getting in the way of his good time, man. This continued all night and morning and well past the time when it finally occurred to Jason that he had a JOB he could go to instead, fuck this noise. (Tangent! Did you know that the Noggin network airs 24 hours now? [Much to the despair of dozens of tweens who depended on the 6 pm switchover to Degrassi reruns, I'm sure.] But did you know that this is a LIE and an ILLUSION and if you actually do decide that all you need in the... Read more →

Uh. What up?

I just got back from New York, where I've been for several days now. Alone. With a toddler. I don't even know where to begin. The screaming? The train? The 150 pounds of luggage that contained zero pairs of socks? The screaming? The getting locked out of an apartment by two semi-naked toddlers and having to explain how THAT HAPPENED, EXACTLY? Fine. I'll start with this. More tomorrow, know, ish. Rockstar Lifestyle from amalah on Vimeo. Read more →

Life. Too Boring for Words.

Wow. I did...exactly not one interesting thing this week. I...unloaded the dishwasher a lot? I hid brussels sprouts in a fruit smoothie? I wore my cute new jacket from Target and bought Noah a new hat? Yes. All this, AND MORE! In the span of five whole days! Man, life is a crazy buzz sometimes. Yesterday Noah and I trekked up to Baltimore to hang out with this lunatic for a while a few hours longer than appropriate straight on 'til bedtime. Tracey and I got into a very heated discussion re: megapixels, and our differences could only be solved by blinding each other with camera flashes while shrieking our heads off. It made a lot of sense at the time. We were both admittedly pretty jealous of M's stylin' pink camera, though. The original idea was to sign some important business-y work-y type paperwork for (I'd rather not be sued for defamation by Britney Spears' busted-ass weave, you know? It looks litigious.) and let the kiddos work on their "sharing." Noah got his first taste of the Barbie accessories catalog and Halloween Oreos. Step One: Lick. Step Two: Dilate pupils. Step Three: RUN RUN RUN MUST CONSUME ENTIRE... Read more →


Please indulge me, because this is exactly what I needed today. Professional photography by Kaileen Galhouse. Music: Calico Skies by Paul McCartney (Last year's session with Kaileen is here, if you're in the mood for TWO sappy montages and a good dose of OMFG WHERE DID THE BABY GO?) Read more →

All of a Sudden, Two

Sometimes, yes. It's a little weird to see. Last night I interpreted a jumble of words and signs for Jason. Light, off, eyes, surprised. Oh! His favorite page in Goodnight, Gorilla. I know that "eee eye eee eee eye eeee ooh" is the Farmer in the Dell. I know "nee nee" is singing and "bapap" is backpack. I didn't know he knew the sign for "help" until he did it just now, because he'd dropped a toy behind a cabinet. I know when he's sad or hurt or hungry, when he wants a banana or a cookie, and I know because he tells me. There's so much I don't know about this motherhood thing and every day I'm reminded that I've yet to really learn who Noah really is, as his own little person. So much to learn. Together. What an amazing gift and a privilege. Noah's second birthday from amalah on Vimeo. Music: Together by William Shatner (featuring Lemon Jelly) Happy Birthday to the coolest little boy I know. Read more →