About Last Night
Error: Memory Overload, Begin Nonsensical Ramblings Now

The Not-Calm Before the Storm

Needless to say, I’ve been busy lately. And I mean busy as in bizzay. (Unless that only refers to busy as in gettin' bizzay. Because that? Not so much.)

Ever since the horrific crapulence of Wednesday night, I've been a wee chicken running around with my damn head cut off. (Dude, the spell-checker totally says crapulence is a word. Is it? Heh.)

Papers, studying, work…I won’t bore you with the details. Instead, I’ll bore y’all with a list! Yay for lists! Yay for no transitions or narrative cohesiveness! Yay for you shutting up about it!

1) I got the paper done. Or, as I like to put it, I made that slut paper my bitch. Which is how I’ve put it to quite a few people, none of whom found it as amusing as me. But I don’t care. Slut paper. Was made. My bitch.

2) The paper probably sucks. But I really don’t care. (Okay, yes. Yes I do care. Because I am a huge nerd who gets beyond worked up over grades. I get hives at the prospect of a B-. Which is really sad, because at 26 years old with a good job that really doesn’t care about my GPA; I should be able to let that 3.7689 or whatever slide a bit without the aforementioned hives. But I cannot. CANNOT!)

3) Every time I made an appearance at yesterday’s (hugely successful and wildly hilarious) Haiku Smackdown, it was because I was staving off a panic attack or an outbreak of hives or simply a murderous rampage. And let me testify to the healing, soothing and centering power of a good haiku. We need to bottle this shit. We’ll make a frigging fortune.

4) I do not know how to spell piece. There. Word just fixed it for me. I always type peice because I am convinced it is one of the i before e exceptions, even though it’s not after c. It’s before c, so therefore…I’m an idiot. Perhaps this post will help me spell it correctly from now on. But it probably won’t because even if I type piece, I’m so used to being wrong that I’ll just switch it back to peice and applaud myself for going against my instincts.

5) My COMM 400 (Communication & the Law, in case you were wondering, which you weren't) professor posted the final exam review, and it sounds like it will be open book. This goes against everything I’ve heard all semester about the final exam, so I’m confused. And I don’t necessarily believe open-book exams are a good thing, especially when there’s a time limit. And I’m also worried that I’m going to show up at the proctored exam site and they’ll be all, "Suuuuure your professor said your exam is open book. Did she also tell you we’d be providing punch and pie while you work on it?"

6) I just realized that I have nothing identifying me as a University of Maryland student. They were supposed to send me an ID card this semester and never did. So what if they don’t let me into my exam site? And just how evil do I think these "they" people really are?

7) Even though I was supposed to study last night, I still watched Survivor and the Friends finale. Because I may be stressed and overworked but goddamn, I am an American and I do not miss my television programs.

8) I haven't watched a new episode of Friends since Survivor moved to the same time slot, and I have a hard time telling all the reruns apart. But when the hell did Jennifer Aniston get those bangs? I have bangs, my friends have bangs, but Jennifer Aniston should not have bangs. Nose size issues I think. Also the whole "Whoops! It's twins!" thing? Please. I repeat: Pleeeeeeaaaase. With extra sarcasm on top.

9) I feel compelled to have 10 things on this list, but I cannot think of something to go here. So let me just say that I’m having a good hair day today, am wearing boots that I could kill you with, and I went to Target over lunch with Sprocketeer. Who is wise and said, "Does Target sell anything that you don’t want?" No. No it does not. I want everything in that store, even the stuff that I don’t really want. When I’m there, I want it. When we do figure out how to bottle the Essence de Haiku? We should totally sell it at Target.

10) I have to go to Vegas next week for a trade show. Poor, poor me. And hopefully rich, rich me. And hopefully Jason will buy me a new laptop as a graduation present so I can take it with me. Because otherwise? This site will pretty much be a ghost town until May 17th. If I do get a shiny new laptop, however, I can pretty much guarantee quite a few drunken posts. So Jason! Buy Amy a laptop! Amalah.com readers are depending on you! Don’t let them down!

Exams start at 9 a.m. tomorrow. Egad. Wish me hive-free luck and expensive graduation gifts.



Fingers and toes crossed for your exams tomorrow. Before you hop the plane to Vegas let us know how they turned out! And put $5 on black and/18 for me and play it out for a little while. You know I'm good for it.


I happen to find the fact that you made that paper your slut bitch absolutely hilarious.


Also, you will be in Vegas for the Preakness, put some money on Smarty Jones. It's a lock.

Fraulein N

Lots of luck!

Oh, and making the slut paper your bitch? Very funny. It's a good feeling, too, ain't it?


Good luck girl - I took the hives route in college too - WOO. Also? I love Target. I want all those little spring-ware dish sets they have out now. AND I want ALL the "swell" linens designed for, like 13 year old girls. With the silver pillows? TOO CUTE. Anywho...Good luck. Yeah - thats my point.


Way to make that slut paper your bitch! That's my girl! (Also, hysterical. And what we used to say about our slut papers, finals, projects, what have you in college.)

Yeah, the Jennifer Aniston bangs DO make her nose look big. I didn't really notice it, but looking back? Yeah. Bad move. Leave the bangs to the hot chicks with the cute noses, Jen.

Also, note to Jason: please please please get Amy a laptop. She'll be gone! For a week! I don't know if I'll make it that long! Pretty please with sugar on top?


They didn't send you an ID cause you OWN that school-- just like the Queen of England doesn't have a passport. You'll have those exams on their knees begging for mercy--- and off to Vegas to celebrate! Sending you huge congratulatory wishes!

New Jan Brady

Good luck!


Could we last until May 17? Probably not entirely joyfully. Who will do the advice column in your necessary absence? I have an important question pending. About money, if you nosy people must know.

But wait...you're a college girl in Vegas for a week on spring break and they sell LIQUOR there? Moderation in all things, they say. At least let the hotel know that you may be keeping ... odd hours.

Left Behind in D.C.


ok....now I can't get that song "She bangs" out of my head, and not the "good funny" version. I guess if I picture Jennfier Aniston singing it, it's kinda funny. Thanks.

ms. dictionary

1. Sickness caused by excessive eating or drinking.
2. Excessive indulgence; intemperance.


Ah...Vegas...that just really sucks. I feel so bad for you. *Note sarcasm* Check out the Bellagio...very cool!


good luck! relax .. i totally know that you will do better than you think you will.. you always do..something which i'm totally jealous of! heehee.. and drinks post exam.. just stay focused on that and you'll be fine.


Luck, pretty. Call me when you get drunk after your finals.


Totally off subject but in case no one else sent you this yet, I am forced to be the one to make your day: Olson Twins Toothpaste


I hope you made those slut exams your bitches!

feisty girl

SO much good luck on your exams Miss Amy!!! I will be sending good vibes your way, as I think anyone that can make a slut paper their bitch, deserves good things.

Also, I believe that you should have treats when taking exams. It's only fair. ;)



Also, did you knwo that amalah dot com is NOT the same as www amalah dot come/ Its' really not, drop the e on the end of that I'm too tired to take it fffo my self dammit.


i didn't know there was a 'communications and the law' class here!

goddamnit, i was SURE i took every '______ & the law' class there was.

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