A Gallery of Regrettable Tees

The Last Four Years As Told By Amy's Laundry Pile* Remember when we thought this was enough? Remember when we thought Mueller would save us? Remember when we thought impeachment would stop the madness? Remember when we were all probably more excited about a candidate (or two! or three or four or five!) that we did not get? Remember what happened the last time that happened? Well. At least this one aged well. Like a fine, slightly wrinkled bottle of wine. *It's a tremendous laundry pile. The biggest, most beautiful pile. 68 stories tall, probably, people are saying. Many, many people are saying, and asking me about the pile. How did I get such a tremendous pile, such a vast amount unfolded laundry? And I tell them the truth: Because I am smart, because I can pick out sweatpants and a goddamn t-shirt just as easily off the floor as out of a drawer, and because the only thing that's even more tremendous than my laundry pile is my tremendously unbelievably massively big-league level of crippling election anxiety. Also I've been tremendously and entirely too busy doom-scrolling and screaming at my phone. Read more →


Twelve

I'm technically a day late with Ezra's birthday post -- oh, mourn the plight of the poor middle child -- but in my defense I spent half the day working, half the day homeschooling, half the day cleaning the house, half the day playing tech support for Chromebooks/Google Meet/Canvas/Lexia/DreamBox/MackinVIA/Wixie/GAAAAAAH, and at least half the day baking his birthday cake and re-making a rainbow friendship bracelet for him to replace the first rainbow friendship bracelet I made that one of the cats ran off with. I know that's too many halves. Everything about life right now has too many halves. But you can never have too many rainbows. Or cheesecakes topped with carrot cakes. Or toddler flashback videos, provided you completely ignore the timestamp, which says this is from NINE YEARS AGO, which is a lie, I filmed this last week. It was a tough choice between this one and the cupcake gorge-fest one. Yesterday we had a bit of a repeat performance, only it was an entire bowl of mashed sweet potatoes and some salmon, because Ezra is a Refined Young Gentleman now. And yes, that is the same Taggies ball he had in the video above, and the same... Read more →


Fifteen

Jason randomly came across this video the other night, and after a good laugh at his six-year-old self, Noah asked us what in the world we were thinking, letting a six-year-old watch Wrath of Khan. It's so not age appropriate, Mom and Dad! Jesus Christ. v I asked him if he'd let me record an updated Wrath of Khan According to a 15 Year Old (Who Has the Entire Movie Memorized and Regularly Regales His Family With Dramatic Reenactments) version, but his only response was a withering look of Pure Teen Pity that I would even suggest something so unbelievably lame. Nobody blogs anymore, he reminds me on a fairly regular basis. I know, I know, I tell him. I don't even really blog anymore. You had a good run, he says. He doesn't mind if I blog about him -- he puts this blog in the same category as my minivan, or my affinity for Jeopardy! reruns and Taylor Swift. Just another Uncool Mom Thing That Moms Do. Moms! You gotta love 'em! So he's not the reason I haven't been writing. Nor is there any sort of family drama or offline intrigue or work kerfluffles or anything like... Read more →


Rainbows in the Hellscape

Ezra's always been particular about his shoes, at least compared to his brothers. For years his sneakers had to be red. Then they needed to be Under Armour and red. Then he went through a phase of preferring the "fancy" shoes we bought him for a school concert. (They were essentially just gray slip-on sneakers we found at Target on the way to school because shit! There's a dress code! Their closets are not stocked for dress codes!) Last summer he picked out a pair of Vans and has literally worn nothing else since. I knew they were getting small for him but he wouldn't even consider replacing them. Then, during his second or third re-watch of The Babysitters' Club on Netflix, Ezra fell madly in love with a pair of shoes. He wanted those shoes. He NEEDED those shoes. He rewound the episode to pause on a scene so I could get a look at the shoes. The shoes in question turned out to be a limited edition Converse Pride/Miley Cyrus Chuck Taylor high top from several years ago. He was a little disappointed, but asked if he could get a similar pair from this year's collection. I told... Read more →


Emotional Rollercoastering

On the one hand, getting out of the house once in awhile to do something "normal" is Very Important from a mental health perspective, as is supporting local businesses, especially bars and restaurants that are doing their best to keep everyone safe. On the other hand... Everything remains weird and terrible and I hate it. Things I do NOT hate, however: Watching the new Babysitter's Club series on Netflix with Ezra. We binged the entire thing in a day, highly recommend. Then I made the mistake of looking for the original books on eBay for him and remembered that I gave away my massive, almost-the-complete-series of first-edition books (INCLUDING EVERY SINGLE SUPER SPECIAL!) to my niece before I left for college and holy shit, I should've saved them. Not just because I know Ezra would love them but because they're now worth enough to be like, a down payment on a goddamn car. (Good news is that the collection of 1980s Strawberry Shortcake figurines that I DID hold onto, and have lugged around in a trunk from my parents' attic for the past 22 years, would probably sell for about 20 whole dollars. So I've at least got that investment... Read more →


The Life Less Blogged

Hi. Hello. What's up? Not much, what's up with you? Wait, are you talking to yourself or your blog readers? HA HA HA "blog readers." That's cute. Very circa 2009. ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYY. I haven't gone anywhere, I haven't done anything. (Besides watch Hamilton at least once every other day, because it's honestly the only nice thing we still have at this point.) I haven't been on Facebook in weeks and the latest photo on my phone is a blurry shot of my black cat lying on my black work laptop, so you absolutely 1,000% have no idea what you're even looking at and no Instagram filter can fix it. Jason still takes pictures of literally every plate of food we make, but even he'll admit that the early joy that came from the near-constant pandemic baking and ambitious cooking projects has worn off and it's kind of boring now. Everything is boring now. (And I know "boring" has never stopped me from blogging like...ever, but...I mean. Sometimes I leave the house and it feels really weird and dangerous? Most of the time I don't? Yesterday the most meaningful interaction I had with my teenager involved a lecture about eating seven sleeves... Read more →


Friday Good Things: Pretend There's a Real Title Here

Why, hello there! If anybody is, indeed, still there. I am very tired. This week "school" officially "ended," officially making me the mother of a high schooler, middle schooler, and an elementary schooler. I did the math on when this split would happen a few years ago, and immediately decided that the Worst Part would the three hours of staggered school starting times and bus departures every morning. How silly of me! There will be no school starting times because school will likely still be here! At home! It won't so much "start" as "NEVER FUCKING END." We are trying to continue with our children's educational experience this summer, with each week getting its own summer-camp-like theme and activity list. This week's theme was I Haven't Seen My Kids In 8 Hours I Hope They're Okay. (Featured Activity: Self Sufficiency & the Art of Making Your Own Sandwich.) Next week is Advanced Streaming Channels, with lessons in self0service remote-control battery changing and how to flip and rotate the couch cushions to prevent perma-butt-grooves. Very STEM, obviously. And after that? It's Infrastructure Week!!! On the job front, I was a technical writer for all of a week and a half, tops,... Read more →


Friday Good Things, Trapped By My Own Naming Convention Edition

Hello! It's been a minute. Or a week. Or eleventy million utterly exhausting news cycles. Or all three! My new job! Is great! As are all my new coworkers, at least as far as I tell by their smiling avatars and cheerful voices on our conference calls. Despite thinking this was going to be a huge transition back into the world of commutes and professional office attire, I am still working from home for the foreseeable future. So that whole "actual pants and having to wear them" thing has not yet come up. (I wasn't sure of the video call situation before my first day, so I finally colored my hair last weekend and woke up early on Monday to put on makeup and find some sort of respectable-looking top. But our meetings are mercifully webcam-free so day to day I can continue to look a Vitamin D-deficient hobbit.) (I had to leave the house one time this week for an employment drug screen, and was almost out the door when I realized wearing a Steel Magnolias/Ouiser Bordreaux tank top that asks, in all capital letters, ARE YOU HIGH CLAIREE? miiiiight not be the best wardrobe choice for the day.... Read more →