Noah is still sick. I am still sick. Jason claims to be feeling better, but I think he just got sick of changing Noah's never-ending stream (ew) of sick diapers and decided going back to work was a good idea. I'm sick of writing about Noah being sick. I'm sick of reading about other people's sick kids. The ClubMom gig has led to some serious mommyblog burnout, which makes me feel like an asshole, what with all the eye-rolling and God, can't anybody write anything that's not about their preshus boring baby, and also YOU! YOU THERE! GET OFF YOUR GODDAMNED PARENTING HIGH HORSE, CHILL OUT AND MAYBE THINK ABOUT GETTING A HOBBY THAT IS NOT CHILD-RELATED OMG. (It just got verrrrry meta in here, didn't it?) I guess I've veered into a blogjam, and I'm kind of stuck. I'm burned-out. I'm in a rut. I'm bored with myself, my writing, my whole "schtick" or whatever. Run-on sentence, lots of commas and modifiers, caps lock at the end for emphasis, rinse, repeat. Day after day. Over and over. Without the freedom (see: sellout, dirty whore money) to take a break or even (gasp!) walk away entirely. Which is something I... Read more →

Noah's first birthday was a day full of joy and wonder and balloons and wrapping paper and big toothy baby smiles. HA HA HA. HA! Sometime between Friday night, when we drove up to Pennsylvania to my parents' house, and his party Saturday afternoon, Noah came down with all of the following: 1) A cold 2) A fever 3) Diarrhea 4) Diaper rash 5) A possible ear infection 6) One molar 7) Another molar 8) Hey, anybody want a couple more molars? Photos from his party are very...moist-looking, to say the least, and feature shots of me wiping his nose and checking his butt, all while looking like hot exhausted ass. Noah, being the brave little toaster that he is, still seemed to enjoy himself, or else he merely chose to reserve his rage and misery for our own personal enjoyment between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m. (His gums are black and blue, people. BLACK AND BLUE.) We've traveled with Noah multiple times over the past year, and multiple times I have dutifully packed up every possible baby necessity into clearly-labeled Ziploc baggies. Nose bulb, infant Tylenol, infant Motrin, Hyland's teething tablets, Desitin, burb cloths, extra outfits and... Read more →