Mystery Solved
The Wednesday Advice Bacon Cheddar Smackdown

The Complaints Department is Full. Go Home.

Blah blah urinary tract infection blah vomiting blah blah tired.

Aannndd...that's my entry, folks! Thanks for stopping by.

Seriously, what else is there to talk about? There is puke, and there is pee, and there is general pissiness.

Tomorrow I will be 12 weeks pregnant, which means I should be seeing the beginning of end of the morning (HA) sickness.

(PRE-EMPTIVE ASSVICE SMACKDOWN: If one more person tells me one more story about one more woman who was sick for all 40 weeks I will track down your IP address and show up at your house to punch you in the face.)

In the meantime, I'm still throwing up at completely random times. First thing Sunday morning. Last thing Monday night. Tuesday at tea time. Whenever the bile strikes.

And magically, after hearing the words "You have a urinary tract infection," I became acutely aware that I have a urinary tract infection and it hurts like a motherfucker. So that's...been really fun, and whatever.

HiveWatch 2005 began last night with my first dose of antibiotics, which means I started getting hysterically itchy and and twitchy within 20 minutes of taking the pill and spent most of the night yanking up my shirt in front of the bathroom mirror to look for the hives that would soon engulf my respiratory system.

It was just dry skin. And the crazy. Luckily I started throwing up at some point and this took my mind off the itching.

I'm so tired of writing about being sick. And I'm actually tired of writing about being pregnant. Two months ago, I assumed that occasionally, I'd have something non-pregnancy-related to write about. A quick perusal of my entries since then say otherwise. Pregnant, freaking, still pregnant, puking, miserable, freaking, puking and also, pregnant.

I like to think that's preferable to drippy love letters to my fetus and blinkies and nursery color paint chips and photo essays about booties and shit, but it's probably not.  Y'all probably wouldn't mind reading about a pregnant woman who's actually able to muster up some goddamn HAPPINESS about the whole process and who doesn't bitch all the time about what it's like to puke up undigested Spaghettios.

(SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Hive. On my stomach. Not imaginary in the slightest.)

Okay, so the rest of this entry was going to be about the things I do love about pregnancy and be this whole dramatic slow build up to a dramatic reveal but clearly, I need to go obsess over whether or not I'm about to go into anaphylactic shock or whatever.

So here. Go visit Jason's site and take a listen to our baby's little heartbeat. I do love that.



Love the wub-wub-wubbing of the wee one's heart. Love it.


Hives = Satan spawn. I also get those little bitches when I'm stressed (not just when I take certain evil antibiotics). Along with getting the hiccups for days. Therefore, I try to stay unstressed which ummm... doesn't work.

The moral of the story? I'll be hiccuping and scratching non-stop when I'm pregnant. And I'll obviously be able to think of nothing else to write about. So kvetch away, darling! I entirely understand.


That's the most wonderful sound in the world, isn't it?


The best thing to take for hives is....just kidding. Don't track me down now. I'll just distract you by saying, "Is that a hive?" and then run away while you obsess. Enjoyed the heartbeat, by the way.


nobody bitches quite like you, Amalah. That's why we keep coming back for more!


Bitch all you want babes. I felt so guilty about bitching during my pregnancy but wish I did now that I hear you doing it.

I heard the heartbeat! So adorable already. I think he/she sounds like you! All sweet and stuff.


One word for you: zofran. Seriously. It kept me from totally consuming continual nausea and pre puking spits. It kept it to a "manageable" level of horribleness.

Also, in my period of feeling like absolute shit (ahem, 5 whole months), the last thing I could do was be interesting. It's part of the wonders of pregnancy! My world consisted of dragging my ass to work and trying to remain useful there, trying not to puke, trying to think of things I could eat that would hopefully stick around - but wouldn't be horrible to puke, and basically just trying to live through the experience.

Best of luck to you, someday, this part will be behind you. It will. Whether you believe it right now or not.


Aww, Amy...hearing the heartbeat was SO cool! Thanks for sharing.


Sometimes? The only thing woman has to hold onto is being a bitch.

Name that movie and you win......a free listen to Amalah's baby's heartbeat....


I, for one, happen to enjoy your pregnancy and puke stories thoroughly... it's entertaining, although I do hope you feel better soon!


The heartbeat is so cool. Sorry about all the sickness, but just think of the future guilt trips it will provide.


*nods head in agreement with the whole Zofran idea*

Yes. Zofran = miracle cure from the morning sickness goddesses. In my one and only blip of pregnancy *two months* I was wretched... literally. I begged for something and was blessed with la Zofran.

If it doesn't become somewhat tolerable soon, ask your doc.


Kathy! C'mon - that's easy. Dolores Clairborne.
Amalah - I LOAVED listening to that little whooshing heartbeat.

Loved it...and needed it today - thanks for sharing.


I understand on the UTI front (kidney stones make them happen, too). Very, very gentle hugs and we don't mind the complaining. After all, what is a journal but what's on your mind? Sides, you may convince some teenage girls to use protection when having sex. ;)

Seriously, though, whatever you need to complain about, you're still very funny and smart (and pretty!) and we love you.


Dude, it really sucks that you're all Pukey McBarfalot, and I hope it ends for you soon.


Um, ok, I hate doing this, but here goes.

My aunt had really bad morning sickness, and she tried this sailers bracelet that was supposed to stop seasickness, and her morning sickness went away, as long as she wore the bracelet.

That's all I know.


The fact that you are consumed about all things pregnancy related, is to prep you for being all things baby related. You post about your own puking now and then in 28 weeks you can post about someone else's puke. You and Jason will have a conversation about something that's not baby related in aproximately 2023.


Delurking to say I feel for you on all fronts. I'm now 13+ weeks and I'm happy to report (and wish on you) that my M/S magically disappeared right at around 12 weeks. Also a tip for the UTI pain: heating pad. Yes "down there." I swear it helps. I used to suffer from multiple UTI's that had me in bed in the fetal position asking God to "kill me now PLEASE!" and then my husband whom I accused of not knowing what the hell he was talking about, you know being a man and all, suggested I apply heat to the "area." OH MY GOD SWEET RELIEF. Try it. I've suggested it to friends who have elevated me to levels of Sainthood for this tip. (They soon forget what a Saint I am once the UTI is cleared up - ha!) I hope it works for you, I really do.

UTI + morning sickness + hives = very, very bad.

Feel better!

Dr. Johnny Fever

When my wife was pregnant, she puked up all kinds of undigested shit, too. Cheerios. Firm tofu. And a small Filipino man named Boutros.


Pregnancy kind of seems to overtake everything. I know I intended to continue to write about debauchery and life questions and profound mind plots when I found out I was pregnant, but it all went to pot. I realized that brown lines and fetal heartbeats and uterus locations are indeed totally fascinating, if only to me, temporarily.

Hope you feel better soon.


It sucks that you are pukey, hivey and infectiony (how many words that don't exist can I fit into one sentence?). Don't add worry about your blogging quality to the list of stress! We like it (I wanted to say "we love it" but that sounded too much like we enjoy your misery, which is not the case), we really do! Do we keep coming back? Are we laughing aloud at our desks? Yes!
Hang in there amalah.


Wow. Just Wow.


That heartbeat sounds an awful lot like Morse Code for:

"I will quit making you throw up if you would feed me some damng decent bagels with cream cheese already."


I freaked out when I kept puking past 12 weeks. FREAKED. OUT. But my MS went away at 16 weeks, so not too bad. Maybe you're one of those women who get extra horny during pregnancy? That's a good thing. Except for all those UTI's...


hugs girl, and non-pukish thoughts being sent your way.
and the little beat? you'd better watch out cause you just might have a band-geek in there (the tadpole has rhythm!).


Um, a friend of mine, for both of her pregnancies, got something called pupps syndrome, when basically you are itchy ALL OVER for the whole damn 40 weeks and you cannot sleep and just want to cry.



The puking will stop soon, I promise! I went through the same thing with both pregnancies, to the point where I would repeat the manta, "This is a blessing, this is a blessing, this is a blessing...." to remind myself that getting pregnant was a good thing. My girls are 4 & 6 now and they're cute enough that I never even think about the barfing.


That would be "mantra". God, I need to spell check before clicking on "post" (but I never do).


awweee!!!! that was so cute! i mean, how cute can a sound be, but seriously...that just completely made my day!! (after swearing i was never having children because a 2 year old threw up on me - but i'm sure your kid will be much more well behaved that that ;) )


Peppermint leaf OR raspberry leaf tea. Both will help both ms and uti, but as with any herb check with your Dr. I am there with you, and were it not for the two aforementioned teas... I would not have time to blog. or anything.
Best wishes to you two! Babies really are worth it.


P.S. the heartbeat is music to a mommys ears! Thank you for sharing.


Aw Amy! Again, I have to delurk. Why has your doctor not given you the god's goodness of Zofran. Write this down Z-O-F-R-A-N. And find out if it is one of the few miracle drugs you can take. Also, this being the end of my 3rd pregnancy, I am one of the people that does not enjoy pregnancy, is mean and cranky, and complains a lot. But, I love having my kids and I forget all of this after their born. And sleep through the night.


is it the pregnancy or are there always so many rules with regard to what one may and may not say around here?


feel better, great grower of people.


I hope everything turned out okay and you're not dying!


hang in there! Personnally, I prefer bitching and puking to warm fuzzy solliquies of baby bunnies. Ok they're both good, but you rock, baby bunnies or puking!


New to site and noticed in your "bio" that you had difficulty getting pregnant. Gotta love the irony.

Sarcastic Journalist

i feel for ya. my archives from november 2003-feb.2004 only discuss vomiting.

feel better soon!


Finally the office was empty so I could go listen to your babies heartbeat. O MI Gawd. If I am this moved by it, I can't even imagine how incredible it was for you guys to hear it!
That was way cool; thanks.


That heartbeat was music for my soul. Thankyou.

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