Things That Have Reduced Me To Hot Hysterical Tears In The Past 24 Hours
Oh Right! I Also Have a Dog

State of the Boobdom

Dear Internet,

I love you. That is all.

Amalah


No, that's not all. The comments and emails from yesterday's post made me cry. Of course, realizing we were out of Milano cookies made me cry, but still. This was a good cry. Thank you for all the hugs, support, encouragement and sharing of your own stories.

Things? Much better today.

(Things that have made me cry today, besides the aforementioned Milano situation, which has since been remedied: Jason buying me maxi-pads at the store without blinking an eye, a commercial for antidepressants that featured a dog sitting forlornly by the front door with a tennis ball in his mouth because his owner was too depressed to play with him and the realization that my stretch marks kind of resemble a Doppler image of a Gulf Coast hurricane.)

But!

I met with a different lactation consultant yesterday, and I loved her so much I came very close to hugging her and crying into her pretty, pretty hair. I refrained because I was topless at the time and figured that might be Weird.

(The other L/C is actually someone I think I would like very much under normal circumstances and just had the unfortunate job of seeing me under completely NOT normal circumstances, i.e. the day Florence Fucking Nightingale would have made me cry.)

I was not quite so unhinged today for some reason, and Lactation Consultant version 2.0 asked questions and didn't start talking until I finished answering them, and that was really alll I needed from her.

My milk supply may be inhibited by my history of fibrocystic breast disease and some nasty cyst aspirations that left scar tissue behind. Or my supply may just be ramping up super slowly. Or my boobs might just be retarded.

No matter what, though, she saw that I was miserable on the pump and desperately missing my time nursing Noah immediately told me to NURSE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, NURSE.

The first L/C made an assumption that I was crying and miserable because I was in pain from earlier nipple damage and wanted a break from Noah's chomping and figured the pump would be a welcome respite for me, instead of the vile symbol of failure and disappointment that it actually was.

It also didn't help that the pump I came home with yesterday (the Medela Lactina, mine sworn archenemy) fucking chewed my nipples off. "Pump Trauma," the lactation folks call it.

"Pumping should feel good." L/C v.2.0 told me. I snorted and yanked up my top to display the crunchy burnt toast points that now serve as my nipples. She may have fainted, just a little.

Anyway. I came home from the appointment with a new pump (the Medela Symphony, my reluctant ally) and a new plan. I breastfeed Noah every two and a half hours for 10 minutes on each side, then pump for 10 minutes while Jason bottlefeeds him formula and any expressed milk I produce.

(Hello, male readers! I assume you'll all be going now. Please come back, I promise to find something more interesting to talk about at some point.)

It's heaven. I get my time with the boy (who is a CHAMPION latcher and sucker, if I may brag, and I will, because at this age the only thing you really CAN brag about is their ability to crap their pants or suck on a boob), Jason gets to participate in the feedings, and I feel less pressure to nurse for ages and ages to ensure that he's getting enough.

I'm taking fenugreek and sipping some Guinness. I'm already producing double the milk I was two days ago. It's not a breastmilk bonanza around here by any means, but it's progress, and we'll take it.

And the best news of all? Noah gained SIX OUNCES in TWENTY-FOUR HOURS thanks to the formula and outgrew the newborn diapers for the second time in his short little life.

Oh, and he loves his pacifier. Suck on that, Lactation Consultant version 1.0. (Although thanks for the Soothies and the prescription nipple cream. They are extremely appreciated, OH MY GOD.)

Meanwhile, he gets cuter and cuter and perfecter and perfecter by the minute. (He sleeps through the night, did I tell you that? We have to wake him up for Baby Weight Gain Challenge 2005 but if we didn't? He's down for the count.)

He's quite the cuddler too.

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The bouncy seat: just one of the four thousand purchases made by paranoid parents-to-be who figured they'd be cursed with a fussy sleeper, only to birth a child who would sleep in a Hemnes drawer without a squawk.

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Daddy is whipped.

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So am I. Also kind of puffy.

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Comments

Judy

he's beautiful, amalah. congrats, again. also, glad to hear things are looking better on the L/C front.

halloweenlover

Soooo... when do you think I will stop crying when I look at pictures of Noah? And when I stop crying about those, do you think the pictures of Jason kissing Noah will still make me cry? I am thinking yes.

I am so happy to hear that you are able (and love) to nurse Noah and so happy that Lactation Consultant #2 is better. Hurray! And double the milk supply! And 6 ounces! WOWOWOWOW!!!

Fabulous news. What an amazing mama you are.

countrymom

I'm so happy for you! You look great and its such a great feeling to nurse!! Noah is so so cute and Dads with babys are just adorable. Sleep while you can, Noah is tricking you - its a big evil trick. Trust me.. I had one that big, he'll stop sleeping through the night once he's convinced that you are sleeping deeply and relaxing. LOL. You are doing great. Enjoy- this is such a fun time, no matter how tired you are!!

junkie

He really is most gorgeous, and I'm so glad to hear things are going much better in the milk-producing department. Now you can truly just enjoy the miracle that is your beautiful son w/o all the other b.s.

Kathleen

AmalahCon.

Oh yeah, we so need that! I, too, am having a hard time with the continuum... I look at the photos, and people at work come up and say "oh what an adorable baby!" and I *want* to say "Oh, that my friend Amy's son, Noah... isn't he a doll?"

kathy

Oh my, thank god for Noah. My mom died two days ago and I was hoping to find some great baby news from Amalah and? I did. Sounds like you had a rough couple of days but like all things. it gets better. He is totally and completely perfect.

Heather B.

I want a Noah. Soooooooooooo cute! And you look damn good girl!

eve

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better! Those first few weeks/months are such a rollercoaster. I don't think anything can prepare you for how insanely difficult it is to be a new parent, but it looks like you and Jason are doing a wonderful job.

JustLinda

You're doing great, sweetie. AWESOME, even.

Angela

I am so glad that things are looking up for you!

Congratulations again. :-)

Monica

He's beautiful, Amy. I'm so happy for you (and your boobs).

andi

ooooh amalah darling!!
he is just the most beautiful thing ever!! and his head is so wonderfully spherical!! I am guessing the c-section was not your first choice, but his head! gah! is so beautiful! and none of his brains were squash-ed!!

hang in there, i think you are doing great and looking beautifully maternal!! am sooo gelus!!

andi

Nienuh

You don't seem to need another positive comment, but it is going to be ok, whatever way (or boob, or bottle) it turns out. You have a beautiful healthy son!

cas

Gorgeous! All of you. You are the mama, you will figure it out. Noah is going to teach you all about it. Also, target maternity bras? The best.

De

Yay! Happy to read you found a consultant you like, and that your producing! I love nursing Owen, its so damn cute when they look at you, or stop to listen! And the jumping right on like they haven't eaten in weeks!

...oh and for Ceiba being home too!

You sound like you, Jason and Noah are doing great!

Number Twelve

Amalah finds an ally in motherhood with new L/C You might consider reading The Red Tent... an inspiring story of womanhood. Figuring out how you are actually going to feed your newborn without making you completely insane (breast or bottle) - a true rite of passage and accomplishment. Congratulations. Noah's got himself a good one.

BabelBabe

so glad the 2nd lc is good. her solution is perfect, as it stimulates your supply and gives you bond time but also keeps little noah fed. you sound like you're doing great - hang in there. best of luck.

did i mention oatmeal in my last comment? get yourself some oatmeal cookies - it boosts breast milk, too. guinness and oatmeal cookies....yum.


Theresa Brick

Happy 1 week Old-ness, Noah! Your mama loves you a lot, but you are old enough to know that by now.

Amalah, you are doing great! Such a sweet family...the pic of you holding him and Jason suddling him reduces me to blurry eyes. Ah, I miss my baby.

Love (but not the weird kind) to you all!

SortaBlonde

I am glad to hear that things are better. Your son is simply gorgeous!

dee

Yay! So glad to hear that things are going better. All those pictures of Noah make me wanna just snuggle up with him and give him lots of love.

ben

I think I may have fainted, just a little.

But I got over it and now I'm drinking a toast to your mealtime D cups! Mmmm, coffee...

Robyn

I'm glad you have a new lactation consultant - good for you!! I hope things will be going more smoothly for you. The first week is always so hard!

reenie

S. Faolan Wolf? I just have to say that our first son's middle name is Faolan and our second son's first name is Wolf. How crazy is that?

Ally

That new plan makes SO much more sense. Glad it's going better already.

Mikaela

Oh. Mah. Gawd. That pic of Jason holding Noah all curled up on his chest, kissing the top of Noah's head is the. cutest. thing. I. have. ever. seen.

Krisco

I am so glad you switched lactation consultants. The first one seemed really bad.

I didn't want to suggest that after the (fair) rant against all the "assvice" pre-Noah birth. Glad you are clearly able to make such smart decisions without the internet suggesting such things. :) (For me it was hard to make that kind of decision post-birth.)

And I see no one is willing to um, spill the beans....so I will. :) Newborns are sleepyheads, to quote The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. I hope, I really really hope, that he is still sleeping through the night at three months. I'll wait to read it here first...

kukorakin

I am jealous, so jealous I could cry, well actually did cry. Noah gained 6 oz in 24 hours and outgrew newborn diapers? At one of our appointments for our baby she had only gained half an oz in 4 days. She's picked up now but she still hasn't outgrown her newborn diapers. Waah!

Tina

Do not fall victim to the "Breastfeeding Nazis"!
If you breastfeed - good for you! if you do not- Good for you! Do not let anyone tell you that your child will get sick all the time, grow extra fingers, or take to wearing your dresses if you do not breastfeed. Your little Mommy Meter will direct you, much like The Force, trust your instincts and listen to your baby. No one will ever know him as you do, and until he is 5 or so, he won't lie to you! Proud of you, and so happy for your little boy.

T

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