The Weekend of the Leaf
July 19, 2004
BUT FIRST, THE SLEEP REPORT:
Friday night: 12 glorious (albeit strongly medicated) hours of sleep.
Saturday night: Yeah, not so much. But how much sleep can you really expect after finding yourself in line for chili cheese fries at 3:30 am? (Yeah, just keep reading.) Although I did have this one really vivid dream about being Mariah Carey’s personal assistant. Mariah was exactly the sort of damaged train wreck one secretly hopes she is, except even more so, like Anna Nicole Smith. Like I picked out a dress for her to wear and she put it on backwards and I had to do her hair for her because she kept putting pink bows in it. And I was all, Bad Mariah, no! No bows! I also defended her to everybody by saying she was just “fragile.” She also had a huge ass.
Sunday night: Was on my way to a good eight hours of sleep when Jason woke up at 4 am due to some kind of allergic reaction to our sheets. Or to the detergent we washed the sheets in, which was not my beloved Allergen-Free All but some vile Bounty-of-Allergen Tide. As a result, have been up since. And if you ask me if I did anything productive like get to work on time, I will totally lie and say yes.
So. Saturday morning. Or really, Saturday noonish. I was still sitting on the couch in an unshowered puddle when Jason spotted an ad in the paper for Carbon Leaf’s latest album. The latest album I have listened to a bazillion times already and am totally peer-pressuring all my friends into buying.
Oh, but wait! The ad was also for an in-store concert by Carbon Leaf at a Borders’ in Maryland. That started in…holy shit…two hours so FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET SHOWERED WE HAVE TO GO NOW.
So we went. But oh! My! God! As we walked in the mall entrance, I noticed this guy in front of us was carrying an instrument case stenciled with CARBON LEAF.
Lead singer, babies. His name is Barry Privett and just prepare yourselves, because one day you are all going to want to sleep with him, for he is HOT. (And to Fresh Baked who pointed out an unfortunate resemblance to that bug-eyed freak that played Fourney in that Natalie Portman movie where she gives birth in a Wal-Mart or whatever: No more Fourney. The hair is cut and so are the biceps. Yowl.)
Jason and I were all, “Holy shit! It’s Barry!” But then we did all that second-guessing and whispering and whatnot until we stepped on an escalator right behind him. (I was eye-level with his ass, people. Who wants to touch me?) I finally made Jason say something to him, which he did, and Barry was all nice and shook our hands and talked to us the whole way up to Borders’. I was only sort of a blithering stalkerish idiot.
Oh, and we forgot the camera. Please to enjoy some grainy camera-phone pictures that are all we have to remember the coolest concert I have ever attended in a retail environment.
We bought a second copy of the CD, because we fight over the one we already have. Plus we wanted more autographs. AND they let me steal a poster off a bookcase and they autographed it. WITH MY NAME. And I gave Barry a wee hug, which was better than the last time I hugged him, which was after their last concert at the 9:30 Club in D.C. and I was very drunk and sweaty and I distinctly remember squealing.
THIS WEEK’S EXPENSIVE MATERIAL POSSESSION CURRENTLY FILLING THE BABY-SHAPED HOLE IN OUR LIVES:
We bought a new camera. A Canon PowerShot SD110 Digital ELPH.
The concert was the last straw. Now, we have a digital camera. A very nice one, actually. It’s just HUGE. And complicated. It intimidates the crap out of me and I always end up taking it to Jason and asking him to set it up for me so my pictures won’t look like crap.
So we bought a new one that’s small and all point-and-shootable. It’s actually so wee I can keep it in my purse or even a wristlet. And you hit a button and it takes the picture. I think it does more than that, but those were the major selling points for me.
(We’ve taken a frillion pictures with it already. I’ve put them in a separate album so this entry won’t take three years to load. Warning: These are not good pictures. Many of them? Are downright horrible. But they are NEW. NEW NEW NEW. There are also lots of self-indulgent arms-length shots and also a lot of the cat. Who is ADORABLE and I KNOW you want to look at him in various stages of sitting and staring.)
I wish I could buy a camera that would make me look less stupid.
AND THE MAIN EVENT…
We went to see Carbon Leaf AGAIN on Saturday night at the 9:30 Club, which is a very cool and small venue. But it’s also very cutthroat. It’s all general standing-room admission and people are total assholes. I hate people.
We staked out a spot nice and close to the stage but spent half the show defending our territory against stage-crashing drunks. I seriously had WORDS with these two Drunk Girls before Carbon Leaf came onstage who thought that they deserved to be in front of us because it was the one girl’s birthday. Or “biirfffday”, as she put it. They also thought making out would change people’s minds. I tried to reason with them that there was no way in hell I was letting them push me aside and then realized I was arguing with a completely smashed 21-year-old who looked like the chubby Dixie Chick. Anyway, there was no point in getting worked up over it because they left to go throw up a few minutes later.
Other thoughts from the concert:
You have not truly lived until you’ve heard a celtic-folk-rock band do a Zeppelin cover on acoustic guitar. You simply have not lived.
Wearing flip-flops to a standing-room only show is Stupid. Stupid dumb idiot moron.
Barry wore the same t-shirt he wore at the Borders’ show. I would say “ew” but he looked really good in it. He should probably never change.
Our camera didn’t really do us much good at the show, as we got yelled at when we used the flash. Without the flash, we took a lot of nice pictures of darkness. Which is why I posted all those crappy pictures, because I must justify the existence of the new camera in one way or another. Anyway, I don't need photos from the concert, for they are printed on my heart. I will also check out the fan sites for other people's and then steal them.
AND, THE AFTERMATH…
After the show we wandered around, decided we were hungry, and ended up at Ben’s Chili Bowl, the D.C. institution of late-night-drunk food in a slightly sketchy area that you don’t notice because you’re drunk. This is where we found ourselves, at 3:30 am, waiting in LINE for chili cheese fries. Which were the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. I very nearly wept over them…it was that good.
On the way out? As I pushed my way through the line? This woman sitting in a booth shrieked. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” and pulled away in horror, like I had open sores and was lurching towards her clamoring for brains. I stopped and stared at her, because she didn’t look like The Crazy. She actually looked pretty normal. She shrieked again, “WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T TOUCH ME.”
And with a bravery unseen by most white girls, this white girl in particular, I looked her right in the eye and told her to calm the fuck down, because I wasn’t going to fucking touch you, you crazy bitch.
And then I went home and had the crazy Mariah dream. La la la.
ONE LAST PARTING SHOT:
You know you had a good night when there's an empty wine bottle in the trash IN YOUR BATHROOM.
That is all, thank you, good night. Will be here all week.
I have that very same one! I'm pretty sure if you look in the directions long enough, you can find the one that teaches you how to make it load your dishwasher. When you find that one, hook me up.
Posted by: Michelle | July 19, 2004 at 01:41 PM
Just see what one night of uninterrupted medicated sleep will do to recharge your batteries? Your cat is so damn beautiful I want to stalk him. Also you two are a little too cute for words, but...not much :)
Posted by: lizardek | July 19, 2004 at 01:50 PM
Your photos are awesome! Love the sexy kissing photos - too cute. Christmas card photos maybe? hehe.
Also - yeah for the autographs! I love that stuff. You rock. hehe.
Also? I adopted a new dog to fill the babyless void. I feel your pain. But this month? I'm totally going to be pregnant, dammit. (its a new technique I read about. Its called "delusions of grandeur". Try it.)
Posted by: Zoot | July 19, 2004 at 02:01 PM
"flip flops at a standing room only show". Yeah I was that moron too. I had to publicly apologize to my feet on my blog this morning or they weren't going bring me to work. Which would have been more than ok if it weren't fiscal closing this week.
Posted by: Hudson | July 19, 2004 at 02:16 PM
you two are too. cute. seriously.
Posted by: type a | July 19, 2004 at 02:28 PM
what a weekend! you are a lucky girl, and hooray for your new camera! Your pictures are luhvely, especially the smoochy ones! I hope you get caught up on your rest - medicated or unmedicated!
Posted by: samantha | July 19, 2004 at 02:37 PM
The bangs are cute. Shut up, you.
You're the cutest! Bring that camera on Sunday.
Posted by: Coleen | July 19, 2004 at 02:45 PM
As long as you didn't confuse the wine bottle and the fabric softener bottle....
Posted by: Beth | July 19, 2004 at 02:55 PM
I was going to post that you were too cute, but everyone beat me to it.
Posted by: HG | July 19, 2004 at 03:10 PM
Let's hear it for wee cameras! That have a button you can hit and they take pictures! Pictures that are cute if you are Amy! Woo!
Posted by: Fraulein N | July 19, 2004 at 03:55 PM
Ben's Chili Bowl is the most delicious drunk-food place ever! Whoever Ben is, I love him and want to marry him. And well done on standing up to Crazy Lady. I would have been a wimp.
Posted by: supine | July 19, 2004 at 04:16 PM
Here I go, jumping on the Amalah is too cute bandwagon! Seriously. Love the photos. And I understand the desperation that can lead to a new camera purchase. Right now, I'm *this close*.
Posted by: GranolaSpice | July 19, 2004 at 04:36 PM
I don't know about the rest of the blog world but I can't get enough pictures of Max. DAMN that is one cute cat. My cat, Maxwell, died last week...and when I start to lose it if I can find sweet cat photos they make me feel better. Can't explain why but oh well...
Ok enough sadness. Thanks for always being entertaining!
Posted by: Katie | July 19, 2004 at 05:02 PM
G, I'm suddenly feeling awfully jealous of Barry's hotness. Eh, I'm still the one kissing Amalah in the pictures. I guess that's what matters. ;)
Posted by: Jason | July 19, 2004 at 05:25 PM
If it makes you feel better Jason, you're pretty cute yourself ;)
Posted by: HG | July 19, 2004 at 05:32 PM
Posted by: bmh | July 19, 2004 at 06:39 PM
You might have been eye-level with Barry's ass, but I was in the marching band with Jordan!
Posted by: Becky | July 19, 2004 at 08:59 PM
Dude, is your camera the one in the Steven Tyler commercial? Do you have bouncy hair like that girl does when she WHIPS it out of her front jean pocket?
P.S. you have a camera in your FRONT JEAN POCKET, lady. Isn't that uncomfortable when you sit down?
Posted by: Coleen | July 19, 2004 at 11:40 PM
So tell me, where can I buy this Carbon Leaf CD? Is it at Amazon? Perhaps I will go look. I need to listen to something other than the "Wiggles".
In other news, I just found your blog. HUH-Larious. Sniffing through your archives, I wet my pants over the Victoria's Secret pics and commentary. Tried to show the husband but the husband got all caught up in the feather duster picture.
Posted by: Very Mom | July 20, 2004 at 01:24 AM
Look at all of these. You must help me. Which one shall I try?
Posted by: Very Mom | July 20, 2004 at 01:27 AM
Posted by: Dawnie | July 20, 2004 at 08:13 AM
OH.MY,GOD! I am listening to Carbon Leaf from their website right this very second! They are fantastic! I'm going to buy one for me and for my brother.
And those pictures? are too damn cute! You and Jason are just a scrumptious little couple.
I gotta get me some of those cheese fries. Do you think they have a franchise in Seattle?
Posted by: zanie | July 20, 2004 at 09:55 AM
My favorite part about this post? "Bad Mariah, no! No bows!" That was priceless. :)
Posted by: Zandria | July 20, 2004 at 09:08 PM