This Week in Guilt
The Vomitorium Tour


When you find yourself flipping a coin with your husband to see who gets to go to the grocery store without the baby, it's safe to say that your weekend is not going as planned.

Also when you break your toe.

Oh, and the food poisoning. I definitely did not plan on the food poisoning.

So Saturday, Noah was sick. Another damn cold. This time with a little fever and some diarrhea, and my big plans for making Julie's homemade Pedialyte recipe disintegrated within minutes and (since he won the coin toss), I sent Jason to the store for the overpriced real stuff because I couldn't find my measuring spoons.

Later that night I dropped an attachment to my KitchenAid mixer (the very same attachment I purchased so I could make homemade baby food, HAR HAR HAR) on my middle toe, smashing it all the fuck up.

We didn't end up giving any Pedialyte to Noah, as the diarrhea was fleeting and temporary, and by Sunday afternoon he seemed to be well enough to take on a little errand to Babies R' Us, so we could make up for abandoning him at daycare with an overpriced exersaucer and lots of socks.

And then, in a decision I will rue for many, many years, we stopped for lunch at little Latin restaurant and ate SOMETHING BAD AND WRONG AND GOD, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, DON'T MAKE ME TALK ABOUT IT.

(Undercooked pork, we think.)


I got sick first, a few hours later, and Jason soon followed suit. And THANK THE LORD, Noah went to sleep and stayed asleep, so he didn't have to witness the non-stop puke-a-thon his parents embarked on for the next 10 hours.

Jason and I jockeyed for position over who got to puke in the relative sanctuary of the bathroom and who had to use the kitchen sink, or the little trashcan by the bed, or a stray shopping bag, and sometime around 4 am I broke out the Pedialyte for my damn self, desperate to rehydrate and fighting a losing battle because despite toxic pork poison shooting out both ends, I continued to produce goddamn breastmilk all night. FUCK YOU, BIOLOGY.

So yes, it's been a great couple days.

Yesterday Noah stayed home with us because the mere thought of going out in the smelly world with all its worldy smells made us sick, although if there was ever a day the poor child should have been in the care of someone else, yesterday was it.

I was too weak to hold a bottle steady and Jason put his diaper on backwards. And OF COURSE, this was the diaper he chose to poop in, and it went everywhere and it took both of us together to work up the courage and energy to pull our asses off the couch and change him.

I took him to daycare today, if only to save him from his loving, adoring parents.



We are up to Saltines and water now, and I'm hoping to eat some soup later.

Also, Pedialyte is hella gross.



First? Woo!


(((hugs))) you poor things. Remember the BRAT diet. Banana's, rice, applesause and toast (no butter). Feel better soon.


You poor thing. I've been sick with food poisoning once in my life and I prayed to God to take me now!!

Sending you good wishes for a speedy recovery (and Jason too!)


PS: I wish I could spell or had the energy to install an internet spellcheck on my work pc. Crap.

Anne Glamore

Whoo- this post brings back memories-- you haven't really been sick til you're sick AND you have some other people to take care of. And they don't care if you're sick or not!
Good luck.


When my oldest son was 12 weeks old, he was hospitalized with salmonella poisoning he got from me. (See? I'M the worst mother in the world!) The only thing keeping him from being on an IV was that he would drink Pedialyte.

PLAIN Pedialyte. By the GALLONS.

The nurses were amazed, and a pediatrician that wasn't even his stopped by because "I had to see this baby that loves plain Pedialyte."


Yep, broke my toe when my son was 3 months. Also had the food poisoning thing with a baby - not fun to force yourself to get up to take care of your child when you can barely stand yourself! Hang in there! At least it was food poisoning and not the flu!


NOTHING is worse than food poisoning. I learned the hard way a few years ago that tuna salad is a BAD IDEA unless you make it yourself. Feel better soon.


That sounds like a rough weekend, feel better.

P.S. I prefer to puke in the kitchen sink with the water running and the garbage disposal on. I can't stand the smell of toilet water!


Sweet Jesus... you poor woman! May better health come to the Storch household VERY VERY soon... I broke a toe once and I've had food poisoning before, but I imagine the combination could be potentially deadly.


What Italian restaurant did you guys eat at?

Bozoette Mary

Oh, I wish I were there to hold your hair back while you barf. Well, maybe not, actually, but I do hope you all feel much better very soon. Tape the broken toe to the one next to it so it won't wiggle around and kill you.


I'm SO sorry to hear about your food poisoning! I've had it not once, but twice. Glad you're starting to feel better.

Also, the exercauser? Probably the best investment you will make of your young child's life. My daughter LOVED hers! It is good exercise and you can actually get things done while they're in it.


Oh my gosh, I feel so bad for you guys! Hope you're feeling better really soon. :)


I'm soooo sorry. That sounds, well, awful. At least Noah wasn't old enough to eat the pork and get sick too, right? (Just trying to see the silver lining.)


He is SO SO SO cute. Sorry you're sick.


Food poisoning is awful. Hope you feel better. Exersaucers on the other hand, are great. But at the risk of sounding too "ass-vicey" he is too young for it. He needs to be able to sit up on his own before you put him in there. Otherwise you will hurt his delicate, immature spine.


Yikes. I hope you feel better soon!


Your post rings of Rockstar Mommy's. Maybe you guys can be accident prone together. Good luck with the recovery.


oh good lord. your description was so intense that i almost sympathy-puked for you. *almost*

hope you guys feel better soon. the munchkin looks to be unaffected by his parents' misery. pffft.


I'm not usually moved to comment, but I'm very phobic about vomit, and this sounds like sheer hell on earth to me. I'm very very sorry and I hope you recover ASAP. At least Noah wasn't in on the puking fun?!?


to be completely unoriginal and copy what everyone else already said: food poisoning sucks. as do broken toes. and i am sorry you guys had such a sucky weekend!

and this may sound kind of weird, but when i am sick like that, the only thing that semi-makes me feel better is to watch the cosby show (older ones, pre-olivia)...there is just something comforting and non-nauseating about it. you might want to check it out.

also, phenegren is a lovely, lovely thing.

hope stuff gets better soon!


Barfing is so ew. Ew. Yuck. The before, during, and after...they all suck big bunny bottoms. I would only wish a barf fest on a very few hand-picked people who DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED, DAMMIT! but that does not include you. And to be barfing with a broken toe? And a baby? And breast milk? Plus some diarrhea? OMG, you deserve a halo. Just, um, wash you hands first, okay?


So, that restaurant probably won't be getting a DCFoodies writeup anytime soon, huh?

Feel better!


Noah seems quite unimpressed by all of the vomiting. He also seems just as adorable as always.

Feel Better.


I feel your pain, baby. I've been there and it's intense. The non stop barfing is not good. And for years to come, you will get sick just thinking about this experience.

Good luck getting better.

Oh, and try some Gatorade and not that Pedialyte.


So basically you had a star-studded and glorious weekend huh?

When we didn't see you at work we had just assumed you high-tailed it to Mexico or something :)

Glad to know you're still here but not that everyone is sick :(


I tried apple Pedialyte when I had morning sickness. After two bottles I opted for dehydration instead. Yuck.


So now you can't use the 'I got food poisoning' excuse on the first beautiful spring day of the season. Unless you go back to the Latin place.


As a Northern Californian, I am amused to see someone using the word "hella" on the East Coast. All my SoCal friends in college assured by that "hella" was some creature that lived only in the Bay Area.

Last week when I had a cold, I wondered how the baby snot sucker would function on an adult.

Sorry you are sick. I got food poisoning like that about a year ago, and I could barely take care of myself. I don't know how you are coping with a baby, especially since Jason's sick too. Feel better soon!


I just now posted about my own similar weekend, but am now feeling far less justified in my self-pity since I had sole use of the toilet and no diapers to change. Because I just cannot even imagine what happens when food poisoning and dirty diapers collide. Actually, yes I can. Yikes.


I am feeling queasy just reading this. You poor things!


ah yes food poisoning. I had a bout with camphlobactor ten years ago that made me a vegetarian for life. For life I tell you. I'n serious when I say that is the reason I give people as to why I don't eat meat. Chicken ain't worth the suffering.

Sending positive upright thoughts from Philly.

Ali G

jason should scorch that place, so no one else has to experience it! yuck...

pedialyte scares me while safely enclosed in the bottle. you must have felt pretty sick to try it...

feel better!


Oh, you poor things! I hope you feel better soon.

Exersaucers! Rock!

Wacky Mommy

Pedialyte is so bleeeeeeeech. Try Recharge, it's tastier. Get Better Soon, Amy and Jason.


At least you won't wonder why Noah rejects the Pedialyte when he needs it - it is that gross isn't it.
I always make a little mix of juice and flat 7up for my kids, not exactly 100% healthy, but they drink it and it doesn't cut into their college fund (if we had one. Hope you all feel better soon.


Sorry to hear about the food poisoning. Hope you feel better fast!


Man, food poisoning is awful (speaking, unfortunately, from recent experience). Feel better soon!


A couple of weeks ago, I awoke very early in the morning to tornado sirens and the news saying that a cell with rotation was in our area; almost directly overhead. As I headed to the basement, I called a good friend to warn her. Her reply was muffled and groggy but she said she would head downstairs.

I spoke with her later that day and found out she had just gotten to bed after being sick all night. The culprit? 10 day old scallops in the fridge. She had wondered if the Doppler radar had picked up the cell with rotation in her digestive tract.

10 day old scallops?!?! Sheesh!


Am I right to think that any breastmilk you produce when puking your brains out shouldn't be given to the baby?

Figures they hop to it when you're out of commission. Damn boobies.


Oatmeal, love. Works on food poisoning every single time. Absorbs all the yucky stuff in ya.

RockStar Mommy

Ick. I broke my toe, too. It sucks. I'm all gimpy. But I haven't had food poisining since the Thanksgiving of 1999 - and I'm hoping it stays that way because it was the most unfun 48 hours of my life. Feel better soon.


Pedialyte always made my kids puke. Always. They'd smell it a mile away and go, "Blarrrr" and it just made things worse. So we made our own sugar water and it worked a hell of a lot better.

pedialyte is the urine of Satan.


Pedialyte always made my kids puke. Always. They'd smell it a mile away and go, "Blarrrr" and it just made things worse. So we made our own sugar water and it worked a hell of a lot better.

pedialyte is the urine of Satan.


Am sooo sorry to picture you guys actually having to decide who 'gets to' puke in the bathroom. That is a sad, sad thing. Hang in there - food poisoning shouldn't last that much longer... um, right? (I hope that's right, and y'all are almost through with it!)


Ugh. So, so sorry about your miserable miserableness. Food poisoning or stomach flu is easily the most anxiety-producing thought I have. I hope you both feel better VERY quickly. Get some probiotics to help get your systems back to healthy.
As a side note, my son would only ever drink the pedialyte mixed with formula. Worth a shot if you ever get to the point when Noah needs the rehydration. Of course I can't post without pointing out the incredibly obvious fact that he is so completely yummy!


I dread the day that I'm violently ill and still have to take care of the child. Hope you guys feel better soon!


Hope you are both feeling better. Sounds like something my husband got right after our baby had a little bug. Turns out something went around dayacre that WIPED the parents out and the kids only got a minor bug.

Awful either way.


Ugh. The only thing worse than the puke/poos is having to fight over a lone bathroom to surrender to! The exact case at mi casa this past weekend.


You can't be sick during Restaurant Week!!! Feel better soon.


Ugg... we had a similar experience last weekend. Both my sons, my husband, and myself spent rotating shifts in the one bathroom we currently have... what a time to be renovating the other one!


Gatorade maybe? Isn't that like Pedialyte for adults?

Someone recommended oatmeal...that would make me puke! Fizfree cola and dry toast was my mom's remedy for stomach flu. Is that the same as straigt-up puke?

feisty girl

You must email me and let me know where you ate, as I am sure that I will eat there too and get food poisoning. Good thing I'm not dramatic, huh?


"the urine of Satan" hahahhaha!! Reading your comments is almost as good as reading your blog. Almost :D Hope you both feel better soon.


Holy mother of cute babies, that was some funny shit. I'm sorry you guys got sick but so glad you wrote about it. You freaking cracked me up girl. I just had the greatest visual going. Plus i've sooo been there. It's extra special huh when both ends decide to play the poop barf game.


You know it's bad when you resort to drinking the pedialyte yourself...and think it is heaven sent.


Glad you are feeling a bit better. I missed reading your posts.
Re: the exersaucer, I put both kids in as soon as they could hold their head up very well - at about 4 months. Dylan is 4 years old with no spine problems. Max is only 5 months, but he really loves the crinkly bee and the spinny wheel thing and I'll be damned if I'm gonna withhold 'em from the little dude.


Noah is really starting to look like you.

I hope you're feeling better and eating solid foods again soon.

Lisa B

My sister ate a salad from Wal-Mart this summer and was so very sick for well over a week. It got to a point where her in-laws would take the boys during the day and my parents would pick them up after work at night... It was horrible. She lost 10 pounds.

Another reason why Wal=Mart is evil and SUCKS ASS!

But I once remember wondering, "WHat do you do with the baby when you are sick? HOw do you handle it?" I soon found out. YOu keep sleeping baby on the bed and sneak off to puke your guts out. THe whole time, wretching, you pray to GOD that the baby doesn't move and roll off the bed. And then you get back to bed, wait a half an hour and do this exercise again.

That sucks. So sorry you went through that. Hope you never have to again.

And aren't you supposed to call the Health Department when that happens, so they can kick some ass? I don't know...

Mama C-ta

Ugh man hope you guys get some relief soon. He looks happy as can be though! We're all sick as dogs here, J w/cold #3/ear infection, sucks. Especially when sick adults want to sleep it off and sick babies have no intention on sleeping. Pisses me off.


Amalah, I couldn't figure out how to post a comment on one or both of your last two entries. Did you close the comments? What I had wanted to ask was about the links you took down. Were you linking to other blogs and they criticized you? Is that what happened? Sorry, just a little confused.


Yeesh, i hope you're not feeding that poor child that breastmilk. jesus.


ooohhh - that just sounds like fun! I hope you are feeling better. Food poisoning is not fun. I once got it from undercooked pork ribs. ICK.


Baby snot sucker??? Elaborate please (I think?)!


God. So sorry you're sick. Two weeks ago we had Spewnami/Poonami with 2 the same time...never did that much laundry in that short time...ever. Feel better.

Also, the labeling? goto to simplify yor life immensely
(feeding a child/typing w/one hand here...)


Vomitorium! hee! (Sick and still a sense of humor...once again reminding me why I read Amalah every chance I get.)

Feel better...soon.

Miss Cavendish


I'm impressed that you could take such good care of your baby while in such a miserable state.

When I had food poisoning, I had eaten clams in a SoHo restaurant and became violently ill while walking through Greenwich Village, en route to Columbia (a gazillion miles north) during the annual Halloween parade. I recall that a Halloweenie "Rick James" took great interest in my plight and it was all I could do to locate a cab and fill paper bag after paper bag that I had grabbed from a deli. Ugh. No more shellfish.


I don't know how the food TASTED, but it's the wrong timing for that kind of food poisoning. Nope, you sound like the lucky recipients of viral gastroenteritis, brought to you courtesy of a very cute fomite. His fever & diarrhea --> your spewing for days; don't know why the babies don't get as sick as we do. Could be the breastmilk, but I'd rather drink Pedialyte.


Might be too late, but if there's a next time ask for a prescription for Lomotil. My husband had food poisoning on our honeymoon, YES, our honeymoon and what an introduction to a marriage. Thank God I didn't have it because his body was busy enough fighting over which end to put on the pot. They gave him Lomotil and he was a changed man. Feel better soon.


Pedialyte tastes like asshole on a stick.


What is WITH husbands putting diapers on backwards? My hubby does that too!


And still that baby is amazingly cute and adorable.


MMMMkay, I have never heard the exersaucer/spine thing. Mine were in it, and the Johnny jump-up before they could sit up,and no one has scoliosis. I sure hope you guys feel better, oh, and our pediatrician told us that pedialyte is BS and Gatorade is the exact same thing with a little sugar added in, so it definitely tastes better...and is cheaper! Assvice, sorry!


You poor things - that totally sucks. When my now 15-month-old was 4 weeks old, I had a kidney stone. I kid you not. A KIDNEY STONE. I mean, WTF? I woke up in increasing pain and spent the day at the ER, hopped up on good drugs that made the wee one sleep when I nursed her (in the ER, yup, and in the x-ray room). I was scheduled for a rather invasive procedure to get the damn thing out so that my husband could go back to work and leave me alone with the baby without fear of a return of the totally debilitating pain of the Evil Stone. Hours before I was supposed to go to the hospital, the stupid thing passed. I CRIED and CRIED from the sheer relief. This too shall pass. :)


Re: the Exersaucer. If you wait until they can sit up, they'll be too bored with the Exersaucer. At least mine was. I wish I would've bought it when he was 4-5 months old instead of almost 7.

My .02.


Oh God. I have the pukles just READING THIS. I'm so sorry. And pork? I may never eat it again out of fear of experiencing this pain.

I'm so sorry. Noah seems unaffected though, by the Adventures in Shitpuking by Amalah and Jason. Cute boy.


I have never laughed so hard in my life. OMG I so feel for you! I have been there before when we've all had stomach flu at the same time and that just sucked. I hope you are feeling better today.


Re: Exersaucer. Both my boys were enjoying their exersaucer at 4 months, and outgrew it physically before 6 months. So now is the time to enjoy the relative freedom the distraction of the saucer gives to parents. Plus Noah is big like my boys, so if you wait as another poster said, he'll be too big for it by the time he's sitting up.

Oh, and no spine problems here.


Urg, I feel for you. We were in the same boat barely a month ago. When the hubby passed out in the bathroom I finally called the in-laws figuring that a) neither of us could drive to the hospital and b) someone had to stay with the baby who thankfully was in the process of sleeping through the night. She has done this at most three times in over 7 months.
For the record, my real concern over him passing out was mostly that he was blocking my access to the toilet.... My Father-in-law, true to the old adage about doctors and their families, told us to go back to bed...

I checked with a hospital pediatric hotline. The breastmilk is fine to give. If it's food poisoning it doesn't get into it and if it's a virus you are giving the baby the antibodies to it.
Feel better soon! I highly recomend the blue Gatorade!


Oh, I'm with starfruit...what was the snot sucker like?? Please describe!


Bulb syringe:


Eww. My sympathies on the puke-o-rama, I've been there and it's definately hell on earth.

Just be thankful that you haven't puked so violently that you break all the capilaries under your eyes...cause the Blood-Red Eyes of Dracula look? Not that attractive. Really. Anne Rice was wrong.

Buck up. You aren't dead yet. (You probably just wish you were.)


My son would never, ever touch the pedialyte and my doctor told me the same thing - Gatorade is just as good and tastes better so he will be more than likely to actually get some down.

Silly Hily

I hope everyone is feeling better by now!

Bonanza Jellybean

It's a horrible thing to say, but when I looked at the picture of Noah, I imagined him yelling, "HELP ME!"

Get better. :)


OMF, food poisoning is the WORST SHIT EVER. that is seriously the most uncomfortable thing i can imagine. gross. it's been like, three years since i had it and it STILL makes me grossed out to think of how sick i was. ick.

i hope you and jason are feeling much, much better. :)

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