Random Monday Recipedown!

Nobody Tells You

I lost my temper on Friday.

I yanked Noah's arm and yelled at him.

It took everything I had in me not to shake him. To grab his baby-thin shoulders and shake him until he started behaving like a reasonable fucking person. A person who wouldn't twist over on the diaper table and try to dive-bomb headfirst off the side. A person who wouldn't use my hair as a jungle gym. A person who would take a goddamned nap. And a person who kept his hands out of his own waste.

I didn't shake him. I put him in his crib and fled the room.

I was shaking like a leaf.

I tried counting to 10, but Noah was screaming. I went into the bathroom and turned the water on full blast. I could still hear him.

I ended up in my closet, upstairs. I counted to 50. I threw a pair of shoes at the wall.

And I've never felt so alienated and cut off in my entire life. I had no one to call -- at least not anyone who could actually show up within a reasonable amount of time to help me.  And there was no one -- not my mother, not even Jason -- that I was willing to call and say what I was feeling out loud.

"Hello, I'm fighting an irresistable urge to backhand my 8-month-old child across the face. Could you please come stop me from doing that?"


The thing is, it was totally normal. But how do you know that if nobody tells you?

So I'm telling you.

I lost my temper. It happens.

I went back into Noah's room and pulled him out of his crib. His eyes were damp as he reached out for me. I kissed him and said I was very sorry for yelling. He kicked me in the c-section scar. Jason called and said he was on his way home.

I laid down inside the play yard and amused Noah with some made-up songs (here we go 'round the big baby jail, banging with our tin cups, here we go 'round the big baby jail, OOPS, dropped the so-ap.) until Jason arrived. I climbed out and told him I needed 10 minutes upstairs.

He started to ask something. "10 minutes." I interrupted.

I went upstairs and was asleep within five.


Everything was better when I woke up.



It happens to the best of us. Good for you for getting the sleep. I stayed home with my son the first year of his life, and it was one of the hardest years of my life. Keep up the good work!


Thank you, Amy. For making me feel better for moments I've had like that. For putting dents in my wall with a hairbrush when my 2 month old baby WOULD.NOT.STOP.CRYING.
Thanks for being honest.


Bless ya, girl. You did it right.

Also, GREAT song! You should make a grown-up kiddie album. I bet it would be a big seller.


Anybody who tells you that it's NOT NORMAL is either lying, a complete fraud, or doesn't have a child. I experienced the same thing when mine was around the same age, and it sure makes you feel like shit. But we're only human and we do the best we can. Thank you for posting something so "taboo" yet honest.

Jen W.

I don't have a kid, but I do understand your feelings about temper and being so angry. Two yapping dogs can do that to you sometimes, although I'm sure it's not the same as a screaming, waste-throwing kid. :) And even though you couldn't call someone right away to help, I hope that being able to write your feelings down and explain things helped you.


Thanks for letting us know you're as human as the rest of us!


You're right. It does happen. To all of us.


It happens to us all and although it is normal, it still makes you feel weak, as if you can't handle it. I know, I've been there...way more than once!


Of course it's normal. It's so weird the things people don't speak of when the silence just makes the hard stuff harder.


I'm glad you shared that. Thanks. Here's to a better day today!


Oh I have done damage to a wall or two myself - I like to throw shoes as well as .... well anything I can grab that isn't baby. He is now 21 months and it is much easier... Now when he needs something he just doesn't scream like an uncontrollable mental patient he simply asks for it! Your honesty is refreshing...

Real Girl

*Good* job with the restraint. I'm sure you're infinitely more patient than even you realize.

And not to (at all!) discount what any mother goes through, because--oy!--I can only imagine, but stories like this make me marvel at what single mothers must go through, and I am scared to death of one day being a single mom. Scared, scared, scared.

But I'm already re-reading your archives for my friend's baby, who's arriving in late July, and who I will be babysitting often!


You wouldn't be human if something like that didn't happen once in awhile.


Hey, it's normal. Walking away is the best thing you could do, when you just can't take it anymore. Being a parent is hard. But somehow you survive, and discover things about yourself (both good & bad). It's all part of growing up. :)


What a real, honest post. Stories like this is what makes your blog so special. Thank you for sharing!


I think you did pretty well.

I used to got in the locked bathroom and scream until I was hoarse. I couldn't hear the baby crying if I was screaming and I felt a huge release afterwards. My daughter was colicky...I screamed a lot.


Thank you.


My cousin is the one who warned me that this is a normal reaction. I'm so glad that she did: as unlike the numerous "labor stories" everyone feels compelled to share, this is important stuff to share with moms just entering the game of parenting!


When my son was 6 months old my husband took a job as a contractor in Iraq for a year. This was after we lost our first son and I was diagnosed with severe depression. What you experienced is normal. I experienced the same thing with Connor. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to kill my husband for leaving me and not even coming home to give me a break.

You are doing just fine. Remember that you are still adjusting to being at home 24/7.


Oh how we've all been there. I'm going to veer very close to assvice and say you might want to join some mama group. I joined austinmamas.com and just having someone to bitch to is wonderful.

Lisa Bo Bisa

You are a better person for having the guts to tell the big mean internet that you are REAL!! I'm a mother of three, and I don't have enough digits for the times I have been in your shoes.

I really think it's moments like that which help you appreciate and love your babies even more. Because when you go back to them, and they still love you, and need you, and hold out their sweet wee arms for YOU...there's no feeling better.

Big Hugs to you.


Yeah. I have a dent in my refrigerator door. My dent of shame.


Been there.


While I have not yet had this experience around my 3-month-old, I have totally kicked the crap out of suitcases/boxes/my car tires several times in my life when it was either that, or have an aneurysm. I figure, as long as it's inanimate objects you're damaging, you're not doing too bad. :-)


Thank you for posting that. Im 9 months pregnant and I am quite sure that my patience will be thoroughly tested when the baby arrives.


You are now a full fledged mom! Thats what I was told when I threatened to sell my daughter on ebay! My daughter was also about 8 months at the time, its a big turning point. They are very active, have developed a mind of their own and have no listening skills!
Theres a big difference between wanting to smack them than actually doing it. Hang in there.


Oh God! That sounded awful - my dent of shame was a result of my punching the refrigerator - not throwing my daughter into it, or whatever else that may have sounded like. (Although that's probably exactly the temptation I was avoiding.)

Free to Be

It's OK Amy. I have two teens now and I know exactly how you feel.


Dude, nice to know I'm not the only one. I scare the shit out of myself when I come close to losing it (like when she tries to PUNCTURE my freaking nipples with her teeth!) and it feels good to not be alone.


Thank you for your honesty! I have been there and done that and it is so hard!


That was brutal to read. I can't, can't, can't even imagine what it must have felt like to be in the middle of it.
You are incredibly brave Amy and you are a great mother.


Ohmygod, you are so normal. It's scary, but normal.

I'm putting up a post later today on how I'm TRYING to rediscover the concept of gentle disclipine...which has a whole lot less to do with the kids and a whole lot more to do with ME and my issues. Maybe it will be helpful? We'll see!


Before I had kids, I didn't understand how anyone could hurt a child. Now that I have kids, I TOTALLY get it: how easy it is to cross that line, how scary it is just to see that line in yourself. Truly, self-control is the most important lesson any of us can teach our children, because that is what separates thos that cross the line from those that will only look at it in horror.
Glad you got some sleep.


I read this with tears in my eyes....because I have sooooo been there. And it is scary. But OK too because you realized you needed a *Mommy Time Out* and put Noah in a safe place and walked away from the situation.

Now my kids are 4 and 8 and can sense when the patience is about to run out....and they run and hide. Smart kids.


Yes, being angry with a baby is a pretty twisted emotion - meaning, you know LOGICALLY that's not their fault, but you can't help being angry anyway. All while knowing back in your head that little being is the one you actually DO love more than most anything. When they aren't trying to throw their own feces, of course.

I have had to put my kid in his crib and walk away, too.


Thank you, thank you, thank you. Fear of losing my patience and temper is a lot of what makes me not want children. NOBODY ever told me that feeling that way is normal.


Thank you for posting this. Mothers are
so loathe to talk about how FRUSTRATING
it is sometimes, how ANGRY we get, because
we do see it as something "shameful." We're
supposed to be always patient, always
loving, always smiling...
But we're human, not saints.


Good for you for realizing this is totally normal. Good for you for having the sense to stay calm enough to get away from the baby. Good for you for realizing he needs to be in his crib for a few minutes while you sit in the closet. Good for you for taking a nap and feeling better when you woke up! It happens and you handled it the right way.


First, you did the right thing.

Second, it happens to all mothers at one point or another.

Last, it's hard because to us they should know better. They don't. You can't reason with them yet. It's not logical to us that we can't reason with them.


totally normal and way harder on you than on noah.

spammit/ anne nahm

Amen, sistah. Here's my meltdown if you want company:


Being a SAHM has a whole new set of crazy problems, not the least of which is that people (the SAHM included) think that you should have no problems because everybody's* dream is to stay at home with kids.

*participants dreams may vary. Mine sure the eff did.


Yep, been there. One night I found myself hissing profanities at my screaming three-month old. I was just SO FUCKING TIRED I could barely function, and nothing I did made her stop. You did the right thing. You are not alone.


Um, I JUST posted a big entry about me being pushed too far by my kids - ages 2.5 yrs and 4.5 yrs - and losing it, too. It's scary - for you and for them. But it happens - more than we'd like. It's life. You can't be around someone 24/7 - the way you are with Noah and the way most SAHM's are with their kids (like me!) and not lose it sometimes. That's a lot of "togetherness". Kids in general can be very, very frustrating. So yes, it's normal. You and Noah are achingly NORMAL, and that's a very good thing.


FIND A MOMMY GROUP. There are lots of moms like you, and they will help you only have to count to 40.


Raw. Honest.

I would have been afraid to call my mother also, not because she would have berated me, but because I want to be able to do this, to raise this child. My mother could handle it, so why can't I?

Except, I don't know how many times she called in reinforcements, how many times she cried, how many times she ran into closets and plugged her ears and tried to drain out the reality of my tiny baby voice SCCREEEEAAAMMMMMIIINNNNGGGG.

That said, it's good to know we're normal, even though it doesn't feel very normal at the time.


You *aren't* alone. And like everyone else said, you did right. No one tells us what we REALLY need to do when we lose our temper, and that we most definitely will. Posts like yours are important, to show other moms it's okay and that this is something we need to talk about.

And yeah, staying at home can make you feel very, very, very alone sometimes. *hugs*


I hated being there. It is amazing what such a little person can do to evoke such anger in a big person. After the suggestion someone made about a mom's group, I realized that was what probably most helped my sanity.

I was in a mom's bible study group (that had childcare!!) for about 4 years. All of the mom's were in my age range and most of them were stay at home moms. It was a great safety net because we were open and honest about the struggles we were facing. We spent a lot of time encouraging each other, listening and offering Kleenex if needed and offering suggestions about what we do in similar situations. And in my opinion, you did exactly the right thing.

And yes, that was probably assvice and I am sorry. But I wanted to share what helped me.


Thank you Amy, for reminding us all that parenting is not only rewarding, but FRUSTRATING AS HELL! I think the worst place I have been is throwing a bottle of Tylenol against the wall and having them scatter all over the livingroom - thankfully my little man is not yet crawling. And of course, I have one of those children that is an absolute ANGEL in public, so everyone always comments on his wonderful dispostion and how he's always oh-so-happy. THEY don't live with him and deal with the tantrums - like he's having AS I TYPE THIS.


I've been there too. Thankfully, my Mother had already warned me.


dont sweat it.. you are totally allowed to be angry sometimes. kids will be kids and getting on your nerves is what the do *best.* my 3 year old daughter, skylar, had a bad day yesterday... we werent in the car ONE damn minute after picking her up from daycare and i was already yelling at her. i reaaaally wanted to go drop her off somewhere and leave her for like a week. but anyway my point is, even though nobody told you, it happens. more and more as they get older. so just hang in there and do the best you can :)


Yep. been there, done that. Happens to even super parents like us*

Thanks, as always, for keeping it real. Yo.

*pronoun deliberately vague. Intended to include author AND his spouse AND Amalah and her spouse, and probably a few of the other people who've left comments, though not all of them, because then it wouldn't be a special designation.



you know i can be there in 45 mins, right?


Heather B.

Well that just made me a little sad for both of you. But as everyone else said, you're human and it happens and no one should berate you for that.

Also..just so you know, if worse comes to worse, I'm like 20 minutes away.

Glamorous Redneck

You are right. It does happen. And it takes a completely sane person to be able to do what you did.

I'm glad that you got some sleep too, since that really DOES seem to be the cure all on some days.


I have been there. Just this morning, even. Thank you for being so brave to post it, because I think sometimes, there's this concept "out there" that, besides being Superwoman who has a career, and is the perfect mother, that we are supposed to be saints, too. I think that's half the reason that we all feel so horrible about it. Yes, because we love our children and don't want to feel that way about them, but also because everyone hides their own instances of anger like it's a horrible shame. If everyone were as honest as you, maybe we wouldn't be so hard on ourselves.


I so know how you feel - and I don't even have any of my own. I was a nanny for years and years, taking care of other people's babies who smeared their own crap all over walls and into their hair and mouths, babies who repeatedly kept trying to do things that could hurt them and then cried for hours when I stopped them. It's crazy. It's really hard when it's not your kid, because, what the f are you going to do? There is a fine line for a nanny, between doing your job and controlling your emotions lest you end up accused of something horrible. I have to say, i'll never take care of other people's kids like that again. It was too scary, being a surrogate mom to a kid, watching them 8-10 hours 5 days a week, and knowing that at any time, if the kid suddenly had a bruise or started acting differently, you'd be suspected of something.

I'm looking forward to being a mom - very much - because I think the rewards BY FAR outweigh these sorts of occurrences - but it's definitely scary.


Dude, we've all been there. I had to walk away from my daughter before I tossed her into a wall a few times. The difference is that we DO walk away, instead of going with those homicidal urges.


I'm actually tearing up after reading this post, because (to echo everyone else) SO BEEN THERE!!! I once threw a glass jar of bananas across the kitchen-such a bad idea. Have you ever tried cleaning bananas out of grout? And no body tells you of the horrible, gut wrenching guilt you experience afterwards...


thank god i'm normal--i have no frame of reference; i'm only four weeks into this & i feel like if i so much as think "what is your problem??!!" when he is crying, i am a bad mother--i need to let that go, huh?


Surely Ceiba showed you the crazy similarities betw raising a puppy and raising a baby and it's those keyword: CRAZY similarities that are scaring the hell out of me when I think about raising the child that's currently residing in my belly. When my Great Dane was a puppy, she was darkly evil and my rage was so sudden and shocking that I too, slunk into many a closet. At one point I "came to" trying to bite her head (which is impossible, by the way and thank God for that) so now all I can think of when my baby comes out into the world is, "Do not bite the baby! Do not bite the baby!"

My wise friend Laura says to make sure you have plenty of adult time or you'll throw your baby out the window like the crack mommies do. Good to know.

Vaguely Urban

I'll be filing this away to keep me sane when I have a baby.

Thank you.


Completely normal. (((hugs)))


heh.... what all these people encouraging you to "join a mommy group," are NOT saying is that these moments will still happen, and very likely at the same frequency that they will if you don't join yerself a "mommy group." The only difference it will make is if you find some moms who live close by and can zip over within five minutes or so...

and even THAT will only go so far at three in the bless-ed morning.

Lisa V

So normal. It won't be the last time. There are times I still want to back hand my 8 year old or even my teenager.

Once I had a baby of my own, I understood shaken baby syndrome. I understood that without all the support and education I was graced with, I could have been one of those mothers who lost it and shook her kid or slapped him in frustration and being overwhelmed. I thank whoever above that I was graced with a life that gave me coping mechanisms, that never allowed that to happen.


i LOVE beyond words that you had the guts to share this. because it IS fucking normal. i think we've ALL gone through this- we are only human and can only take so much. and only have so much patience, before we're pushed to the edge- even when it comes to our kids. hell, especially when it comes to our kids. i've felt this way before. i have had to walk outside my house and sit on the stairs to not fucking lose it. thank you for posting about it.


I think I cried big tears of relief when I found a friend that I could talk to well enough to find out that she felt the same way I did sometimes about the kids. I did not know it was normal at all to feel that way.

You don't know me, but I can be there in about 45 minutes too, with 2 teenage girls who love baby boys!


Its happened to all of us. Including me, yesterday, with my two-year-old who was throwing a tantrum over wearing shoes.

You're doing a great job with Noah. And keep talking about the hard parts -- its good for you and its good for the rest of us moms.

Her Bad Mother

Not that I didn't think that you were awesome before, but I'm so admiring your bravery-in-honesty these days. Really.

Thanks for tellin' it.


We have all been there. There is only so much a person can take and let's face it- we are human. What differentiates you from a bad mother is you had enough self control to put Noah in a safe place and remove yourself from the situation. This Mom shit is really hard sometimes and anyone who tells you it isn't is a damn liar. I still cringe when I think of the night that I yelled at my 2 year old because he wouldn't go to sleep. My husband was out of town, I was tired, my son was overly tired and it was just a bad scene. It was a rare occurence and something I will learn from. Sometimes it is hard to walk away for a moment but when you have a bad day you learn walking away is often the best thing you can do. Noah will be fine and so will you. We are here for you.


My mother has always told me that it's by grace alone that she didn't hit my brother when he was wailing and she was a 20 year old mom living in the dead heat of Texas. But she held on, knowing she wasn't perfect, and learning to walk away when she needed to, just like you did. I think Noah has an amazing mom.


Yep. It does happen, but you handled it wonderfully -- it's hard to do, but walking away with your kid in the crib while you give yourself a few minutes' break is absolutely fine.

And I know you don't know me, but I could be there within a half hour anytime. I have two girls (4 years and 20 months) that I could bring along to entertain and flirt with Noah. ;-)

Irony Queen

So sorry! But totally normal. My mom left me in the crib when I WOULD NOT STOP CRYING. She went for a walk around the neighborhood because, yes, leaving a small child unattended was LESS dangerous in that situation than if she'd stayed in the house! And I turned out all right. Mostly.


As others have said, thank you so much for sharing this.

I had my near-breakdown moment while I was still home on maternity leave--my son wouldn't take a nap and wouldn't stop crying, I was exhausted and out of ideas to calm him down, and I found myself screaming at him to shut up. I ended up putting him in his crib so I could go lie down, cry and cool off for 15 minutes.

This parenthood thing can be really, really hard sometimes, and it doesn't seem like a lot of people (or books) are open & honest enough to share that part. It's important that we know that this happens to everybody, and it doesn't make us terrible parents--it just means we're human.


I know I will be thinking about this post years from now when I have my own children. Or later this month when I'm hanging out with my 19 month old niece who has a stubborn streak.

I'm so glad someone told me...thanks!


I was about to leave my phone number and say, "CALL ME!" But then I remembered that you have, like, a bazillion readers and that it would be tantamount to writing my number on the bathroom wall at any major airport.

So, I guess I'll just say, been there. Oh, I have been there. And not always with so much restraint. Thanks for the honesty.


Been there as well. With my first, I had to call my mom and beg her to come home from work (I was 17 and still living at home) because I was afraid I was going to hurt the baby. I can remember crying, cursing, screaming back at him, leaving the room...I told myself it was because I was so young and inexperienced, and recovering from major surgery and complications.

Um, yeah. I had my second at 24 and I was much more experienced at being a mother, and I STILL found myself calling my husband during the day and telling him I was not going to make it, she just WOULD NOT stop crying and I couldn't take any more.

I'm glad to know it's not just me. At the time, I honestly thought I was a bad mother, and I should have been able to handle myself better because I was the adult. But I was an insanely sleep-deprived, isolated and stressed adult.

Thank you for having the courage to share this with us.


Yep, it happens to the best of us. You handled it like a pro...

And fair warning - it doesn't go away when babyhood is behind you. It recurs when you have whiny 8 year olds and sassy 12 year olds and rebellious 15 year olds.

Damn kids... we love 'em and feed 'em and change their poop and all they ever do is give us heartache. Of course, they also can fetch a beer and unload the dishwasher, eventually, so maybe it's all worth it. ;)


I remember those moments.

Alone and terrified at my anger.

Only not alone. Not really. I just felt like it at that particular time.

You did good, Amalah.


I've been on summer break a week and already I am there :) The fun parts of motherhood no one tells you about!


Hi together,

to all you mothers and the rest. What always helped me to calm down was to imagine: how would I think about that particular situation in 20 years, when my baby will be an adult presenting me the girl he wants to marry?

In fact meanwhile they are 12 and 14 and can't stop listening stories about how they ate sand, licked stones, shared cookies with dangerous dogs, pissed through the room as soon as the diaper was away...

There will be many more things to happen, that are really dangerous, burning hands on ovens and and and.

It may take a while until you understand this, but most of the things that will happen, are not worth to get angry if you try to see it "the 20 year way". And at the age of 8 months *smile* train your skills to change the diaper of a STANDING baby *smile*.

Think of all those mothers of a severe handicapped baby, they would give a million for a waste-throwing headshooter :-D

Understand what I mean? Change your thinking, I'm sure you will take things much easier and as many others wrote: there ARE no super-mummies and no super-babies and having a baby-household means code red most of the time.

The most you will regret in later years is the time you didn't enjoy with your baby and wasted on turning code red into code green.

*pls excuse but english is not my mother language, I hope I didn' use any misunderstandings*

Best wishes from Germany


Hi together,

to all you mothers and the rest. What always helped me to calm down was to imagine: how would I think about that particular situation in 20 years, when my baby will be an adult presenting me the girl he wants to marry?

In fact meanwhile they are 12 and 14 and can't stop listening stories about how they ate sand, licked stones, shared cookies with dangerous dogs, pissed through the room as soon as the diaper was away...

There will be many more things to happen, that are really dangerous, burning hands on ovens and and and.

It may take a while until you understand this, but most of the things that will happen, are not worth to get angry if you try to see it "the 20 year way". And at the age of 8 months *smile* train your skills to change the diaper of a STANDING baby *smile*.

Think of all those mothers of a severe handicapped baby, they would give a million for a waste-throwing headshooter :-D

Understand what I mean? Change your thinking, I'm sure you will take things much easier and as many others wrote: there ARE no super-mummies and no super-babies and having a baby-household means code red most of the time.

The most you will regret in later years is the time you didn't enjoy with your baby and wasted on turning code red into code green.

*pls excuse but english is not my mother language, I hope I didn' use any misunderstandings*

Best wishes from Germany


i can't even count how many time i had to walk away from one child or another. hey - we are mommies but we aren't impervious to normal feelings like Holy Fuck Stop Doing That! and That! and That! you have done a great service for all mommies by talking about this. you are Rad.


"Mommy Time Outs" are absolutely mandatory every once in a while.


Yes, been there too. What's great is when you're screaming at the top of your lungs at your sweet, innocent little 8 month old not realizing that the windows are wide open and there are quite a few neighbors staring in wondering what the hell is wrong with you that you are screaming like that at a poor little innocent 8 month old?
And then when sweet 8 month old turns into a klutzy-walking 12 month old with bruises all over his face because he just doesn't have this walking thing down quite yet, they all give you that "look".


Well done for sharing that - I bet it tooks guts to hit that 'publish' button. I'm not a mother yet but I will remember this post if/when it happens.


I'm sorry but maman's little "change your understanding" annoys the hell outta me. Funny how the whole speech/diatribe/assvice is in great english (including "american" phrases like "code red", etc) except the "excuse my misunderstandings... GGGGGRRRRRRRR to quote my dalmation.

Amy, kick butt to you for being honest about it. Dang girl, good to know you're human too.

My girls are 13 & 15, and there are days I've threatened to move and not tell them where. My only suggestion: Turn on the radio, jump in the shower and use Herbal Essences. It drowns out the chaos. I tell my girls if I hear another f'ing word, so help me Venus, I'll tell everybody at church that they wore the same frickin panties for 2 straight weeks at camp last summer b/c they were too lazy to pack more and that they stuff their dang bras and whatever else I can think of spur of the moment before I lose it.

Thankfully we live all of about 2 minutes from Krispy Kremes, so, you know...RESOLUTION.

The only good advice I've heard lately about parenting: Yeah, we all wanna kill 'em sometimes. So decide on a backup plan: either what you're going to tell the police or how to avoid/end the chaos the next time.

Like locking the little buggers out of the house at 8 am and not letting them in until 8 pm.

Yeah, bay-bee, Yeah.


BTDT. I have an almost-7-year-old and a 4.5-year-old. 'Nuff said.


Oh Amalah, you are truly the best. Fantastic handling of a hideous situation. I, as I have said before, don't have a babalah yet, but when I worked in daycare, and had up to 14 SCREAMING TODDLERS at a time, taking a "time out" was very common. We needed it to be able to be the caregivers we had to/wanted to be. I can't even imagine how 24/7 can pop the brain. You're amazing.

Jackie Joy

Joining the rest to say thanks for your honesty. Though I don't come unglued often, when I do it's with such a vengeance, and then you think about it forever.

I told my mom shortly after I had Leila, "Now I understand why people shake their babies," because you just want them to snap out of it!
Of course, I don't understand shaking them till their necks break or kicking them, but a little shake, a little, 'Get ahold of yourself'--I get that. My daughter is two now, and the fights only get bigger, but my temper's improved a lot.


Sometimes, it's just so hard. I had 2 children 16 months apart. Through the rough times I would just wake up everyday and say, "We are one step closer today than we were yesterday." Somehow that helped me cope with knowing that eventually things would get easier. And they did. In fact, they're 10 and 9 now and such fun with attitudes!


Let me clarify- when I said I yelled at my 2 year old I want you to know it wasn't normal yelling. It was why the blankityblankity won't you go to sleep? It was a diaper change with rougher than normal movements. It was serious contemplation of leaving the house and walking away. But, yanno, once we had a good nights sleep things were better. The fact that things DO get better is what makes the bad times easier.


My sons are 23 and 25, both wonderful and successful young men, and I mention this because I'm about to tell you that in the years to come, you may find yourself grabbing his arm too hard, or smacking him even though you swore you'd never spank your children, or screaming at him totally out of control...and it's not going to wreck your kid. I know because I did all of those at one time or another, and our children turned out well despite their parents' occasional losses of temper, and we are a closely-knit family and everything!


I'm only adding my, "Me, too" to the chorus because when I first confessed to my book group that I had screamed at my two-week-old that he was driving me crazy, no one said anything. Oh the guilt.

A year later, I ran this by the therapist who saved my mommy sanity (an expert in child attachment, by the way, not just any old therapist), and she said something to the gist of, "Of course he was driving you crazy." Completely nonchalantly, as if I'd confessed to picking my nose.

You're doing a great job, and I hope all these other moms admitting to having done the same thing makes your day a little easier. You really aren't the lone ranger on this one.


They should really write a book about all the things no one tells you before you have kids, (maybe you should - in your free time of course). Of course, if they did, a lot less kids would probably be born.

Things like Mother's Day is really never what you expect, and how you can totally see how child abuse happens even though you can control the anger sometimes.

Thanks for sharing this moment with us other Mom's, especially new ones.

Bozoette Mary

And I can be there in 10. Honest.

Ya done good, Amy.


I did it. My friends did it. Our daughters will probably do it. We can only educate...and forewarn Moms of the feelings that emerge once the bundle of joy starts to develop a personality of their own. It's normal and knowing what's ahead is the best gift. As long as Mom knows what lies ahead she can cope with anything. You did great. Just wait till the peer pressured teen years!!


Yes. It happens. To everyone.

Thanks for letting us know it happened to you. Isn't it the lonliest place when it *is* happening?


Thank you, thank you, thank you. For the honesty. Those of us that have been there breathe a sigh of relief every time they hear of someone else going through the same thing. Those that will be there one day can "archive" this post, and the comments that followed, in their subconcious for future reference.

It happens. And the difference between us and those that cross that line is our ability to not act on those impulses.


God, you rock. Thanks for reminding everyone that has been in your shoes that we are not alone.


Yes. Thank you. No kids here but the honesty is well appreciated because not only knowing that it happens, but is NORMAL, is very important.

On a lighter note, I hope they weren't really nice shoes.

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