Just Lose It
Unfortunately, pulling off the "skinny jean" generally requires one to get off one's fat ass occasionally

What the hell is wrong with me?

On second thought, don't answer that. We don't have that many hours.

Here's one obvious problem, at least:


Just wait. It gets worse.


For the record, I am ashamed. Deeply ashamed. And yet...


Um. Hee?

The best part is that's an EXTRA SMALL sweatshirt. For dogs "5 lbs +/-"  And Ceiba will ALWAYS be an extra small, because she will never grow up and stop being my eensy weensy baby, unlike SOME PEOPLE AROUND HERE who are suddenly wearing size 24 month clothing, which is totally not as cute as those little polka-dot footie jammies, and the hats hardly ever have ears on them anymore, and why do all the stores want to dress my child like a damn lumberjack?

Seriously: this plus these plus this equals:


This. Minus the ladies' undergarments, obviously, but still.

Okay, Noah might have the suspenders. And I think we do maybe have a similar kind of hat. And how damn awesome is this? But I draw the line at the shirt! I have my limits!

GOD. FINE. I totally don't, since the doggie sweatshirt wasn't even close to being the most obnoxious thing I purchased that day.


The hypocrisy! It burns!

Again: so deeply ashamed. I can't even bring myself to try them on, because what if I think they look kind of cute? WHAT THEN?


I am disgusted to be your pursedog, you silly fashion sheep-type person.



I love it all! And being first! Yeah me!


Oh! Oh! Am I the first commenter?!
I have to say the pictures of Ceiba cracked my ass UP and totally made my day! Don't feel bad, I have a hoodie for my damn PITBULL.


I love Ceiba's sweater but return the tights you don't live in Hollywood and thats the only place those belong. That and maybe a dance studio. But thats it.

Amy Beth

Your doggie is so cute. She does not seem to be enjoying the joy that is canine fashion. Maybe she is easing into it?

Y from the internet

The 3rd picture down is almost (ALMOST!) as awesome as The Mexican Painters that are singing at the top of their lungs whilst working on my next door neighbors house.



Amy H.

arg! don't succumb to the 80's fashion revival. Just pull out a picture of you in 7th grade wearing the leggings and having big hair. Sit there and think about how silly you look and then you will decide maybe the leggings are not the best thing to do to yourself! or Noah. Think of Noah.


That dog in that sweater is just to flipping much!!! I can't stand it!!! It's just too funny and the way she is laughing at us! You go Ceiba!


What an awesome post! I love those photos!


Wow! What are you going to do with those "footless tights"?

I am confused.


You are so hilarious! This post made me laugh out loud multiple times.

Antique Mommy

footless tights are in the same category as crotchless underwear - why bother?


In that last picture Ceiba totally looks like Yoda. An adorable, dressed in GAP, purse-sized Yoda. Too cute.

Also? Footless tights/leggings? NOOOOOO!!!!! Back away and have Jason return them.


Well, I for one am behind your dressing of Ceiba in a Gap hoodie, but then I can't talk, because here's the most recent picture of *my* dog:


Oh, and footless tights? Check. They actually look quite cute worn under dresses, just as long as you wear boots with them. And yes, I know that kind of defeats the purpose of the whole "footless" bit, but I like to think of them as very thick tights.


I've never seen footless tights! Are they just thinner versions of leggings? What do you do with them?? Wear them under jeans??

It baffles my mind.



Seriously. I'm completely baffled as to how these things managed to come home with me.

Jason thinks they're cute. Jason is probably crazy.


Yaaay - Ceiba pictures! It gets cold in the winter, right? She *needs* a sweater. She'll thank you then (maybe).


those tights are for the dog right?



I whined and complained about how the skinny jeans and pants reminded me of 7th grade and mall bangs. And what did I buy last Friday??? yep.

I, too, think the footless tights are cute.


Ceiba looks fabulous. And I'm sure you'd look cute in the footless tights...but it's like when I saw the girl w/"Juicy" written across her ass while wearing Uggs. I just thought, "damn, could you try any harder???"

emery jo

Jason is right. They are cute.

I like the leggings idea because I can wear my skirts in the cold weather (YAY!) and chase my toddler without fear of showing WAAAY too much 'blinding white winter leg skin'. (eek! and eew!)

Mrs. Q.

Footless tights? Say it aint so! My world is crushed...

Mrs. CPA

I tried to buy Hudson some clothes this weekend, and they were ALL LUMBERJACKY or footy and for tiny babies, too. He ended up with shoes so he will quit eating his socks and a hat to cover up the bruise he got from falling off the bed.


Okay seriously. The davy-crockett wannabe 'coon tail hat? Eewww.
But also - Ceiba makes me laugh and oh how I needed that today!


I adore footless tights, and I even call them LEGGINGS. Enjoy 'em.

But really, I'm commenting because Ceiba is adorable, and I showed the pics to my coworker who has a miniature dachshund who wears the same GAP hoodie. My coworker is now completely enamored of you and Ceiba. But she wants to know whether you got the hoodie for $.97, because that's how much she paid, and she's proud of that fact.

P.S. I recently converted this very coworker to LEGGINGS.


Ceiba's only pissed because you got her the sweatshirt in Blue. She wanted Pink! Blue is for boys and Lumberjacks.


Love Ceiba in her hoodie! I can never find cute stuff in my dogs' sizes and I only wish I was kidding.

I say go with the leggings! If I didn't fear constant ridicule from my friends, I'd buy them in a heart beat. Secretly I look at them every time I go into the Gap, but my husband would seriously disown me.

And really? Hats without ears? That's just wrong.


I heart your baby dog, and I hope you dress Noah up like a lumberjack next Halloween.
But the tights? Are unforgivable. And they will haunt your dreams.

Amy H.

PS. The faux fur hat reminds me of the kid that Ralphie beats up in A Christmas Story.


That's the biggest problem with the leggings (um, I mean footless tights) - they ARE cute! Damn the trends!

Of course, Ceiba chose to go classically fashionable in her hoodie.


please back away from the footless tights. for the love of god.


*laughs hysterically*

I think you should just walk on by the Gap store next time. Just walk on by..


Haaaaa! Ceiba trying to look all tough and fromt the hood in that picture is hilarious! Who knew Gap made doggie sweatshirts?

Pssst...the Children's Place makes adorable footie sleepers in 24 month and up! They have great sales too. We snapped up six fleecy footie sleepers for our huge toddler, and he looks so freaking adorable walking around in them that I have told my husband, "I am NEVER cutting his hair. He looks too cute and fuzzy."


Footless tights are evil and must be stopped. That is all.

PS. Ceiba looks so adorable in the hoodie. SO. CUTE.


My nephew has a flannel shirt. I asked if he was a Seattle Grunge Rocker or a lesbian. Luckily, she laughed instead of kicking my ass.


And by "she" I mean my sister. The mother of the grunge rocking lesbian lumberjack. :p


AHHHH! But! this is where you parenting can just be oh-so-amusing! You need to teach Noah to say "I'm a lumberjack and I'm Okay!" and then send him out in public with that hat. Because that could only produce years of hysterical laughter for you and Jason and any potential dates he may bring home. Because you will video this. :)

Is this why God hasn't let me have children yet?

Ceiba is cute!



How much does your XS Ceiba weigh? Because I too was looking at that same doggie hoodie, but was afraid that it might be too big for 4.5lb Henry! Inquiring minds want to know how accurate Gap dog sizing is...

Purse dogs need to stay warm too!!


Okay, I can't stop laughing at those photos of Ceiba. Seriously.


THAT LAST PICTURE! a ha ha ha ha ha Thanks for the laugh.


Oh, now all you need is a spiked collar and Ceiba will look totally "thugalicious." (Yes, that's a word. A word I made up right now.) And just think how awesome you'll look walking your ghetto mini pinscher in the suburbs.

Heather B

I love how Ceiba is all happy in that first picture...then, after sight of those "footless tights" it's all downhill for her.


WTF? Seriously. Ceiba needs little red boxing gloves to complete the look. Are you involved in some underground Purse-Dog-Fight-Club that we should know about? (Is that the Brad Pitt version of Ceiba in the picture or the Edward Norton version?) I'm really beginning to question all of her past injuries now....hmmm.


Laura - Ceiba weighs just about 5 pounds, give or take an ounce or two. Fits her perfectly and hey, look at that bald tummy! She NEEEEEDED it!


Amy, oh, my hell.

Ideas for Christmas...



Cheryl, you just killed me. I am dead. I will never recover.

Except for one...last...reach for the credit card...and...*dies*


LOL! That is hysterically funny. I can totally picture Ceiba in some Dogg Pound gear.
What's my Mutha effin' name, biotch?
Ceiba dooogggyyy dooooog.
bow wow wow yippee oh yippee a

Wacky Mommy

OH, DOGGIE! There you are. Arooooo! Woof-woof! Cute outfit.


Amy - Thank you!

I think I now have to go and order a hoodie for Henry. You're right, bald tummies need to be protected!

Although, Snoop Dog calls...


Okay? Poor Ceiba being dressed up in the sweatshirt--hilarious. The footless tights--scary. I'm just glad the two will never come together. That would never happen, right?


This reminded me that I accidentally bought toeless tights instead of real tights, because I cannot read apparently, and now I'm afraid to wear them out in public. Because in open-toed shoes, aren't I going to look a little bit homeless? Like one of the toes ripped so I just cut them all off? Homeless chic? Sigh!


Can I admit that I totally thought the tiny sweatshirt Ceiba is sporting was one of Noah's that he grew out of? I did not realize that The Gap had branched out into doggie apparel.
I have debated about getting a min pin for a long time now and every time you post pictures of cute, cute Ceiba I want one even more.


We have that same sweatshirt (in pink of course) for our dog, and holy cow SHE HATES IT. She hates sleeves. She's totally sleeve prejudiced.

Heather B. (the one who lets Ceiba cuddle)

I bought footless tights as well. I figured they would be warm and I'm from Upstate NY and we're all about being warm up there.

And I'm partial to the polka dot footie pj's.


Step away from the leggings!


Oh footless tights! I thought I looked so cute in them under a guazey Dead-Headish skirt ... back in the late 80s when I was in college. Well, I suspect that they were actually cute. But now I have been tempted at the return of the footless tights, but Jerry Garcia is gone and I'm not about to re-live my college days...
Try them on and if they are cute go for it.


Footless tights? You mean LEGGINGS?!


Amalah, I expected more from you.


Why don't we get Gap Canine Fashion in the UK?! I know a black lab that would just GORGEOUS in a pink angora sweater.

I'm undecided on the footless tights issue - I've only just succumbed to the Skinny Jean.


Oh those are the best pics ever! i have to get me one of those!


Oh, um, OH MY GOD. Leggings.


WAIT JUST A DAD GUM MINUTE. The Gap has doggie clothes??? I think I just peed myself a little. I don't generally dress my dog (an Italian greyhound) just for kicks; I dress him because he is a cold-hating, shivery little man with no body fat, so he has doggie coats and sweatshirts and such because, well, he has to, BUT to date he has NONE FROM THE GAP.

Must go to Gap.

But the leggings? They will not get me. NO. I cannot believe I used to walk around my college campus with only leggings on, under giganto sweaters/flannels. AND NO PANTS. God. How can the 90s be retro already?


OMG I am SO excited I am about to pee! Not only did my legging comment/question make it to the Smackdown oh so long ago (which I never thanked you for, so THANKS), but now that post is being referred to!

And um, still not doing any leggings here in Houston. And yours are still in their packaging it looks like -- safe to RETURN!



In the interest of Full Horrific Fashion Disclosure: a package from Bluefly just arrived in my house, containing a pair of skinny jeans.

I am extremely undecided. I think I look kind of dumpy in them.

Someone needs to come over and tell me what they think. Who's up for it? We'll have wine and do a whole trying-on-crazy-clothes montage!


Hmm...I don't know about the skinny jeans, and not just beacuse they make my short, squat legs, and bubble butt look larger than life. I'm afraid because the little high schoolers I teach wear them, and most of the time, their skinny little asses don't look good either. How am I supposed to compete??? However, I will totally come over, drink massive amounts of wine and discuss the craziness that is tights with no feet. Or if you want you can come to my house...San Diego isn't thaaat far.


Amalah, dear.

Please. I beg you. I beg you with every inch of my being, run (don't walk) back to the Gap and return those tights. I read you EVERY DAY! and heart you fiercely. If you wear those, out, in public, you might be dead to me.

Not really, but I beg you. You must've had a weak moment today.

Silly Hily

Oh no you didn't! No.you.did.not give into the 80's trying to make a come back. Just no. I thought you were better than that. (I'm totally going to get a pair soon so I can still wear some cute skirts during winter.)

But really, the leggings I can deal with but please tell me I just saw something wrong when I thought I noticed you said you just got a pair of skinny jeans? Amy?


Not skinny jeans too! Although, I'm sure they probably look fabulous on you compared to how they would look on me (hint: hideous).


You do realize that if you wear the "footless tights" (read LEGGINGS) and you buy Ceiba some SnoopDogg wear, she will have every right to kick yo skinny cracka ass, beeotch. I'm just sayin'.
Meh on the skinny jeans though. Post us up a picture and we will comment with the fury.


I had a pair of footless tights about 20 years ago and never wore them. I could never figure out how.

Maybe I'll figure it out this time around.


Okay, so I think maybe Ceiba should get the footless tights. They could be quite cute on her. You might need to post a pic of you wearing them to convince us they are indeed cute and not as scary as I remember them in the 80's. But hey, I am all for a new fashion statement! Go Amalah!


I would have to agree with the "Hee"!


Now I have to be that person who has to explain why some strange lady on the computer talking about her damn dressed up dog made me laugh out loud. Repeatedly.

Great. You'd think they'd stop asking why I was laughing at the computer but they don't.

When the babies grow it is so insane. They just don't stop!

Jenny H.

Did someone say wine? I live in Georgia, but I will totally be there!! HEE!HEE!

As for the skinny jeans, yeah, not a fan. That is probably because I got a little junk in my trunk and they no look so good!! But I bet you look HOT! Wait, that sounded a little stalkerish!

Ceiba looks adorable and kinda tuff at the same time!! I want a small dog that I can humiliate too!!


email me and I am so there. I'm only about 30 minutes away!


Give in to the leggings. They are super cute on. Then go to Forever 21 and buy a cute long sweatshirt thing to wear with them (only $17.99!Doesn't matter if it falls apart in 2 months!). And don't let your husband say "but you are not 21.." all snide-like. They are cute! Or, at least we have all been brainwashed to think so.


Why the hostility towards the footless tights. I had many a wonderful memory wearing those things. I was wearing them the night I met my husband. I've been resisting the temptation to buy them, but knowing that you have kinda gives me the go ahead. Fasion sheep-type person here.

I'll be looking for a picture of you in those. O


Does he know NuNu the Demon Chihuaha? I wrote about him a few months ago over at AirTran's magazine (it's online)... some cute photos of the churlish chihuaha!


this is...amazing. i will go to bed happy tonight. huzzah!


OHHHH! I love Ceiba!!! Don't be ashamed. It's freaking adorable!


By the way, HATE footless tights. HATE. Damn Lindsay Lohan for making them trendy!


oh my jesus lord.
i was so anti the leggings. then occasionally i would see someone and think, huh, kind of cute on her. so i got some. just to try out. um.
there is too much love going on here for them now. i thought i would look awful in them (i'm thin but short with short legs and i was sure they would look stumpy) actually they squeeze my legs into a nice shape. and my butt looks awesome in them. i now own many.
and my boyfriend, who generally dislikes anything not short or booby or generally sexy in an obvious way, thinks they're hot.
just try them on. wear them around the house with a very long shirt or short dress. try not to start feeling the love...


I can't stop laughing at the 3rd pic of Ceiba and the "Uh. Hee?"


Should I be embarrassed to admit I still own long sweaters that are absolutely perfect for footless tights? I mean when all that crap went the way of shoulder pads, I kept mine. They're in a sweater box under my bed. ***hanging head shamefully while alternately thinking of how fucking cute I will look when I pair those sweaters with some footless tights!!!***


Cute pictures! I'm a Ceiba fan, even though I don't know how to pronounce her name and I don't know what kind of a dog she is. But I've been wondering. I want a tiny dog, but I know nothing about them. My mom had a thing about not liking small dogs. She would wrinkle her nose when she talked about them. So I never had anything smaller than a German Shepard and yet I'm 34 and haven't lived at home since I was 18 but still, somehow, I've never had a tiny dog. And seeing one dressed up just makes me want one even more.

That was my very long way of asking, "Hey, what kind of dog do you have?"


I have done the whole tights thing recently (saw me buying clothes from a 12 year olds shop.. Supre must die!) and I have to say, they're kinda comfy. *hides from the flinging rotten fruits*

Although I WAS in costume for an 80s fancy dress. Should probably mention that. Okay.

I want wine. And I'll bring my own boy purse dog over. He has clothes, too. Hee.


http://www.petpalspetsupplies.com and http://www.fourpawsdesign.com/ has some awesome stuff, but probably not as cool as the Snoop Dog items.

I think you should model the skinny jeans and leggings for us. You know we will be honest ;-)


You didn't pay full price for those tights, did you? I think you should model them for us so we can decide if you should ever wear them out of the house. I have yet to see them look cute on anyone so far, but maybe you can change that.

And hey, it's not like they're stirrup pants. Because you would never own those. . . right?


UGH - Flashback to 1989 - I wore footless tights everyday to school. Of course they had lace so...


I've been eyeballing those tights myself...though seeing as I'm 31, I'm not sure I could pull them off anymore. And I don't want to be THAT girl.

On an off note, what's up with people fighting to be the first comment? Weirdness.


Robin - Ceiba (pronounced SAY-bah) is a Miniature Pinscher. She rocks. The Casbah even.

Fraulein N

Hee, thugged-out Ceiba just made my entire day. Now she just needs some Snoop gear to "keep it real."

(Which is still okay for dogs, I suppose.)


Footless tights. Hmm. I'm not a fan, but I have a good friend (who I even consider well-dressed) who loves tights. Maybe they will look good?

I'll try not to judge.


Footless tights? Shades of high school, erk. Not sure about the skinny jeans... sure I loved my Jordache with the zippers at the ankle so you could get them on over your feet (and the adorable bows at the top of the zippers) but that was in middle school when I was underweight. What I am trying to say is NO, NO, NO!!! to both. Unfortunately I'm at work, so there is no pillow under which to hide my head and sing la,la,la until this "fashion" repeat passes.

Do love the GAP hoodie though. It's too cute!


I *Heart* g@p.com I am pretty sure Noah needs the orange camping vast though.....too cute!


Ceiba looks so cute! I love it! plus minpins like to wear clothes, at least thats how i justify it. My minpin has a green coat from Old Navy that she loves.


In my opinion, you can get away with the footless tights and the skinny jeans only if you do one thing... tuck them into boots!


There is nothing -- NOTHING! -- better than a dog in clothes. Thank you.


OMG, that dog! Does she make those faces naturally or are you taunting her? ;)

Maxine Dangerous

Please please please wear the footless tights with a shaker-knit sweater turned backwards and hanging off one shoulder to reveal your white ribbed tank top and a pair of scuffed-up black ballet flats and some huge silver hoop earrings and oh oh oh can you tease your hair so that your bangs defy gravity? Do stores still sell Salon Selectives?? (Alliteration TOTALLY accidental.) :)

And Ceiba says, "Grr! I shop at the Gap, bitch!" (Get it?? Get it?? :))


Amalah readers? I think it's time for an Amalah intervention. Between the LEGGINGS and the SKINNY JEANS, I think our beloved Amalah has lost her ever-lovin' mind. Perhaps Snoop Dogg could lead the meeting?


why did you name your dog after a tree anyways?


and i vote NO EFFING WAY

to both skinny jeans and leggings.

are you kidding?


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