Hours spent in Philadelphia, total: 27, ish Hours spent on trains: Three Hours spent waiting for trains that were late: One Hours spent in meetings: 12 Hours spent in meetings thinking about when we get food: Nine Hours spent in meetings resisting urge to slide dramatically off chair and under the table every time someone said, "hold up let's revisit that last slide for a sec": At least four Number of times I felt irrationally important and grown-up like because I was wearing an ID badge I had to swipe to go to the bathroom: 11 Number of nostalgic favorite snacks from my Pennsylvania childhood consumed and frankly disappointed by: One Number of cheesesteaks consumed with tremendous enthusiasm: Two Number of salad portions politely accepted on plate: Three Number of salad portions discreetly hidden under a napkin and thrown away: Two Point Seven Five Number of inexplicably tiny hotel room hair dryers used: One Number of times I ordered business cards to bring to meetings: Two Number of typos I made on the first order: One Number of actual business cards distributed: Zero Number of work things to do as result of meetings: 4,20583u70q303q55uj7 Number of children who greeted me... Read more →


It's been two full days since school ended approximately 84 years ago. Getting work done has been...challenging. Every morning I lay out a schedule for everyone -- exactly what chores need done, spaced in between blocks of outside time, reading/writing time, instrument practice -- that must be completed before I will even consider any screen time requests. Then I head to my office and close my door, hunker down on a task for exactly 30 seconds before the someone barges in to tattle on someone else or ask where something from the dishwasher goes. (IT'S A SPOON, CHILD.) Also, can I go on my screen? Mom? Mooooom. Mooooommmmmmm. I feel like I've been snappy and scoldy and super easily annoyed; even perfectly valid questions and complaints are being met with a built-in WHAT NOWWWWW level of irritation. Camps start up next week, which no one is all that excited about, but I'm sending them anyway because I believe it will be a enriching and positive experience for my children to be around adults who aren't ready to bite their heads off in a Pavlovian reaction to the sound of a door opening. I was writing a column for AlphaMom this... Read more →


I've been working from/in my actual "office" every day for the first time in awhile, to better bounce back and forth between laptops (three) and email addresses (four), and to have room to spread out piles of documents and keep everything separated by client (five) and basically not rely on keeping everything straight in my head, oh god no, let's not do that, that's how things end up forgotten about and/or on fire. I haven't worked down here in awhile because one time, not long after we adopted them, the cats hid in the closet and got accidentally trapped overnight, and both of them panic-peed on the carpet. And unlike the Lego bins, getting cat pee odors out of carpet is basically impossible. We've managed it PRETTY well, with both professional cleanings and buying our own carpet deep cleaner and using it regularly (like pretty much every time we vacuum), along with throwing just about every pet stain/odor related product on earth at the problem. So it usually smells just fine (though I think vaguely carpet-cleaner-ish), but other times the smell starts emanating from the padding below and I'm just like, I'm out, I'll be working from the couch again... Read more →


Plot twist: Jason has uveitis, not pinkeye. Because clearly regular ol' pinkeye is far too pedestrian for our tastes around here. We prefer the rarer, more obscure forms of eyeball discomfort. The more underground diagnoses, if you will. Epidemic Keratoconjunctitis? You've probably never heard of it. Now pass me the artisanal steroid eye drops. Uveitis is not contagious, although that didn't stop me from getting soap in my eye in the shower yesterday and spending the next hour or so convinced I was dying of pinkeye. (Spoiler alert: I'm fine, just dumb.) Also feeling a touch overwhelmed on the work front. I've been solidly in the "ebb" stage of the freelancing flow for the last few months, popping in occasionally with clients like "need anything? no? not yet? how about now?" while networking my ass off in hopes of landing something new. Which I did! And it's a big one! Like with a fancy badge and a giant laptop and lots of cool shit to do. And then LITERALLY on my FIRST DAY of the gig, I came home to a flurry of emails from three other clients all HELP HELP WE NEED YOU TO WRITE ALL THE THINGS HERE... Read more →


This morning I had my first big kick-off meeting with my newest freelancing gig, which once again highlighted that after a decade of working from home, there is nothing harder in the world than waking up, showering, putting on actual proper clothing, and getting my ass out the door on time anytime before noon. Which, I know is exactly what literal bajillions of people manage to do just fine every morning, and really: Color me genuinely impressed. Like serious props, guys. I don't know how you do it, because I'm terrible at it. The main issue this morning was the completely self-inflicted crisis of not having much in the way of a Professional Wardrobe anymore. I have one nice black suit, a couple okay dresses, a bunch of really, reallllllllly old separates that scream "business casual circa early 2000s" and absolutely zero office-appropriate shoes to pair with any of it. And yet I never, ever remember how limited my options are until I have a meeting to be at in like, an hour. The office I was visiting is business casual so the suit felt like overkill (not to mention my black footwear choices are either sandals/flip flops or stilettos/fuck-me... Read more →


So I quit my job. I mean, I quit A job. I always have more than just one, technically. But it was the Big Job, the Main Job, the one I was traveling all the time for and spending most of my waking hours on and most of my sleeping hours quietly having panic attacks over. At some point it dawned on me: The worst thing in the world would not be losing this job. The worst thing in the world would be continuing to do this job. And it wasn't really the job's fault. I was not cut out for it, for what it ended up being (which to be fair, was different than what I thought it would be when I accepted it), for the demands of a small start-up that did not operate on a 9-5, Monday through Friday schedule and needed me online and working nights and weekends and lots (and LOTS) of travel. And other issues were entirely of my own making: I never said no, I would never admit I was in over my head, and I destroyed my own carefully cultivated work-from-home-and-life balance my own damn self. I felt guilty about leaving meetings... Read more →


My Internet is getting fixed today! At some point between the hours of 8 a.m. and 8 p.m., anyway. Thanks for that super-helpful service window, Verizon. I'll just sit here and wait for the inevitable, which is that you will not arrive during any of the many hours I am here sitting and waiting, but will of course arrive during the 15 minutes that I absolutely have leave the house to pick Ike up from school. And you'll get all huffy and impatient and I'll be all apologetic and flustered and we'll get off on the wrong foot, all because my three year old can't "drive" or "cross major intersections by himself." Yet, anyway. Let's not get off on the wrong foot, Imaginary Huffy Verizon Authority Figure. *** Speaking of Ike, he has decided that he is done with preschool, and the fact that he is not allowed to attend kindergarten at his brothers' school has taken over as the latest Three Year Old Worst Injustice In The World, At Least Since This Morning When He Was Served Milk In The Wrong Cup. (Yes. STILL with the wrong cup. And the dark blue plate. We've also added: Non-Ninja-Turtle Underwear is... Read more →


Dear Amy, Repeat the following to yourself and your privileged ass: I REALLY AM HAPPY TO BE HOME. I REALLY AM HAPPY TO BE HOME. HAPPY. TO BE HOME. I AM IT. *** That said. It hasn’t exactly been a smooth transition. Our power went out over the weekend due to Saturday’s surprise snow and ice storm. (Well, a surprise to me, because I left my weather app set to West Palm Beach weather which as you can imagine, is considerably nicer and I preferred to pretend it was still relevant to my life.) Thankfully the power came back on after a few hours…but our Internet did not. Our Internet is dead. Kaput. Dunzo. We have Verizon Fios and I don’t want to bore anyone with the technical blah-blah-cakes of it all, but there’s a thingamabox in our living room and a bigger, fiber-optical-er one in our basement, hardwired into the house. That’s the one that is dead, and that is the one that will not get repaired until THURSDAY, because I guess a lot of people’s thingamaboxes are also dead from the weather, so GET IN LINE, SWEETCHEEKS. So we have no TV, which is a big old fucking... Read more →


Second (and last) long-ass business trip on the month is over. Nothing like working a ton of 17-hour days in a row and then coming home all, "OH MY GOD I ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING AND NOW HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO." It's good to be home again. And to not have to go ANYWHERE else for a good long time, except maybe to go buy some wine. It's also good to have blog readers who Really Get You. Big thank you to Kristen who MAY or MAY NOT have used her important J-O-B connections to hook me up with a very special room service delivery of ALL OF THE HYATT SOAPS. Seriously. Look at all these fucking soaps. (Not including the three additional non-packaged soaps in active rotation in my soap dish, shower and travel toiletry bag. YASSSSSS.) So I suppose I finally have enough soaps to stop panicking about running out before the next time I stay at a Hyatt. Maybe. Possibly. (NOT LIKELY.) Also, because we're sharing and I try to be a very honest and transparent blogger, I have one last confession. This happened: I suppose this is the final nail in the I'M A PROFESSIONAL BLAWWWWGGGGGER... Read more →


Whoa. What happened there? Days turned into weeks and now it's February and even my family members are texting me now like, "Uh. You alive? Everything cool?" I was in Florida this week for work, a long series of 17-hour days and no free time and the best part is that I get to do it AGAIN next week, to a different part of Florida. This week was Orlando. I brought the kids some free maps of Legoland and Harry Potter World from my hotel as souvenirs, because I am an amazing parent who never leaves room in her suitcase to bring them back anything good and/or wildly overpriced. (Except for YAAASSSSSSSS more Hyatt soaps. Although this week the maid figured out my hoarding game and cut me off after two soaps. Dammit.) Within an hour of arriving at my hotel, I watched a guy trying to flirt with the concierge, who apparently is attending college for healthcare management. He wished her luck in a tough field, then walked away, but stopped to bellow "BECAUSE OBAMACARE" at me and my slightly startled (and non-eavesdropping) coworkers. "BECAUSE OBAMACARE" became one of many team refrains for the week and our go-to excuse... Read more →