Alternate Reality Blogging
October 06, 2006
Oh my God. I can't even look at y'all directly. I'm so embarrassed. Let me stare at my shoes instead. Ah. Pretty shoes.
Don't you know I have issues with taking compliments? Now I feel compelled to like, insult myself a lot. Or scan my junior high yearbook photos. Or maybe just go ahead punch myself in the eye. Anything to balance out the niceness, that I swear (POSSESSED PINKY-FINGER SWEAR!) I wasn't fishing for, nor did I ever expect in such massive quantities.
Anyway. Yesterday was one of those things I just needed to write down and throw out there, and I started to feel better almost as soon as I hit "publish." (I actually, in all seriousness, went back to delete it about 10 minutes later, but then the nice comments were already pouring in, and WHO AM I TO DENY THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE?) (PARTICULARLY WHEN THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE = SAYING NICE THINGS ABOUT ME.)
(I am once again friends with parentheses and caps lock, in case you were wondering.)
What amused me mostly, however, was just how many of you said something along the lines of "you could write about [something dumb and boring] and I'd still read it."
Well, in the interest of science, I say: WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT. HA!
Here are the topics suggested by various good-looking commenters in that very fashion, accompanied by my blatant abuse of your loyal reading eyeballs:
MY KITCHEN SPONGE
A REPORT BY AMY BETH CORBETT, AGE NINE
My kitchen sponge is blue. We use it to clean many things like pots and things. It is full of holes like an English Muffin.
One time I used the kitchen sponge when it was my turn to clean the bathroom and then put it back in the kitchen and my mom got mad and yelled at me when she found out later that I'd used it on the toilet.
Real sponges come from the ocean. My kitchen sponge came from the Acme.
WATCHING PAINT DRY
We never repainted our kitchen after we remodeled it last summer. Our real estate agent has suggested that maybe we better get on that. I would very much like for someone else to get on that and am in fact fully planning to hire a professional to paint it, despite the fact that our kitchen is the size of a postage stamp and the walls will probably require like, seven strokes of a paintbrush.
(Heh. Strokes.)
WATCHING GRASS GROW
I would write about this topic now, but I think I'm going to save it for after we buy a house and the full reality of yardwork hits me like a ton of lawnmowers.
POOP, DROOL, SCREAMING, PUKE, & GYMBOREE
New tagline, anyone?
"I Had a Bowl of Captain Crunch for Breakfast"
I do not like Captain Crunch. Mostly because of the word "crunchberries," which come on. Doesn't it totally make you think of like, dried crusty boogers?
No? Well, I bet it will now. MWA HA HA.
MY BIG TOE
Okay, let's be honest here. Does anyone else have hair on their big toe? And does anyone else maybe occasionally shave that hair off?
Y's BOOBS
Yvonne's rack is magnificent, and she's got more cleavage than you can shake a beeflog at.
TAKING A LEAK
Um, ew? `
Although...wait. I already DID talk about taking a leak, albeit an implied leak, in that entry about Ceiba falling in the toilet. (TWICE.) See? This blog hit rock bottom AGES ago.
DRYER LINT
Have you ever wondered if you're a crazy religious nutjob or a crazy liberal doomed to forever burn in hell?
Wonder no more, for I have devised a simple personality test to tell you for sure!
Face of Satan? Or Missing Link?
*also, for everybody wondering where the hell poor old MaxCat is, the above picture should put your minds at ease that he is alive and well and as sheddy as ever.
MARSHMALLOW FLUFF & PINWHEELS
Okay, so I wasn't sure if Ivie chose these two things randomly, or if they went together in some way, on purpose, so I Googled them. And indeed, there a couple recipes for marshmallow fluff pinwheels. Mostly involving JELL-O brand gelatin.
I am not going to comment on the JELL-O and marshmallow fluff pinwheels, as I learned my lesson ages ago about poking fun at cherished family recipes involving JELL-O. (And that lesson is: Dave Barry will link to you and five million bazillion people will come to your site on the exact same day you decide to write about a thrush infection in your boobs.)
However, I also found something called "Candle Salad," which involves: a plate of lettuce, one pineapple ring, one upright banana stuck in said pineapple ring, all topped off with a cherry and marshmallow fluff for that special, ultra-appetizing "melted wax" look.
I TOTALLY smell a photo essay, don't you?
Photo essay - pleaaazzzzeee!
I like the boring stuff - it's good.
Posted by: Beverly | October 06, 2006 at 11:42 AM
Love it - great post to round off a stressful Friday afternoon at work!
Have a great weekend Amy and bring on watching that grass grow!
Posted by: Nikki Fleming | October 06, 2006 at 11:43 AM
Funny. My kitchen sponge comes from Target.
Posted by: reluctant housewife | October 06, 2006 at 11:45 AM
"Candle Salad" - the description sounds vaguely R-rated. Or, wait - is that just the way my mind works?
Posted by: Linda | October 06, 2006 at 11:47 AM
Yards are nice until you have to take care of it, and then you think about replacing it with Astroturf, or maybe landscaping rocks.
Every year, we plant flowers and put nice stuff out on the back porch and then, every year, we never ever ever sit outside. Then it's February and we go on about how nice it will be to sit outside when it gets warm. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Posted by: Jenn | October 06, 2006 at 11:47 AM
In response to your big toe questions: yes. and yes.
Posted by: Audrey | October 06, 2006 at 11:48 AM
OMG Hairy toes UNITE. WONDER TOE POWER.
In all seriousness you are da bomb
Posted by: Audra | October 06, 2006 at 11:52 AM
I'm going to go with Face of Satan *and* I'm going to say that of course OF COURSE I have hair on my big toes that I shave off, and I even have a rogue hair mid-foot that needs attention occasionally.
Posted by: jonniker | October 06, 2006 at 11:52 AM
Yes to both big toe questions. Ahem.
Oh, and see? Even the kitchen sponge thing was funny!!
I dunno, I may have to go with Missing Link. It just doesn't look Face-like enough to me.
Posted by: Sarah | October 06, 2006 at 11:54 AM
I have toe hair, but shave it off? Are you crazy, girl?
Posted by: Kari | October 06, 2006 at 11:54 AM
Crunch berries make me think of things hanging of the rear-end of my collie. Ew. Things I am too lady-like and delicate flower like to touch. Things my husband must get rid of before I brush the dog.
Yes, I have hairy big toes. You bet your bippy I shave them.
Posted by: Lisa V | October 06, 2006 at 11:55 AM
I have hairy big toes. When I was a teenager it made me feel like a hobbit - then I shaved them, they bled, and my mother laughed at me for shaving my toes. So since them, I have not shaved them. It's just a little hair, right?
I would totally be into letterboxing in DC or NoVA. Now I have to look into that. The husband and kiddo would definitely enjoy.
Posted by: Genevieve | October 06, 2006 at 11:56 AM
You have no idea how upset I am that you mentioned big-toe hair today, because I'm finishing up one of those ask-me-a-question-and-I'll-tell-you-no-lies memes and somebody asked me what color my toe nails were and seeing as I haven't painted them in forever, I was going to come back with something witty like, "While I'm lacking in the personal pedicure area, my feet aren't totally neglected. I do shave off the hair on my big toe from time to time." And everyone would think, "Oh, that Frema!" and enjoy a hearty laugh.
NOW if I say it, all eight of my readers will shake their heads and think, "Oh, that Frema, stealing Amalah's toe-hair humor."
Way to go, Amalah.
Posted by: Frema | October 06, 2006 at 11:57 AM
I hate the hair on my big toe. It won't be there and sudenly it jsut appears and looks all gross and mannish... And I agree with Linda that the salad does sound a little "X" rated.
Posted by: earlyduckie | October 06, 2006 at 11:58 AM
Why is it ok for you to blog about your child, but the rest of us are lame?
I've noticed this trend with the bigger names in blogland. Blogging is only for the cool kids now?
Posted by: Millie | October 06, 2006 at 12:00 PM
Yeah for feeling better! You recieved all those comments because we all love you so much! And it is true- we will read anything you write- you make every topic fun! Thanks for sharing your life with us! It makes our lifes more fun and nice to have others taht we can relate with and be reminded that we aren;t the only ones losing our minds at times! Love ya!
Posted by: MK | October 06, 2006 at 12:01 PM
Oh dear lord, how you scare me. In all the right ways.
And, um, I hate to admit that I LOVE the O RLY owl. Shhh.
Posted by: Chase | October 06, 2006 at 12:03 PM
I love how everyone would rather talk about BIG HAIRY TOES than MY BIG NOT HAIRY BOOBS.
Posted by: Y from the internet | October 06, 2006 at 12:04 PM
What? I think you misread that a little bit, Millie. Actually, a lot.
I was talking about myself, and my frustration with myself was leading to a general burnout for blogs in general. Especially since it is my job to read and write about mommyblogs, in addition to writing my OWN mommyblog. I think anybody might start feeling like it's all really repetitive after a few months of that.
Posted by: Amalah | October 06, 2006 at 12:08 PM
Amy --love ya, mean it, wanna be ya for Halloween. But.. WHERE IS THE TIRE?
Posted by: Snea | October 06, 2006 at 12:09 PM
Yup, I've got the toe hair. Yup, I shave it off.
Posted by: CeCe | October 06, 2006 at 12:10 PM
No, No...please stay, we love ya...you make me Laugh. Hairy toe?? But of course, I shave it off. We must continue to seperate ourselves from the animals..right? Right???
Posted by: Bambi | October 06, 2006 at 12:10 PM
Checking back - don't shave the toe hair gals. PLUCK IT! It hurts and kind of makes you wants to sneeze, but also lasts a lot longer.
Plus - toe stubble... ew!
Posted by: Nikki | October 06, 2006 at 12:19 PM
I got in a yucky fight with my boyfriend last night and I've been in a miserable, crappy mood all day.
This post made me smile. And laugh! Out loud!
Thank you! Thank you.
Kelly (admitted toe-hair shaver)
Posted by: kel. | October 06, 2006 at 12:19 PM
I have to say that thinking of a banana placed carefully upright in a pineapple ring did not make me think first of a candle. Obviously my mind is firmly entrenched in the gutter. Which makes the idea of a photo essay delightful.
ps - if you really want a painter I have a good recommendation for you.
Posted by: emily | October 06, 2006 at 12:24 PM
Candle salad makes me think of a commercial I saw as a kid for making a sundae on a Saturday. It used a pineapple ring and cottage cheese and a banana in the middle. I think that was all that was in it. Crap. Now I want pineapples and cottage cheese and I have neither.
Max D ... who has no toe hair but is known to sprout -- ha! -- a six-hair "beard" every few days, which is quickly eradicated with her Personal Touch razor (hee -- Personal Touch sounds naughty!) :]
Posted by: Maxine Dangerous | October 06, 2006 at 12:25 PM
That salad sounds like it belongs in the "Erotic Bakers Cookbook" (it really exists - true story - and is pretty naughty).
And for what it's worth, the entry about Ceiba jumping into the toilet (twice) is my all-time favorite blog entry and never fails to make me laugh until tears are streaming from my eyes.
Posted by: Jessie | October 06, 2006 at 12:27 PM
Don't worry about schtick, just be you throughout changes you go through. That's what it's all about (in case you were wondering). :)
I know what you mean, though. When I have to do something, no matter what, I feel immediately that there are other things I want to do. Even if I were told, "You HAVE to go shopping with my money, no limit, spend what you want on whatever you want, you just have to do it today."
I'd be like, hmm, really? Can I do it tomorrow? Cause I'd really like to do something else, anything else, something I don't HAVE to do.
I don't know why that is. Craziness.
Posted by: Occidental Girl | October 06, 2006 at 12:33 PM
Captain Crunch is scary. It cuts the inside of your mouth all up. Then you get the taste of bloody milk and cereal all mixed up. Just forego the Captain Crunch altogether.
Posted by: martstar | October 06, 2006 at 12:35 PM
1. Toe Hair Here Too
2. Banana with cream anywhere near it and INSIDE a pineapple ring?? What?!? Phallic much? And it reminds me of the funny OLD Weight Watchers Recipe cards...I'm sure you've seen those already.
3. Millie? (shrugging confusedly)
Posted by: Kristy | October 06, 2006 at 12:36 PM
Toe hair - yes. Shave or pluck - yes. Ingrown hair - unfortunately..... Pumice stones are good for the top of your feet, too.
Posted by: lizneust | October 06, 2006 at 12:37 PM
Yes, I am down with the toe-hair shaving (and...um...also a little bit on the top of my foot) (which, yuck). And I would like to cast my vote firmly in favor of "Poop, Drool, Screaming, Puke, & Gymboree" as your new tagline.
Posted by: Heather | October 06, 2006 at 12:40 PM
I'm in the middle of a rather hellish period and started a blog a few weeks ago, just to get the thoughts down. After about six entries, I was already tired of talking about it.
I can understand the appeal of blogging for stress release and other therapeutic reasons, but am awed by those who can do it for entertainment value.
I don't know if I will explain this correctly, but as a reader of a few blogs (of people I don't know, but nonetheless admire), my favorite entries are either entirely spontaneous or really well thought out and well written (but not forced).
Yeah, I'm all kinds of helpful today. PANCETTA!
And I, for one, concur on the assessment of Y's lovely rack. Just wanted to get her a friendly mention in the comment section.
Posted by: Kari | October 06, 2006 at 12:41 PM
You totally had me until the dryer lint. I'm slightly disgusted, but also intrigued in an almost unholy way. I can't stop looking at it. I want to make a shrine out of it or something.
Posted by: Kaniggeet | October 06, 2006 at 12:45 PM
That was a spectacular post!! Love the kitchen sponge story.
The dryer lint is definitely Satan, but with a bit of Jay Leno's chin.
Candle Salad? From the description, that is not what I would call it.
Glad you are feeling better.:-)
Posted by: Starbuck | October 06, 2006 at 12:45 PM
You're killing me here.
Posted by: Wacky Mommy | October 06, 2006 at 12:46 PM
Regarding the hair on the big toe? I do and yes, I do, but usually only in the summer!
Posted by: Jeanette | October 06, 2006 at 12:47 PM
Big toe hair? Yes.
Rest of the toes hair? Yes.
Top of the feet hair? Yes.
Troll feet? Yes.
Do I shave them? Hell. Yes.
Posted by: Amie | October 06, 2006 at 12:48 PM
I have hairs on my big toe, and I shave them. Every time I shave my legs I shave my toes too! When I recently admitted this to my husband he was quite horrified? You shave? Your toes? I be we're not the only ones.
Posted by: alison | October 06, 2006 at 12:48 PM
I have haaaaairy toes. It's funny because my scalp, which is the only place where I really want a lot of hair, has been on strike since the day I was born. All my other hair follicles? They are zealous little workers who would never dream of picketing.
The best part is that I was a swimmer for ten years, and every season through high school, for sectionals, I would shave every part of my body that my swimsuit and swim cap didn't cover. You know what that means? That means whispy blonde toe hair becomes thicker brown toe hair becomes heavy-gauge black toe hair. I'm a freaking hobbit.
Posted by: Vida | October 06, 2006 at 12:55 PM
You sound better already, you smooth-toed thing, you!
Posted by: Anne Glamore | October 06, 2006 at 01:01 PM
Two yes's on the big toe question here too. And, the tops of my feet.
Posted by: Hero | October 06, 2006 at 01:02 PM
Y's boobs are what happiness looks like.
I braid my toe hair, and I'd be happy to braid yours, Amy. Maybe it could be a new blog header?
Posted by: Dad Gone Mad | October 06, 2006 at 01:09 PM
Well, sure... now that you have insulted my beloved CRUNCHBERRIES, I'm outta here... sorry, there are certain transgressions one simply cannot get past. Insulting my favorite breakfast cereals is one of them. Next thing I know, you'll be saying bad stuff about Fruity Pebbles and then I might have to fly up there and give you a piece of my mind (probably won't happen - I don't have much left to spare these days).
Glad you're feeling better. I'll *try* to overlook the crunchberries debacle.
Posted by: JustLinda | October 06, 2006 at 01:13 PM
If you could find a way to the see the Virgin Mary in your dryer lint, you could probably make some money off of it and not need to come up with as many blogging ideas. (But if you see the Virgin Mary in your toe hair, no-one will want to know.)
Posted by: Emmie (Better Make It A Double) | October 06, 2006 at 01:18 PM
Amalah,
You are SO FUNNY!!! (I too posses pinky madness)
Anyhow, YES on the big toe and the rest of the toes as well. Shave it all off.
You keep on posting and we'll keep on reading. Dont ever let know one make you think otherwise, because without you, Amalah, the end of the world is here.
How is Noah and his cold? Hugs and Kisses
A true fan
Gabby from Cali
Posted by: Gabby | October 06, 2006 at 01:21 PM
Yes and yes to the toe thing. And evvvery once in awhile, while swiping away with the razor without my glasses on, I nick a toe. That hurts. But I'd rather do that than have the hair. Ick. ;-)
I'm just relieved to know I'm not the only one with this problem.
Posted by: Nancy | October 06, 2006 at 01:22 PM
I love you.
Posted by: Karen Rani | October 06, 2006 at 01:32 PM
OMG. What Dad Gone Mad said about my boobs. I think I need to have that permentantly inscribed on them.
Now, I do not have hairy boobs, BUT, every once in a while, I"ll wake up to find ONE, BIG, THICK, BLACK hair on my boob. After I finish dry heaving, I'll get the tweezers and pluck that bitch. It happens once every few months. Where does that hair come from? And why did it grow on my boob? What does it all mean? I have to know. Has that ever happened to you? Or to anyone else who actually reads this?
Posted by: Y from the internet | October 06, 2006 at 01:37 PM
DUDE.
I shave my big toe as well. We are soulmates! Let's collect dryer lint together and become BFF. :D
Posted by: Michelle | October 06, 2006 at 02:00 PM
Cruchberries kind of sound like dingleberries too, huh?
And I have been known to shave the hair off of my big toe too.
Posted by: Kirstensworld | October 06, 2006 at 02:05 PM
I have big toe hair and I shave it off every time I shave my legs. Just a little swoop down to the toe when I'm at the ankle and voila! Beautiful toes and no one knows that hair was ever there. Except you all now.
Posted by: Dana | October 06, 2006 at 02:19 PM
Inquiring minds want to know how your mom defouled that poor blue kitchen sponge after you used it on the toilet. ewww
(not really - but I can imagine the aftermath)
This should also be proof that I'll read just about anything you write - and please lets have a photo essay - a girl could use a laugh.
Posted by: cursingmama | October 06, 2006 at 02:26 PM
Oh, dude, the candlestick salad!
The cherry & marshmallow fluff are new additions, but I was entranced years ago by a similar recipe in my mom's great 1950s children's cookbook. It shows this snotty 10-year-old girl with permawaved hair making all sorts of wholesome, horrid treats ALL BY HERSELF. I think there was also a Mickey Mouse salad involving canned pear halves...(admit it, you're intrigued, aren't you?)
Glad you're feeling better today.
Posted by: Jen | October 06, 2006 at 02:27 PM
1. Yes on both accounts of the big toe
2. Your initials are ABC - precious!
3. Y: no re-occurring dark hair on the boobs
Posted by: Lindsay | October 06, 2006 at 02:30 PM
My big toe hair? You found out about me shaving it and told the WHOLE INTERNET?! That was a secret!
Posted by: Vicky | October 06, 2006 at 02:32 PM
YAHOO! Also very entertaining to read when you write about something I commented. Perhaps I should have said "I had Rice Krispies for breakfast" or Coco Puffs.
Aside, anyone who can brighten my day with anything, be it your horrible trip to Gymboree or posting goregous pics of the kiddo, deserves to be praised. Sometime you and Dooce are the only ones who can get me through the day. Thanx
Posted by: Kiki | October 06, 2006 at 02:40 PM
Oh, yes there is big toe hair. There also may or may not be, say, five or six hairs around my belly button. Possibly.
Hell yes I shave them.
Here all these years I thought I was a freak. You've freed me from toe-hair shame, Amalah! Awesome.
Posted by: Kristin | October 06, 2006 at 02:58 PM
I join the hairy toe club and I'm a shaver, sometimes a plucker, but they have got to go!
Have you seen these bad jello crazy recipes - hysterical!
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html
Posted by: WendyB | October 06, 2006 at 03:03 PM
Yep, toe hair. ALL toes hair, even my we little pinky toe. Also, top of foot hair. I am no hippy, so I shave it all.
Also, lots of arm hair (that I don't shave, because I did that once as a teen and lo, but dark stubble from your wrists to your pits is a mistake you don't make twice).
ALSO, Yvonne, intermittent boob hair. (cue Michael Jackson singing, "You Are Not Alone" here)
Posted by: charlie | October 06, 2006 at 03:03 PM
Greetings from another Amy Beth! I think that picture of the lint totally looks like a Gremlin!
Posted by: Amy | October 06, 2006 at 03:06 PM
I might have snorted out loud when I read the "big toe" thing because as I was laying/lying in bed last night thinking (as usual) about things to blog about (like all normal obsessive pshyco bloggers do) I started thinking of a post about the hair on my big toe and the grooming involved. ALL women shave it. And if they say they don't? THEY ARE BIG FAT LIARS!!!
Keep your chin up about the blogging thing, too. It's your JOB. Everybdy gets burnt out on their job every once in a while no matter how dreamy it is. :)
Posted by: Liz | October 06, 2006 at 03:07 PM
Big hairy toes unite!
I love painting, within 6 months of moving into our house i painted every inch of drywall. I'm a woman obsessed.
Posted by: Amber | October 06, 2006 at 03:13 PM
haha - I thought the dryer lint was actually poop.
Neither conservative nor liberal, this makes me simply "independent". Right??!!??
Posted by: irises | October 06, 2006 at 03:18 PM
Woo-hoo! I am not the only one who thinks "Candle Salad" should be called "Porn Salad", which would strangely enough make it just a bit more appealing. Or maybe that's just me.
Only thing worse than having to shave your big toe? Cutting your big toe in the process. Because, well, ow & also having to make up a whole story about how you dropped a glass on your foot because you are too embarrassed to admit that you shave it. But obviously not too embarassed to let people think you are a complete idiot. Good times.
Posted by: Shawnee | October 06, 2006 at 03:18 PM
still reading.... :-)
The dryer lint is completely fascinating... I'd say Hellboy...
Posted by: vasilisa | October 06, 2006 at 03:24 PM
O.M.G!!
You see? You see, Amy?
You did write about those things and I seriously did laugh out loud at them. This may actually be my new favourite entry. You are hilarious! (More compliments, duck and cover!)
And moving on:
I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of toe hair.... ;)
Posted by: starrynite | October 06, 2006 at 03:26 PM
As I understand it, candle salad is something of a specialty in Mormon housholds. (My mom is Mormon, and she confirms this.) I think it's because you have to have a very, very clean mind to be able to serve something that looks like this with a straight face: http://www.sherrijilek.com/candle.jpg
Posted by: Cobwebs | October 06, 2006 at 03:27 PM
I am so glad there are others with the hairy big toe affliction! I always thought I was the weird one....well, I may still be, but at least there are more like me out there!
Dryer lint? Looks like my actual cat. Seriously.
Posted by: KJ | October 06, 2006 at 03:30 PM
Firstly, Yvonne does indeed have a lovely rack. I am jealous. Must pout.
Secondly, I am truthfully (and embarrassedly) grateful that I am not the only woman on the planet with the big toe hair. And obviously I shave it off- I don't want people to KNOW (except now they do)or SEE IT! and assume that I am the missing link.
Posted by: Megan | October 06, 2006 at 03:36 PM
Yes, I too am afflicted with Toe Hair - I shave it off and once I even took a chunk of my toe with it (damn you dull razor).
Dryer lint, defintely face of satan, but I should get used to it, since I'm going to hell anyway.
Candle salad - very pornographic, looks nothing like a candle!
Have a great weekend!
Posted by: Steph | October 06, 2006 at 03:52 PM
I can't be the only one who thought that dryer lint looked like poop. Yeah, go back up and look quickly. I thought WOW, Ceiba, that's impressive, but why's she posting it. ROFL!
Posted by: Amanda | October 06, 2006 at 04:08 PM
So ok, The Candle Salad. Looks like its also popular at Chanukah, according to the internet.
This brought me waaay back to my friend's 16th birthday party at Max's Opera Cafe. For her dessert, they brought an ice cream with two scoops as the base, and a banana sticking out of it, with whip cream and a cherry on top. We all screamed and laughed, and couldn't believe they'd present *that* kind of dessert to a teenager. Now it makes just a little more sense. Maybe that was also a "Candle Sundae?" Or a pervert chef.
Posted by: Neomi | October 06, 2006 at 04:11 PM
Photo essay...photo essay (chanting while banging fists on table). Your comments are such a tease. I thought I was going to be number 20 or something only to find I'll end up #120, all the way down here. What's up with that?
And, I totally shave both my big toes. *looks* Yup, it's time.
And I remember that company cookbook stuff and how you got caught with you boob hanging out once the entire internet came over unannounced. Ah, memories.
Glad you are feeling better.
Posted by: Silly Hily | October 06, 2006 at 04:20 PM
Love it. Especially cleaning the toilet with the kitchen sponge and putting it back. Classic.
I was told once that if you microwave a sponge for a bit (30 sec??) that it will kill the germs.
I hate sponges and only use them once and throw them away. Danged germ holders... :)
Posted by: MMM | October 06, 2006 at 04:20 PM
See? See? You can write about anything and make it funny. And that is why I read your work. For where else could I go for a picture of lint with a face in it?
Posted by: Andrea | October 06, 2006 at 04:24 PM
Yes I shave my big toe. When I was but a lass of 14 my friends held me down and shaved my big toes for me because apparently the light dusting of blonde fuzz there was offensive to my femininity and NO BOY WOULD EVER LIKE ME (I beleive your pinky infected mine). So now, when I look down and realize that though the hairs are still blonde they are now like 2 inches long I shave them. If I am really on top of things I will shave them at the same time as my legs. Therefore, if you are a freak, which is likely, at least there are other freaks out there with you.
Posted by: Desiree | October 06, 2006 at 04:31 PM
Hair on big toes, yes.
Definitely the face of Satan's missing link.
I'm sorry, when I visualize that candle salad, I am totally NOT seeing a candle with dripping wax, if you get my drift. And I think you do.
Posted by: Bozoette Mary | October 06, 2006 at 04:31 PM
i really dig your blog b/c of the way you write. heck i didn't even know this was a "mommyblog" until you pointed it out! and i'll read your blog b/c you make everything funny, baby-related or not. and i'll continue to read it even though you never replied to my email for advice on your "wednesday advice smackdown" and i really needed your input about working vs. being a SAHM. hehehe.
Posted by: kat | October 06, 2006 at 04:38 PM
The scary part is, I never confessed to anyone about how I occasionally shave my big toes until yesterday at work when the subject came up (I swear to GOD I have no idea how).
Apparently? Everybody does it.
Also, there's a girl at my job? Who totally shaves her butt.
Needless to say, I feel much better about my cro-magnon toes now.
Posted by: Contrary | October 06, 2006 at 04:38 PM
Oh yes, and Y's boobs are INCREDIBLE and should be commemorated permanently in a bronze casting because damn girl, you put us all to shame.
Posted by: Desiree | October 06, 2006 at 04:45 PM
No on the toe hair thing, but I have toes that aren't quite the size they should be for the rest of me, so I think they are just immature. That said, my lovely in so many ways DD who is almost 7 has a hairy back - just a dark kinda peach fuzz. Anyone run into that before? Will it go away before puberty or do we have to start electrolysis now?
I've heard you can wash your sponges in the dishwasher and they come clean, but I've never tried it. I just use toilet brushes, clorox wipes, and a dish scrubby thing for dishes. But I like your sponge story, Amy Beth!
Oh, and Y? Yes on the boob hair thing. Freaks me out every time it comes back. It usually goes totally away when Im nursing, tho - think that's why I keep having kids?
Posted by: FishyGirl | October 06, 2006 at 04:47 PM
Aaaaand, she's back. ;)
Posted by: lena | October 06, 2006 at 04:49 PM
I suspect Dr. Freud would have something to say about the candle salad and, likely, its proponents.
Shaving big toe hairs is not only recommended, it's mandatory.
Posted by: Heather | October 06, 2006 at 04:58 PM
Ummmm the candle wax doesn't really sound like a candle if you catch what I'm sayin!? Marshmellow, white creamy....?? hehehe
Anyways todays post actually made me LOL more than any other blog that I've read today....proving that even though its random its still awesome!
Posted by: Tasha | October 06, 2006 at 05:00 PM
Such a relief to know I am not alone with the toe thing. My mind is at ease for another...five minutes? :)
Posted by: kkonmymind | October 06, 2006 at 05:02 PM
Funniest post ever.
Posted by: Jennifer | October 06, 2006 at 05:21 PM
OMG - now I totally heart you for mentioning me in your blog!
Marshmallow fluff and pinwheels though? Was a totally random thought...I had no idea they went together at all. But, by all means, bring on the photo essay!
Posted by: Ivie | October 06, 2006 at 05:40 PM
I totally grew up on candle salad! Now I wonder what in the WORLD my mother was thinking. "Eat your salad, or you can't have dessert." My kids would think it WAS dessert, and a particularly fancy one, too.
Posted by: Salome Ellen | October 06, 2006 at 05:49 PM
I shave my big toes!!
Posted by: Robbi | October 06, 2006 at 06:03 PM
i shave my toe hair. big toe hair skeeves the bejesus out of me. so i shave it. all better! ps: your blawwwg is awesome. you type the way i imagine you talk. so it's fun. it's like listening to you, only i'm reading. sooooo, i'm sure you get sick of it sometimes. but please don't take it away?
Posted by: Rell | October 06, 2006 at 06:05 PM
I'm quite glad to know I'm not the only one with big hair toe. heh.
Posted by: Heather | October 06, 2006 at 06:38 PM
I love that this has turned into a support group for those of us with hairy toes who shave them. We need to support each other regardless of how much "hobbitness" our feet have. Oh and the dryer lint terrifies me. I never clean it out. I will clean out the shower drain before I clean out the lint filter. Atleast with that you know what your getting with lint who knows. See exhibit A) Satan. Anyways, Member 1397 of Toe Shavers Anonymous signing off and saying keep up the good work!
Posted by: Sarah | October 06, 2006 at 06:48 PM
Crunchberries sound way too much like dingleberries.
If you don't know what a dingleberry is...you probably are much classer than me.
Posted by: Jenny | October 06, 2006 at 07:06 PM
I can't believe I am not the only one who shaves off my toe-hair. It's not particularly grody, I just... ahhhh... hate it.
Posted by: Nelle | October 06, 2006 at 07:15 PM
I dare ya to put the lint on ebay.
Posted by: Jill | October 06, 2006 at 07:30 PM
Is it sad that I still read it? Every bit? JUST SO THAT I COULD SAY I DID? Dork.
P.S. Yes, I'm with you on the big toe. Shame!
-Aly
Posted by: Alyndabear | October 06, 2006 at 08:07 PM
A few commenters have said that they accidentally cut their toes while shaving them. Well, once, when I was in eighth grade, I accidentally shaved off the tip of my nipple while shaving my arm pit (now that takes rare talent!). Needless to say I, Miss I'm Too Grown for You, ran to my mommy and showed her my newly budding breast in absolute horror, as it had begun to bleed and drip.
I am happy to say now that it looks just like the other one. The end.
Posted by: some girl | October 06, 2006 at 08:41 PM
You have hit upon the rx for not wanting to write.
Posted by: Rachel | October 06, 2006 at 09:20 PM
I feel bad for Y's boobs...so I'd like to give them a shout out.
Hello, Y's boobs, I've never formally met you, but I hear from Amalah that you are quite spectacular...and I'm sure you girls totally trump the subject of toe hair.
*lol* Do you feel better now Y?
Posted by: Kyla | October 06, 2006 at 09:50 PM