Class of '96
Gods & Monsters

A completely inoffensive post, except possibly for the jokes about drunk babies

You know how sometimes you hit the "publish" button and then immediately cringe? And wonder if maybe you should not have hit that button? And then you brace yourself for the comments and the emails and then you pour yourself some wine and maybe lie down for a little bit?

And then everything is fine? And the comments and the emails are kind of fucking mindblowing because there are so many people out there who GET what you were trying to say and GET who you are and are maybe just like you? And it's such a relief, because when you are basically and publicly giving the finger to the teachings of childhood (Scarlett O'Hara: Oh, I know there's a hell. I was raised on it!), no matter how gently, you kind of can't help but be all kinds of twitchy and vulnerable?

And for like, 24 hours, it's all awesome and kumbayaish. You know?

And then the tone of some of the comments starts getting a little...snippy? And you get maybe an email or two that...well, frankly, they can go to hell too, blah, whatever...and then you know that fabulous dialog about spirituality vs. religion vs. upbringing vs. conscious choice aside, it might be time to close comments and post some goddamned baby pictures?

Yes. That time has come. Behold! We move on!



Welcome to Noah's swinging bachelor pad! Can I offer you a bottle? Some Cheerio crudite?


After cocktails, I will sing soulful songs while accompanying myself on the piano. Perhaps we can convince the banjo-playing frog to join in.


It's getting hot in here, let's take off all our clothes...


Not surprisingly, the next morning, Noah wakes up in the exersaucer wearing someone else's onesie.


Oh man, I need to lay off the Similac.


Ceiba: Bab1es r deLIcious! YUm!



First to tell you this morning that my favorite part of your posts are Noah and his quotes. The smoking jacket/robe are over the top. Just don't get it in red or we'll have to start calling him Heff.


You are deep AND hilarious. What a catch :)


ahhhhhhhh! Noah is such a swingin' cat! btw I loved your post yesterday - it made me feel better about my choices (less alone) but this isn't about me b/c it's your blog so I'll shut up now. You rock Amy.


OMG, I just peed my pants a little. "Noah in someone else's onsie". Priceless.



I just larf looking at Ceiba!


Oh, Noah we've allll been there. At least your crawl of shame is short.


"...mama said knock you out...I'm gonna knock you out..."

Noah looks great in the robe! Always cute! I think we need proof that Ceiba DIDN'T eat him...she looks pretty pleased w/herself...


one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, TEN!


Snippy comments can fuck the fuck off.

After saying that...stop posting cute Noah pics! My uterus is bullying me :o(


ah ha ha ha ha! love the comments with the pix.

Dad Gone Mad

I gotta get me one of those hooded, terry cloth smoking jackets, Noah. When I do, I'm coming over to your place to chill.


De lurking to say I LOVE the Noah pictures!!!
Our own little guy is due to arrive shortly and I only hope he's so photogenic!!!

(I like the other stuff you post as well--I 'heart' snarky =)



You have to tell me what brand of 'fencing' you have around Noah. My friends are looking for that exact thing. We just had a discussion abotu it last weekend. The baby? He's crawling - one week now - and it's all she can do to get anything done without worrying about 'where he's gone next'. Tell all.

The Noah pics/commentary is hilarious as usual.

The deeper posts - very welcome - it's your blog, people who have 'issues' with it shouldn't fucking read it or HEY here's an idea...move the fuck along!!!


I love this post and the last one. Keep it up!


In the first picture, Ceiba is all: "Am here! Am cute! Am still baby!"

That or she's plotting how best to devour the more-photographed baby.

Lisa V

I heart drunk babies. And the previous post.


I think Ceiba recommends the cheerio coating with a demi-glaze of drool on le bebe du jour.

Motherhood Uncensored

It's hard not to be snippy when certain folks are so tightly wound from repressed self-expression and free thought.

Weeeeeee... we'll take some cheerio crudite. Considering I just fed my daughter junior mints to get her to do an audio post, I'm pretty sure anything has got to be better than that.

I know. I'm going to hell.

Already knew that people.


Too cute! Have you just got the happiest baby or what? In that profile shot of Noah, he looks just like Jason. (I really liked your last post too, btw.)


Write the damned book already, Amy!
I can see it shooting to the top of the best seller list in a matter of hours.


yes, please tell us about the fence! eamon is walking and i require the fence asap.


he is such a little playboy in that robe--Hugh Hefner, watch out!


You sound like me -- always surprised to realize people really like you. And you have people crawling out of the woodwork daily to tell you they like you.

Noah's comments are so funny. You definitely are talented -- that is not a new realization, just words of affirmation and encouragment.

Jerri Ann

waking in someone else's onesie, how are just too cute lady


I think those pictures reflect a spirituality of religious....just kidding!
What a great montage; I laughed out loud. You are such a hoot!


Great pics and I loved your last post too.


Does he have a vibrating watercrib, too? ;)Sorry...couldn't resist!


You just go on with your marvelous life, girl, and don't let those poopyheads get to you (now wasn't *that* an adult remark!). They're just miserable and jealous (and well they should be, too).


I love Noah's robe.

But I love the picture of him taking OFF the robe even better.

Wacky Mommy

Ah, I knew the dog would love having a kid around. "Cheerios, for all my friends!" Party on, Noah.


Hey, sorry I didn't get here in time to comment on the last post, it was awesome and unexpected and I really enjoyed reading it.

Noah is beautiful and so are you.


Long time lurker, de-lurking to say I really admired your last post ANNNDDDD that pic of Noah "waking up in someone else's onsie" is to die for!

Don't ever stop posting!


and once again, all is right with the world.

The questions are, does Noah use "hair of the dog" to banish hangovers, and how does Ceiba feel about that?


Pictures 1 and 3 nearly made me laugh my ass *right* off.


Only having seen Amy and Jason in photos, am I the only one who agrees that Noah looks like Jason when his mouth is closed, and Amy when his mouth is open?


In "the next morning" photo, Noah's got the pouty supermodel lips thing going...Love it! Don't hate him because he's beautiful...


Noah is a lady-killer for sure! Thanks for the much-needed Internet happiness.

Please do share about the fence. Our puppy just got to the parakeet yesterday. Obviously, he needs to be corralled a little more closely. Who knew that when you sign up for this motherhood gig, you also take on the job of Wee Pet Funeral Director [Non-Denominational, natch].


I think that's why dooce turns her comments off after 24hrs...

Artemis Rich

Oh, good! My daughter isn't the only one who things playing *under* the excersaucer is more fun than playing *in* the exersaucer.

And please, please, please, give us the wisdom of the fence! I beg you! My daughter just turned one and we live in a converted warehouse and I am desperate for some way to safely corral her (especially since she has started climbing with great success).



c'mon, baby! you put a contentious subject out there and you can't expect _all_ the comments to be coddling.

kerri anne

He definitely looks the part in that Hefner-esque robe. ; )

(And I just read over my comment from yesterday's post and was worried that maybe you thought mine was one of the "snippy" ones, because I'm not always great with the conveying of emotion via le comments sector, but I didn't! mean it like that at all. I think you're awesome and heartily concurred with what you wrote, and with how you feel. Happy! weekend Amy.)


Man, you are funny! And I'm always dragging my own 2 boys in to see your adorable kid! So very cute!!!


oh my god that was awesome.


I just posted pictures of my daughter in the same saucer, in the bottom of the saucer too. How funny! Love the bachelor pad!


Good lord, is he...STANDING? That is crazy, right there.


Dear Amy,

Drunken baby photos are a fabulous distraction. Good call. I was rather amazed that *most* comments were of a very supportive nature. I guess that couldn't last long..

I've got "I'm too sexy" in my head after Noah's striptease, haha. Great pictures and commentary, as always.



I was raised another denomination than I am now...I hated born again Christians because I thought they were looney. Now I am one...but I am not one of THOSE Christians. lol.

It's true. There are so many people who make a "bad name" for those of us who are normal and down to earth, that when you say "Christian" people think you are perfect and know it all and high and mighty--heaven forbid I make a mistake or curse and what not.


I get what you are saying Amy. I totally get it.

And the Noah "flashing" picture--too Damn cute! (Crap I'm going to hell because I said Damn!)



When we are in hell together, I will say this to you:

I LOVE THAT BABY. And I am fond of you as well.

(I hear that hell is all about flaming drinks and pretty shoes. So I'm in.)


Oh man, that was hilarious!


Kumbaya, ma lord... :)
It's all good.
Love the pics!!! (and the lol captions!)


Holy snikeys! Is he standing??? WHY DO THEY GROW UP SO FAST?? Can you believe in only four months, you're little Noah will be a year old?

I love those pictures/captions (especially the "getting hot in here" one). Also my son has the same leap frog table, but I think I like it more than he does though.


Is it weird that I want to paper my walls with photos of your son? I mean, that's normal right?

Ok, so it's a little creepy. Nevertheless... *commences printing and buys bucket of glue*


Fabulous lil' Noah Heff there. Love it!

Sarcastic Journalist

Suddenly, Noah realizes he hasn't changed his diaper in two days.


Yay for cute pictures of Pimpin Noah and yay, as always, for expressing your thoughts openly (and making me go into my own little train of spiritual thought I normally keep subdued).


omg, he looks like Baby Heff in those first few pics. ;)

when the hell will the trolls go away, amy? when?!? argh.

anyway, i am wondering what is up with max. um, you know...max? the cat? he's still there, yes? noah didn't drown him in drool, did he?


What a cute baby! And I love his smoking jacket!


You got the crazy gate! How do you like the crazy gate? We looked at it at BRU and thought since it sort of took up our entire apartment that it might be overkill. We might be better off cordoning off the adults and letting the baby roam free.


omg...I can't believe you let your baby get drunk.


Great photos!


When he smiles, he looks just like you. But in that last photo, he looks exactly like Jason.

That must sound freakin weird coming from somebody you don't know.

Terrific Blog.


What does the preshus baby think of his new cage?


The profile...

Killed me. Am now dead. From Excessive Cuteness in the First Degree.

Pooter's Mom

Keep that playa away from MY daughter!
Is it wrong that I enjoy your site so much? I feel like a stalker. And it's taken over my house. First I read it, then my teenage daughter reads it. Then we're both laughing and peeing our pants. Then I start telling my husband about it and he's all like, "pay attention to your own baby, dammit!" Oh, yeah. Then I absentmindedly take the baby away from the outlets and keep reading. Good stuff.


We love that ol' banjo playin' frog!


Long time lurker, first-time poster. Came by on Friday to pass along a tip, and damn, girl, you know how to stir up the 'Net. Good stuff.

Anyway, get thee to Ann Taylor, stat. You've probably already been alerted to this by your legions, but I saw a CUTE pair of navy blue wedges there. I too suffer from the blue dress what the hell color shoes disease and good ole Ann has NAILED it for this summer. Perfect.

LOVE these photos, that Noah is a swinging babe magnet!


Oh how I wish I had my blog when my two were babies. And just so you know I always get you. What I don't get, however, is any hatemail because it seems only the uber-cool popular ones get those. All Noah needs in that one picture is a bubble pipe a la Hugh Hefner.

Y from the internet

haha. You think you invented controversial posts.

Andrea Sedlock

Some Assvice from a long-time delurker and first-time commenter (even though I know you closed the post): Give Journey's Crossing a try (they have campuses in Gaithersburg and Silver Spring). They really encompass all of the values that you have mentioned and accept ANYONE & EVERYONE exactly as they are. I love taking my child there and I feel that you and I have the same type of morals/personalities that we want to pass on. PS I absolutely LOVE this site and I thought that I would NEVER EVER be the "type" to read a blog!!! Keep it coming!


...Ummm, it's like I'm related to this kid or something. First thing I do is scroll down to see if there are adorable noahpics...THEN I go up and read.

I really do have a life. I do.

I do.


Just finished reading your post about religion...Holy CRAP. I was raised Catholic, and taught that the little African babies who DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT CATHOLICISM WERE STILL GOING TO BURN IN HELL ANYWAY BECAUSE SORRY, THEY WERE NOT CATHOLIC. That didn't sound like any God I had met, so I bailed on the Catholic Church post-high school, too. The one I found was the Anglican church. Super. Lots of tradition, beautiful music, beautiful churches, they even MARRY GAY PEOPLE. So there. Check it'll be the Episcopalian church down there. Anyway, cannot believe you made it out of crazy jesus land alive and thinking, and with a sense of humour, no less. way to go Amalah!
oh, and p.s. I can hear the rich tones of Luther Vandross in the backround as Noah shows us around his bach pad.


I really enjoy this site. You are truly a wonderful writer and I think many of your readers are quite entertaining too.
Two things: On your blue dress shoe needs, I bought cute wedges with navy leather straps at Steve Madden. Also saw nice blue ones at Ann Taylor but the color didn't work as well.
And I hope this is ok to do, would your readers please go to and click for free mammograms - May is double click month.
Oh, and the Noah pictures are too sweet.


So I sent this picture to my friend the other day, just the picture, no comments, and she recognized your child. From the back. With no entry attached. I'm not sure she'd recognize a picture of her OWN child from the back if you showed it to her. That's how much we visit your site.

Noah's famous, dude.

Sarah Louise

Those baby pics couldve turned into something seriously boring, but the adorablness/clever comments make it all better.

Real Girl

Oh that first pic with Ceiba's little tush sticking out. The baby-animal hybrid pics get me the most fo' sho'.


Rawk. You bring the funny. And the thoughtful. And the way cool. Plus shoes. You go on posting however the heck you like, and I promise to continue to be delighted.




Noah: Just when I think your mom won't possibly be able to take a better picture of you than she just did...she goes and shoots an entire series that shows us what a handsome fella you are! In all the babies out there, you are no doubt one of the cutest, more photogenic one I've seen in a LONG time!


Ok, that one of him flashing that hot bod is effing GREAT!!


it's been awhile, but thanks for the shout out to my girl Scarlett.

and also the cutest pix ever.


Fuck the nay-sayers. Let he who has walked a mile in your Pradas....

Love Noah's portrayal of The Heff.

Big Gay Sam

Man! I remember those lost weekend similac binges. I finally had to enter a program for similacaholics. I've been sober two years now.

Must pinch cheeks now...

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