A Post That Does Not Contain the Words D-I-A-P-E-R or R-A-S-H

Mommy Blog THIS, Bitches


Yes! Am a little drunk. Is fabulouss. Mom was all, "Go out! Go have fun! Leave Baby with me!" And while I was a little afraid she might devour his whole delicious self while we were gone, we went out to have fun.

We went to dinner and had much wine, thanks to my friend the breast pump, about which I probably told more members of the waitstaff than were really necessary, but you know, I didn't want to be Judged.

(They totally did not care that I am doing the Right Thing by breastfeeding but were only happy to see that I was doing my share to pad the check once again.)

I wore Actual Clothes that sort of fit and also? Verry high heels. Stilettos! For the first time in ages. Shit, those bitches HURT. How did I wear them every damn day?

Oh yes. Wine. Because of the wine.

Oh! I took Noah to my office today to show him off to everybody, and he rose to the occasion by screaming his fool head off the entire time and then he peed on my coworker's carpet.

Now he is sleeping. And adorable. And I missed him at dinner. And yet I totally did not miss him because OH MY GOD, WE WENT OUT FOR DINNER LIKE REAL PEOPLE AND DID NOT DISCUSS THE CONTENTS OF ANYONE'S DIAPER THE ENTIRE TIME.

Going to sleep now. I can't remember what hangovers feel like. Amateur.



let me be the first to remind you they feel like a bitch!

glad you had a good time =)


Yay for you! Hangovers suck but it sounds like this one just might be worth it?

PS I'll babysit Noah for you next time you want to go out when your mom is gone...seriously!


HAA!! you're too cute! glad you had fun...


But wait -- where exactly did you go for dinner??


Ah, I remember that feeling. Went out for my birthday a month after Donovan was born and then promptly threw up after 1 1/2 margaritas. Pregnancy TOTALLY RUINS a good alcohol tolerance.


He. He. Had wine to. Blogged about it. Am no longer drunk(ish). Bah.


He. He. Had wine too. Blogged about it. Am no longer drunk(ish). Bah.


double posting bitches.


I am terribly jealous. I spent my night watching Bewitched. You had a -far- better time than I did.


Wine AND dinner out? All in one night? Sheesh. I don't even have kids and I'm not that lucky. And as far as shoes go, the pain of high heels is worth the not having to wear orthopedic oxfords, while at a fine eating establishment. Hugs to your baby.

S. Faolan Wolf

Girl, if anyone deserves a night on the town it's a brand new mama.

Btw: Another blog I read constantly, the writer (a dad) and his wife just had a little girl. Let's see...in about 18 years, maybe Noah and she could date. Hey, while I'm all agreeing about living in the moment, when it comes to babalahs, ya gotta think ahead.


Suweeettt. Bc I am drunk too, and it is awesome

Sarah King

What is up with you guys? It's midday here, I am at work and absolutely not drunk. Oh wait, time difference. That makes sense.


Sounds like a delicious time :) Where did you guys go for dinner? Oh, and I already have the morning hangover. They suck...


Good for you! Hangovers are 100x harder when you have a screaming baby to deal with but they are OH SO worth it. Again, I'd like to borrow your mom, thanks.


That first dinner out without the baby is so much fun. And WINE! Love it! My parents are coming to babysit this weekend so my hubby and I can go out. There's lots of sangria in my future, and I can't wait.

I assume your mom was able to resist the urge to gobble up the adorably delicious Noah?

Big Gay Sam

Next time drink copious amounts of vodka. When you get home, stick those puppies in a freezer until well chilled. Shake well. (jumping up and down for a couple of minutes should do the trick) Voila! Homemade White Russians!

serves two. :P

Mammaries can be very useful.


hurrah for drunkenness! hurrah for padding the bill and no diaper talk!

hurrah for the breast pump!


Yay for going out and having a good time. And especially yay for wine!


I love your mom. :)


Hooray for the drunken post! It's been so long! :)

Your mama is a real gem. As long as she didn't devour any of that delicious baby while you were out.


Yay for drunkness!

Boo for ouchy shoes. How DARE they interfere with the pleasure of a first date after the bebe?

Glad you had a lovely time, and that Noah remained undevoured by the grandmama


Good for you! I hope you had a great time.

Heather B.

Hangovers feel awesome...ok, lies all lies, but vino is definately awesome.


Stilettos? And wine? Sounds like the makings of a sibling for Noah, girl.


you're such an adorable goof :)


I am currently in the two week abstinence phase after ovulation. It may turn out to be much longer and now I really wish I would have had a nice bottle of wine last week instead of wasting my potentially last drink for a while on a few Coronas.
Good for you.


Rest assured, new mama, that you will regain a tolerance for both wine and high heels. I remember my first dinner out after DS2 was born- DH's boss took the staff and spouses out when baby was about 8 weeks old, so I pumped immediately before going into the restaurant so I could enjoy some pinot grigio. I love modern technology.

And now my daughter is at a school that has a wine tasting event for a school fundraiser. Life is good.


Yay for nights out for new parents! I hope you had fun, and that there was no leaking from the boobular area.


I think it's great that you and your husband took a night for yourselves. Too many people use a new baby as an excuse to neglect their marriage.


On one particular night out when my girls were little, I got absolutely-positively-fall-on-my-butt sloshed. (Their dad doesn't drink, so at least one parent was in control that night.) He took care of the girls the next morning, letting me sleep in. Around noon, I heard the doorbell ring; my teatotaling parents had dropped by. I heard my mom ask if I was home, and heard the piping voice of my 5 year old say, "Mommy's not feeling good today. She had too much to eat last night." It got very quiet in the living room and I buried my head under every pillow I could find.


"Mommy Blog THIS, Bitches"
I love it! You are too great and funny. So glad you and Jason got a night out.


I just had my baby earlier this week and am also becoming acquainted with my friend the breastpump. Beer. YUM. I can almost taste it now. Or maybe wine? Maybe a gin and tonic instead? Decisions, decisions.

All these years, I thought the whole "discussing the diaper contents" was stupid until Wednesday as I nearly cried with relief when my little monkey finally had one (his first since we had came home, that is, -- I was so worried he wasn't eating enough). Anyway, it was THEN I knew I had been bitten by the Poop Bug myself. SOB.

Anne Glamore

That first night out after the first kid is a night you never forget!! Even though my oldest will be 10 next month, I still remember what I wore, who kept him, where we went...

It was my first sign that I was still a person-- not just a boob.



Good for you!


Discussing the diaper contents never ends by the way. I have major, in depth conversations with Billy about how everything is, um, moving along about once a week. It's horrifying.


Pregnancy and breastfeeding gave me a long-time-coming and well-needed break from The Booze.

But it's taken *hiccup* a lot of hard work to get that tolerance back up to speed since *hiccup* The Breastaurant closed. Not.


Hysterical! Oh and thanks for making me feel like a loser for watching the apprentance in my PJs last night and drinking TWO diet cokes before bed!


OK, you know you are kicking First Time Motherhood ASS, right?

Damn, you're making the rest of us that just had a baby look down right frumpy and repressed. LOL

Glad you had fun!


How do we wear those damn shoes everyday? I ask myself that at the end of each work day as I am walking to the bus. Damn the heels.

(of couse, the look good. that is why we wear them)

Glad you guys were able to have some fun and drink some wine.


I'm so happy for you :)


Ahhh...drunk amalah postings! It's been far too long! Welcome back love!

And that's so wonderful that you and Jason were able to get out and be grown ups for an evening, I imagine that's quite nice.

And then look at all the wonderfullness you have to come home to (provided momalah didn't chew off his knees or fingers...)


Yay for going out without the baby! I couldn't wait to have drinks with dinner after my first was born and then one rum and diet coke later I was practically asleep at the table. Pregnancy totally ruined my alcohol tolerance.

Glad to hear you had a good time!


See, I never get drunken these days, but this *memoir* was so vivid and picturesque that I almost (!!!) felt like going for getting drunken again. Bwah. Last time I was drunken was like 12 years ago, heh.


You guys kick! What fun!

Our amazing, most beloved pediatrician gave us "homework" at our first - FIRST - visit! "By the one month well visit you two need to have been out on a date without the baby." She did it again after our second. And she was mighty stern about it.

Glad your mom was smart and kind enough to push you and Jason out the door. She's a great role model!


God, you rock.

So glad you went out and had a great time. It was well deserved. Hope the hangove wasn't too bad and you are out again SOON!



Erin O'Brien

In order to celebrate amalah's iminent hangover, I have to share the following NSFW link and I really mean it, this baby IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK. That said, before you give 'er a click, imagine viewing this the moment before your Dearly Beloved taps you on the shoulder in hopes of some conjugal attention.

Oh, the things we do for love.


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