Thank you, Amy. For making me feel better for moments I've had like that. For putting dents in my wall with a hairbrush when my 2 month old baby WOULD.NOT.STOP.CRYING.
Thanks for being honest.

Anybody who tells you that it's NOT NORMAL is either lying, a complete fraud, or doesn't have a child. I experienced the same thing when mine was around the same age, and it sure makes you feel like shit. But we're only human and we do the best we can. Thank you for posting something so "taboo" yet honest.

Thanks for letting us know you're as human as the rest of us!

It happens to us all and although it is normal, it still makes you feel weak, as if you can't handle it. I know, I've been there...way more than once!

I'm glad you shared that. Thanks. Here's to a better day today!

*Good* job with the restraint. I'm sure you're infinitely more patient than even you realize.

And not to (at all!) discount what any mother goes through, because--oy!--I can only imagine, but stories like this make me marvel at what single mothers must go through, and I am scared to death of one day being a single mom. Scared, scared, scared.

But I'm already re-reading your archives for my friend's baby, who's arriving in late July, and who I will be babysitting often!

Hey, it's normal. Walking away is the best thing you could do, when you just can't take it anymore. Being a parent is hard. But somehow you survive, and discover things about yourself (both good & bad). It's all part of growing up. :)

I think you did pretty well.

I used to got in the locked bathroom and scream until I was hoarse. I couldn't hear the baby crying if I was screaming and I felt a huge release afterwards. My daughter was colicky...I screamed a lot.

My cousin is the one who warned me that this is a normal reaction. I'm so glad that she did: as unlike the numerous "labor stories" everyone feels compelled to share, this is important stuff to share with moms just entering the game of parenting!

Oh how we've all been there. I'm going to veer very close to assvice and say you might want to join some mama group. I joined austinmamas.com and just having someone to bitch to is wonderful.

Yeah. I have a dent in my refrigerator door. My dent of shame.

While I have not yet had this experience around my 3-month-old, I have totally kicked the crap out of suitcases/boxes/my car tires several times in my life when it was either that, or have an aneurysm. I figure, as long as it's inanimate objects you're damaging, you're not doing too bad. :-)

You are now a full fledged mom! Thats what I was told when I threatened to sell my daughter on ebay! My daughter was also about 8 months at the time, its a big turning point. They are very active, have developed a mind of their own and have no listening skills!
Theres a big difference between wanting to smack them than actually doing it. Hang in there.

It's OK Amy. I have two teens now and I know exactly how you feel.

Thank you for your honesty! I have been there and done that and it is so hard!

Ohmygod, you are so normal. It's scary, but normal.

I'm putting up a post later today on how I'm TRYING to rediscover the concept of gentle disclipine...which has a whole lot less to do with the kids and a whole lot more to do with ME and my issues. Maybe it will be helpful? We'll see!

I read this with tears in my eyes....because I have sooooo been there. And it is scary. But OK too because you realized you needed a *Mommy Time Out* and put Noah in a safe place and walked away from the situation.

Now my kids are 4 and 8 and can sense when the patience is about to run out....and they run and hide. Smart kids.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Fear of losing my patience and temper is a lot of what makes me not want children. NOBODY ever told me that feeling that way is normal.

Good for you for realizing this is totally normal. Good for you for having the sense to stay calm enough to get away from the baby. Good for you for realizing he needs to be in his crib for a few minutes while you sit in the closet. Good for you for taking a nap and feeling better when you woke up! It happens and you handled it the right way.

totally normal and way harder on you than on noah.

Yep, been there. One night I found myself hissing profanities at my screaming three-month old. I was just SO FUCKING TIRED I could barely function, and nothing I did made her stop. You did the right thing. You are not alone.

FIND A MOMMY GROUP. There are lots of moms like you, and they will help you only have to count to 40.

You *aren't* alone. And like everyone else said, you did right. No one tells us what we REALLY need to do when we lose our temper, and that we most definitely will. Posts like yours are important, to show other moms it's okay and that this is something we need to talk about.

And yeah, staying at home can make you feel very, very, very alone sometimes. *hugs*

Thank you Amy, for reminding us all that parenting is not only rewarding, but FRUSTRATING AS HELL! I think the worst place I have been is throwing a bottle of Tylenol against the wall and having them scatter all over the livingroom - thankfully my little man is not yet crawling. And of course, I have one of those children that is an absolute ANGEL in public, so everyone always comments on his wonderful dispostion and how he's always oh-so-happy. THEY don't live with him and deal with the tantrums - like he's having AS I TYPE THIS.

dont sweat it.. you are totally allowed to be angry sometimes. kids will be kids and getting on your nerves is what the do *best.* my 3 year old daughter, skylar, had a bad day yesterday... we werent in the car ONE damn minute after picking her up from daycare and i was already yelling at her. i reaaaally wanted to go drop her off somewhere and leave her for like a week. but anyway my point is, even though nobody told you, it happens. more and more as they get older. so just hang in there and do the best you can :)

SO. BEEN. THERE.

you know i can be there in 45 mins, right?

WITH BOOZE.

You are right. It does happen. And it takes a completely sane person to be able to do what you did.

I'm glad that you got some sleep too, since that really DOES seem to be the cure all on some days.

I so know how you feel - and I don't even have any of my own. I was a nanny for years and years, taking care of other people's babies who smeared their own crap all over walls and into their hair and mouths, babies who repeatedly kept trying to do things that could hurt them and then cried for hours when I stopped them. It's crazy. It's really hard when it's not your kid, because, what the f are you going to do? There is a fine line for a nanny, between doing your job and controlling your emotions lest you end up accused of something horrible. I have to say, i'll never take care of other people's kids like that again. It was too scary, being a surrogate mom to a kid, watching them 8-10 hours 5 days a week, and knowing that at any time, if the kid suddenly had a bruise or started acting differently, you'd be suspected of something.

I'm looking forward to being a mom - very much - because I think the rewards BY FAR outweigh these sorts of occurrences - but it's definitely scary.

I'm actually tearing up after reading this post, because (to echo everyone else) SO BEEN THERE!!! I once threw a glass jar of bananas across the kitchen-such a bad idea. Have you ever tried cleaning bananas out of grout? And no body tells you of the horrible, gut wrenching guilt you experience afterwards...

Surely Ceiba showed you the crazy similarities betw raising a puppy and raising a baby and it's those keyword: CRAZY similarities that are scaring the hell out of me when I think about raising the child that's currently residing in my belly. When my Great Dane was a puppy, she was darkly evil and my rage was so sudden and shocking that I too, slunk into many a closet. At one point I "came to" trying to bite her head (which is impossible, by the way and thank God for that) so now all I can think of when my baby comes out into the world is, "Do not bite the baby! Do not bite the baby!"

My wise friend Laura says to make sure you have plenty of adult time or you'll throw your baby out the window like the crack mommies do. Good to know.

Completely normal. (((hugs)))

So normal. It won't be the last time. There are times I still want to back hand my 8 year old or even my teenager.

Once I had a baby of my own, I understood shaken baby syndrome. I understood that without all the support and education I was graced with, I could have been one of those mothers who lost it and shook her kid or slapped him in frustration and being overwhelmed. I thank whoever above that I was graced with a life that gave me coping mechanisms, that never allowed that to happen.

I think I cried big tears of relief when I found a friend that I could talk to well enough to find out that she felt the same way I did sometimes about the kids. I did not know it was normal at all to feel that way.

You don't know me, but I can be there in about 45 minutes too, with 2 teenage girls who love baby boys!

Not that I didn't think that you were awesome before, but I'm so admiring your bravery-in-honesty these days. Really.

Thanks for tellin' it.

My mother has always told me that it's by grace alone that she didn't hit my brother when he was wailing and she was a 20 year old mom living in the dead heat of Texas. But she held on, knowing she wasn't perfect, and learning to walk away when she needed to, just like you did. I think Noah has an amazing mom.

So sorry! But totally normal. My mom left me in the crib when I WOULD NOT STOP CRYING. She went for a walk around the neighborhood because, yes, leaving a small child unattended was LESS dangerous in that situation than if she'd stayed in the house! And I turned out all right. Mostly.

I know I will be thinking about this post years from now when I have my own children. Or later this month when I'm hanging out with my 19 month old niece who has a stubborn streak.

I'm so glad someone told me...thanks!

Been there as well. With my first, I had to call my mom and beg her to come home from work (I was 17 and still living at home) because I was afraid I was going to hurt the baby. I can remember crying, cursing, screaming back at him, leaving the room...I told myself it was because I was so young and inexperienced, and recovering from major surgery and complications.

Um, yeah. I had my second at 24 and I was much more experienced at being a mother, and I STILL found myself calling my husband during the day and telling him I was not going to make it, she just WOULD NOT stop crying and I couldn't take any more.

I'm glad to know it's not just me. At the time, I honestly thought I was a bad mother, and I should have been able to handle myself better because I was the adult. But I was an insanely sleep-deprived, isolated and stressed adult.

Thank you for having the courage to share this with us.

I remember those moments.

Alone and terrified at my anger.

Only not alone. Not really. I just felt like it at that particular time.

You did good, Amalah.

Hi together,

to all you mothers and the rest. What always helped me to calm down was to imagine: how would I think about that particular situation in 20 years, when my baby will be an adult presenting me the girl he wants to marry?

In fact meanwhile they are 12 and 14 and can't stop listening stories about how they ate sand, licked stones, shared cookies with dangerous dogs, pissed through the room as soon as the diaper was away...

There will be many more things to happen, that are really dangerous, burning hands on ovens and and and.

It may take a while until you understand this, but most of the things that will happen, are not worth to get angry if you try to see it "the 20 year way". And at the age of 8 months *smile* train your skills to change the diaper of a STANDING baby *smile*.

Think of all those mothers of a severe handicapped baby, they would give a million for a waste-throwing headshooter :-D

Understand what I mean? Change your thinking, I'm sure you will take things much easier and as many others wrote: there ARE no super-mummies and no super-babies and having a baby-household means code red most of the time.

The most you will regret in later years is the time you didn't enjoy with your baby and wasted on turning code red into code green.

*pls excuse but english is not my mother language, I hope I didn' use any misunderstandings*

Best wishes from Germany

i can't even count how many time i had to walk away from one child or another. hey - we are mommies but we aren't impervious to normal feelings like Holy Fuck Stop Doing That! and That! and That! you have done a great service for all mommies by talking about this. you are Rad.

Yes, been there too. What's great is when you're screaming at the top of your lungs at your sweet, innocent little 8 month old not realizing that the windows are wide open and there are quite a few neighbors staring in wondering what the hell is wrong with you that you are screaming like that at a poor little innocent 8 month old?
And then when sweet 8 month old turns into a klutzy-walking 12 month old with bruises all over his face because he just doesn't have this walking thing down quite yet, they all give you that "look".

I'm sorry but maman's little "change your understanding" annoys the hell outta me. Funny how the whole speech/diatribe/assvice is in great english (including "american" phrases like "code red", etc) except the "excuse my misunderstandings... GGGGGRRRRRRRR to quote my dalmation.

Amy, kick butt to you for being honest about it. Dang girl, good to know you're human too.

My girls are 13 & 15, and there are days I've threatened to move and not tell them where. My only suggestion: Turn on the radio, jump in the shower and use Herbal Essences. It drowns out the chaos. I tell my girls if I hear another f'ing word, so help me Venus, I'll tell everybody at church that they wore the same frickin panties for 2 straight weeks at camp last summer b/c they were too lazy to pack more and that they stuff their dang bras and whatever else I can think of spur of the moment before I lose it.

Thankfully we live all of about 2 minutes from Krispy Kremes, so, you know...RESOLUTION.

The only good advice I've heard lately about parenting: Yeah, we all wanna kill 'em sometimes. So decide on a backup plan: either what you're going to tell the police or how to avoid/end the chaos the next time.

Like locking the little buggers out of the house at 8 am and not letting them in until 8 pm.

Yeah, bay-bee, Yeah.

Oh Amalah, you are truly the best. Fantastic handling of a hideous situation. I, as I have said before, don't have a babalah yet, but when I worked in daycare, and had up to 14 SCREAMING TODDLERS at a time, taking a "time out" was very common. We needed it to be able to be the caregivers we had to/wanted to be. I can't even imagine how 24/7 can pop the brain. You're amazing.

Sometimes, it's just so hard. I had 2 children 16 months apart. Through the rough times I would just wake up everyday and say, "We are one step closer today than we were yesterday." Somehow that helped me cope with knowing that eventually things would get easier. And they did. In fact, they're 10 and 9 now and such fun with attitudes!

My sons are 23 and 25, both wonderful and successful young men, and I mention this because I'm about to tell you that in the years to come, you may find yourself grabbing his arm too hard, or smacking him even though you swore you'd never spank your children, or screaming at him totally out of control...and it's not going to wreck your kid. I know because I did all of those at one time or another, and our children turned out well despite their parents' occasional losses of temper, and we are a closely-knit family and everything!

They should really write a book about all the things no one tells you before you have kids, (maybe you should - in your free time of course). Of course, if they did, a lot less kids would probably be born.

Things like Mother's Day is really never what you expect, and how you can totally see how child abuse happens even though you can control the anger sometimes.

Thanks for sharing this moment with us other Mom's, especially new ones.

I did it. My friends did it. Our daughters will probably do it. We can only educate...and forewarn Moms of the feelings that emerge once the bundle of joy starts to develop a personality of their own. It's normal and knowing what's ahead is the best gift. As long as Mom knows what lies ahead she can cope with anything. You did great. Just wait till the peer pressured teen years!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. For the honesty. Those of us that have been there breathe a sigh of relief every time they hear of someone else going through the same thing. Those that will be there one day can "archive" this post, and the comments that followed, in their subconcious for future reference.

It happens. And the difference between us and those that cross that line is our ability to not act on those impulses.

Yes. Thank you. No kids here but the honesty is well appreciated because not only knowing that it happens, but is NORMAL, is very important.

On a lighter note, I hope they weren't really nice shoes.