Hobbies

So we've been going to the Maryland Renaissance Festival a lot lately. I guess our multiple season passes to multiple musical theater seasons weren't dorky enough, and the bins (ALSO MULTIPLE) of costumes (EVEN MORE MULTIPLE) required didn't compete with the space currently occupied by all of Jason's ping pong accessories or the industrial-grade meat slicer that he bought because he made bacon one time. There is apparently a not-very-large leap between attending a Renaissance Festival for the first time and thinking I do not get this, I do not get any of this at all and becoming a person who is like, SUPER INTO IT, maybe a little TOO INTO IT. And that leap appears to be somewhere around the purchase of 1) your second beer and 2) a flower crown. After that, you might as well go all in. (I keep getting a ton of hair compliments on IG/FB and I keep yelling that no, I do not deserve those compliments as the "hair" is a ridiculous clip-in extension that I got on Amazon for $9.99. My hair stops around my shoulders; everything past that is a lie.) (The clip-in color does admittedly match my actual hair color... Read more →


Look What You (IKE) Made Me Do

So I still haven't really figured out how to keep this blog from becoming little more than a repository for Shit I Already Done Posted On Facebook & Instagram, but a certain recent development feels like it merits a mention: Every time I think this house can't get any zooier we go and add yet another damn mammal. This one is Ike's fault, because how could we possible argue with this face and logic? Dammit, he got us. I sent the video to Jake's rescue and within an hour or two they sent me this photo: Dem paws tho A couple months ago, his owner brought him to an animal hospital in Baltimore and asked them to euthanize him. He wasn't sick, or old, or a behavior problem -- she just didn't want him anymore and felt that putting him down would be the best way to be "done" with him. The vet refused. So she left without him. He'd been living there ever since. The hospital staff all loved him, but unfortunately the clock was ticking down on their ability to keep him much longer. They were desperately trying to find him a rescue before turning him over to... Read more →


14

Noah Laughing from amalah on Vimeo. The sweet little baby who once laughed maniacally at a baby doll falling to its doom is now 14 years old. Here's his Official Birthday Portrait: Adorable!!!!! His penchant for horror movie villains aside, I couldn't be prouder of this smart, kind, gentle-hearted kid. Who loves animals and art and coming home to see freshly-baked cookies in the cookie jar. (We're both obsessed with the Reddit Murder Cookies, which are, in fact, totally killer and I've baked at least a batch a week since discovering them.) He's as tall as I am but still could use a hug after a long day and who doesn't yet completely find us to be the absolute worst. In fact, he seems to actually like us an awful lot, except when we're making him practice his saxophone. He's auditioning for Honors, Gifted & Talented AND All-State bands this year. He's not happy about it, but understands that -- sighhhh -- such is the burden of musical talent. He'd rather spend hours drafting his own ship design blueprints and building 3D versions on his computer (and then purposely sinking them, because TITANIC but also physics and reverse engineering). He's... Read more →


And the Emmy Goes To

Right. So I came here, blamed my lack of posting on my keyboard, bragged about my fabulously stable mental health and newly-restored ability to type commas...and then promptly peaced out for the rest of the week. Sorry. I accidentally watched that Back-to-School Essentials PSA video and had to go back to bed and cry for two days straight. (If you don't know what I'm talking about and are tempted to click that link...go ahead! Ruin your damn day! What do I care! Just wash all your eye makeup off first, find a nice safe corner to curl up in, and grab a pillow to muffle your sobs. Also try not to watch it while your children are literally walking out the front door to their bus stop like I did.) ANYWAY. Hair flip, check mah nails, change the goddamn subject. Today Ike starts an after-school drama program, the result of YEARS of me hinting/suggesting/pleading with him to put all of that copious ham and cheese where it belongs: THE STAGE!! (In tonight's performance, the role of Yorick's Skull will be performed by a fistful of bubbles.) The show is Elf Jr. (the Musical). And Ike is ready to play an... Read more →


The ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Saga

Whenever my blog posting frequency starts to dip, I notice a slight uptick in semi-concerned texts and emails. AMY R U OKAY R U OKAY AMY? Perfectly understandable, given the wild brain ride I've dragged everyone along on over the past...year? Two years? (I dunno, check the archives and see if you can pinpoint the exact second this blog became less "ha ha ha, let's all laugh at an exaggerated yet breezy re-telling of some dumb thing I did" and more "wow I am truly a dumb scrap of worthless jittery garbage but like...ha a aaa? ha HaAAAa? is ThIs How u d0 teh HumoR?") But I am okay! Very, very more than okay! The best I've felt in a very long time! My keyboard, on the other hand... Truly the REAL dumb scrap of worthless key-shedding garbage. The comma key fell off about...two months ago, and I kept stubbornly attaching it over and over again, only to have it pop loose again a few sentences later. So then I'd re-attach it again, but HARDER. (And since I route my text messages through Google Hangouts, this meant SEVERAL of those "hey just checking in hope all is well" texts got... Read more →


The Youths of Today

Noah saw It Chapter Two on Sunday with his dad and his best friend.* I chickened out and stayed home to surf Netflix in search of Other Soothing Shows with People Being Nice to Each Other Over Low-Stakes Things. (Now that Netflix has chosen to torture me on a deeply personal level by limiting my GBBO habit to one measly new episode a WEEK, like WHAT IS THIS, the dark ages? 2007?) Anyway, they had a blast. Much junk food and jump scares were enjoyed by all. Noah's review is that it's very good, pretty true to the book, kinda long but that's fine because he WAITED a long time for it, and not as scary as the first one. He really, really likes Bill Hader now, so I've spent the week compiling a best of Stefon playlist to watch with him this weekend. (No, I will def not let him watch Barry but you def should, I command it.) Here's something I was not expecting: Parenting a teenager is actually a lot of fun. And to think I was so scared of them, especially the ones in packs. But instead, it's awesome. You get to finally like a lot... Read more →


Here We Go Again

Ages and ages ago, Ezra was formally diagnosed with ADD. His teachers all reported a lot of trouble with his attention and focus at school, and after a lot of back and forth and assessments and whatnot, we decided to go ahead and give medication a try. (Noah has severe ADHD so it wasn't our first medication rodeo.) Sure enough, after a month or so, the teacher reports and assessment forms all indicated marked and noticeable improvement. It worked! And then I found a couple pills in his pants pockets. And then I found the rest in the bottom of his laundry hamper. He'd never figured out how to swallow them, didn't want to admit that he couldn't swallow them, and thus, never took a single dose. We dropped the entire topic after that. I never told his teacher anything changed, and she never brought up any attention-related concerns again. In the years since, though, hoooooooooooo-boy. The placebo effect has NOT carried over at all. Every teacher and coach and camp counselor has the same report: Ezra is very smart and talented but struggles to pay attention. Ezra requires constant reminders to stay focused on what he's doing. We saw... Read more →


It's Happening

I currently have about a half-dozen questions of the Baby Sleep, How To Fix It, Oh God I'm So Tired variety in the Advice Smackdown queue.* And yet there is nobody around to tell me how I'm supposed to sleep with this bloody thing still moving around my house. They've more or less tired of the Jump Scare Game (though I've yet to let my guard down any time I open a door or turn a corner, which is a LOT of work in this ridiculously door- and twisty-corner-laden house), but I'm forbidden from getting rid of the clown until after Halloween, because they apparently have Plans. (Plans to get us dis-invited from every nice family neighborhood get-together, I'm assuming.) I finally shoved it (sorry, capital "It," can't disrespect a proper noun) out in our garage, facing a shelf in a well-lit area so my brain clearly registers it as a large piece of harmless cardboard vs. the hulking shape of death propped ominously in a far dark corner. (Which: Tried that. I died. The End.) Also, the door blocks it more or less entirely on your way out. Unfortunately, I didn't think about the other angle until I pulled... Read more →