Amalah Unplugged
And We're Off...


So everybody probably thought my next post would be something like this:

Labor! Motherfuckingcontractionsowowow! Going to hospital now. Where is bag? Shoes? Lip gloss? CrapcontractionrightNOW Jason will update ASAP but I'm guessing it will be a boy baby of some kind who will look something like this, only less orange.

Well, I thought maybe so too. But no. After hours of completely pointless, annoying and painful Braxton-Hicks contractions and another spurt of crazy nesting energy, I have determined that I am still most definitely not in labor.

However, I have gotten all of the following things done today:

1) Packed hospital bag for (hopefully) the last time. Contains paper for documenting all the hilarious curse words I invent during contractions and hopefully funny anecdotes about the L&D nurses, unless the L&D nurses are all, "Hey! You're that girl from The Washingtonian!" Which means I can't say anything mean about them, because I'm a chickenshit like that. Bag also contains the Bethiclaus blanket AND my new Lucky Labor Socks that Stinkerbell knitted and sent all the way from FRANCE, which WOW, how did women give birth before the Internet was around to send them pretty things?

Also realized that the elusive [something crucial] was my book of Su Do Ku puzzles.

2) Washed every last item of baby clothing and other fabric that may potentially come within five feet of my son's precious skin, except for the changing pad cover, which I have washed five times because Max keeps taking naps on it and frankly, I'm done caring about it.

3) Organized the kitchen.

Oh yes, the kitchen. That room which I no longer ever wish to speak of.

A lot of progress has been made since the last time I ranted about it:


Yes, that is Kraft Macaroni & Cheese simmering on the stove. Shut up.

We have cabinets! We have Silestone countertops! We have tile floors! We have a snazzy new over-the-range microwave with a fan and a surface light that makes me so happy I could weep!

We also have: Crumbling grout that needs to be redone, missing shelves on backorder, mutilated drywall, a cracked doorway threshold and a sink that won't drain properly. Oh, and everytime we run the garbage disposal it completely floods the cabinet underneath.

And one. More. Bloody. Missing. Cabinet. Because. God. Hates. Me.


Babalah: See? Am so not budging until you get that kitchen DONE and learn how to cook something besides Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.



I've been waiting for a countertop for 4 weeks now. Nuff said - I feel your pain.

Except not the contraction pain - cause I don't know anything about that stuff.


If I visited your home, I would so focus on the lovely shade of blue that is your kitchen walls (are?) and none of that other stuff.


Oh -- I meant none of that bad other stuff. After I got done swooning over the walls, I'd swoon some for the counters, floors, cabinets, etc. It is a Lovely Kitchen.


Your kitchen is beautiful! I really like the blue on the walls, it's a great color.

Good luck on dilating and all that good stuff. Hopefully next time you post, you'll have baby pictures : )


It must be the summer of never ending renovation projects. Ours started in mid June, was supposed to take 6 weeks. The last grout was just done TODAY.
Good luck Amalah and Squishy. We are thinking of you!


Kraft Mac & Cheese is the pregnancy food of champions!! Spirals too...even better!

THINKING LABOR THOUGHTS!! Out, out, out babalah!!


seriously? i had 4 countertops delivered to my home before the store (rhymes with "Mowes") got the stupid measurement right. i can identify with your kitchen woes... but it looks great just the same!


hey, i love mac and cheese... but i think the Annie's brand is cheesier. :) good luck to you!


Leave it to Amalah to color coordinate her food choices to her kitchen decor.

It's just mahvelous dahlink!


argh! No labor?? How is this possible??

Kitchen is quite cool though!


Oy. Oy. Oy. God does not hate you- but someone in the kitchen remodeling world does.
And...? Please babalah. Come out and play. We want to see you in all your cute non-orangeness with your cute ears and ten toes. Pleeeeaassse?

p.s. tell me if that worked.


I really love the color of your kitchen walls. And you know what, every time you post pictures of anything in the living room, I drool over those, too. Ok, and the mural in the nursery. It's so much work to redecorate my OWN house, much easier to be envious of yours.


I'm no expert, but labor seems to occur at the most inopportune time. Perhaps you need to be wearing something dry clean only? Then your water is guaranteed to break!


Aww shoot!
But the kitchen turned out nice despite the few missing items.
Tell Babalah that tough, you're not going to put the rest of the kitchen together till he comes out and he'd better let you finish that damn kitchen or else. Well, don't use curse words yet. Wait till he's a bit older. ;)


Mmmmm, Kraft Mac & Cheese... I always wished my mom would make that instead of the homebaked recipe that she would slave over...

Bonanza Jellybean

ARE YOU KIDDING? All kids WILL eat is Macaroni and Cheese!! And GOD FORBID you make it from scratch... they're all "But I wannntteeedd tttthhheee kiinnndd wwitthh tthhee poooowwwwdder." (That's my best typing impression of the protracted whine my daughter saves for times like these.) Also, chicken strips and grilled cheese.

Babalah's just waiting on the chicken strips to come out of the oven.

Seriously, though, good luck.


But the kitchen parts that are done....ooohhh....ahhhhh.....soooo pretty! Truly, it looks spectacular. That's the very sink that you'll probably bathe babalah in, right? Awwww.....


I think it's lovely, but then again, I have no kitchen, because I have no job. Pity me.

I do hope Babalah hurries up.


Love the blue walls in the kitchen! And of COURSE the "something crucial" was a book of SoDuKu puzzles because it's just what you need for all that "free time" you'll have in the hospital :)

Sarcastic Journalist

I know how you feel. Well, not the nice kitchen part, but the rest. I was totally there but THEY HAVE TO COME OUT EVENTUALLY!!!!! HA!


The kitchen is adorable and doncha LOVE the pots and pans hanging thingy?? We had one in the last house hanging over our island and I adored it. I don't know about you, but I had alot of free down time to myself in the evenings at the hospital when my visitors were gone and I couldn't sleep (you will run on adrenaline for a few days) so the puzzles are a great idea :)


Very nice kitchen. See, we're the idiots that put the cabinets and countertop FIRST and then go "hey, don't we need to replace the torn tile?" Yea. We're s-m-r-t.

And I know what it's like to have things unfinished and pissed about it. My man took down the back porch the first of May. It's what? September 29 and I STILL don't have a back porch? We'll see what the drunkasses due Saturday at the party when they open the door and fall 7 feet.

Maybe it will be my husband and he'll get impaled on dog shit?! (but he is supposedly going shopping with a neighbor to buy the materials today. So nice of you to rush.)


Poor Amalah, hurring up and waiting all the dang time. I predict you'll have him within a week.

Sorry. :)

Baby thoughts, baby thoughts, baby thoughts ....

RockStar Mommy

I'm tired of making threats if you don't go into labor because you're OBVIOUSLY NOT SCARED OF ME!

I scrubbed out my refrigerator, scrubbed my BASEMENT FLOOR, cleaned behind the washer and dryer, and packed my hospital bag about 700 times right before I went in to get induced. I swore I was going to go into labor before they did it for me. But I didn't. Just those goddamed braxton hicks... Here's to hoping your Dr. gets sick of waiting and just does it for you...

PS - send me your address.

RockStar Mommy

PPS: Your kitchen looks FAN-FRIGGIN-TASTIC! I'm jealous!

Real Girl

Okeeee, so I'll be off hiking in Virginia while you spit out a baby. Hope it's fast, but if it's not, I look forward to the curse words....

(By the way? I took a break from my oh-my-god-pack-faster-going-to-miss-the-plane madness to see if you went into labor. Now *that's* devotion.)


I obsessed about having the changing table pad clean and ready for both of my kids, but I always ended up using the couch. Other pointless baby items I spent money on and never used: every style of bottle ever made in an attempt to find just ONE my kids would take! and also baby nail clippers, which are evil little objects designed to snip off baby's entire FINGERTIP instead of just the nail.


Hey, Im delurking to say that I love your kitchen along with the rest of your house! I feel ya on the labor part, Im due OCT 4th tho, So Im not allowed to complain (yet) and Im soo jealous that you lost your "plug" you have no idea. GOOD LUCK!


mmmm. Mac and cheese. You know you were inspired by the office cookbook of shameful cheese... only, kraft is WAY better.

cas are a stronger woman than I am. I'd had enough 3 days prior to my due date and agreed (um read: BEGGED) for an induction. Which was granted, which I then freaked out about because I knew for sure that it would all end badly, and not only that, I was screwing up my kid by not allowing her to be born on her time and she'd maybe not have the right astrological chart and also all women would hate me becuase I couldn't wait...and...and...and...

well, in the end, none of it mattered, because, there she was...snug in my arms (though she fought to never exit the womb).

See my freak out here:

It's going to be will be like the best christmas and birthday and everythign EVER!!!


mmmm...mucus plug. yaaeeechhh.

but if it gets us a little closer to the babalah, i'm excited! ;)


Squee!! Just read on Jason's site that he is wondering if you guys might have to go to the hospital tonight! I have no idea what time he updated, but I hope he is right.

Dr. Johnny Fever

Let me just say that I am SHOCKED that you haven't yet offered to auction your mucuos plug on eBay and donate the proceeds to the hurricane relief fund.


Mmm, macaroni and cheese.


Look at it this way: Babalah knows that you have a huge internet audience and is just keeping them on the edge of their seats for his own amusement. This means that your child is already a genius, and master of suspense! He should totally make movies.

P.S I looooove macaroni and cheese. LOVE.


HA I have got the timing on my side. You can go into labor... NOW :)


oooo... ahhh.. lovely kitchen!!

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