HA! And Also, Shit!
Oh, the Litigations You'll See

Number Five

Juror Five, that is.






at least you've been classed as a petit juror....

that stinks. i would so stage a revolt. bring noah and ask that he cry during proceddings.


I'm soooo sorry! Couldn't you act a bit crazy? Come on, I know you have it in you! :)
Hope the case is short but interesting. You don't want to be caught up in a nasty capital murder that goes on for weeks.
At least give us the run down on Best Dressed of DC's courts!


hmmm...you could tell them you can't serve because the public depends on you!! (show them your backlog of overdue Smackdown questions if they demand proof :P)

but hey, does "petit(e)" at least mean you're a tiny cute juror? yay!! (lol..sorry. i'm so lame)

the kim half of glamorouse

Commenter #3 - Awesome Dude.

S. Faolan Wolf

I guess I'm in the minority. I find the court room fascinating and love it when they pick me as a juror. I also view it as a nice break from my day job but still get paid. Not so bad, really.


Sorry to have to ask the stupid question, but what is a petit juror? I had no idea there were different types of jurors...

the kim half of glamorouse

OK. Four.
Normally, with time differences and stuff I'm like 186 if I post something and who's still interested in the topic by then?
And I'm with Laura, the US rank their Jurors by size?


I'm with S. Faolan Wolf. Jury duty is an honor (kinda), can be enjoyable (think of the Snark potential!), and it's part of our duty as chest-thumping, patriotic song-humming Americans.

Good luck!

PS - Oh. My. Gaaaa. . .I loved Noah's speech.


Petit Jury means I'm a juror for just one trial, as opposed to a Grand Juror, who listen to indictment after indictment for like, 27 days or something.

So yes, it definitely could be worse. Good lord.

HOWEVER, while I am obviously not allowed to discuss the case, I will tell you this: zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Also, the general public smells weird.


I was gonna say, gender error. You're a petite juror. E. Jurore.




I think everyone needs a shirt that says something like: "I heart anarchy," or: "Give me liberty, or give me cheese," and they can be worn for special occasions, like Dreaded Jury Selection Day.


But can you tell us all about it afterwards? Because then it's public record, right? Anyhoo, hope you're not completely bored to tears, and I'm afraid I have to go with Z on the gender agreement thing. That's the kind of wee little thing that I maybe obsess over a bit.


Like some people commented yesterday, I'm glad you were chosen because we need smart people like you to be on juries. I, however, was not chosen to be on a jury today even though I too had jury duty (yes, I already told you but I'm plugging it again for no particular reason). So Alameda County Courts can suck it.


Bleh. I've never had the pleasure myself... you'll have to let us know all about the experience when you can. :)

And yes, DEMAND that money!


oh god...you couldn't find anything too radical to be against huh? I would have claimed to be some strange religious sect that does not believe in anything but death by flogging....

am so so sorry....


Oooh, I can't wait for the post about the general public after this trial! Pretty please, include outfit descriptions, we need to hear all about the Teva sandals with socks, the mom jeans, and that lone guy who stayed out just one scotch too late, and didn't get up in time to shower before reporting to his seat right next to yours (I'm not wishing this on you, I swear! It's just what would happen to me if I were in your shoes.) :-)


Be careful, I hear the judge gets pissed if you actually snore.


Dude, 4 bucks? You're getting screwed. Doesn't Philadelphia give you 7?

Jenny P.

I just had jury duty on Monday. I got lucky. Sorry man. I had a shitty day today that I'd tell your readers about. Asked to resign. Woo. Never had THIS happen before. Thanks internets, and Amalah, for letting this drunken new blogger spread her ill will for the large, private NC basketball powerhouse...fuckers. Pardon me!


Sorry you got picked for Jury Duty! But also - now that you've served on a jury, they can't bug you about it for a while. I forget how long.. :) I got on a jury & actually had to go for like 2 days. lol.


petit juror number 5.... you could sing that to the tune of that annoying 'Mambo Number 5' if you were really bored. plug in all the jurors names for the girl names in the song... i don't know why. but ya could.


Hey, I got picked for jury duty a few years back...and it was actually kind of fun. Until the trial was over and they made me the "alternate". Which meant I wasn't allowed to discuss it with the other jury members, or anyone else for that matter.

And you know I SO wanted to talk about the skank that got busted for selling crack to an undercover cop while her kid was in the back of her car. Sweet.

Anyway, try to have as much fun as you can.


I was juror No. 5. For seven weeks. Heres to a speedy trial!

Vaguely Urban

DC can throw down for a fancy juror badge holder, but withholds your rightful 4 dollars? I call injustice! See if you can chat up any lawyers while you're kickin it at the courthouse to take on your case.


I served on a jury once and did find it fascinating. It was such an incredible responsibility and I still feel sick about the verdict that we came to because I didn't agree 100% with it. I am still pissed at myself for not having more courage and hanging the jury.

Take notes so you can blog about it after the trial is over!

Real Girl

I'm innocent, I tell you.


I'm watching you, Real Girl. I hold the power of...community service, probably.


I had jury duty once and was selected. I loved it!! Loved even the waiting room where I sat without children and read my book. I loved the case where I felt all Boston Public or something.

That was years ago and I think they figured "Aw, she actually LIKED it. Let's not call HER back - that was no fun at all. Let's go find a lot of people who don't want to be here and make THEM come. That should be entertaining."

Anyway, hope you get some enjoyment out of it...

Big Gay Sam

oooo... you're a petit juror. How flattering. :P


I hope it's painless and -- even better -- sorta fun and interesting. And short.

I had to appear late last year for jury duty in Fairfax County. I initially misread the date on the notice they sent, and then when I realized it at 5:05 pm on the day I was supposed to appear, I freaked out. I was sure they were going to fine me or put me in jail or something for being a deadbeat... so I left them a VM nearly in tears and they just called me back the next day (I swear I heard them snickering at me) and rescheduled me.

And then when I reported, I didn't even get into a courtroom; they found everyone they needed in a different group that day, I guess.

Is the $4 you mentioned really what the District pays you for showing up?

Fairfax County pays you $25 for reporting -- I don't know how much you get if you actually serve on a jury. But I don't mention that to be all "my county is better than your district" like; it's just that there's such a dramatic difference that I wonder if I'm misunderstanding what the $4 was for.


scoutsadie - The $4 is my transportation fee. For the Metro. I actually get thirty whole dollars a day for serving, which is pretty okay, since my job does pay me my regular salary and doesn't make me hand over the $30 or something.



a petit juror is better than a supersized juror.

Jenny P.

hey! I only got $12 for my jury duty!


You know, in all these years I've meneged to NEVER get called for jury duty. Watch, I'll have something in the mailbox tomorrow - just because I had to go and brag about it.


Re: my comment above:

I've mAnaged to never get called for jury duty, not mEneged.

I don't even know HOW to mEnege something?

I hate typos.


oh, of course.

because you really needed that right now.



I grew up in DC (a very long time ago) and that $4 that you didn't get back is payback for the free museums. Of course it doesn't begin to cover the parking tickets, nonexistant parking spaces, crappy roads and last, but deserving of all caps, the D.C.D.M.V.


Thirty bucks a day! Man! Georgia is full of some cheap ass motherfuckers... we only get twelve a day.

I have to report on the 20th. I've never been called before so I kind of don't mind. But I am a little concerned about the malodorous general public. Because I've spent the morning at the Social Security office once and DAMN.


Sorry for the rough luck! Hope the trial is an interesting one at least. Will you be able to tell us about it when the trial is over? I'm sure that would make for some fun blog entries, especially with your comedic take on everything.


I remember a time pre-marriage when my husband and I were ecstatic that he was called for jury duty. The stipend was enough to go out to dinner, which was a total luxury in those days.:)


I get called for jury duty at least once a year. I rarely have to go, fortunately.

My last stint was a few weeks ago, and on top of smelling, the general public around here isn't very good looking, either. It certainly was no Boston Public episode.

Nothing But Bonfires

Oooh, the unwashed masses. Good luck with that.


I am actually pretty surprised that something along the lines of "Do you maintain a wildly popular blog read by tons of people in the Washington metro area and beyond?" isn't a question they ask of prospective jurors :-) I would think that an affirmative answer on such a question would pretty much eliminate you immediately :-)


Hmm.. everytime I think of jury duty I am reminded of the movie Jury Duty (Pauly Shore!). Which then reminds me that everytime I think of a milkman, I think of porn. It must be that stripper scene at the beginning of the movie... egad.


That totally and completely sucks. Although I think if I were a juror, I would want to pretend I am in an episode of law and order. Gosh I hope you don't have to be part of a trial that is long and boring and talks about forensics and boring stuff.

RockStar Mommy

You know, I have a mental healthy history that (besides being bullshit) has been nothing but a pain in my ass all of my life EXCEPT when it comes to jury duty because all I have to do is return the little card saying "Hey! I'm crazy!" and they write back saying "We don't want your crazy ass here!"
It's great.


Just tell them that you don't believe in the American Justice system. If they ask you elaborate, tell them it's not that you don't believe someone can't get a fair trial, it's more that you don't believe it EXISTS, because the voices in your head told you that you are living in someone else's dream and nothing is REAL.
Then run like hell after they dismiss you before the men in white coats come for you.


Hey, first time reading this....you are hilarious! A real inspiration! Sweet ass job! Seriously.

I just wanted you to know that my Mother herself was a QUEEN at getting called and getting out of jury duty. And, as a bit of inspiration---it's not too late! she once got called and got out be feigning asthma attacks (that she learned from me, that sneaky bitch!) and constant coughing. It works! They dismissed her after about 20 minutes. Bring an inhaler. If it's not working, then abuse it and when people around are staring, say with super slurred speech for them to mind their own damned business. Then write notes to yourself in a foreign language or stare at the judge or something. There's got to be a way! God bless!


I had to be on a jury in Baltimore a few months ago and not only was the case sooo boring, my fellow jurors were some of the STUPIDEST people I have ever met in my life. It was one of the most frustrating experiences I have ever endured. And, Baltimore only pays $15 a day. Bastards.


I had Jury Duty for 4 days once. I actually kind of liked the experience. The case was pretty easy for the guilt phase....his lawyer admitted he was guilty during that phase for him. And then they struck a deal so we didn't get to give him a punishment. He should have stuck with us - we would have been more leinient - but my guess is that after his lawyer admitted his guilt after pleading "not guilty" that he figured he's be put away forever anyway, or she'd ask for him to be.

Vaguely Urban

I was at the courthouse this morning and saw a petite (!) blond juror with shiny badge. Which made me think of you, so I gave her a big friendly smile, trying to spread the good karma, convey my appreciation and make her feel the love.

I think I scared her. Whoops. That'll learn me to interact with strangers in downtown L.A.


The only time I ever had jury duty I got excused because the defense attorney was my high school boyfriend. And I had to tell the judge this. And he laughed, long and hard. not fun.


For future reference, there is an excellent entry over at jasonmulgrew.com (note: not for the squeamish, that blog nor that boy) dated 3/9 on how to get out of jury duty.


I've actually always wanted to do jury duty!


All I can say is good luck! And getter you then me! :)


Wow! Down here, it's about six bucks a day for jury duty.

Hope the trial isn't too long or boring. Have fun!


Yeah, um... jury duty, blahblah... Didya forget about daily Noah pics? Hello?! :)


Do the damn service - democracy rocks!

can you get there for $4? How cool to live in a place with actual public transport...


I was summoned for last Tuesday (my first time) and somehow I managed to NOT get picked. I have no idea what I did to make them decide they didn't want me. Maybe because it was an assult case and I had that deer-in-the-headlights look...

Sorry you didn't have the same good luck as me!


Oh, and those complaining about only getting $12 a day? In Houston we get paid $6. (Well, that's for the first day, it's $40 for all days after that.) But that's not the point - serving one day you only technically make $.50 because parking is $5.50. How's that for fair?

Of course, they didn't discount it for me even when I ranted and raved and argued till no end. My parking was $7. So I paid THEM to go downtown and miss a day of work for nothing.


Kitty, it sucks that they made you pay for parking!! How lame.

Hey LotionBar Bunny (way up there), your post made me laugh, because I find the forensic stuff totally cool (I married a scientist). The kind of trial I would hate to serve for (okay, besides really heinous violent crime stuff) would be one with lots of boring business stuff... except the Enron one, which would also probably be pretty boring except for offering the opportunity to totally nail the bastards responsible for all of that crap... but then, I'd probably get disqualified from the outset for prejudging themlllkllklllllllllllllllllllllll, (my comma key just came off of my keyboard and I had to smoosh it back on - sorry! But I think that looks kind of funny, so there it is).

That is all.


Scoutsadie, I do like forensics, unless it turns into something that looks like the OJ trial lasting months and months.

Amy, this may be something you will appreciate or make you laugh and take your mind off of jury duty (Hopefully you are not sequestered away from your computer): today I got a Frapper invitation and it was from a naked guy. He wanted to be my friend. Somehow I think he was the guy on all the Friend's episodes that they were always looking at out the window.

Someone please take my eyes out of my head and crush them.

Hope that brings joy to your juristic day.


I actually liked jury duty. Maybe I'm weird. Have fun though!!


Forget the $4. I know it's annoying, but this crap happens and it's better to let it go. When I was recently in NY, I bought a subway ticket for $2 and when I tried to use it, the turnstile wouldn't budge and I got a reading of "not transferrable." I didn't feel like standing in the line of 15 people with issues of their own to discuss with the ONE fossil in slow motion on duty behind the bullet proof glass, so I did the only logical thing: I stepped over the turnstile and walked over to the two officers chatting about Desparate Housewives, standing by the steps, WHO PROCEEDED TO GIVE ME A TICKET FOR $60.

Be thankful your loss was $4 and just chalk it up as a lesson to take your own bottle of YooHoo next time.

Mama C-ta

I have no desire to see the inside of a court room for my own trial or somebody elses. I have yet to be picked for duty, knock on wood.

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