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May 2004
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July 2004

Ask Amalah Redux

Back by popular demand, it's the Wednesday Advice Smackdown! (And by "popular demand" I mean Lee asked for it. Three times. It could have been a comment malfunction but I'm choosing to believe he really and truly wanted an advice column today more than anything else on earth. And I deliver!) But y'all are slacking on the questions. I can only ask myself questions so many times before I start looking kind of crazy. I mean, more kind of crazy. So here's the thing: Moments ago, I opened up a brand-new email account. A Google Gmail account, which is so, so cool because you have to be INVITED to open one. Or something. But that's totally elitist enough for me. So I'm asking y'all to help me christen and sully my beautiful virgin account. Send questions to amalah @ gmail . com. Bonus points to the first question I receive. (Disclaimer: Bonus points have no cash value and cannot be redeemed for anything at all.) And now! To the advice! Hurry! Dear Amy, My younger brother, he's ten, has been trying to convince me to show him how to make a potato(e?) gun. As I am twelve years his senior,... Read more →

Six Degrees of Updatieness

1) I'm back. 2) Dad is doing well. He was discharged from the hospital this afternoon after his blood pressure returned to normal and is home. We made hamburgers. And came up with cover stories for the crazy-ass wound on his head. Knife-fight in Mexican bar. Rollerblading. Home-run ball from the Phillies. Frying pan from crazy wife. 3) My mom is doing well too. We took her out for dinner last night and then crawled around the carpet with Oxy-Clean and damp sponges cleaning up bloodstains. And debated what a Luminol spray-down would reveal and who would go to jail for it. So pretty much a typical Corbett-family gathering. 4) We also tried recreating my dad's fall and could not, for the love of life or physics, figure out how he ended up with the crazy-ass wound. We think he hit the doorknob and fell so fast he beat the blood to the floor, so to speak, as the bloodstains did not match any hypothesis we could concoct. There was much fake-falling and fake-lying-around-on-the-floor and fake-vacuuming. Also faily typical of Corbett family get-togethers. 5) Ben Affleck was in the hospital on J-Lo's wedding day because of chronic bronchitis. Blah. I... Read more →

Well Then

My dad collapsed this morning while vacuuming. He hit his head on a door and cracked it open. He's on blood thinners for his heart so they still have not gotten the bleeding under control. A trauma surgeon has been called in. That's all I know. I'm three hours away. I'm freaked out. I'm trying to look busy. My mom wants to wait until we know more before I leave to go up there. For anyone else, this wouldn't be such a mind-bogglingly terrifying injury, but my dad's been through a hell of a lot. So maybe for him, this shouldn't be so terrifying, because he is one amazingly strong man who has fought through worse. But I'm still terrified. Update: He's stable now, and awake. He hit and punctured an artery when he fell. But it should be all stitched up and under control. He lost a lot of blood so I guess they'll need to give him some. And figure out why he collapsed. Or something. I'm very tired. I've decided to head to Pennsylvania tonight, just after I finish some work stuff up. Jason's coming too, because he's awesome like that. Also coming with me: the goody... Read more →

Random Bits of Random Absurdity and Random Randomness

In only a vague particular order: A D.C. cab idling outside my building for 20 minutes this morning. The cab driver standing next to the cab, holding the back door open, waiting. Waiting. D.C. cab drivers don't hold doors open. And they don't wait around for 20 minutes for damn near nobody. I watched this all from my bathroom window while I got ready and tried to make a mental note of the time and descriptions of the driver and the cab in case the police stopped by tonight to investigate a missing person. A woman crossing my street, stopping to pick something up from the ground. I figured it was a coin or maybe an earring. As I drove by I saw that she had a cicada delicately perched on her finger. She crossed the street and set it gently down on the grass. A pair of rogue mattresses, strewn across the center lane of the highway. Traffic everywhere swerving to avoid the deadly obstruction. A Hummer swerving to avoid the mattresses. A Hummer. Afraid to drive over a mattress. A driver, missing his one shot to actually navigate the treacherous urban terrain his fucking montrosity was built for.... Read more →

The JournalCon Pimping Post

You know, I’ve been feeling especially loavy-doavy towards my readers lately. Y’all are a wacky bunch, really. And I regard a lot of you as my friends. It doesn’t matter that we’ve never met, or that we only know each other through IM or email or both. Welcome to the New Friendly Internet. Population: more people that you probably realized. In the eight months since I started this journal, I’ve gained a posse, a support group, a community, and this one thing that defies explanation. Not to mention dozens of partners in crime and slacking and several friend-crushes. I have met just one of these people in real life, but that doesn’t mean I feel like I know any of you any less. But still…I want to meet the rest of you. Share a drink and party and do drunk karaoke and maybe a pillow fight? Or a slow dance? Wouldn’t that rock? Well, come to JournalCon then, you fucking bunch of losers. (Sorry, was just getting a little too mushy there.) JournalCon is August 20-22, right here in Washington, DC at the rocktastically groovalicious Hotel Helix. I’ll be there. The Judith Light Brigade will be there. All the cool... Read more →

Yesterday (Start Humming, Bitches)

Yesterday was a very fine day. I got to stay home for the delivery of the couch (the blessed miracle of furniture) and then went downtown for an awards luncheon. Because I am once again, an award-winning editor. Honorable Mention this time, as opposed to Second Place last year, but at least I wasn’t beaten by that damn Canadian newspaper again. (Newspaper! In a newsletter journalism contest! Boo! I still have not let it go. Perhaps I should.) The luncheon was fine, except for the luncheon part. This goddamn Atkins shit has got to END, people. If I’m showing up at a gorgeous hotel to receive an award, I want some honest-to-god food. Instead, we got one ladle of bean soup, one scoop of chicken salad, one scoop of tuna salad, one-half tomato and a pile of cucumbers. And no bread or crackers for the salads, which were both so gross and so indeterminable that my whole table sounded like a chorus of Jessica Simpsons. I’m still not sure which one was which. I did enjoy the mug of crème brulee, however. I was in sugar shock all day. Buzz buzz! And! Then! I got to the office late in... Read more →


It's here! It's here! Couchity goodness! So here's the thing. Last week, when the couch was SUPPOSED to be delivered, two guys showed up and were all, "No." So we rescheduled so they could bring in MORE guys to help. Two guys showed up today. Two. And they were all, "Hercules!" And got that puppy up the stairs and into my living room in 10 minutes flat. And they complimented my wall color. So the couch is here. It's a sleeper and it's pretty and I am looking forward to my very first nap on it. And yes...I put together a little photo essay about a damn couch, because the Internet NEEDS to see my couch. Couch couch couch. Max loved the old couch. He loved sitting his fat ass on the back cushions and causing them to completely collapse. See? Smoosh. And here's the new one. Pretty! Old n' Busted...and the New Hotness. With special guest star: Vacuum Cleaner! Max still likes Old n' Busted. Also, in Non-Couch Related News, we bought the video capture DVD XR writer digtal input thingie and can now burn all our TiVo shows to DVD. It's glorious. Dudes! I can get a Season... Read more →

Of Memes and Arrogance

Ok, y'all know I don't usually do memes much around here, but it's Monday, I have a headache, I'm tired, possibly ovulating, and have nothing better to write about. Besides? I like this one. I stole it from Zoot, who stole it from J, who stole it from someone else and on and on. Etcetera and whatnot. (Although if you ever come here and find me posting Quizilla results? You can take that as a pretty clear sign that I've finally up and gone "The hell with you people!" and won't be renewing my domain again.) 1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog? I resent this question, as it implies that one must try to look hot. Looking hot comes naturally to me, no effort required. Oh, I’m supposed to answer all truthfully and stuff? Well then, yes, I do try to look hot at the grocery store, but mostly in case I run into an old boyfriend. There are a lot of them out there. (Although? If someone recognized me from my site? That would be the coolest thing EVER. I’d act like... Read more →

The Debate at Hand it inappropriate to go braless to the Harry Potter movie? Like I know it's a kids' movie, but it's not like it's a kids' movie, right? Besides, Hermione has more of a chest than I do at this point. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Also, if I read ONE MORE REVIEW of this movie that makes some sly comment about the threesome scene in Cuaron's Y Tu Mama Tambien (muy sexy, by the way) and the convenient threesome of Harry, Ron and Hermione, I shall lose it. WE GET IT. Anyway, we're off to the movie now. Perhaps I shall come back and fix the missing accents in Cuaron's name and movie title, and maybe look up to see if I'm even spelling his name wrong, but Jason is hovering and I don't want to get into the bra discussion again. Update: LOVE THAT MOVIE. Jason does too. Thumbs up all around. Fucking fantastic, best one yet, funny, scary, lovely, etc. And I have more than a little crush on Daniel Radcliffe, who is growing up to be much more attractive than I previously predicted. No Macauley-nightmare-in-waiting there. He's not too young, is he? Would I go to... Read more →

Holy Crap, Blank Space

Why does a new document in Word have to be so white? And wide? And…blank? It’s very intimidating, especially when you have NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. But this was why I started this godforsaken website, though, right? So I’d be forced to write everyday instead of watching Simpsons reruns or playing little online games like this one? So I’d be forced to wring creativity from my brain like an old sponge that has been used to scrub the bathroom one too many times but every time you’re at the grocery store you forget to buy sponges? Right? In other words, nothing of interest has happened to me. And definitely nothing of interest that could be strung together with other interesting things to make one interesting website update has happened to me. So I guess it’s time for some stream-of-consciousness writing, where I simply yap on about whatever occurs to me until I’ve filled up the majority of this big blank screen. Brace yourselves. My choice of salad dressing utterly destroyed my otherwise lovely salad from Whole Foods. “Roasted red pepper ranch” sounds delightful, doesn’t it? Sadly, no. Yeeeewww. Every other day this week I ate a cup of ramen noodles... Read more →