Of Cake and Coping
Wednesday Advice Smackdown


Momalah Update #1 (left as a comment yesterday, but HA, like anyone other than me was going to slog through all those comments and find it):

Thanks everybody -- I just got off the phone with my dad, and my mom is out of surgery. Very, very sick from the anesthesia, but is at least in a private room. I'm going to call her later tonight.

The doctor said the surgery went "okay." Over-analyze that as you see fit.

(And the cake is from Balducci's, and seriously, I have eaten four pieces today.)

Momalah Update #2:

I called her last night around 8 p.m., and she sounded, well, "okay." Very tired, very sore, very much still throwing up from the anesthesia and pain medication (a fairly normal reaction for her, but still draining and NOT HELPING THINGS).

She had it together enough to send my dad home so he wouldn't have to drive in the dark, and she wanted to know how the baby was doing and laughed when I complained that he'd been hiccupping for the past hour and taking out his frustration with the hiccups on my ribcage.

And then she asked if Diana (who'd encountered car problems on the way to my baby shower) was okay.

So in summary: Even after major surgery, my mom is still my mom and has enough mothering left over to be everybody else's mom too.

Cake Update #1:

I ate six pieces yesterday. Also some grits and then some chocolate pudding. It was just that kind of day, I think.


Confession: I've fallen terribly behind on my baby-gift shout-outs and thank-you notes. And I'm hoping that by including this fact in this particular entry everyone will feel too sorry for me to be mad.

Especially Pratt, Miss Doxie, Dazed and Kathy. And maybe anyone else that sent something and I sort of lost the packing slip but will totally find soon and seriously, feel free to email me and be all, "HEY BITCH, I SENT YOU SOMETHING AND YOU HAVE NOT ACKNOWLEDGED IT. YOU SUCK, BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY AND WILL THEREFORE BE GENTLE IN MY REBUKE."

I also need to take care of some parking tickets. My life is fun.



Speaking of fun, our new hardwood floors were delivered yesterday. Yes! After months and months of nothingness on the home improvement front, we have made progress.

We almost didn't, as they delivered the wrong-sized planks, or something, but luckily our contractor was there and promptly send those bad planks back from whence they came, and then the correct planks arrived a few hours later and indeed, they look like good planks. (Pre-finished, by the way, so everyone can just back off the assvice ledge regarding sanding and varnishing around the pregnant girl.)

The floors will be installed tomorrow. Which of course means that seven hundred million other things have to happen on the same day. This is what tomorrow will look like, I'm predicting:

6:00 am: Wake up so I can shower before work begins at 7 lest the hot contractor guys see me unshowered and rumpled.

6:05: Remember that I am pregnant and therefore, no longer a sexual being and nobody cares. Go back to sleep.

6:55: Wake up, panic. Jump in shower.

7:10: Cobble together some sort of clothing combination from the four things that still fit. Argue with self over refusal to buy more maternity clothes this late in the game even though self is on the verge of going around naked because NOTHING FITS AND/OR IS UGLY AND CAFTANISH.

7:20: Ready for contractors to arrive. Yes.

7:30: Waiting. Yes.

7:45: Dog needs to go out. Do not want to walk dog until contractors arrive lest they arrive the minute I get her to the end of the street, far away, because that's currently the only spot she's deemed acceptable for taking a dump.

7:55: Dog is frantic. Put leash on dog, get halfway down stairs, hear intercom buzz because ta-da! Contractors are here.

7:56: Debate. Walk back up the stairs and buzz them up, while thoroughly confusing poor dog who will probably pee in the foyer the minute she sees big scary contracting men? Or walk down the stairs and just let them in, while thoroughly freaking out dog who will barkbarkbark and then set off that goddamn poodle on the first floor and then Ceiba will refuse to pee outside because she knows big scary contracting men are inside her house, possibly stealing her toys?

8:00: Since this is in the future, I have not decided which option I will take. Suspense! Tune in tomorrow! Drink your Ovaltine!

8:05 - 10:55: Here we have two distinct possibilities. Our nursery furniture is also scheduled to get delivered tomorrow. I did not want it delivered tomorrow, but the delivery guy was kind of mean and insistent that my furniture is to be delivered tomorrow, whether I want it or not. YOU WILL TAKE THIS CRIB AND LOVE IT, LADY. 

So Option A: The nursery furniture will arrive at the EXACT SAME TIME as the floor contractor people, creating bedlam in the stairwell and much noise and my neighbors will open their doors a crack and give me Dirty Looks of Death and then Ceiba will barkbarkbark at them because they all smell like cats.

Option B: The nursery furniture will not arrive during the scheduled window at all, leaving me in a panic because guess what! I have a doctor's appointment and need to leave by 11, so if the furniture is not there I will have to cancel my appointment or ask one of the contractors to sign and pay for it. (The delivery fee is $70 CASH, and I have been reminded of this REPEATEDLY and it sounds sketchier each and every time I hear it.) This will all but GUARANTEE that one of the pieces will be missing or broken and I will spend the rest of the day trying to track the mean and insistent delivery guy down and have him return with my missing furniture and/or my $70 CASH.


11:20: Doctor's appointment. Pee in cup, check weight and fundal height, doppler, see you in two weeks. May possibly bring up fears that everybody is right and I AM INDEED carrying a Godzilla Child who will not fit through my narrow, delicate little business down there.

Noon - 6 pm: Attempt to get actual work done, despite hardwood floors being installed and cut and pounded and God knows what else. Hysterical cat and dog and lots of people around to witness my cake intake. Also Advice Smackdown.

6:00: Need to leave to take Ceiba for her yearly exam and vaccines and whatever. Pray that contractors have already left or are ready to leave at the same time so I can lock the door and leave in peace without worrying that my neighbors will break in and steal my nursery furniture and/or cat.

6:15: Get dirty looks from vet re: the big cut on Ceiba's nose. Swear that we are not involved in some kind of underground Miniature Pinscher Fight Club. The cat bit her and seriously, she started it, because she's kind of a bully. Yes, a five-pound rat-dog bully. Shut up.

6:30: Pay vet bill, submit claim form for veterinary insurance that is an exercise in futility because they never pay for anything, give dog a dirty look and tell her how much the hardwood floors are costing us because she JUST HAD TO PEE ALL OVER THE PERFECTLY-FINE CARPET ALL THOSE TIMES, DIDN'T YOU?

Get home, eat cake, pass out on couch, wait for Jason to get home and discover that the contractors installed the floors upside-down, or something.

Catch ya on the flip side, peeps.




Sounds like a good day. Can you tell me what my day is going to be like tomorrow? My baby is due tomorrow. Due to leave for college! How can this be happening? So soon? It's only been 18 years since I gave birth to her?! She's leaving me?!?! . . . sorry. (Wandering off to have my breakdown alone.)


Sounds like a stressful day, and you only have two pieces of cake scheduled in there! Glad to hear that your mom is doing okay-ish (being sick from anesthesia and pain medication sucks!).

Good luck with your day tomorrow.


OMG! what a day! Annnnd breathe! (Seriously - was that 9 tickets?)


almost forgot - hope your mom is doing well :)


Thinking of you and your mom...

And I'm totally jealous of your hardwood floors.


Sounds like a fun day, Amy...I'm leaving for a three-week vacation in Austria tomorrow! ;-) Have fun!


Now I don't feel so guilty that we rearranged all the furniture for our cat, then got an entertainment armoire because we were afraid he'd topple the TV over when he jumped on it.

Oh yeah, I've seen smaller bullies than Ceiba: My 3.5 lb. bunny. You should seem him chase the cat. Ha!


thinking of your mom and sending her happy-boobie thoughts...

hope ceiba can take the madness...she needs a day at the doggie day spa to chill her shit out!!



DAMN! I'm tired after reading that! Tomorrow will be just fine! I'm so glad your mom seems to be doing "okay"! It's much better than "not okay"!!!!!! Word of advice, get ALL thank you notes out BEFORE the baby arrives!!! If not, you will NEVER get the time or energy to send them and will FOREVER feel horrible about people thinking you are a selfish bitch who isn't thankful for all the wonderful things people give you! TRUST ME!!!!!!! Before you know it babalah will be ONE (yes ONE) and you will realize it would just be stupid to send a thank you note BUT will still feel absolutely horrible about never doing it! I speak from experience!


So glad to hear good news about your mom!!

And laughing my arse off at "caftanish" ..


Seriously? There's still cake? Because I saw that bad boy and lemme tell ya'...there should be no more cake. It looks like everything good that ever was all in one beautiful little package. Fess' up Amy...you went and got another one, didn't you? KIDDING!

Glad to hear that things went well with your mamalah. Keep us posted please.


Firstly I'm glad to know that Momalah made it through her surgery.

Secondly, I am also having new wood floors installed. Mine were delivered this morning to be installed on Thursday. I just recieved a call a little while ago saying that they gave me a box that belongs to someone else and could I please be home at around six-ish so that they may retrieve their box? I hope for their sake that it's one of the top boxes because there are many, many boxes stacked high against my wall in the foyer.

Cake is yummy and I'm currently working on my seven year old's left over birthday cake. Yum. And also blah, because I am not pregnant but I look like I am. Enjoy the cake eating while you can.

Real Girl

Heh. Glad your mom's seemingly on the mend. And boy do I hear you about pets and contractors. The last time I had workmen in my apartment, Real Cat peed *on my bed* for the first time. He has not yet learned that this is *not allowed at all even a little bit.* There is now a shower curtain over my bedspread.

Not cute.

Good luck with avoiding pee on new floors, and get ready for wee crawling baby finger paint!


Hi! Longtime lurker responding for a change. Love your blog, glad your Mom's okay, and now to the real comment. BE AWARE...we bought an old house with WONDERFUL redone hardwood floors, and thought "Oh, how nice, if the dog or cat pee's on this (since they pee on EVERYTHING), it can be easily mopped and cleaned, unlike carpet. WRONG! Cat peed in most obscure corner of formal dining room that is used twice a year, and went unnoticed for a few hours...and continued to do this is other obscure corners. Now, we must replace boards in hardwood floor for 59 begillion bucks. WATCH those obscure corners!!
Oh, and have a nice day!


1). You are welcome! Something much more exciting on the way but wanted to get necessities taken care of first.
2). I'm exhausted just reading about your day, for sobbing out loud.
3). Mamalah - hooray! No one gets better without a little throwup first.
4). Pix of crib forthcoming?


Glad to hear things are starting to pull together. Hooray for surgery recovery, chocolate cake, and baby furniture!


all of THAT would freak me the HELL out and I would not be able to function for the anxiety. I would be there for the contractor and delivery man because i would be slumped on the floor in a can't-do-anything kind of way. slumped on the floor with my great giant belly! (that is if iw ere pregnant, as you are now).

have fun tomorrow!



Sorry your mother is sick after the surgery. Hope she feels better soon, and am optimistic that "ok" means great!


Just wanted to comfort you on possible size of baby. I was the hugest pregnant woman in the universe, during both of my pregnancies. Clerks in MATERNITY STORES automatically assumed I was either a) having twins (no), or b) due two weeks ago (no). I was huge and a gestational diabetic, so I was terrified that babies would be huge both times.

Nope. My son weighed 6 lbs., 13 oz., and my daughter weighed 6 lbs., 5 oz. -- and this was after I had a growth scan a week before that predicted her weight at 7 lbs., 6 oz. Yeah, right.

It will be fine, it will be fine, it will be fine.

Hope your mom feels lots better soon.


Holy crap that's a lot of parking tickets! Maybe hiring a chauffer driven limo would be cheaper.


Good morning! Only 30 minutes until your hectic day begins.

Uh, were you aware that this entry is listed three times? The first one doesn't exist, so it's really only listed twice, but still. . .

Just an FYI. Have a great day, Amalah!


For a day that hasn't happened (or is now currently happening?) you've got it all planned out :0)

Fraulein N

Glad the Mamalah is doing well. Sounds like you have a crazy day ahead of you. Maybe more cake will help.

suzanna danna

Oh good Lord... I hope today goes well Amalah. I am having vicarious anxiety for you. I hope that contractor guy will help with shifty crib delivery dude if need be.

Much love to the Moms, good thoughts and MAN does she sound like an incredible lady! After all she went through, to be worried about someone else? (Not blinking back tears, shut up. I am a professional woman… At. Work. There is NO Crying at Work… much like the no crying in baseball rule.)


First of all, a get well prayer and good vibes to your Mom!!!

And, the projection about tomorrow! Wow! Simply wow! So well written, I laughed until I cried.
Thank you so much. I like your style.


and also, let my first comment not be misunderstood: I know it will be a hard day.

Survival is like a pass on an advaced exam for entering motherhood. Let 'healthy survival' be your words for tomorrow.


Glad to hear Momalah is doing okay. The last month of pregnancy is always the crazy month. Not that I'm implying that you're crazy or anything. Eat a piece of cake for me!


Wow, that's a lot of stuff for one day! I hope your mom feels better. I've never had contracting work done, so I hope they are all doing their best to be efficient and get the hell out!


Yay for the cake! And funny entry! And yay for Momalah on the MEND. Mend, I tell you, MEND.

She has to be wonderful if she made an Amalah like you!

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