Up For Air

Hiiiiiii. How are you? I've been okay! Okay. Well, that's probably a flat-out lie, or at least a wild exaggeration. It's actually been a rough couple weeks. Everything's fine, of course. I've just been...kinda sad again, and overwhelmed by...everything, again. Kids have camp drop-off at 8:30? Gonna squeeze in at least three vivid anxiety dreams about fucking it up between the hours of 1 and 5:30 a.m. Conference call at 10 a.m.? Better start worrying about Skype not working by 9, triple check the meeting invite around 9:30, start staring at clock at 9:45, then contemplate various imaginary reasons for missing it altogether at 9:59. Two whole text messages from two whole separate people? Better just ignore those for awhile (because they COULD just be saying hi but they ALSO COULD be full of bad and terrible news and/or calling me a bad and terrible friend). Can later just pretend my phone broke, or something. (SPOILER ALERT: they were just saying hi.) Things have regulated back out this week, I'm happy (what a word!) to report. I've made the jump between "getting through the day with the bare minimum of necessary executive functioning to survive" and like, "being a normal... Read more →


Never Give Up, Never Surrender

Ike, on the other hand, did qualify for summer school given his status as a Kid Who Can't Read Good. He's been making slow but steady progress and the last thing he needs is a good ol' fashioned lazy summer backslide. So he'll be spending half days in July at what we're all calling IKE'S SUPER-FUN SUMMER READING CAMP FOR READERS THAT IS NOT SCHOOL OH NO NOT SCHOOL AT ALL. He still gets very overwhelmed when faced with too many words on a page and defaults to memorization and a lot of guessing. Although he's a pretty good at both, since those strategies managed to get him through several years of school without anyone* noticing his disability. But with a reminder to take his time (and a deep breath), he can do it. He can read it. His writing actually resembles words now, rather than just a long string of random vowels sandwiched between the beginning/ending sounds. He made Jason a little book for Father's Day, and only had to translate one page. ("It's you and me, Dad," he explained, pointing to two stick figures who sort of resembled The Scream. "And we're going AHHHHHHH WE'RE TRAPPED IN A... Read more →


We're (Back) on a Boat

In honor of summer vacation, the boys unanimously voted for a return voyage on the Spirit of Baltimore, this time in BETTER WEATHER so they could stay OUTSIDE on the TOP DECK and also SEE THINGS. Not an unreasonable request, since yeah, we went in December on a freezing cold rainy/foggy day, and it definitely impaired our views of the murky green water and breathtaking Baltimore industrial areas. But my own snark aside, they love this stuff so much that I can't help absorbing their excitement. WE'RE ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKERS. A "real" cruise ship passed us by at one point and it was a very OMG WTF BBQ ELEVENTY!!ONE!! moment for them. These big-ass games were also pretty cool. (Though this one was decidedly less cool once it fell over right on your lap and several pieces slammed into your toes.) But NOTHING (not even the buffet! which had pasta and fruit and cake!!) was more exciting than being invited to steer the ship and hang out with the captain. Also, this: But what was probably the best part for me (I mean, besides the buffet, because obviously) was watching Noah take photos of everything and text them to... Read more →


Celebrate Weird Times C'Mon

Some photos from this morning, in honor of the! Last! Day! Of! SCHOOL!! Ezra's class was instructed to wear something "tropical," hence the choice of shorts. I tried to casually suggest a different shirt and was promptly shut down, because he knows the plaid and pattern mix is "a lot of look" and THAT'S WHY HE LIKES IT. Last night the kids were all Christmas Eve-levels of excited, with all of them rushing to put themselves to bed early so today would come faster. This resulted in most of them being wide awake and massively distressed at 2 a.m., and Ike somehow slicing his foot open and having zero memory of how he managed it. I actually thought we might end up in the ER over it, but luckily it turns out the area right between your toes is just kind of dramatically bleed-y, like toddler mouths and foreheads. He's fine! And I bet his feet have never been cleaner. SPEAKING OF FEET. AND ADOPTABLE DOGS. (And yes, I posted that last photo on IG/FB already and nobody could figure out Ike's sleeping/leg arrangement. I can offer you no additional help or insights; the kid just falls dead asleep on... Read more →


Of Growth and Change and Razors

This post is sponsored by Dollar Shave Club. A long time ago, in an office job far, far away, my coworkers and I were talking about shaving. (Why were we talking about shaving in the office? No idea. Boundaries, I clearly never knew ye.) We were in general agreement over the general crappiness/annoyingness of razors specifically marketed FOR HER!! BECAUSE PINK!!! and we'd all adopted our husbands/boyfriends' razor brand/style at some point and found them to be much better. Then someone complained that her favorite shaving cream had recently been discontinued and asked if we had any recommendations. When it was my turn, I shrugged and said I never bothered with it. I just got my skin wet in the shower and ran the razor over it. Sometimes I didn't even bother to do that! A little water on the blade and then just go at it! I might as well have scraped all 10 of my fingernails across a chalkboard -- the collective reaction of visceral horror on behalf of my poor skin was that strong. I was suddenly distinctly aware that I was possibly failing at proper adult lady-ing, especially since at this point I was already using... Read more →


Pride & Ham

It's the last week of school here; or more accurately, "school," because it's all free time and movies and water balloons from here until Friday. Soon I'll be the mother of third, fifth and eighth grade children. One of whom is going to be officially taller than me in about five minutes. (Maybe even sooner if my hair keeps deflating in the humidity like that.) Nothing like a little Baltimore sidewalk pizza, amirite? This is the finish line of the annual Baltimore Pride High Heel Race, which you will be SHOCKED to hear I did not enter. Just watching it was the most terrifying 30-plus seconds of my life, as all the various ankle/knee/elbow/face/butt injuries I've accrued over the years flashed before my eyes. (I wore sensible flats aka combat boots.) (Someone pls buy me this shirt.) Ike's been wearing those necklaces and various lanyards everywhere since Saturday; please note that I at least removed the condoms from several of them before he went to school this morning. Jason and Ezra had to leave the festivities a little early to attend sushi-making class. Ezra only ended up eating about three pieces of actual sushi, because he ate every single leftover... Read more →


Five Things, Only Two of Which Are About My Pets

FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: Jake! Is doing absolutely amazing! And available for adoption! He's officially the calmest and best-behaved animal in my entire house, so you're getting a great deal there. I will miss his super-happy-to-see-you-OMG-butt-wiggles!!! greeting every morning so much. He's such a loving, gentle creature and I am beyond honored to have played a small part in giving him the loving, pampered life he totally deserves. SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS: This door. Which apparently sucks. It's Ezra's. This is absolutely SCANDALOUS language for Ezra, so you know he means it. He's referring to the fact that once upon a time, Ike enjoyed locking doorknobs before leaving rooms, resulting in several hopelessly locked-from-the-inside doors that required the whole-ass removal of the doorknob. Several of these doorknobs were then re-installed by Me, and thus no longer quiiiiiiite right, because obviously. His door can now be opened even when it's locked, if someone (IKE) pushes on it hard enough. He just wants a #*@%ing properly installed doorknob, god#&*@it. THIRD ORDER OF BUSINESS: If you haven't taken advantage of the AMALAH30 offer at thredUP yet, they've actually extended the offer so you still can! Go buy something. Treat yo self. FOURTH ORDER... Read more →


Like a Bird

For Ike's birthday, we booked a pirate-themed tour of the glistening green sludge better known as Baltimore's Inner Harbor. It combined everybody's favorite things: Costumes, boats, water cannons, and birthday parties that don't involve cleaning my house. It also involved pirate-themed temporary tattoos. I chose an appropriate skull-and-crossbones design while the girl applying the tattoos raved enviously about my oh you thought we were all overreacting didn'tcha Nolite te Bastardes tattoo. Then I pushed my sleeve up to my bicep and she spotted the semicolon. "Oh!" she said quietly. "Oh!" I said awkwardly. "That's...yeah." "Me too." We stared at each other in choked up silence for a minute before murmuring our respective whens and how long agos and she wiped my arm and pressed the tattoo down. "We're so glad you're here today." "Me too." The first questions that fall out of people's mouths after you do Something Like That are usually along the lines of how could you and what were you thinking and don't you know that _____ (fill in the blank some variation on your worth/value/love/rich full life with so much to live for/etc.). At the time I tried to answer all those questions, albeit with wholly... Read more →