We Don't Need No Effin' Cohesion
"Weekend" -- A Musical Extravaganza In Three Acts

Packing Diary II: The Packening

Going on a little trip, chickies. Tomorrow morning I head on out to Pennsylvania to visit with the parental units.

Dad and I are going to a Phillies game; Mom and I are going to spend money and buy shoes. Everyone's a winner!

AND AND AND then? On Sunday? I shall be brunching with Coleen and Diana in Philadelphia, which shall temporarily be renamed the City of Brotherly Loave in our honor. And we are totally bringing a picture of Judith Light to prop up on an empty chair and talk to like she is really there with us.

Because she will be. In our hearts. And in our crazy, crazy brains.

Anyway. Since I forgot to give y'all any warning of my departure and don't want anybody to panic when I don't update tomorrow and notify the authorities because oh, my god, she surely must be dead, I figured I would plagiarize from myself and do another packing diary -- a gimmick that sort of worked once so therefore must be beaten into the ground, shot and run over with a car by doing it again.

(That sentence was a bazillion words long. My head hurts now.)

6:30 p.m.  At work. Horrible, terrible, not-so-good work.

6:31  Fuck this. FUCK THIS.

6:33 Am totally leaving. Yes.

6:38  No.

6:55  Really leaving.

7:02  Really really leaving.

7:40  Home.

7:41 - 8:06  Rant about day.

8:07  Rant. Rant rant.

8:08  Must pack. Yes.

8:09  Get out suitcase. Cause small closet avalanche.

8:10  Order husband to order food. Fooooood. Indian food. Yes.

8:12  Realize one fingernail is starting to break. No!  Noooo. Paint. File. Pray.

8:14  Bite nail off.

8:15  Look for Saturday and Sunday Care Bear underwear.  Find Saturday's. Are dirty. EW!

8:16  Have seriously had dirty pair of panties in drawer with clean ones since last Saturday?  Who AM I? Dirty, dirty girl, that's who.

8:25  Terribly productive. Huge pile of clothes on bed is a very good short list of options of things I might possible want to take.

8:26  Pull cat off clothes.

8:27  Phillies hat!  And red shirt!  Wooooo! Go Phils!

8:29  Should bring bridesmaid dress found on eBay.  Perhaps Mom can alter it for free as a seamstress would probably charge more than damn dress cost in the first place.

8:30  Realize one tank top, upon which all other outfits depend, is in wash.

8:31  Order husband to go pick up food already. Am cranky.

8:34  Hate all clothes. Why does it always come to this?

8:36  Tank top is NOT in wash. WTF?

8:38  Mistake lacy garter belt for elusive tank top for the seventh time.

8:39  Ponder the many things that are sort of wrong with that.

8:43  Entire summer wardrobe is mashed into wee suitcase.

8:44  Should probably bring some warm stuff too in case it gets cold.

8:45  Like it so often does in JULY. Shut up, Amy.



8:52  Dinner is served. Crystal wine glasses brought out, as are paper towels because we are out of napkins. Plates are provided, but opt instead to eat right out of plastic container. Lit candles though.

8:54  Also realize am not wearing pants.

10:03  Totally over the packing. Over.

10:05  Which is different than being done with the packing. Very different.


10:08  Never mind. Helicopter was far away. Was reflection of ceiling fan in window.

10:09  Need more wine. Promptly.

10:12  Soooo almost tripped on the stairs and fell on my ass.

10:13  Still not wearing pants.

10:14  Still wondering where that damn tank top is. Going to bug me all weekend now.

10:17  Have not packed toiletries, shoes or the baby spider plant I promised my mom.

10:18  When did I last water the spider plant?  Or look at it?

10:20  Uh oh. Aren't plants supposed to be green?

10:21  Water plants. Water!  Life-giving water!  Live babies!  I care for you!  I do not forget you!

10:23  Will be horrible, terrible mother someday.

10:24  Although Max certainly ain't lacking a blessed thing in the world.

10:25 Except a clean litter box. Ew.

10:26  Wonder if blue and white linen skirt is better outfit than cream and brown striped one. Jason doesn't want to hear about it any more.

10:28  I wonder if anyone is online?

10:29  MIR! MIR! MIR!

10:34  There is a GNAT in my WINE.

10:35  That is gross, and yet what a glorious death that would be.

10:47  This post would have been funnier if I were drunker. Ooof. Glass hit teeth.

10:53  Loave Mir.

10:56  I don't think I shall pack anymore tonight.

11:00 Hope Coleen and Diana don't make fun of me when I show up on Sunday in the wrong tank top, a sweater for some reason and quite likely, no pants.



I loave you back, and now that we are bonded together forever in our love of Target, I feel so much closer to you. And yet, should you make it up here for a visit, I will feel even closer! And will use lots of exclamation points!!

Have a great trip, hon.


I'll be waving in the direction of Center City Sunday from my stoop in NE Philly, jealous of your fab brunch :)


Have a great trip Amy! :-) Full report upon your return. Be safe!

Scarlett Cyn

Nah nah nah nah nah naaaahhhhhhh!! I, my darling, was COOKING Indian food yesterday (yeah, your Thursday, when you were craving it)and it was goooooood too! Spicy daal with potato, perfect basmati rice and ALSO chappatis. TAKE THAT!!! If I had known, I would have invited you and Jason over. BYOB. heeeeeeeeee.

You're so funny, you make me laugh like a lunatic! I totally loave you. Have a good time in Philly! Sounds like fun. SMOOCH.


You don't need pants! Do restaurants have a sign saying, "no shirt, no pants, no service"? No. It's "no shirt, no SHOES, no service". Just bring shirts and shoes, and you will be good to go. Pants are just The Man Keeping You Down, yo.

Have fun! Remember I will be brunching with you in spirit, when in reality I will be at work wishing I had more spirits.


Dont' worry. We'll probably be too busy making fun of your STANKY ASS to notice that you're wearing the wrong tank top.

Kidding. We'll be under the protection of Judith Light! What could go wrong?


Man, I must be the most unpopular Philadelphia blogger ever. Pout.


I'm wondering if the hour long gap in the log was because diner was being eaten or if it has something to do with you not having any pants on....


So from 6:00pm to 11:00pm you never went to the bathroom?? You're my hero.


Worry not, Philly bloggers. Diana and I are testing Amalah out to see if she can hang. It's a JLB thing. Perhaps we'll do a JLB meet and greet sometime in Center City in the near future, like the next time she comes up to visit.

(Perhaps, though. Y'all start getting creepy and stalkerish, and you're off the cool list.)


UPDATE: FRIDAY MORNING, 10:36 am, precisely 36 minutes after I was supposed to leave, the bitch tank top has been found. FOUND.

ALSO: I am having such a good hair day it is criminal that my pretty, pretty hair must spend all day in a car.

ALSO ALSO: I took a huge chunk of skin out of my hand last night on a corner of that bitch medicine cabinet. As further proof of my total grossness, I found the missing chunk on the sink this morning. Ew.

That is all, carry on.


Since yesterday, what with the trash-talking and all, Gmail hates me even more. Boo. Clearly Gmail does not understand it's place in this kingdom. It's place being grovelling at my feet and buying me pretty things. NOT sucking ass like it is currently doing.
Regardless of gmail, have a marvelous weekend in Philly. I heard that a new city ordinance does not require pants. Except when going to ball games with your dad. That is pants-only. :)


Terribly jealous. Of the gnat and his glorious death by wine. And the JLB posse gathering. And the pretty hair (mine is dry-by-sunroof). And the Indian food. And still, the gnat.

Suzanna Danna

I wanna go... I wanna go... I wanna go...

Alas, I will be in San Antonio Sunday through Tuesday... for (ew) work.

Have fun babies!


You are hilarious!!! Have a safe trip.

Fraulein N

Must say I adore the idea of a JLB meet and greet in Center City, even if it makes me sound vaguely stalkerish. I am totally not, I swear.


Damn you're funny.


soo soo soo funny

RIP smartest gnat in history.

Have a good trip!


See everyone! I'm not the only one in this apartment that walks around without pants on.


On behalf of other Philly blogger's hope you had a had a great time. Your timeline was fun to read!


I think the Philly bloggers should unite.


I hope Amalah loaved us as much as I loaved going to brunch with her and Diana! Y'all, I was nervous. After all, I WAS meeting the Queen of Everything...

I highly recommend brunch as a meeting spot for all future blogging meetups. Totally great time.


LMAO :)) This one is almost as good as your last packing diary :)

Have a great trip!

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