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Complaints & Advice & Such

Catch the Fever


So yesterday I got this email from my mom:

After a few great weeks, we are back to the rollercoaster health again.  Dad is having a biopsy on 11/10. (Five days before his 75th!!!!! B/day).   Dr. Miller, bless him, found a growth on the inside of Dad's lower lip.  He is starting on a diabetes med.  This is all pretty upsetting but we will get through it as we have with everything else.  So for right now he has a catscan coming up of the aortic artery (checkup). Thyroid ultrasound in Nov. We need a secretary to keep track of appts. Just thought I would pass on the news.  Love, Mom

Diabetes med? Biopsy? What?

And then I promptly threw up into my office trash can. I took this as a sign that I really should maybe go home, as it was not shaping up to be a good day.

So now we can add diabetes to the list of assorted cancers and heart problems and blocked arteries and suspicious nodules and all the other shit my dad has had to put up with. And another mystery tumor! Yay.

Am so pissed at the universe on his behalf right now. I don't think I'm going to accept its calls anymore.

And! Then! To make yesterday just entirely peachy, I woke up with what I thought was a nasty-ass hangover. Which didn't make sense, as I really didn't drink that much the night before (unlike Andie, my dear drinking companion, who I fear may never recover and just might mean it this time when she swears to never drink again). But you know, am old and wussy now with the bedtimes and such.

But nooooo. Is flu. Am achy. Coughy. Just enough of a fever to have the whole Jesus-I'm-cold-no-shit-I'm-burning-up routine. Living on saltines. Feel like I benchpressed 300 pounds and then ran a marathon last night instead of sleeping. Head may explode.

So I'm at home, right? Right?

HA. You silly people. You amuse me so.

No, I'm at work, because I am one bad ass motherfucker. I also have an issue coming in today, a non-get-out-able conference call and a bazillion assorted busy work things to do. AND I HAVE NO ASSISTANT TO DO SHIT FOR ME SO I MUST DO ALL THE SHIT.

Wah. Weep. Etc.

So here I am, ranting into a feverish void and screaming at everyone who approaches my office door to stay the fuck away from me. Unclean! Unclean!

(Jason's sick too, so I am getting the worst service. He made me come DOWNSTAIRS last night to eat my chicken soup, and he refused to make me a cup of tea while we were watching Lost, EVEN THOUGH I waited until the commercials to ask.  Is useless. Is also the one who got sick first so I blame him entirely, Mr. Germy Man.)

Now you must excuse me, for I must go nod politely during a conference call about complicated financial things and try not to vomit, because it is being transcribed.

MR. AUTHOR: So that's where I see the market going in the next six months. Clearly there are a lot of opportunities in certain...



MR. AUTHOR: I'd like to request a new editor please.



I hope that you feel better soon, and I'll keep your dad in my prayers...


Even when things are downright ass-wiping BAAAD, you are STILL THE FUNNIEST BADASS OUT THERE! You are the bomb.

Sorry things suck roaylly right now.


Hope you feel better, and hope things go well with your dad. Even when you are sad, you make me laugh. Quite a talent you have there.


Fuzzy slippers are the cure all for you and Jason.

I will think of your dad and wish him the best. He sounds like a fighter, like his daughter.

Cyber-hugs, because even on the "internets", I could probably catch the flu with my immune system.


If I was your assistant I would totally fetch you a ginger ale.

I'm sending healing health vibes to you and your dad. Feel better soon.


Long time reader, first comment: you're damn funny, even when sick and pissed off.

I also have a dad who has not been blessed in the health department and it really really sucks. Wishing the best for you and your family.

P.S. More pictures of the wee dog, please. So squishy.


Fever caught. Poo. Feel better soon and all my good wishes for Mr. Amalah, Sr.

type a

oh my girlie girl, at least tomorrow is saturday? and you can lie in bed with ceiba all day, watching all the john hughes 80s flicks. yes. and i'll bring you tea and pat your forehead. yep.


Oh sweetie baby, feel better!

And KRIIYUSUYTESIREIEEE, hate to burst your bubble, darling, but tomorrow is FRIDAY. Really.


Oh, man, I hope laughter is the best medicine...that is, the laughter of your readers, who cannot, I repeat, CANNOT not laugh when you manage to bring The Funny even in the midst of complete misery. *hugs* At least you're not throwing up macaroni and cheese in an airplane toilet because you have the flu on an international flight. THAT would suck. Trust me.

And I hope that things start looking up for your dad. *sends strength*


I will be the newest addition to those who find your life WAY more interesting than our own. I was just lead to your world recently but I have read all and viewed all and I want to squeeze all the snuggle right out of your cat. He is the cutest ever!! I have 2 but they are fat and mean. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers! Snuggle your puppy, eat soup, drink something spiked (to kill the germs of course) feel better!!


You go the flu in October? Wow, funny AND talented! Seriously hope you feel better, or at least make it to the weekend when you can wallow in the comfort of your own home.

feisty girl

Reminds me of a Crank Yankers sketch...would be very funny. ;)


Hope you're feelin' brand spankin' new soon!

Fraulein N

All the best to you and your dad. I say we give the universe the cold shoulder.

suzanna danna

Hope you feel better soon sweets, my thoughts and prayers to your family.

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