Look! An update! Update! Update! Update!

So I am happy to report that I am not dead, maimed, depressed, on hiatus, kidnapped or eaten by zombies. I did have a killer attack of writer's block though, followed up with a secondary infection of work. Work work work. Because believe it or not, I'm vaguely important at work and many important tasks depend on me. Like whining about things and the occasional memo.

I wanted to update today, and even started writing an entry when the power went out. (And because that entry is lost forever? It was probably the funniest and most brilliant entry ever, never to be repeated.) But for real, I mean the power went OUT. Total blackness. Turns out some drunk construction worker drove a tractor into a transponder/transformer/transexual or something and knocked out the entire power grid. Poof.

So we all waited around for awhile. I retrieved my soup from the microwave and tried to think of non-electrical ways to heat it up. I discussed last Sunday's whacking on the Sopranos. (Verdict: sad!) I texted some peeps I know. I carried out my recycling and inventoried my pens by the light of my cellphone. Finally it started to get hella hot so they sent us all home.

(I told TiVo to record Young Frankenstein, and I have ended up with two hours of infomercials. And not even good ones, like Proactiv. Stupid ones, like Body By Jake. That guy is creeeeeepy.)

So now I'm at home, although I seriously did more work at home this afternoon than like, ever. I'm all diligent and stuff.

(Reno 911 is coming back. I'm so happy.)

So what else has happened since Friday? Hmm. I recovered from a killer hangover in time to go to a friend's surprise 30th birthday, which was awesome, because he proposed to his girlfriend in front of everybody and it was just all so awwww and nice and sweet. And then we all went out dancing until 2 in the morning. And congratulations for Mike and Jen. Yay!

(28 Days Later is FUCKING SCARY. Bloody zombies and machetes and such. I won't be able to sleep as long as that movie is in my TiVo menu. Delete!)

One not-awesome thing about the surprise party was a pregnant woman who SMOKED and DRANK throughout the whole thing. And I mean pregnant. And I mean smoked. Apparently, she did the same throughout her first two (two!) pregnancies and those kids turned out all right, so what's the big fucking deal, bitch?

I don't believe I have ever fantasized about bitchslapping a woman (a pregnant woman, no less) so hard and so often. Dear Jesus, please explain that one to me because really. Really. Grr.

Anyway. We also bought a new couch this weekend! Look at us, buying furniture! Like grown-ups do sometimes! Here's our pretty new couch, which will be born next Wednesday. I am not planning on natural couchbirth; I have hired a surrogate to deliver it.

Oy. I want to bitchslap MYSELF after that awful metaphor. That's exactly why I haven't been posting. But the next time I got three or four days without updating? There's no need to worry. Jason has my username and password and strict instructions to immediately notify the Internet in the event of my death.