Haiku Smackdown VIII: 'Kuing On Da Bayou
May 06, 2004
Haiku for White Trash!
And for each 'ku we write, an
Olsen Twin gets fed.
There's a bit of a theme this week, except for the very last picture, which I simply had to include because it's the scariest thing I've ever seen (and thank you very much Buzz). Yes, even scarier than the lady with the cup in her cleavage. Yes, scarier than back-hair man. Yes, I find the Olsen twins THAT FUCKING SCARY.
If you like the '3,'
you should see my landing strip!
Love my wax lady.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:19 AM
I was born this way.
The midwife screamed; my mother
drank the cold brewski.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:21 AM
The Barbie twins got
nothin' on us. We are still
young and oh so hot.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:22 AM
I know we're getting
a star on the boulevard;
but I must touch you.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:28 AM
Calista Flockhart,
Paris Hilton--in your face!
We're nouveau scrawny.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:28 AM
Do you remember
when the cup wouldn't stay? We
were oh so hot then.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:29 AM
Do you think that the
tattoo was the beginning
of the end for us?
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:31 AM
Botox at eighteen?
Why not? While you're at it, yo,
liposuct my brain.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:31 AM
Don't try to steal lock.
This heavy car should deter
Padlock thieves galore.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:34 AM
Don't you see my crown?
I'm the Burger Queen, dumb-ass.
Hands off the beer, yo.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:36 AM
I think my idea
of wearing shorts over my
bathing suit is brill!
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:38 AM
oh please forgive me.
Use of 'galore' in a 'ku--
capital offense.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:39 AM
This way, no one will
ever guess that I am not
still a slim size six.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:39 AM
Was up in the night
IMing with Cyn, when it
hit me: it's Thursday!!!
Erm, Cyn, honey doll?
Must answer the call of the
'ku. I still love you.
It's ok honey
you got to Ku what you got
to KU. (Thank you Cyn!)
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:40 AM
Omg, Jilbur.
If I'd been drinking something,
my screen would be wet.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:43 AM
STEAL THIS LOCK! Wasn't
that some kind of bestseller?
Who knows? I'm a hick.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:44 AM
The Olsen twins on
a break at home sans makeup.
It's nice to relax.
Those girdles give them
wedgies, and the Manolos!
Don't get me started.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:45 AM
Mindy needs some sleep,
but 'ku is a demanding
dom, and she's a slave.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:45 AM
Yep, they gave me both!
Off to a nearby motel
now that they're eighteen.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 06:47 AM
I actually
did spray the screen that time. *wipes
screen with jammie sleeve*
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 06:58 AM
Typing in the night
means leaning close to screen. Hence
the spray. It's a curse.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:00 AM
Ashley and Mary
Kay undergo the old Show
Biz Rite of Passage.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:09 AM
Chicks with asses, yo,
Anorexic bitches rule.
Who needs a tampon?
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 07:09 AM
Five bucks says that chick's
not watching the rally, she's
eating some nachos.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:10 AM
Tampon virgin, me?
Not on your sweet life, my friend.
Super-Plus all the way!
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 07:11 AM
Did everyone 'get'
The amenorrhea joke?
Maybe it's too much.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 07:13 AM
I did just NOW. Thanks
for the clarification.
It's funny. Really.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:14 AM
I've got these twins y'all
now I've got a smile
cause I'm hard like a rock,yo
Posted by: Cyn | May 06, 2004 at 07:15 AM
I give you Jilbur:
she worked "amenorrhea"
into a 'ku. Brill!
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:19 AM
"Amenorrhea"
and "tampon"--are they at odds?
Should be fun to watch!!!
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:20 AM
OK, back to bed.
Have to go in late today;
hence the 'ku frontload.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:21 AM
I just realized
that my web address has been
wrong all this time. Snap!
In my lusty vows
for Amy, I cached me a
typo. What a sap.
Anyone who tried
to visit me for the last
three weeks: S.O.L.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | May 06, 2004 at 07:29 AM
I choked up green tea
After finding the meaning
Of 'amenorrhea' *blush*
Posted by: Chrissy | May 06, 2004 at 07:37 AM
The first two members
Of the Lara Flynn Boyle
Fan club, pose for shot
Posted by: Olqiuig | May 06, 2004 at 07:41 AM
These babies can hold
a cup. But you should see what
mom does with a keg.
Posted by: Chris | May 06, 2004 at 07:43 AM
Queen of the Boobage
Uses Royal tits to keep
Royal beer upright.
Posted by: Olquig | May 06, 2004 at 07:43 AM
You know Fran, this was
a REALLY was a bad idea hon.
Now, boobs numb, pants hot.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 07:45 AM
I take my real big
Super important English
AP Lit test soon
I must use big words
Like 'verisimilitude'
Whatever that means
Now it's time to go
And write bullshitted essays
Starts in half hour.. FUCK!
Shit, my ride is here
So wish me luck, s'il vous plait
Wait! That's not English...
Posted by: Chrissy | May 06, 2004 at 07:45 AM
Pssst, yo Mary Kate
I so have to pee right now
Just squat here sister.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 07:51 AM
Hairy Nascar Man
Proudly displays his IQ
I think he cheated
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 07:53 AM
My alarm system
is my kid sister screaming
her ass off at you.
Posted by: Chris | May 06, 2004 at 07:53 AM
Here I was driving
and saw a mini van, yo
mirrored windows suck.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 07:56 AM
If we crouch down low
the wind wont blow us away
'cos we weigh three pounds.
Posted by: Chris | May 06, 2004 at 07:56 AM
These Olsen Sisters
will never appreciate
Judith Light - she rocks.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 07:58 AM
Mary Kate and Ash
suggest threesome with Robert.
"You talkin' to me?"
Posted by: Chris | May 06, 2004 at 08:02 AM
Jim decides that this
Is perfect mobile unit
For defense of bombs
Posted by: Oliquig | May 06, 2004 at 08:11 AM
Think Bob's back hair is
out of control? You shoud see
his wife, Betty-Sue's.
Posted by: Chris | May 06, 2004 at 08:18 AM
one tampon 'ku sucked.
Who'd I think I was fooling?
I can't count to five.
Posted by: jilbur DOH | May 06, 2004 at 08:27 AM
Not eighteen until
June 13--mea culpa!
Statutory rape.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 08:31 AM
New at Burger King
- make your own coffee table-
birthday party - Yay!
Posted by: Sweety | May 06, 2004 at 08:51 AM
New! Back hair shampoo.
For daily use. L'Oréal;
Because You're Worth It
Posted by: Sweety | May 06, 2004 at 09:01 AM
We pout, we squat; we
ho it up--we're twins, beeyotch!
Coors Light, anyone?
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 09:08 AM
I believe they ate
the Olson twin whopper. With
extra meat ofcourse.
Posted by: Sweety | May 06, 2004 at 09:14 AM
Jilbur my new love
your kus leave me gasping *gasp*
Side hurts from laughing.
Posted by: lizardek | May 06, 2004 at 09:15 AM
Help! the straw--pointing
away from me--have mercy.
I can't bear the thirst.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 09:16 AM
Hey poser fat chick!
You are not pretty Amy
Queen of Everything
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 09:17 AM
Breaking Nascar News!
Famous clone sheep Dolly was
spotted in the crowd.
Posted by: Sweety | May 06, 2004 at 09:20 AM
New on the White Trash
Network: Trading Mobile Homes
From West Virginia.
Posted by: Chris | May 06, 2004 at 09:21 AM
Hey look, it's Mindy
and Amalah in 10 years.
"Where the fucks my beer?"
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 09:24 AM
I am King Three, yo.
From my lofty post, Monster
Trucks perform for me.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 09:24 AM
I'm really sorry,
I couldn't help that last one.
please forgive me, yo.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 09:25 AM
I don't understand
how that car alarm works on
that chain and padlock.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 09:26 AM
What am I to you?
A hirsute back, minus '3.'
(Norah Jones tribute)
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 09:27 AM
Hairy dude grabs arms
"Dude is it cold in here or
is it just me?" Yo.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 09:28 AM
It ain't fancy but
this is mah vee-hickle so
keep out you varmint!
Posted by: Chris | May 06, 2004 at 09:31 AM
What feels stranger? The
Beer in my cleavage, or the
Snickers I sat on
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 09:38 AM
Yo, white trash news flash:
Camper duct taped to old truck?
Really bad idea.
Posted by: Lee | May 06, 2004 at 09:38 AM
Lee dissed my duct tape.
Or is it duck tape? Whatev.
I'll kill the bastard.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 09:40 AM
DeNiro? What the
Fuck? This ain't Raging Bull. Feed
Those skinny bitches.
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 09:41 AM
What is scary is
The fact that someone else had
To shave that three in.
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 09:43 AM
De Niro grins. What's
Better than buy one get one
Night? Nothing, that's what.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 09:44 AM
You can't see it but,
The trunk is held shut by a
Bunch of twisty ties.
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 09:45 AM
Olson Twin’s new flick;
“The see-through twin” sponsored by
Extreme Weight Watchers
Posted by: Sweety | May 06, 2004 at 09:46 AM
Mary Kate and Ash
Yo you look just like that girl
Brittany Murphy
Posted by: Suzanna Danna | May 06, 2004 at 09:46 AM
Mobile homes and a
Flatbed truck, it's the best of
Both worlds, white trash rules.
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 09:47 AM
Where did you get that
Picture of me in my crown
Before "The Swan" yo.
Posted by: Suzanna Danna | May 06, 2004 at 09:48 AM
Come "Sunday Sunday
Sunday!" you know where to find
My hairy-ass back.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 09:49 AM
They done stole mah lock
And busted my back winder.
Ain’t that the same car?
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 09:49 AM
Nair reconsiders
its newest hair removal
ad campaign for men.
Posted by: Oliquig | May 06, 2004 at 09:50 AM
Call Jeff Foxworthy.
Dude, we got material
should last you ten years.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 09:56 AM
Nothing says class like
A Solo cup jammed down in
Your boob area.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 10:00 AM
Once, I thought I met
An Olsen, turns out it was
only a cornstalk
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 10:00 AM
Did you notice the
Lady in blue looks mad? That’s
HER cup and crown, yo.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 10:01 AM
Y'all, if I don't pass
my finals I'll be living
in that there trailer.
Posted by: Amalah | May 06, 2004 at 10:05 AM
They actually
Like the thirteen car, but she
Won't take off her shirt
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 10:05 AM
Woman in blue suit
makes pouty face because her
cleavage don't hold cups.
Posted by: Amalah | May 06, 2004 at 10:07 AM
Don't worry about
The paper Amy, just put
a beer in your boobs
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 10:08 AM
Oh, what dark days are
These? The throne of the Kingdom
Of Burger is lost
Queen BeerInMyBoobs
Rules with an iron fist, none
Shall escape her wrath
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 10:09 AM
We waste so much time
with education--just look:
You could have this car!
So leave the books behind
and concentrate instead on
what counts: Bondo skills.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 10:11 AM
Some little birdie
has a very nice nest now
of cushy back hair.
Posted by: Amalah | May 06, 2004 at 10:17 AM
Taped-up windows stop
road rage as you can't see who's
all up on yo' grill.
Posted by: Amalah | May 06, 2004 at 10:18 AM
Man, this dude is old
but mom says, if do him
we'll be all grown up!
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 10:20 AM
DeNiro, Olsen
It is the best of both worlds
Talented, and not
Posted by: Stu | May 06, 2004 at 10:20 AM
ummm, let me fix that typo:
Man, this dude is old ...
but mom says, if we do him,
we'll be all grown up!
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 10:22 AM
We don't care that you've
got different hair colors:
You just get one star.
Posted by: Amalah | May 06, 2004 at 10:26 AM
Stop tailing me, jerk.
Mah winder done busted an'
I'll bust yo' ass too.
Posted by: Amalah | May 06, 2004 at 10:35 AM
Early each day on
The streets of L.A., a crowd
Of horny men gawks.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 10:50 AM
Waiting for Olsens
Too thin to stand on their feet,
And the film they’ll hawk.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 10:55 AM
Come feed the girls, show
Them you care. Just look at their
Ribs and their hair. Gawd.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 06, 2004 at 10:59 AM
Perfect tea sandwich:
two slices skinny white bread
one slice smokin' ham.
Posted by: jilbur | May 06, 2004 at 11:18 AM