The Unbearable Lameness
Advice Smackdown Smacked Down

I Hate Tuesdays

Um. So I kind of lost all the emails I had in my Wednesday Advice Smackdown queue. How? I do not know. But the folder is empty. (So I guess I didn’t “kind of” lose anything. I just flat-out lost them.)

Somehow I have managed to completely screw up Gmail, the most user-friendly and idiot-proof email interface out there, and delete and entire label’s worth of emails. And then I went a step further and deleted them forever. Gmail users will understand how difficult this is, and have now lost all respect for my technical skills, and will probably send me t-shirts that say “LOSER” on them and point and mock and etc.

Anyway. There it is. All advice questions have been lost. Pfft. So if y’all wouldn’t mind maybe resending them? Or just sending some new ones? Would be very grateful and will make a point to be extra funny tomorrow and not just phone it in. I know! It’s an once-in-a-lifetime offer. So pleeeeeeeease send me some questions. To Or Or Or They all go to the same damn place, because once? I was smart and not stupid and knew how to operate the Interweb on my personal computing unit box.

And then I solemnly swear not to touch anything ever again or try to get fancy with the labels and the sub-folders.

I would also like to put out a plea for everybody everywhere to not order the Skillet Sensations at Applebee’s, simply because I cannot stand the commercials for them. The jingle is stuck in my head and is. Driving. Me. Mad. It’s the worst jingle since the one for Chili’s Baby Back Ribs, which I hold wholly responsible for both mad cow disease and the assassination of JFK.

Actually? No one should eat at Applebee’s ever, because this chain also brought us that jingle for riblets, sung to the tune of “Rawhide,” which OH MY GOD I AM NOW SINGING. HELP.

Gah! Change the subject! Quick!

Okay, so I’m interviewing someone today to be my editorial assistant. Because as I’ve mentioned a million times before, I am extremely important. And have I mentioned that I’m getting a window office? I have? Well, I probably haven’t mentioned it in a few days so window. Office. Suckahs.

I feel weird interviewing people. Especially the guy last week, who was so much smarter than me it was not even funny. According to his resume, he started pursuing his master’s the year I graduated from high school. Yeeah. Mm-kay. Go get me some coffee, bitch.

So does anyone in the DC area want to be an editorial assistant? You will benefit from my months of experience and I can teach how to write real good and also proofread which is a really important skill to posses. You can also staple things for me and let me throw pens at your head when I am cranky.

Like today!

riblets riblets riblets applebee’s has riblets all that you can eat now ribleeeeeeeeeeeeets



The breaded orange chicken skillet at Applebee's once made me violently, crying sick. So more reasons not to comsume them.

But the white blondie, ohmydessertgods is that freaking good.



I don't understand the idea of a riblet. I find them confusing to eat, I never know where the meat is and where the bone is, yes I realize this makes me a loser (best order those shirts in bulk.) Also you aren't the only one with g-mail issues, I keep sending e-mails and then g-mail tells me it didn't send so I send it again, but it was sent the first time. I am g-mail deficient.


What is the salary range for someone who gets to be your bitch? And, like, how much education is required to partake of that opportunity?


Spectacular. Now the riblets song is in MY head, too.


I keep offering to be your coffee bitch, but you are SO strict about that whole DC-area thing. Probably because you are an email-deleting loser. (I KID! I love you!)


i think i have not had the displeasure of hearing this skillet sensations song...i'm trying to remember. i must thank you, of course, for making that riblets song repeat in my head 3 times since i've read your post. bee. yatch.

also, you must have been quite tired when you deleted your folder. but i still would not dare to call the queen a loser. that is just unheard of. for reals.

good luck finding your bitch - i mean, assistant. maybe if you put that in the job description? you'd get more interesting people showing up for interviews. ;)


Can I long distance proofread for you???
I can do it several languages, and I have military training, so I will most likely be on time.
Actually, that last part is a lie, not the military part, that on time part.

type a

i'd do it, but i don't think you'd like my attitude. it's bad, my attitude. yep.

off to lunch now. singing about riblets . . .

oh how you'll pay!


I don't know the riblets song! Woo!

Although I will tell you that the Weight Watchers entrees at Applebee's are complete and utter SHIT and should be avoided at all costs.

suzanna danna

You even lost that email that I sent tolling the vitues of your star powah? My star struck-ed-ness?

Sweet, now there is no evidence.

Oh... and can I BE any more jealous of type A and her pinky-swearing with the inner circle? No. No, I can't.

Suz = green. Bah.

Fraulein N

Don't joke about that job. I might have to take you up on that, 'cause I think my boss has started to hate me. And now those "Riblets" and "Skillet Sensations" songs are stuck in my head. Damn.

Scarlett Cyn

I've offered to be your bitch. Mindy's too come to think of it! Sigh.

There are two things at Applebees that I will touch (since the rest make me gag) The Nachos and the chocolate cake. That cake is DAMN GOOD PEOPLE. They fucked up a TUNA MELT for chrissakes! I will never forgive them for that. NEVAH. I only go now when I get those buy one get one free coupon thingies and I don't want to cook, cause me? I love that.


riblets riblets riblets
turkeys they have giblets
Rich Hall had his sniglets

their sticky and their gooey
sometimes their even chewy
You won't say Ptoooey
at our side

eat em up , scarf em down,chew em up, barf around
eat the riblets that taste like rawhide!



So, I don't even think there's an Applebee's in my country? But I still get to listen to those charming ads because we get too many american channels. So now the songs are stuck in my head. Also, I would totally come and be your bitch. It's probably better than my current job :)


Applebee's is the antichrist. One of them, anyway. No one should eatr their ever. Because their food is bad. Their menu is bad. Their ads are bad. I bet even their CRAYONS are the cheap nasty kind.

I need to work for Amalah, too!



I type badliness. Still, you should make ME your bitch.


Do you outsource?

Applebees ensures that after dinner, my husband and I can go nowhere but home and be nothing but sick sick sick.

I'm sure it's just a manifestion of their mind-branding commercials.

(hey, there is Shiz AGAIN!)

Anne A.

GAH!!! ...riblets, riblets, riblets...

Scarlett Cyn

So why in the HELL is Applebee's still in business? Cause Jenn reminded me of the need to hang out in the bathroom after a visit to the Applebee's antichrist.

And by the way? Their crayons ARE crap ones. At least at Chili's you still get Crayola!(Um, I mean THE CHILD still gets Crayola crayons. uh. yeah.)

Who can honestly order "riblets" with a straight face? No! Better! Order it by singing the damn jingle! Yeaaaaaaah. That would drive the server NUTZ.(yes, with a Z.)


Oh, thanks, just what I wanted to sing mysel fto sleep with tonight!

Must find ice pick; ram deep into brain...

evan finn

thanks for dredging those godawful jingles back out of my subconscious. if you weren't so damn hilarious and pretty, i would be upset. =P

especially since i had just gotten the "charles in charge" theme song out of my head.

i>charles in charge of our days and our nights... charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights! and i see, i want charles in charge of DAMMIT NOT AGAIN!!!


I am proud to say that I have never eaten at Applebee's. Ever.

If I become your assistant, will you sometimes let me take a long lunch to go shoe shopping? 'Cause some days, I just really need to shoe shop. Or purse shop. Or just shop.


I once had a waitress at Applebee's fold over in mid "take your order" and yell "oh my God, I have to go to the bathroom."

Needless to say, we decided to eat elsewhere.

sarcastic journalist

I'd be your assistant. But I live in Texas. But I make good coffee and I'd find it funny for you to say "Get me some coffee, bitch!"


about to finish my MA and I so want that job... only the pens have to have the cap on ok??


I would apply.. but the pens...


I would so be your bitch. I could learn how to actually take care of my hair, and what makeup to buy, and what the hottest purse is of the season. Oh yeah, and all that other stuff you mentioned.

I would take an oath to never, ever, show up looking better than you.

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