Last night FOX 5 News uncovered the biggest holiday scandal to hit the DC area since somebody found bags of undelivered White House Christmas cards in a dumpster. Nay, I would go as far as to say there has never been a story of this magnitude. Get ready to be blown away by this spectacular feat of journalism.
(Are you ready?)
Item! People get sick after the holidays because of all the hugging at big family get-togethers.
Dun da DUN!!
I've been fighting a cold since Friday since I refused to let it ruin my New York birthday weekend, but today it won. Thank the Lord for FOX 5 News because now I can properly blame it on my family and their voracious holiday need to hug. Bastards.
FOX 5 News? You're idiots. Shut up.