I want like 45 of him...
and I feel REALLY REALLY bad and I'm REALLY REALLY sorry...

Poor darling lamb. I know she was well meaning and all, but Shut the F up, okay? New mother? Hello? Don't berate her!

All the amalah fans will go slap some sense into that lactation consultant.

Oh Amy,

Just know you will make it through this and that baby has been born into the best of families, with the love and care that he deserves from wonderful parents.

Keep your chin up and don't be too hard on yourself.

You have no idea who I am, but GOD, I wish I could give you a big hug right now.

You are *such* a new mom. It will just get easier and easier. I promise.

Boo Hiss to the judgemental lactation consultant!

Hello! It's your first time! And you ARE allowed to use a pacifier with your own child. And the circ site care and all that - well, it's really hard to exactly right - it *looks* easy to follow the directions when they are shown, but it's deceptive.

Hang in there, it does get easier, I promise!

Number 20 is the important one! Hang in there, kiddo. It gets easier. We're all rooting for you! :)

Okay, that was a lot of exclamation points, but I'm so happy for you. :)

Wow. When I pulled this up there were 2 comments, by the time I was done reading and ready to write, there were like 15! You guys are so loved. And by total strangers to boot. I love how it looks like Noah is dancing in the pics.

Amy, you're doing wonderfully! All I can say is that, as a fellow had-to-pump'er I know what that feels like. When your boobs kick in, and they will, you'll be truely astounded at what they do (and dismayed and annoyed at what they do at the *least* opportune moments). I'm sure you know that what you're making now is colostrum and it's super-milk for a super-baby and you can (if you aren't and if you want to) add it into his formula for extra antibody goodness.

You're doing a wonderful thing for Noah, with the pumping, and if he doesn't appreciate it when he's older he should! I hope it improves soon.

All my best,
Kelly

Breast feeding is hard. Nobody tells you that or writes it in a book. I cried and cried the first few days with both of mine over the nursing (I'm sure hormones had something to do with that,too). It worked out though. Keep your spirits up! Congrats on the sweet little baby boy.

Damn, that lactation consultant deserves to be bitch-slapped! No-one could have held you responsible for your actions.

All I can really say is hang in there, Noah is beautiful and I can see why he makes it all worth it :)

P.S Jeebus, your commenters are fast! And with the Washingtonian article, it seems like you have another 100 regulars.

I feel for you. Those early weeks are such a roller coaster of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and yet so in love with your beautiful baby. I don't want to assvice you, but if you haven't tried fenugreek capsules yet, you may want to give them a try (2-3 capsules, 3 times a day really helped me--I had a similar experience when I started breastfeeding).

The things I will be experiencing in about 10 weeks!

Noah is absolutely beautiful!

I've just started reading your blogs (yes, I must've been living under a rock).

Today's really reminded me of a time 3 1/2 years ago when I became a mom for the first time. I tried to BF, and had the same problem with supply at first. After the first week or so, I told my husband we HAD to do something, or I'd go crazy. We called the hospital, and got to go meet w/ a lactation consultant there, plus they weighed the baby to be sure she was doing OK.

Eventually, the full supply will come in. Though now when you only get a few drops at a time, it doesn't seem that way!

For us, the first few months were the hardest. You feel like a fool, not knowing what to do or expect from this new life. But as others said, it really & truly does get easier. You can do this.

Damn that woman for making you feel incompetent. You are doing a great job, and remember, whether the baby is drinking from the boob or the bottle, whether he's getting breast milk or formula, he will be fine. I have yet to see a study that proves breast milk makes babies invincible, or that formula turns them into Forrest Gump.

Amalah, babies always lose weight at first, don't worry about it. You're at least being proactive and supplementing the breast milk with formula--my dumbass ex-SIL let my nephew actually starve for 2 months b/c she was too stubborn to admit that her breast milk wasn't enough..

And Lactation Consultant? Fuck off, Bitch. Grr..

Oh, I'm sorry the first week has been so harried.
My milk didn't come in until day 5 and E lost so much weight and was so jaundiced that I had to supplement with formula. I cried and cried over this because I felt like such a failure but eventually it worked out and I ended up bf-ing for a year. So as hard as it is, don't give up. You can do this. Also, if you can get yourself a nicer lactation consultant because Lansinoh is THE BEST. Ever. Ahhh... relief.

Sending positive thoughts your way.
Also, Noah is quite yummy :)

You are doing just great. Shame on that LC for making you feel bad. I had one like that after my Noah was born too and I think it's especially cruel to belittle and shame a first time mom who's already terrified and exhausted and super-hormonal.

And yes, breast pumps suck HARD. The only assvice I'll throw out here is to make sure the 'cups' (or cones, or whatever the hell they're called) really fit YOUR breasts. They come in several sizes. That makes a world of difference.

*hugs* I'm sorry your going through such a hard time. Everything will get better, though, and one day you'll look back on this entry and laugh. Well, maybe not laugh but realize that all of it was worth it for your son. =)

What is that lady thinking? Doesn't she know that pregnant and post pregnant women are slightly hormonal and any little innocent comment could make them feel like a bad mother! She's terrible. I hope you are able to find someone else and/or that your problem is solved.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER, I promise. Lots of women go through this and you will be just fine as will Noah. My nephew didn't like my sister's milk and even on formula he lost 10% of his birth weight. You both will be fine.

He is so cute, just keep smelling the head...

OMG, it is NOT YOUR FAULT that you're not producing "enough" breastmilk. First thing that would help would be to relax, yes I know it's easier said than done. Can you get a new lactation consultant? Cuz that one sounds like a total bitch. *hugs*

If this gets deleted as 'assvice' I'll totally understand, I just didn't know how else to word it. Sorry.

You can do this Amy. It is so hard, I know, but you're smart and strong and you have a wonderful husband to help you through it.

But #6 pisses me off. That was SO not what you needed to hear!!

*HUGE HUGS* I had feeding problems as well like you and it seems most of the other women who posted (good to know even though it’s almost 3yrs after the fact). I think I'm going to spare you the story that goes here, but just remember, there are those of us who have fought the same or similar battles and our children are just fine and no worse for wear.

*hugs* It will get better. I promise.

Did the lactaction consultant bother reassuring you that bigger babies lose more birthweight than small ones? My 8 lb, 13 oz jumbo became a 7 lb, 2 oz weakling and I freaked out too. But they gain it back! Don't worry!

I cried like a fucking banshee that whole first week. It gets better soon, I promise!

*grabs pitchfork* Where is this l/c? And could you imagine if *she* has never breastfed?!? I think you should get a new l/c, stat.

Anyway, I'm so sorry this is all happening to you. I'm hoping it will all work out, and everything and everyone will be just fine. And Noah is so incredibly beautfiul!

HUGS Amy, you poor thing. It'll get better and easier, and I am totally in love with Noah. What a handsome sweetpea and the little crossed legs kill me.

Hope Ceiba is feeling better soon and don't worry, she'll never remember this time. Do whatever you have to do to feel better.

Oh, I remember that smell! There is nothing on earth like the scent of fresh baby, especially YOUR baby.

Babies generally do lose some weight the first couple of weeks--don't fret. Noah is healthy and beautiful. My daughter was never a fat baby, always long and lean. We caught a lot of flak for it, but now she is 6 feet tall--still lean--and extremely healthy.

Hang in there. You are a great Mom, Jason is a great Dad, and Noah is just absolutely the bomb in his sassy suit!

Oh you poor dear! Lactation consultants do seem to be a hard-nosed lot, for some reason.

The upside to pumping is you can't be expected to participate in things like changing diapers or doing the dishes or changing the liner in the diaper pail, because hello!! you're strapped in like a guernsey, and in fact, would really appreciate it if someone brought you a cool drink and rubbbed your feet. And you can usually claim control of the remote as well. Actually, an emergency c-section should guarantee control of the remote until Noah goes to college.

I am desperately trying not to show these latest adorable pictures to my boyfriend because, as much as I've been showing him pictures of a pregnant Amalah and a newborn Noah, he may be thinking that my clock is ticking.

You and Jason love him. That's the most important thing. You've hit a rough patch but sweet little Noah is in loving, capable hands.

By the way, that is THE cutest onesie ever. EVER.

I'm sorry things suck so much right now. I had two evil lactation consultants after Bear was born. Luckily, the third was great. But the first two - I seriously considered throwing out the nearest window.

So sympathy and empathy.

Why do all of your posts make me want to cry. This time it's not from happiness. I can't believe what a bitch that lactation consultant was to you. That makes me so mad.

I'm very sorry about the low milk supply, but don't worry about Noah losing weight. I don't know if it's already been mentioned, but it's normal for newborns to lose some weight in the first week. Hang in there girl!

Girl, I had a 10.5 lb monster baby that my boobies couldn't properly feed. Despite the crushing feelings of inadequacy that were undoubtedly exacerbated by the mommy molotov cocktail they call hormones, I got over it, he got over it, and, after a week of hell, burning nipples, and weight loss, we decided to use formula.

Good God, I hope I didn't just invoke the wrath of the lactation-at-any-cost terrorist league.

Hugs. Anyone who doesn't want to shop at Target for baby supplies should be shot, deported, and fired. In that order.

i haven't even read the other comments because i have such rage for your so-called lactation consultant! she sounds positively evil!

i nursed my babies because i could, but i have told many friends before to do what's best for baby and mom and forget about what anyone else has to say about it. happy mommy=happy baby and happy baby=happy mommy and that's it. the end.

That baby is precious! Nursing is hard early on. Keep at it (if you want to). The only thing that got me through the first couple weeks of nursing is that my mother-in-law did not want me to nurse. She thought it was yucky and I also think she thought the baby should live at her house. Yes, I am that stubborn when it comes to my mother-in-law, so I kept at it. It gets a lot easier.

(She also thought she was going to be the baby's day care when I went back to work. Perhaps she should have asked me if I was going back to work.)

Liz

Sending you so so many hugs and good thoughts. You are going to be a WONDERFUL mother. Noah is such a lucky boy.

Fire the LC. Now. If you need help finding a good one, post about it here and you'll get a hundred recommendations from the D.C. folks. She is not helping.

I actually hope you haven't gotten this far reading comments and are finally getting a little rest.

I had all of the above problems. I finally found an amazing LC (after suffering at the hands of a TOTAL BITCH) when my daughter was NINE DAYS OLD. She hadn't starved, she'd had some formula, sucked on a binky and she wasn't confused about nipples. She was FINE. (I cried my eyes out for three weeks, of course.)

Nursing is a piece of cake for some and REALLY FUCKING HARD for others. If you can stick it out, great! If you switch to formula, they have some wonderful ones to choose from. Don't let anyone try and tell you what to do with your own child. You are the best parents for Noah and he knows it.

You will figure it ALL out. Oh, and, have that beer mentioned above. I've heard in the UK they used to prescribe a Guinness every day for nursing moms (and the National Health Service PAID FOR IT!)

I've never posted during my last year or so of reading. But I feel so badly for you, I just had to add something.

Amy, from what I've read you're obviously a talented writer, a great wife, a wonderful friend to have and just a really good person. Boobs and their output do not determine the worth of the mommy. But I know that's not easy for you to believe right now with all the stuff that gets thrown at new moms.

Also? I live in the DC metro area and would be happy to slap around the lactation lady for you :-) You know, just an idea.

I'm so sorry that the beginning has been so rough for you. But what a sweet boy you have. The lactation consultant can just suck it. I actually had a nurse tell me, at the beginning, that my boobs were too small, and that's why my daughter was having a hard time latching. Luckily, we did have a good lactation nurse. I know lots of poeple have probably said this already, but know that if breastfeeding doesn't work out for any reason, your boy will be just fine. Take care! It gets easier, really. (What was her problem with the lansinoh? I don't get that.)

I just wanted to say that I had the same troubles you are having (had to supplement with formula, baby lost over 10 % of his birth weight, etc). And it did get better! One week after he was born I FINALLY had a good milk supply. And that was for a moderately sized 7 lb 12 ouncer who had dipped down to 6 lb 14. Your body just needs some ramp up time! You will do great.
You are a great mom and don't let that stupid lacation consultant get you down.

Seriously just post the lactation lady's name. Us DC-Metro area folks will take care of her. Maybe you could do an acrostic so it won't seem so obvious! :)

And also I am sending you such postive wishes that you have a beautiful stress-free day filled with lots of breastmilk and sleep and less pain, hormones, and bitchy lactation consultants.

Hi there Cutie Pie! Lots of people waited a long time to catch a glimpse of you.

Hi Boobies! You just get out as much milk as you can and leave the rest to formula. It'll be okay.

I went through the same thing, and eventually went to formula full time b/c I didn't get any milk when pumping. Don't feel guilty, 6 months later I still have guilt. As long as the baby is being feed it's fine. My lactation conultants advice was to starve the baby until he learned food comes from the breast.

Feed the baby and you are fine.

REST REST REST rest + FLUIDS FLUIDS fluids = MILK
If you can't rest, the milk quality that you make will be more like "non-fat" than the "1/2+1/2" of a well-hydrated, rested Mama. It WILL get better for you both - don't lose your faith! He will gain all of that weight back and soon...did they tell you that as long as he is wetting 10 diapers/day he is getting enough to eat? You're doing great!

Chiming in with everybody else here. I have a bounteous rack that just screams "FEEDER" but couldn't seem to produce when the time came, so don't beat yourself up about it - it will be allright. And that lactation consultant?? She should know better than to be all judgmental and bitchy with new mothers - good lord. Was it her first day on the planet or something?? Sniff the top of Noah's head and repeat after us - "it will be OK, it will be OK, it will be OK", 'cause it will.

You are being WAY too hard on yourself. I wouldn't even know where to begin except to say 1) f&*k the lactation consultant - everything I have read says pacifiers are okay up to 3-4 months of age 2) Noah will be okay and your milk supply will catch up and 3) I did buy a nursing bra at Target and a nicer bra from Bravada (at a hospital store) - hands down, the nicer bra was worth the price tag. I will hunt for more of them on-line to save money, but it was well worth going to a professional and getting measured.

In short - it's YOUR BABY - you are an intelligent gal and you are not going to ruin him for life. Screw what other people think!

P.S. The Prince of Everything is such a cutie! Now THAT'S inspiration!

Oh, it is so very difficult to keep from giving advice in the fear it might turn to be an assvice :(
I think you are blessed with one very nice baby, *the fruit of love* as someone might put it, and you are so very much trying to do all things right.
Babies DO loose weight, and milk sometimes DOES come a bit late. The small amount of milk you are producing now must be the colostrum, as someone else has already said. The amount is small, because the baby does have some extra fat to feed himself from. Also, because you are not an XXXL and Jason is also not a giant, do not expect the baby to remain ginourmous. You both have slim and tender figures. If Noah does not grow into a super-sized baby it is your good genes, and not your fault.
Your boobs just might need some time. You are a first time mother and Noah has been with you in the outside for just a couple of days. Compare that time to your pre-Noah-time. See what I mean? Just trust your body. But some rest might do.

I think I was kind of excited over my first kid and would have been annoyed by almost anything said by strangers. I just kept doing what I thought would suit us: Me and my newborn.

Hug. I know exactly how you feel. Had the same experience with my first (but not with the 2nd, b/c I knew the history and was ready.) Many women are just not producers, simple as that. My first son lost almost 40% bw before I gave up on the solely nursing thing. Do what you believe you should. Don't let anyone tell you different, it's your angel. I do give your lc bonus pts for recommending formula, so many won't. (And doesn't it just suck the big one that not only was it a horrible experience, but you had to pay, and insurance will prob. not pay for it?) And if J. was able to stay in the room and watch the lovely pumping, then he WILL see you in a sexual way again:) Deep breaths. This is the hardest part, and it really doesn't last that long.

Finally delurking to say that I feel your pain. A year ago today, I had my little boy (via c-section) who was almost exactly same size as Noah. Despite my ginormo "equipment" I couldn't keep up with the little guy (thimble-sized pumping efforts, I kid you not). I tried the beer-a-day trick which didn't work for me supply-wise, but it certainly did wonders for my anxiety levels! In any event, it does get better. I have a primarily formula fed one year old - and he is one happy and healthy kid (and to think, I bought nursing and nursery gear at Target!). Hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself - you're a great mom and appear to be very reasonable person, unlike certain lactose consultants who shall remain nameless.

My wife and I were in Babies R' Us a couple weeks ago picking out a jogging stroller for me to take our 5.5 month old out in. A japanese woman came up to my wife, who was picking our daughter up out of the stroller, and asked my wife how old our daughter was. Then she looked at my wife's belly and asked her if she was having TWINS!

Since my wife isn't pregnant anymore, let alone with twins, and had just found out she lost 3 lbs that week at weight watchers, she was justifiably upset. :-)

Remember not to sweat the small stuff...In 3 months you're going to look back at your pictures and wonder how Noah ever could have been that tiny (although he'll be even cuter by then, if that was at all humanly possible).

Whoops - LACTATION consultant not LACTOSE consultant. The fact that I had trouble now makes a little bit more sense, huh?