The Internet Really Needs Another Rant About Breastfeeding
In Which Photos Redeem Another Crappy Entry

The Girl Who Cried Boob

So. The Great Nursing Strike of 2005 is over.

I reached my breaking point yesterday and decided that I? Was quitting the breastfeeding thing. Ding! I'm done, crack open the Similac and let's all toast to Modern Engineered Nutrition.

But I didn't have any clean bottles. So I popped everything in the sterilizer and stuck it in the microwave.

But I didn't feel like listening to Noah scream for four whole minutes. So I popped open my shirt and stuck him on the boob.

FORTY MINUTES LATER, I burped him and put him in his crib.


He had his one-month physical today and weighs 10 pounds, 10 ounces. He's gained a full inch in length. He peed on Lactation Consultant v.1.0 and nursed for 20 minutes right in the exam room just to make me sound insane when I tried to convince her that seriously, this child REFUSED TO EAT FOR DAYS AND DAMN NEAR SCARED ME TO DEATH.

Sidenote: I actually kind of like Lactation Consultant v.1.0 now, since I have mastered the secret Zen art of the "Smile and Nod" whenever she starts going on and on about something that a less Zen person might perceive as an attack on her mothering skills.

LC v.1.0: This baby doesn't have a set bedtime yet? He NEEDS a set bedtime! Now! Set a bedtime!

*smiles and nods, thinks about ponies*

Anyway, I want to thank the Internet at large for all the wonderfully reasoned and supportive comments on Tuesday's post. I have witnessed more brawls break out over posts about breastfeeding and seriously -- I was expecting some kind of throwdown or a couple whackjobs to tell me that Hitler's mother quit breastfeeding at four weeks too, so there you go.

I didn't delete a single comment. And I didn't get a single whackjob email. In fact, I got very very NICE emails. Emails that, if I were not a very awful person, I would probably respond to in a timely fashion.

But right now? I have to go breastfeed my baby. Again. For like, the 40th time today. Because he is making up for lost time and oh my God, I haven't closed my bra all day and why did I want this so much again? Something about antibodies? And bonding? Bah.



aww, that's just great. i'm so happy for you guys.


Hi. I have be lurking for a while now. Congrats on Noah. He is too cute. Also congrats on breastfeeding. I am glad things seems to working out for you. Take care.



No pictures?

Whaaaaaaaaaa!!! (Put that boob away! I'm not crying for that!!)

Glad to hear Noah decided you got milk.


Real Girl

Yay! So glad your boob's getting proper action. May he continue to go after you with abandon forever more.

Well...clearly not *forever* more.



HOORAY! Growing baby boy. Everytime I see the picture of him all cuddled up and noodley in those khakis, it kills me. KILLS.

Don't forget the other most important, wonderful benefit of nursing... supreme and indomitable weight loss!

So glad things are going smoothly in the land o' baby.

(Seriously? A bedtime? He'll sleep when he's tired, Lactation Nazi)


Just in time-right before you were ready to quit...perfect little Noah.


what can i say except really. you know how people ALWAYS say babies are cute, even if deep down they secretly think they're ugly? well noah sho ain't one of those, girlfriend! :) more baby pictures to drive me deeper into baby fever, please! (my boyfriend is ready to strangle me)


Who's a good boy, Noah? You are! You are!


Wow, LC v.1.0 really needs to stick to her job description.

Anyway, congrats on everything working out with Noah. Seriously though, the child's a genius, playing with the emotions of the Internet like that. I see big things in his future!

(Heh, I sound like a fake psychic.)


hooray for boobies and big baby boys!


Noah is starting to sound like a typical guy: can't make his damn mind up about *anything*.



I love it! I'm so happy for you b/c I can see how much you wanted this. Congrats! I hope Noah keeps it up. And YAY for all of the readers being nice!


After consideration of all the options, Little Noah Storch decided that he was, after all, a boob man.


I am sorry you've had such ups and downs with this, but very glad you are back to up. I admire you for trying so hard.

I hate that new mothers are judged so much, and by complete strangers who don't know a thing about the history. I have one friend who couldn't breastfeed. She has had people give her dirty looks and make comments when she gives her baby a bottle in public. Another friend chose to breastfeed, and she gets rude comments when she nurses in public (and gets comments from coworkers now that maternity leave is over that it would be so much easier for her to formula feed than to pump during the day). It's not even a regional difference: they both live in the same city.


Go boob, go boob!

Am so glad that he is no longer rejecting the mommy milk wagon.

Heather B.

Sounds like you have some wonderful boobs over there.


Hooray for Noah, oh yeah for your boobies too!


Yeah for Noah! So glad he decided he wanted the boob again!


And at the tender age of 4 weeks, little Noah let his parents know that HE was in charge. And from that day on, they all lived happily ever after!!

Congrats on the newfound boob appreciation!


Congratulations. That's babies for you. Just as you reach the end of your rope and start contemplating having a freak out, they change their behavior.

Good luck!


right on! ya, sometimes it gets tired the whole nursing bra phenomenon...


Woo hoo! I'm glad for you guys, that is all worked out in the end. :) (is it "the end" yet?)


I'm just smiling because you and Noah sound so happy today. I'm sorry you've had a rough go of it but it certainly sounds like you've made it over quite the hump so hopefully it's smooth sailing from here on out. *Side note, dd#2 did the one boob for 5 minutes nursing things and was just and fat and jolly as her older sister but I grew many gray hairs worrying.* Happy nursing Noah and Mommy!


Yay boobies!

We had a similar story.


huzzah! Way to straighten up and fly right, little Noah. So glad things are going well.

Another Amy

Did you ever imagine in your life that perfect strangers on the internet would be cheering for your boobs?

Tricia Bailey

YAY You!


Hooray! I'm so happy that the breastfeeding crisis has ended well! I say this as a 5 months pregnant lady who really wants to breastfeed and is worried about having problems. I have been reading your blog with great interest!


That is wonderful! I'm so happy for you guys!


Hooray for the boobs!

Great news. Glad to hear it!


A set bedtime for a little one? Ha Ha hahahHA! Mine never went for a set bedtime. Ever. I've got friends who mananged such a thing, but not us. Oh well. Each parent/child/family combo eventually works out what's best for them whatever the issue.

The best you can do is filter out the good advice from the bad, try out the good advice, and scrap it if it doesn't work (and not go crazy in the meanwhile). Which, it sounds like you're getting the hang of.

Glad to hear things are going so much better!


40 minutes. that is a very long time!

all the things i learn about motherhood on this website...and am not *quite* scared off yet...


Such a typical man already...

So my BF horror was not anything like yours, but I had a plugged duct, and nothing, nothing, NOTHING, would make it unplug. First it got hard, then the fever started, then it spread through my whole body. Even though my son nursed like a champ and gained a ton of weight, I had one stubborn duct. OW, OW, OW. Stupid boobs.

On a funnier note, when I was able to be a SAHM for a little bit, my mother was asked what I did for a living. She told the other very nosy person I was in "Nursing". The woman's response... "RN or Nurse practicianer?" HA!


So so happy for you! And your antibody filled baby ofcourse ;)


So, so happy for you. That's wonderful news. For the 1st time the words "let down" have a GOOD meaning, eh?
Side note to LC v. 1.0 -- my son is 5 years old and although I try to get him to sleep around the same time every night, it's not set in stone. That's called life. I'd rather read him an extra book when he wants one and hear his beautiful laugh and adorable observations.
Unless of course, I am exhausted and then it's all...sorry, it is TIME. FOR. BED. ;-)


Woo hoo!



I sometimes think that Doctors, Lactation Specialists, etc. "forget" that babies are HUMAN.
They go at THEIR pace.

Kudos to you & Noah!

Amy also

Congrats on your success!

Also, the "Nobody tells you" bit under Project Babalah about made me snarf coffee through my nose. It's true no one tells you about that - and can you believe it???!!


Good job Noah! Yeah for boobs!

Wacky Mommy

Noah: "Bedtime? I don't need a stinkin' bedtime. More milk!"


Hopefully, this is the first of many happy breastfeeding days!

And don't worry, you're still allowed to change your mind!


As cute as that little boy is, I think sometimes they do it on purpose! They make us crazy! Then they go to sleep and look all angelic and trick us into thinking they are sweet and perfect and innocent. HAH! Then comes the next nursing strike and all bets are off. Not that noah will ever strike again, of course. He IS an angel. But mine, OY! Do they ever make me nuts. And then they sleep and wake up and snuggle and be sweet as pie and say the funniest doggone stuff and give those kisses and smell like babies.... Rollercoaster....


That is great! I have been reading your blog for a while and I think it is great. Just wondering though, this is coming from a blogger who gets 3-4 comments per post, how on earth do you read and/or respond to all these comments? It seems like each time I look at a new post it already has 40+ comments!
Anyway, enjoy those precious moments with little Noah!

Linda B

Wow, fourty minutes! He was just messing with you before. Ah, starting at such a young age, he is.

Anyways, I am glad things seem to be working out with the bf-ing.

Yay for functioning boobs!


aawww, that is so good! and it only gets easier, I promise.


congrats! yay for boobs! and the lacatation!


It's the same story no matter how old they are: just when you think you've got 'em figured out, they up 'n' change on you.


Yeah! Congrats! I'm so glad it's finally working out for you.

About the whole poop in the ears thing. . . let me warn you that if you have an exersaucer, the poop will end up in the ears, on top of the head, etc. etc. It's a sure cure for constipation if he ever has that issue and when he's old enough.


I am so happy that Noah decided to cross the picket line that was your boobs and munch on! I only breastfed one of my 4 kids for 8 mos. She wouldn't take anything else. My son whom I breastfed for 5 mos. nursed every 1.5 hours for the first 3 months. I thought my jugs were going to deflate and zip across the room! I didn't know boys were so voracious! Congrats on Noah's breakfast/lunch/and dinner!


Next time somebody starts lecturing me on something, I'm going to think about ponies, too. Ponies are good. Excellent idea.

Also, am sooooo glad the boob and the baby are feeling the lurve again. Happy you!

Wicked Stepmom (a.k.a. Cathy)

Congrats Amy & Noah. I've been there too, and am anxiously awaiting the birth of my second and holding on to the hope that things will go easier for me this time around.

I'm so happy for the both of you.

Wicked Stepmom (a.k.a. Cathy)

Whoops... messed up my email on my last comment, so I am posting again. :)

Congrats Amy & Noah. I've been there too, and am anxiously awaiting the birth of my second and holding on to the hope that things will go easier for me this time around.

I'm so happy for the both of you.


Glad to hear breastfeeding is going better!! I was desperate last week also - poised with breast pump in hand, ready to throw in the towel. I stuck it out and am SO GLAD I did, because now things are going swimmingly. I also had a crash course in public nursing last week while at the hospital awaiting bilirubin test results - now i feel like I can nurse ANYWHERE.

Hang in there! That's great things are going well now!! :-)


these kids--hey, they think they're in charge or sompin. sheesh.

go boobs!

you are amalah, the queen of the boobs.

hey mama

hi, i'm new here.

just found your site and have caught up on all of the nursing woes, and just wanted to say congrats! i was just rhapsodizing about the joys of breastfeeding with my mom on the phone last night....

yay for the all-powerful boobs!


I knew I was the Breastfeeding Queen when I whipped one out in front of my father-in-law without even thinking twice. He, otoh, had to leave the room.

Go Noah, Go Noah!


Someday not so far from now a new mommy blogger will be lamenting her breastfeeding woes and you'll be a wise and supportive contributor, throwing your story out there as way to give her some hope to cling to and some things to try and a message of tolerance and, knowing what little I know about you, a really good (badly needed) belly laugh for her too.

Rock on.


I thought it was pretty cool you didn't have to delete a single comment from Tuesday.
That says a lot. About your sense of humor, and your grace in handling the pressure.
It speaks of very human qualities most would aspire to.


Bedtime? Whenever he falls asleep! ;) Let him be a baby, he's only a month old!

Hugs - you're doing a great job!


I'll bet the 'big decision' released a whole lot of stress for you, which, smart baby Noah sensed instinctively, hence, happily latching onto non tense, stress free boobs! And they all lived happily ever after! The End!

PS...bedtimes? We don't need no stinkin' bedtimes!


Maybe LC v1.0 had little robot babies who nursed perfectly all the time and were in bed promptly at 9pm, slumbering peacefully for hours on end. Gee. Wish I had got one a dem babies. I got a real one instead. Sounds like you did, too. My girl is 4mo old, and she is just now going to bed between 10-11 each night and sleeping for about 7 hours at a stretch, and I am ready to party for that. Noah will do what Noah will do, guided by Mommy sometimes and by his own will most of the time. That's parenthood for ya!

Oh, and I know I'm about the bajillionth person to say it, but Yay Amy's Boobies!


Ponies are nice, aren't they? I like thinking about ponies too.

My daughter did the same thing when she was younger. She didn't seem to want to nurse very much. I went to the store, bought some formula, and got the bottles all ready. I thought, "I'll just try one more time," and then she nursed AWESOME. Maybe they can feel us relax or something? Who knows! Who cares! Noah is loving the mommy milk! Amy is happy!

And bedtime? I could never figure out a bedtime for my son. But my daughter goes to bed by 8 p.m. every night. Each baby is different.

The best advice I ever got was, "Just wing it"

For Joke!

Sooooo - what was it like? I mean seriously, as a single (getting married in seven months) chick without babies, I just can't imagine - what the heck is it like to nurse a baby? Not all the trials and tribulations to GET to that point, but that actual 40 minutes? Did you feel motherly? Or did you feel like ew ew ew ? Or... I don't know?

So happy to know Noah let himself partake in a good meal! You guys are the best!


It's been sorta like the Tale of Two Boobs:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of time. It was a time of feasts, it was a time of famine. . .

Let's hope Noah continues to feast!


Congrats! On both successful feeding skillz and an adorable kid! -New Reader, Brandi


CONGRATULATIONS!! It also sounds like Noah is already showing some of his personality with the whole "Damn Mom...I'll do this shit on my own time" business...LOVE IT!

I'm so happy for you Amalah.


Sounds like you reached the magical deadline of 40 days a little early.

When I was screeching about broken-glass on my nipples every single person said, "40 Days. If you can just make it to 40 days, it will all work out." I scoffed, of course, because I was just holding on by a thread, going one day at a time. But, it was true for me too.

Apparently there's some threshold at 40 days/5 weeks when even the tenderest nipples/most stubborn babies just throw up their hands and effing breastfeed already.

Congratulations, you overachiever!!!


Way to go Noah! Also, good job mom. Seems that's the way most kids panic, totally freak over this new behavior, then they stop, leaving you to wonder what just happened.

Keep going Noah, and don't give your mommy any more scares like that. She needs a break.


I refrained from commenting last time, only to find out that you already know that little dirty fact about Hitler. But you surely did not know that Stalin was raised similarly, do you? Even, she left the whole BF thing at 3weeks. Now.

Congratulations - whatever, you and Noah are doing great.
I wanted also to note that Noah's finding its way to the traditional feeding method might be a miracle had I not known that nursing babies are just like small gadgets. They feel your emotions. If Mum is tired and excited about (insert just about anything here) than they are reluctant to feed.
Do I have to tell you that the precious little gem will feel your period coming? Bah. But, really. Earlier than you.
That said - I am over now.
Congratulations again!




Uh...I've never congratulated anyone on their boob action, but uh...good job!


I'm so happy for you!!!


I LOVE your new approach to LCv1. That attitude will take you far in this Motherhood gig. So glad things are looking up feeding-wise.

What a ride, huh?


Aww, i'm so glad! Unintentional reverse psychology on infants... works every time, lol. And? You are WAAAY ahead of most new mothers in the ability to tune out patronizing assvice from near strangers. Good for you! Smell Noah's head and kiss his belly for me.


Yay to boobs, but YAY TO NOAH for peeing on LCV1. Maybe next time you can get him to poop on her.


You are doing a great job, Amy!


YAY for noah realizing the boob is a good thing.


Awesome! I'm thrilled to hear that it all worked out.

I have to admit that I giggled excessively when I read that Noah peed on Lactation Consultant v1.0.


Delurking to say-- YAY!!! So happy for you and Noah. And I'm glad to hear you are enjoying him so much. He is just precious!


ahhhh the shape of things to come..act like you could care less and the little buggers will fall right in where you'd given up hope of them ever going. you are truly a parent!


Don't you think it's rather fascinating that he was all "What?! Boob may no longer be an option?! Give me that! Rawr!"

Do not be fooled, they know much. I personally thought mine son was from another world because hello, he was just too young to know how to manipulate me! ;)


Set bedtime? Seriously? I'm glad Noah peed on her! Congratulations to both of you on surviving The Great Boob Crisis!


hooray and huzzah!! :D congrats boob lady!!


hooray and huzzah!! :D congrats boob lady!!


I've always heard that babies can turn on you for the good or the bad at the drop of a hat. I'm glad things are working out the way you want them to - it has to make life a lot easier.


okay, no fair. i wasnt even GENUINELY happy with my comment the FIRST time i typed it out, much less wanted it posted twice!! sheesh :P


That is so wonderful to read. Whether you breast feed or bottle feed your baby, you're a great mom. :) But...isn't it neat how as soon as you totally relaxed with your decision to do whatever you had to to keep the kidlet fed, he latched on for 40 minutes? Makes you wonder what those little dickens are picking up from us, eh?

I quit after a few months due to thrush. Cracked and bleeding nipples. Ouch. :)


It's the Murphy's Law of motherhood, methinks. Glad he's eating again!

RockStar Mommy

Lucky bitch. 8 weeks later and my son is still all, Blllleeechhh! Your boobs suck! But congratulations. My kid better start taking tips from yours soon or else I'm LEAVING! (and then coming right back because SQUEEE! I love the baby breath!)


Whooo hoooo, breastfeeding bonanza. Rock! I have a three weeker and she eats all the time now. The first couple of weeks she didn't eat too much and I felt a lot of guilt about that. I'm still tempted to run out and buy a baby scale to use before her 1 months appointment. But then I try to dial down the crazy just a little.


Good for you and Noah. I'm going to have to remember your technique and think about ponies when someone's trying to preach me some unwanted assvice. :-)


Dear Amy,

(And all other young moms - I know you're out there!). My kids are now 18, 16 and 12. They were big babies. Some got breast, some bottles, mostly a combo thing. Some got Gerbers and some organically home-pureed real food. We homeschooled some, and now do public school. Guess what? YOU CAN'T TELL NOW!!!!

Parenting is an art, not a science.

p.s. Noah is such a handsome guy!


Yay for you and Noah!!!


YAY!! great news, but what is with the post with no pics!! Pictures are mandatory!


He knew he was going to be out of luck with no boobs for the next 20 years if he gave up now, so he thought he'd give it a go, eh? Just joking...Woohoo--I'm happy it's working!

Hugs to you and Noah and hubby!


My babe nursed continuously for months. I spent the spring of '77 showing my rack to all of Georgia. Pediatrician finally said to stop her after 20 minutes, she was just using me a pacifier. I had to insert my finger between her mouth and my nipple to break the suction! Needless to say, I had nipples of steel for 10 months!


Noah just wanted to make sure you knew how to work the microwave.

Might come in handy during the "spaghetio years" (roughly from "weaning" until "graduate school")


Damn kids. They learn very early how to make mommy look like a totally insane maniac.


Glad to hear that your baby is getting along with your boobs, and you are getting along with your e-mail! all is right with the world.


Yay! Nurse on, Amalah!

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