Amalah Unplugged

ETA: Never

Hello, due date!

Goodbye, due date!

I had a nonstress test and a biophysical profile this morning and passed both with flying fucking colors. The baby is reactive and happy and has enough amniotic fluid to see him through winter. (I'd be annoyed with him for being so cozy in there if the ultrasound hadn't shown us his adorable and brilliant fetal breathing, which awwwwww, what cute little lungs!)

Cervix? Not dilated. IN THE SLIGHTEST. MY GOD.

So we wait.

My doctor doesn't want to rush things and is imploring me to be patient. Which in theory, I completely agree with. If the baby isn't ready, he isn't ready.

Then I get home and huff and puff my way up the stairs, moan as I plop down on the couch and stare at my swollen feet and massive stretch-marked belly while Jason gazes longingly into our gorgeous nursery and then sadly heads off to work and suddenly I am rethinking this whole low-intervention bullshit because HELLO, I SIGNED UP FOR A BABY AND WOULD LIKE TO REDEEM MY COUPON NOW PLEASE.

I go back on Monday to repeat both tests. Unless I, you know, go into labor, which could happen because:

1) As of this morning, we have kitchen countertops and a sparkly new sink. I secretly think the baby has been waiting for them.

2) My doctor is away this weekend and Dr. Cold Dead Fish will be on call for deliveries.

3) Ceiba is freaking the fuck out at anybody who dares approach me, which she's never done before. (Unless you offer her a Greenie. Then she's all, "Take her!" and runs happily away.)

Aaaaannnddd...that's all I have for today. The Wednesday Advice Smackdown is still on hiatus because thinking is hard for pregnant ladies.

Especially for pregnant ladies who, while walking the dog this morning, threw their house key into the garbage can meant for the baggie of dog poop that they held in their other hand and then had to reach in and fish their house key out of the garbage can that was totally full of other people's baggies of dog poop.*

*Hypothetically speaking, of course.**

**Except totally not, of course.



Um, I've done that with the dog poop. And was totally not pregnant.


Not that it matters, but I chose tomorrow for the i'm chanting BABY BABY BABY over here because I really need to win something.

Wishing you the always. I emailed you about a beauty concern, btw. Not that you give a rat's ass about that now - and who could blame you --- i'm just saying...


Good luck! Maybe eat some pudding - you'll feel better.


Hooray for the sparkly new sink and new countertops. Balalah did not want to puke up on the old ones.


You know, the whole doggie bag poop key thing is so doable by non-preggo people, as well. Just so you know, I have been known to put my eyeglasses in the frige. Yeah. Feel better?

Big ups for a baby reeeeeeel soon. xxx


Hallelujah for the kitchen though!! I've read that completion of kithen construction is the first step in the whole birthing precess. (Only not really, but that would be awesome, right?)

Also, Greenies? Rock.

Linda B

Ack, poopy keys. Sorry about that.

Hoping the little guy comes very, very soon!


I went for a snowmobile ride the night before my daughter was born. Before the ride - no dilation. The next morning? Good to go! So, I recommend a snowmobile ride. Of course, it was winter and we had snow, so I'm not sure this will work for you. Sorry.


ooh, ick. I am very sorry for the preggo lady's disappointing morning. Again, ick.

Sending some "come to the light" vibes your baby's way.

Saltwater Princess

Awwww. First babies take forever. Thank heavens for shiny new kitchens to play with while you wait. Come out and play baby!


Oh, Babalah! You're just taking your sweet time aren't you?

The internet is waiting (im)patiently for your grand entrance!!

Good luck, Amalah!


i feel you on the keys i have done that many times. once i looked for my keys for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain when i had them in my hand the whole time. And again i have never been pregnant so i have no excuse am just plain stupid.

Real Girl

Ok, so baby's not ready yet. Maybe he wants to enter a world with multicolor leaves. Maybe he's being generous and letting the animals keep their supremacy a wee bit longer. Maybe he just likes his extra-roomy megatummy condo. Whenever he's ready to pop his head out and say hi to the world...of course, *after* saying hi to the yin yang...then we'll all start refreshing for completely *other* reasons.

One thing you know for certain? Babalah's got an inate knack for narrative suspense...



Hey is this where we're supposed to tell you all the "wives tales" and tricks for getting a reluctant kid to appear?

I sure hope not, cuz I've never been pregnant. Still? Have a huge belly and stretch marks. No new kitchen sink, though.

You win.


Go go gadget uterus, contract!


DANG. I was hoping it would be today since then littl Babalah would get to share a birthday with me.

You still have 9.5 hours to pull it off!


I think I'm going to recommend a snowmobile ride, too. Not for labor -- just 'cause.


Warning: Potential Assvice Ahead...

I know you don't want it...but I have heard that eating Mushroom soup and Beets (but not together) can help speed labor?? I have never tried it, so I really don't know...but grew up in a doctor's house and he highly recommended it...and also, and I KNOW you don't want to hear this, but I have heard that sex can actually shake the little buggars loose? Just an idea...I am sure you REALLY feel sexy right now, huh?

Maybe they got your date wrong...dumb doctors...

good luck!!



I wasn't gonna post cause I am afraid that Amy must be sick of day after day of people being all cheery and hopeful and then nothing happens. But zorgon left that damn comment and I just had to say that was funny as hell!

And since I've posted I still have to tell you Amy how much I am hoping this baby comes out ASAP so that you will be free from that uncomfortable belly.

Maybe he just doesn't like September.


It's so cute that Ceiba wants to protect you! Well, most of the time anyway. Such a fierce tiny doggie!

I like the idea of "come to the light" vibes for baby. Maybe you should shine a flashlight up your...nevermind. Hey, I've never been pregnant. I got nothin'.


The day I went into labor with my daughter, the dr had checked me and said to go ahead and make my next 2 weeks worth of appt's cause nothing was going to happen soon. I went into labor less than 12 hours later.

It does happen to real people!

Here's hoping the baby comes soon!


Just for the record, I've tried every old wive's tale this side of castor oil.

(I'm not trying castor oil and nobody can make me.)

(Sex at 40 weeks is hilarious.)


Maybe Babalah is waiting for NikkiZ? maybe?


I think Andi must have missed your Assvice post.

Jessica Morgan

I know how you feel. My son was 3 1/2 weeks over due and it was the middle of summer. I was so uncomfortable and the doctor finally agreed to induce me. He said it was something to do with him giving the signal that he was ready, but my body was ignoring it...he will come just be as patient as you can...though I know it is sooo hard!! Good Luck!


You must feel a huge sense of relief about the whole kitchen thing.
And talk about being patient waiting for baby babalah! Can't. believe. it.
Good luck!
p.s. You know what they say, cute baby lungs =
cute lil baby.


You are so good and patient! I would be strangling my doctor with both hands, saying, "Induce me now or I will take drastic measures!"

But it could be because I've never been particularly patient.

Or because the last part of my pregnancy sucked.

Either way, I am SO VERY IMPRESSED by your patience. That's one of the keys of motherhood.


Reading over everyones posts, I'm suprised that no one has offered to come over and break your water! I know thats sick but I had a customer offer to do that for a co-worker-Yuck!


When my due date came and went (which in all honesty was one of the most emotional days of my life) and nothing happened - I decided to go see a movie a day, at the theater(all by my lonesome - because I was so insufferable at that point no one could stand to be around me)until the baby decided to come. "Titanic" was the last movie I saw during my Pregnancy Film Festival. My water broke that night. So..naturally..I suggest you pop in "Titanic" this evening. Or "Waterworld" or any other water film of your choosing. It has as good a chance of working as anything else.
BUT seriously now - go shopping or to a movie or something. It is a proven fact that past due date + staying at home = vortex in which time stands still. Really.
Good luck, the peanut will be here before you know it.


I commiserate, you know, all six days overdue and not working and WHAT do you do with yourself besides moan and lie on the couch and watch TV and get up and walk in circles because walking will help induce labor, right? And the dog follows you around like "What the hell are you doing? Where are you going?"

And then I read 3 1/2 weeks overdue in a comment, and my life was cake.


This calls for massive amounts of internet retail therapy.

BTW, I thought of you the other day. We just moved to a new cool neighborhood in Chicago and we were walking down the street about three blocks from our house and BAM -- there is a Lush store staring me in the face. How awesome is that?

As for the waiting, at least you are at home. Imagine being this miserable and this pissed off at the office!


Ehm. Um. (Blushing madly) While sexual intercourse probably isn't what you're up for, orgasms (however they are achieved) do have a slightly-better than the average wives' tale for inducing labor. (Ears catching on fire now - must go and be more maiden-like.)


Count me among those who are checking every day.

Everything I know about pregnancy, I learned on TV or in the movies, so, as nearest I can figure, your water will break and somehow drench someone's shoes, you will get stuck in traffic with a cab driver who doesn't speak English and you will channel the beast from Ghostbusters in the delivery room (you don't want to know about your hair during this last part). The good news, however, is that the little guy will come out magically wrapped in swaddling clothes and a cute blue cap on his head and will coo in a language you alone will understand. Oh, and your doctor will be hot -- sometimes (although not often), Clooney hot.

Yeah, I'd be impatient, too.


Why do people suggest castor oil? It's like you're already miserable so let's add some horrible stomach cramps and diarrhea, Ugh. I for one do not recommend sex at 40 weeks. I did go into labor about 36 hours after sex but I don't think it had anything to do with it and it was really uncomfortable. Hopefully you can take comfort in the fact that you apparently have the best womb ever cause baby is very happy in there.


Hello! Pretty finished kitchen pictures?!? Want to see! Show us! :)

*come to the light babalah*


Amalah, I'm with you. you'd have to put a gun to my head to get me to drink castor oil and even then it would be a tough call. Hang in there. On one of these trips to the bathroom you'll turn around and see your mucus plug floating around and you'll think 'Hip hip hooray.'

Sorry, gross out. But true.


Are there any foods that the little Squish doesn't like?

I'd say, consume them in great quantities (or as much as your poor belly can hold at this point.) Piss the kid off so he's forced to come out for a refreshing drink of milk!!!

(PS, I think the orgasmic method of induction sounds more fun though...FWIW)


Having your regular OB unavailable is a sure-fire way to guarantee labor. It'll be this weekend. ;)


This would probably be a bad time to tell you that I was born 2 weeks past due I won't tell you that.

Baby! Come out, come out and see the new kitchen!


Sex at 40 weeks? Eeewwww...... That's how I felt anyway, and my ex-husband (heretofore known as the asshole) pretty much felt the same way. All will be good, I'm betting on Friday morning.


Mucus plug?


How do y'all do this? SO lucky to be born with a penis.


I've heard bright orange cheese induces labor. Maybe it's time to test drive some of those delish recipes from yesterday!


::googling to find out what in the WORLD a mucus plug looks like.::

My husband and I are rooting for you to be a Momalah soon! Approximately 12 times a day, I call over to him, "No baby yet." Unless he's in class, in which case, I IM him. You and your mucus plug have kinda brough a lot of people's internet lives to a standstill. No pressure or anything... :-)


Awww, poor thing! I can imagine how frustrating it is having to wait to hold your new son. Sorry.
It is cute that Ceiba is protecting you. Dogs do have that 6th sense, so maybe that really is a positive sign that you'll go into labor soon.

If all else fails, eat Mexican food! I've heard from many sources that it can help kickstart labor. Or go somewhere in public b/c it would be embarassing to have your water break in front of lots of strangers. Maybe your son will go for that! :)


People, DON'T Google mucus plug. You don't want to know. Trust me.

Heather B.

I'll just offer a heartfelt and oh so eloquent That sucks. If he's not out by saturday, maybe Taste of Bethesda might work? Ok maybe this isn't the time to keep Jason happy...oh well, sorry!


Hang in there! I too was late, by a good 5 days. Eeek. Going over sometimes seems like an eternity, I know. I've been late on all 3 of mine. (Jesus that sounds like a lot! Double EEK)

Anyway, I didn't realize our due dates were so close to each other. I'm sending you my very Best Wishes for a healthy labor and delivery (no matter how he gets here)!


Not that I would have a clue on what to paint to match the Prince's new digs, but as it seems he will be popping in shortly for an extended stay (based on a guess by the pup's reaction to others approaching), I just thought I'd mention that the portrait offer is a standing one for whenever you, the prince and the envy inducing hubby are up, able and willing. Feel free to flag my ass down when the mood strikes.

Also? Please tell the scary talented mother in law that I envy her ability with the furry woodland creatures.They mock me.



Wow. Here's to hoping that your doctor's trip is mysteriously delayed and that you coincidentally also go into labor this weekend, and don't have to worry about Dr. Cold Dead Fish.

I don't know about castor oil, what it is, or why it's supposed to help you. Where do all these old wives tales come from? I can understand the sex thing, because the chemicals your brain gets from orgasms are the same ones that cause contractions...but castor oil? I'd never heard that one. How is it supposed to make you go into labor? And then there's the one where a ball on a string will tell you the sex of a baby...I've heard some really wacky ones from some relatives. I wonder how some of these stories came to be.

Here's to hoping the baby comes soon. You've got a great nursery, and now, a great kitchen. The babalah's got to be ready now. Good luck!


Ah, the doctor going out of town is a surefire sign. Everyone in the world goes into labor when their doctor is out of town!


ah...the dogs always know.

actually, i have no idea but it sounds good.

you know, maybe you just need remind him that, ahem, there are multiple toys ready and also grandparents.


I would have seriously murdered anyone who said the "s" word or the "o" word to me past 38 weeks or fed me another freakin' wives tale out of the goodness of their sweet, ever-loving heart. Even if it meant my kids grew up without a father. People are sweet. but, heck! As if we aren't all searching the flippin' internet ourselves trying to figure out how to get out own darned baby out.

wishing you more baby-out vibes!


Well, I was told to drink a beer to put myself into labor. I drank half a beer and went into labor 6 hours later... but you don't really want my advice! ;)

Hang in there and get some rest. Then again, sex is also supposed to help naturally induce labor... there I go again with that advice stuff.

Patiently waiting over here, it will be soon I'm sure!


To hell with all the assvice.

Go out and buy yourself something pretty and tell yourself that you totally deserve it. That is my solution for just about anything.


I DID try the castor oil. I don't reccomend it ;) I came home from work..mixed up a juice glass of OJ and castor oil, grabbed the dog and leash and set out for my daily 3 mile walk. Did I logically know that Castor oil is a laxitive? Well, yes, but did I take this into consideraton? Hell no. So around mile 2 I started feeling the effects and ran like f**king hell that last mile, dragging the German Shepard behind me all the while clenching my butt and screaming "Oh God, please let me make." I made it and thought I was going to die. I *did* go into labor that night, but that could have been from that crazy last mile sprint for the toilet that jostled her loose. No assvice- just thought you might like a laugh.....


Try to enjoy these last few days (hours?) - having him out will be amazing and wonderful, but so, so busy. And loud. Yes, enjoy the silence from the little guy. You'll be hearing plenty from him soon enough.

JL Dropout

Hey, whether the beer thing works or not, I think beer is an excellent idea!!


So, uh... give birth yet?

Come ooooooon, Babalah!


Look! A Star in the East! A sign!oh no..just a plane...uh..should I rub lucky bunny feet for you? This weekend I'll be going to a bookstore to get your magazine.


How exciting. I haven't read in a while b/c I've been busy w/my baby I had 2 months ago and I wanted to check in and see where you were. Any sec now, and your reasons for thinking it could happen soon are probably right on the money. Good Luck!


I'm kinda hoping he's born on Friday...that's my wedding anniversary! But since you're so miserable, I hope you go into labor sooner than say, tomorrow. Good luck and can't wait to see how cute he is when he finally decides to come out!

Miss Ann Thrope

Have sex...yeah, yeah, I know. But really, I read that sperm releases prostaglandins that stimulate the cervix. Plus if you get all crazy and have an orgasm, you'll get contractions.

I'm just saying. I don't have kids so what do I know anyway?


Dude, you'll totally go into labor the second your regular doctor clocks off duty. Have I told you how I was OVER TWO WEEKS LATE with my first kid? (Not that that will happen to you. I would wish no such fate on my worst enemy.) But as soon as both of the doctors in my practice went away for a weekend (an event that happened only twice per year), I went into labor and had a stranger deliver my baby. Which turned out not to be so bad. Because at that point, I wouldn't have cared if the homeless guy who slept on the corner near my house had caught the baby -- I just wanted him OUT.


On the good side, this baby will grow up to be a genius who thinks things through before starting. He's just in there, waiting for the right time, because he's just an amazing and wise baby. Okay, and maybe a bit stubborn, which can be an excellent trait to have. Sending good Karma your way.


Just so that you know I even check your site before I go to bed JUST IN CASE you've updated. As if you'd be running out the door in labor and say to Jason "What a sec, let me tell the internet we're off to the hospital!"


Hi Amy. I am delurking to say that I really enjoy your site and am sending labor-vibes your way. Good luck!


My first child, a boy also came a week later. Boys tend to stay inside beyond their due date I've heard.
I do love your good sense of humor, it is so well needed around babies.
In the fear of being an assvice-giver, I shut myself up. (but click twice a day to see when the boy decides to see his Mom)


I read the article about your blog in the Washintonian, and I just wanted to say I think it's really great that you have attracted so many people to your life.

Also, I really hope everything is going 100% perfect with the pregnancy and baby!!


Maybe it's a birthstone issue? I'm due Nov 9th, but don't really like Topaz. So, if Baby is born in October, I get opals. Maybe your little guy thinks you look better in opals than saphires? I think I would be looking up "how to give yourself a section in 10 easy steps" if I was past my due date!!!!! At least you look cute! :)


I am so sorry you are still not in labor, but can we talk about the real problem here!? I totally guess for babalah's bday was the 27th. ;)

October is a good month!


Now that this is completely redundant...maybe you should put an assvice disclaimer under "post a comment"...

So glad the plug popped! Now what exactly does that mean?

Miss Ann Thrope

Being the ever helpful ass-vice giver, I just read that when you lose the plug, labour generally is expected anywhere from 2-4 days after.

Trying to give you hope.

And now that I've read more about having babies than I ever wanted to know, it makes me sorta feel better that I never had any.

(ps: I'm not new here, just coming out so to speak.)


OUr dogs our really protective our little guy. When I would run with him in the jogging stroller and strange dogs would approach our lab would stick really close to the stroller and once he even barked and growled at a strange dog who came charging down the hillside. This was noteworthy because we had had jonah for 2 years at that point and I had never hear him bark EVER! Now our little guys prefers sleeping with the dogs. In the morning he climbs out of our bed to go snuggle on the doggie pillows. This use to totally freak me out because EW. But I'm over it...cuz you have to be!

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