Preshus Parenting Moment #7852
The Wednesday Advice Smackdown!

It's Especially Good Because I Could Really Go For Some Pinot Grigio Right Now



MOTHER: self-medicating


You know what though? I'm totally not going to play this all coy and cutesy and "oh I'm the worst mother ever, boo hoo hoo" so y'all will make me feel better about the three-inch gash and goose-eggy-black-and-blue mark on my baby's head, because right after it happened I was able to find an ice pack that came with my breast pump and didn't have to use our wine bottle cooler.

I may actually be the greatest mother of all time.

Edited to add: I am not making this up! Three inches! Red! Swollen! It is just not a very photogenic wound.




Honestly, I can barely see it.


All I see is cute. I think I have the Goose Egg filter on my Firefox.


I can BARELY see a redish type line and that's it.


Either it's barely there or you're the best photographer ever and should come take my picture. No retouch necessary!

Anne Glamore

You are a great mother. I generally take the picture before applying first aid. Better photos for the scrapbook, but more trauma for the kid.

The scrapbook, however, (assuming you ever make it) lasts longer than the trauma (I hope).


It's actually quite ginormous, and there was much screaming, and then he bit me.

But he doesn't seem too bothered by it anymore, and only slightly brain damaged.


Yeah, I'm not seeing too much, either. Fret not.


Seriously - I'm with Kate - I had to STARE at it for about three minutes before I could even find it. Ugh! Don't you hate that? I'm not a mom, but here's a similar story:
I had one of my brides, her baby (he's about two months older than Noah) and her mother in Saks - we were shopping for her Mother of the Bride dress. Baby, curious, crawling and so, so, cute, sat up and fell over with a horrifying "CRACK!!" into a mirror. Thank the heavens above it had a rounded edge to it! In the sickening seconds of silence (he was sucking in his breath and turning reddish blue) before the screaming started, I was SURE there would be blood shooting all over the carpet and grandmas'pale-pink, $450 dress.

Thankfully Saks has a kitchen with ice and nice makeup counter girls. He had an actual DENT in his cute little forehead, but the ice helped and it didn't even really egg up to much. Phew!

Poor baby! Bad IKEA, BAD!


I miss the swearing.

Wicked Stepmom

Boo-Boo? What boo-boo?
[Scrolling back up.]
Are you JOKING?
Don't you know babies are made of rubber?
WTG on the breast pump ice packs! See, they ARE good for something! ;)


Hey...whatever gets the job done.


I see a teeny tiny scratch and a slight red mark.

Wine is always a good idea though.


Seriously, I thought it was one of those crazy trick pictures where you stare and it intensely then some spooky witch flies up and scares the beshittle out of you. But then I think I found the "gash?" How did IKEA come out on top of all this?


Those of you who miss the swearing may want to go back to Friday's post, where apparently my language was so bad it required a gentle scolding in the comments section.


I thought this was going to be like one of those email forwards where you stare at the screen for a really long time and then someone suddenly jumps out and says boo!

Or, boo-boo, in this case.


The cooler? Why not just use the bottle?


He seems fine! It's the mommies that need the ice for OUR heads after our babies get hurt!


Oh, please. Get back to us when goose egg requires emergency room visit and not just a breasty ice pack.

Soooooo JV.

(And GOD can I rub that head, I mean, seriously!)


I saw that subtle reprimand in Friday's comments! haha, wtf was that ol' broad doin' here anyway?? Clearly she was not familiar with your work.

Re: the wound - ah, yes, I see it now. 'Tis just a flesh wound. And don't worry, 'he's not dead. Just stunned!'

Heather B.

Really, it's barely noticable, but still the crying would just make me feel bad even if there was no photographic evidence. And an ice pack is way better than that bag of spinach that I used.


Oh, Noah is still an amateur headbanger! My daughter still has an actual crease in her forehead, faintly visible when she furrows her brow but not normally, thank God - it happened when she was 4 and she is now 22. She chose to dive headfirst into a tunnel on the playground at preschool. It was PURPLE and 4 inches long and an inch high. It had a visible crease. It made the nurses in the clinic go pale and wave us right to the front of the line. No lasting harm. She walked into the door of the bank as I was opening it, and it caught her right on the edge. Giant, scary creased deep purple egg. She ran into walls regularly. Our pediatrician joked that if a strange doctor took an x-ray of her skull we might get arrested for child abuse (he knew her, he knew better, thank GOD). She did stop doing this and is not only without brain damage but also an excellent driver, so it's not a portent of anything. Wait until he's walking/running, and keep the wine chiller and the pinot grigio handy.


You can't judge a mom by a boo-boo. It's HOW SHE REACTS TO THE BOO-BOO. You're cool.

Laura B

Oh, poor baby! That looks like a big wound to me. Is very long. And pink.


I'm trying to concentrate on the boo-boo but I can't get past his delicious profile. Seriously, I feel like I blow out an egg every time I see his picture.

GAH! There goes another one.....


Aarrgh! Can we call him Scar?


Consider this the first in a long list of injuries. Mine had stitches by 8 months, you by all acounts, are the greatest mother of all time!!


Save the pity party for when Noah startles Maximilian out of a sound sleep by burying his face in Max's furry tummy, and Max retaliates by instinctively sinking his fangs into Noah's forehead and his claws into the back of his head, and you pull Noah off and the blood is GUSHING out of his head OMG and you grab anything you can to stop the bleeding and finally put the bleeding baby in the carseat and rush to the hospital and they look at you like you're a child abuser but then say that the baby is fine, he'll just look like something tried to EAT HIM for a while.

Yeah. That happened to me and it sucked. Worry not, you'll have many more opportunities to beat yourself up over your child's injuries.

That child, BTW, has the cutest head in the world. I just want to sniff it and nuzzle it.


And why did he bite you?

Jerri Ann

You know we all do those crazy over-sight are doing just fine in the protection category, I'm sure of it!


Poor poor baby! Bad bad Ikea!! Are you going to share with us how this happened? Because I need a[nother] reason to hate Ikea, which I so totally cannot afford to shop at currently, but the lure is almost too strong...

Also, a bag of frozen vegetables are a good ice pack substitute, should the need ever arise again. Peas, in particular, are especially form-fitting to most wounds.


he'll use this against you, you know. and blame you for everythign when he's older.


As the saying goes, it probably hurt you worse than him. I know the feeling though. I'm not even a mom yet, but I did manage to burn a baby once.

Wacky Mommy

Oh, please. Similar to Meepers' story -- my guy has a divot mark in his forehead from where he banged his noggin jumping onto the loveseat. That was TWO YEARS AGO and yes, it's still there. (The divot. And the loveseat too, I guess.) Too funny he bit you. "Damn you for shopping at Ikea! Damn you, mommy!"


Nolan fell off the front steps on to concrete and skinned the entire top portion of his face.
I was terrified that social services would appear at any second. It happens to all of us. (at least his cute little tufty hair hides it)

Real Girl

Poor sweetie. But right now, he looks like he just wants some plastic keys.

(Family sues Ikea for millions of dollars?)

(Except not so many millions that they start raising their prices?)


God, I just love that kid. His profile looks as delicious as his wee wittle toes.


Aww, don't worry - babies bounce! You can barely see it - and it makes him look tough. ;)
I can't believe he bit you! Chloe used to bite for fun, but just pouted when she was mad.


You have such a gift! HILARIOUS! I loved the starbucks one too. You make me laugh so much. You are causing me to get laugh lines. Damn. OMG you are too funny.


BTW, I am so glad you did not abandon us at this site when you got the new paying job. I have become dependent on my daily amalah laugh fix. It is so important to be able to have lots of profanity per paragraph - god if you ever changed that I would be soooo disappointed (I do read your other paying job site too though, just to support you)


Longtime reader, first time commenter here.

I can barely, barely see it. People won't notice, they'll be far too focused on how cute he is to notice the mark. (The internet is seriously going to have a baby boom because of your kid.)


PS Thank you for saving my butt with the Advice Smackdown last week. I just had surgery and spent an inordinate amount of time analyzing all of the creams and products for my scar when really, I should have just asked you in the first place.

PPS I had to fight the urge to write a BritBrit bashing-style news report detailing the series of events in my first entry in your comments section. Can you imagine the headline on CNN? But I didn't think that would be a good first impression.


Bumps Happen.


The crying, the guilt. I don't know which is worse.

Those cheeks are begging to be nibbled. I can't stop looking at the cheeks.

Hope you can recover as quickly as he :)


As if you need another reason to hate Ikea now...

Poor, poor Noah - and poor Mamalah! Hey, isn't this what those playpens are for?

Hope Roth

I hit my sister in the head with an ice-scraper when I was 4. She seems to have recovered.


Yeah, seriously sweetie. I don't really think it'll leave any lasting damage. You're a great mommy and Noah is probably the cutest baby boy ever. All is well with the universe. Enjoy the wine. Hey any reason works for me:)


THOSE are the kinds of boo-boos you want to take pictures of; not the highly visible gashes and bruises. You never know, he COULD decide to use a pic as evidence in a future lawsuit.

*takes another look at Noah*

Nah, he wouldn't do that to the mommy who loves to nibble on his toes.


Oh, Ikea. I've been there, with the Ikea furniture. Our boo boo involved much bleeding and X rays and Vicodan. For the boy, not for me. Sadly.

Poor Amalah.


YOU POOR THING. Baby Wounds are always worse on the MOTHER, of course. :-(


Wow, if I were you I'd call CPS and see if they'd come take that child away from you. At least for the WEEKEND, I mean. You probably could use a break. ;)

He'll be fine, eh? Little troopers they are. They generally don't even freak out on that stuff until they look to MOMMY to see if she is freaking out. Poker face, that's what is called for. hehe


Poor baby, a boo boo. Did you kiss it to make it better? Many many times.

I am telling you... coffee tables are EVIL. I hope you gave it a good kick.

Lisa V

My kid cracked his head open on the coffee table. I took time to wash the blood out of my rug and his clothes before taking him to the hospital where he got 5 staples in his sweet little scalp. Now that is a bad mother.


1. Can barely see it.
2. IKEA still better than actually dropping a child on a NYC street OR endangering him by driving with him in the drivers seat.
3. Children falling into IKEA stuff or similar items happens all the time. Moms feel bad but kids learn and the same thing happened to us as kids and we are ok.
Amy = Great Mom


Bumps and bruises come with the territory. I didn't even notice it. I'm more likely to notice a child WITHOUT a bump or bruise!

Take it easy there Noah!

Black Belt Mama

Babies are resilient; it's the mommy's who feel worse after a fall. At least, that's what I tell myself. My little one went from belly to standing in like three seconds today. I fear a similar boo-boo is not far behind for us.


Poor Noah!

I hope you had two bottles of Pinot Grigio to help you get over the trauma.

Is it terrible that I was giggiling over the Friday scolding? I didn't think the cussing was so terrible.


Dear Amy,

I had to giggle at the "gentle scolding" comment.. I suppose that's always better than some ranting and raving troll. Although. I suppose it depends on what day of the week it is.

Poor dear. He's a biter? If I ever get bitten my one of my kids, I don't know what I'd do. Probably cry. And thank God I had my tetanus booster yesterday. (Although, these aren't my kids, I teach 25 6 year olds. Phew)

Hoping Noah and Momma feel better soon. It happens! Now, go self medicate some more.



When Kyle was about six months old, I was dressing him for the Big Family Christmas Eve Happening, and my damn engagement ring scratched him on the face. My husband got home an hour later, calmed me down, convinced me that everything was OK, and left.

And the first thing my husband's grandmother said was, "WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT POOR BABY'S FACE??"

So keep him away from grandmothers and great-grandmothers for a while. It's best for both of you.


You think that's bad? My son was 3, his cousin was 2. They were scheduled to get their pictures taken. The night before, they decided to fight over the big orange plastic bat. Needless to say, my son went to get his picture taken with a great big goose egg on his forehead. His cousin went with a black eye. Just when I think that baby is as cute as he could possibly be, you give us another picture of him, head wound and all, he's a looker!


You definitely handled it much better than I would have. I would have sooo panicked and be frozen by horror that I would probably be putting soemthing like steak on my poor babe.


If it makes you feel better, I just had four staples removed from my son's head last night. He's 22 months old. He regularly bumps his head into stuff.

This won't be Noah's last boo-boo.


Amalah, welcome to baby mobility--bumps, bruises and scrapes are all a part of the experience. My son's head is often spotted black & blue from running into things or falling down. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, though, so I don't worry too much. I mean, really--I grew up in a non-child-proofed home, and I'm fine. I went to the emergency room a lot, starting when I was 18 months old, but I'm fine. ;-)

As for the "gentle scolding"--I wouldn't worry about that too much either. Sounds like a reader who liked your ClubMom blog came over here for a visit and had a bit of a shock. But you have to be able to freely express yourself on your own damn blog, and honestly, your use of profanity wasn't gratuitous or anything. It was precisely what I would have said in the same situation.

Of course, I've been accused of? admired for? cursing like a sailor at times, so maybe I'm not the best judge of gratuitous profanity.


1. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

2. Head wounds with obvious swelling and blood are good (provided the bleeding stops in this century). Head wounds that DON'T swell (ie, "dent" or appear pushed in), and don't bleed on the outside, and cause dilated pupils are bad. Very. Bad. Trust Me. We know. Or rather, the ER dr's know, and they've shared with us.

Don't feel too bad- my oldest (now 15) pulled a heavy-as-tar 1985 model full size tv off the stand onto her noggin. Resulting in stitches. And a scar she loves to show off in her right eyebrow "where Mom almost let me kill myself with the stupid tv". Thanks, dear. You're right, Mom tried to let you commit oingo-boingo at age 18 mos. I bite.

They all survive. Personally I like to use her attempted guilt trips to justify not having a tv now. I hated the durn thing anyway!

You didn't mention the accident description- dare we guess a coffee table? Or maybe bookcase? Or maybe you threw that Ikea thing that ate your keys months ago at him?


Just for the record- I'M KIDDING PEOPLE. I know Amy didn't chunk any furniture at the most perfect child in the world.

Please don't send me hate mail. Sarcasm people sarcasm!




I didn't see it in the first picture, but I can in the clarification. My brother had head injuries like that all the time when he was little (he was very adventurous and quite the climber) and he turned out just fine. At least Noah's not old enough to remember this, right?


Oh, Zappos! How you make my eyes bleed so.

Liberal Banana

Wow, I just wrote my post for today before seeing this and the title was "Pinot Grigio saves the day. Again." Freaky!

Maybe Noah needs some? I know it always makes me feel better.


Seriously Amy, all I see in those pictures are these amazing cheeks I'd like to munch on.


Snorting diet caffeine free dr pepper up the nose with a sinus infection IS NOT RIGHT PEOPLE!

I innocently checked back to see if the full accident description had erupted yet, only to see Amy's obviously suspicious semi-admission of guilt.

Aaaahhhh. The joys of snarky parenting blogs. Does it get any better than this?


My son just took a swan dive into the corner of a wall. He has a pretty 2.5 gash at the forehead... Your son wins by .5 inch! :)



Amy... it happens to all of us. And we usually feel horrible and like the worst parents ever.

My oldest Dani... I dropped her bouncy, carrier chair... with her in it... on a HARD tile floor(cement floor under that tile)... when she was only 4 weeks old. She had a kinda fluffy blanket over her because we were leaving the house and she was born in February...She slept through the entire event, but that didn't make me feel any less horrible... today she's your average snotty 13 yr old.

My middle child Nikki... She was dropped twice... by me, on her head... both times resulting in a nasty looking blue and purple goose egg on the head...but she too is ok and is currently a snotty 12 yr old

(both girls are for sale...BTW, interested?, lol)

And my youngest...Drew... he fell off my double bed when he was about 6 weeks old. he rolled right off the edge.. and I was standing right there too... talk about feel stupid, lol. I just couldn't move fast enough.

Point is... I felt like the worst parent ever... but in time... you realize it happens to most parents... new ones and experianced ones.

Just pick him up(i'm sure you did this already... but go do it again... you'll feel even better)... give him extra hugs and kisses.. and forgive yourself. He's still perfect and you're still and awesome mom!!!

The comments to this entry are closed.