Enough Yakking. Let's See Some Pictures Already
The Death of Dignity

Down the Toilet Bowl

(Housekeeping note: Do I owe you an email? Damn straight I do. I owe the entire world an email at this point. I'm sorry. I'm very slow and I also very much suck.)

(But wait, there's more: I also owe the world a well-written and totally-not-disgusting entry. This is not that entry.)

My dog fell in the toilet last night.

More accurately, my dog took a flying swan-dive leap into the toilet last night.


A toilet that was, ahem, unflushed.

Dirty. Befouled. Full of pee.

I will not go to the bathroom in front of Jason, but I have no shame in front of my pets, who frequently follow me in because they know they'll have my undivided attention for 30 seconds or so. (Or longer, which then, you know, jackpot!)

Max likes to sit on my lap and Ceiba likes to hop around and play some sort of game that involves me trying to touch her and her trying anything to not get touched. Unless I stop trying to touch her. Then she gets mad and attacks the toilet paper.

(Hello Internet! Welcome to my bathroom! Would you like a magazine? Some quilted two-ply?)

Last night Ceiba got a little too worked up while dashing around the bathroom. She started doing this thing that I cannot ever seem to capture on film or adquately describe. She puts her ears straight back and puts her butt on the ground...and runs around in a circle until she gets dizzy and smacks into a wall. I know. She's insane. And we need a video camera.

It was about at this point that I was finished peeing, and I stood up. And Ceiba jumped right into the toilet.


At first, we were both too surprised to do anything. Ceiba stood there, completely in the toilet, while I just stood there, debating which was more important: pulling the dog out of my urine or pulling up my pants.

I ended up kind of doing both, which wasn't the best move. I held Ceiba in one hand while yanking up my waistband with the other, only to realize that she was DRIPPING WET and SHIIIIT, THAT AIN'T WATER.

So I did the next stupidest thing: I put her in the sink. Where she did not want to stay. And after leaving pee-tainted footprints all over the sink and counter and coming far too close to my toothbrush than I'd really like to think about, she lept off the sink and...

...back into the toilet, which I had not closed. Or FLUSHED.

At this point, the story get s fairly boring(er). Ceiba: bathed. Bathroom: scrubbed. Amy: squicked.

But then, in a subtle act of retaliation, Ceiba peed on the kitchen floor sometime after her bath.

Guess who stepped in it.




God forgive me, but that? freakin hilarious.

And I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who takes her dog to the bathroom. And *ahem* sometimes lets him sit on her knee...

Katie B

My cats follow me into the bathroom too. The main attraction seems to be the toliet paper...crazy little furballs.


So I take it Max wasn't in the room at the time. Because I could totally see him taking advantage of your moment of indecision and flushing her before you had a chance to stop him. Can you imagine THAT call to the plumber?


You are a much better Mommy than me, my dilema would have been:

a)get dog out of pee
b)pull up pants
c)get camera

And I probably would have waddled out of the bathroom, pants around my ankles to get the camera.

I'm a horrible doggy mommy.


I just totally spit soda all over my monitor. That's the funniest thing I've read... EVER!

Sorry that it happened though....

Amy Beth

Oh my gosh that was funny! I actually giggled out loud...at work.

My cats like to accompany me to the bathroom as well. Also, if they are fighting, one of them will run into the bathroom and stand between my legs and the toilet. As if one potty-going momma is really going to be the best of protection.


Oh yeah, and the cat on your lap while you do your business? Will pale in comparison sometime next year. Because you WILL, at some point, find yourself on the throne with Baby on your lap. Don't fight it; it happens to all of us, usually more than once. It's unavoidable.

Zoots Mom

Ditto all of the above..They now think I'm nuts here at work.....Does 'em good to shake them up occasionally..


Is it possible that pregnancy makes you funnier? Because, that shit was funny!

PS My cat also sits on my lap when I'm in the bathroom.


Too funny...Ceiba needs her own comic strip.


PPS-Not that you weren't funny before you got pregnant... because you totally were. And also pretty.

Dr. Johnny Fever

I believe it was Louis XIV, or perhaps Captain Kangaroo, who said, "It's better to be pissed off than pissed on."


see, there are some advantages to 70lbs of yellow labs.... they may drink from the toilet, but they can't fall in it... twice! Funniest thing I read in a while! Let't try not to let that happen wiht the baby....


Well, we were prob all a little worried with you not writing an entry lately. Sounds as those we were right to be worried. Clearly you and Ceiba have some issues to be worked out before the baby gets here....that was a funny story....


Hee. Dogs falling, or rather, jumping, into toilets is funny. It really, really is.



Too funny! My cat has jumped in the toilet before, but never with pee.

Sorry about the revenge of dog!


Oh my, I laughed out loud. We have a full-sized Dobie who does that running in circles with butt down thing, and we call it the bunny run. Her hind legs almost get ahead of her front legs. And I promise, if she were small enough to fit, she'd totally jump in the toilet. She's just that smart.


ROFL!! I'm trying really hard not to literally laugh out loud because I'm sure I'd disturb plenty of coworkers, but that is too damn funny. Also, gross, but then it's kind of funny again. hee. My cats at my mom's house like to follow us into the bathroom, because they like to drink out of the bathtub faucet.


my husband's eleven year old brother can never remember to flush the toilet (not to mention he has bad aim and leaves the seat up) and my dog Buster (shiver) DRANK HIS PEE. I didn't SEE him do it, but I heard him in there drinking, and I though, please let that be his bowl, or at least CLEAN water. But when I went in there to check. It was neither. It was fat little boy pee and my dog drank it. And I gagged for forever after that.


Urine big trouble little puppy!

Hillarious post. My rabbits have never attempted that move.


Ok. I admit it. My dog likes to open the mostly closed door (busted door jamb) with his nose, then he lays down half in the hall and half in the bathroom looking at me quizzically while I do my business. Then he proceeds to talk to me (arroooo, arrooo). Then waits for an answer while turning his adorable face to the side in that cute puppy way. As he is 60lbs, and is large enough to drink from the toilet, I do not have the problem of him jumping in the toilet.

But your entry made me laugh out loud, at work. And, oh my god, now I have to pee.


That? Is some funny-ass shiat. Thank YOU for that much needed laugh today.


You two are now bonded by pee...forever. The ultimate test of love for your pet is when you pick them up when they are completely filthy. Did Ceiba freak the hell out?


That is an absolute hysterical story - poor Ceiba. And how do you pronounce his/her name anyways - I think I am putting more into it than necessary!


I find it very disturbing that we both posted pee-related entries today. You know what we shoudl get? Non-gross lives.


Ah - the sharing of the pee. An important bonding experience for pets and owners.


I'm intriguing by your unwillingness to pee in front of Jason. Intrigued because my wife all but insists on me watching her pee. Oh, AND poop.


Naughty, naughty Ceiba! Why won't you give your momma some peace?


my cat enjoys playing with the toilet paper and also digging through the garbage while i'm in the bathroom. what is it with pets and wanting to watch us pee?

Real Girl

See? Who's to say Future Baby and Ceiba won't get along swimmingly (pun intended)? They'll have so much in common! Peeing wherever they want! Although, hopefully, Future Baby will refrain from treating the toilet as his/her private paddling pool...


That is SO funny!!

Ohmygawd, the visuals.


I'm also very sypathetic to your pee soaked plight. Aw etc.


That would be 'sympathetic'. Dammit.


My dog does the weird butt-drag-run thing too! It's freakin' hilarious. Along with your story. I laughed out loud. So loud my husband now thinks I'm crazy.


Oh my gosh that is hilarious! I can see Ceiba is prepping you for motherhood. Good doggie.


oh, thats the funniest thing i've heard all week. well, its only tuesday, but its been a long week!

you are hilarious.




1) running like a fool and smacking the wall, around here we call it the "zoomies." Sadly my dog weighs 100 pounds to the wall totally shakes when she smacks it.

2) 100 pound dogs don't fall in the toilet but they drink from them. Flush often.

3) After a few choice diapers, you won't think a pee covered dog is the least bit gross. You might think it cute and cuddly. Fair warning.

4) You are too funny. Also pretty. You don't owe me an e-mail, though, so I feel left out.


our friend's dog does the butt run thing too, only he does it when he is outside, crapping all the way and leaving a trail of dog poo in his wake. (this is my first comment...usually i lurk but this story tops them all and i had to chime in. i love your writing!)


I promise I won't make a habit of commenting on things you actually talked about two weeks ago, but when I got married my mother gave me one piece of advice. Only one. Do NOT, she said, go to the bathroom in front of your husband. Nothing quicker to ruin the romance. Don't do it. So, 22 years later, I think maybe she was right. No matter how romantic they try to make it look in the movies.

Now, in front of your pets? Completely different story. Except for the part where they might fall in.And even that makes for a great dinner party story. Only after dinner.


How funny!
My puppy is too big for the toilet now, but she tries to follow me everywhere. I have to shut the door tight or she'll peek in and make sure I haven't disappeared from her sight.

Oh, and she does the same insane running thing that Ceiba does, it's hilarious. We have yet to catch it on video, every time we break out the camera she stops and poses like we're going to take her picture. But it's really funny because we have wood floors so she slides into things.


it's a classic example of the whole "circle of life thing" that must pass on to your offspring ASAP. thanks for the laughs!

Dr. Johnny Fever

Fifty bucks says Punky Brewster's baby is born with those knee-high, rainbow-colored socks on.

Double or nothing they name it "Mork."


Amy, you're a brave woman. Because I would have been so squicked that I would have closed the lid and flushed a few times until she was clean. :D


YOUR toilet story totally beats my toilet story.


Ok, I'm a total lurker but I've got to tell you how awesome I think your site is. You rock.
Also, the crazy run thing that Ceiba does? My pug used to do that when he was younger, and we called it the "Puggy 500." It was hilarious!


Is it just me, or did anyone else think Amy should have just flushed while Ceiba was still in the toilet? Sort of an "automatic bath". A couple of runs through the rinse cycle and no pee-ridden footprints!


Amy, look what happened to me a mere day later.


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