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November 2006
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January 2007

Crying Uncle

I spent the majority of last night in Noah's room, curled up with him in a creaky rocker while he snorted and gasped and a non-stop river of snot oozed down my chest. I felt the pestilence filling up my own nasal cavities and chafing my throat while we rocked. And I remembered all the times when my own mother rocked me all night in the same chair, and how I always felt so much better when she held me. And I wondered if she felt the same way: filled with love for the little germbucket in her arms, both weirdly enjoying the sweet, rare cuddling time and cursing it, because she felt sick or grossed out or just plain exhausted. So things have gone mightily downhill around here since yesterday, when I chalked Noah's congestion up to typical teething woes and hauled him to Gymboree. (Dear Everybody Else There: I am so sorry. Feel free to pelt me with those weird little wiffle-type balls next week. Or rocks.) He's really, really sick, and I'm at my wit's end. We've tried vapor baths, Baby Vick's and humidifiers. He won't eat or drink anything. I've started writing down when I give... Read more →

The Road to Hell... paved with baby snot, apparently. Back when I was young and new and flush with baby-milestone-celebratitis, I was obsessed Noah's teeth. I took pictures of them right as they appeared and wrote the corresponding date in his baby book, and I didn't even think it was weird that his baby book included a creepy dental chart of crudely drawn teeth and jaws for just this purpose. I would like to report that I am Over Teeth. I am fairly certain he is too. And I am DEFINITELY over Writing About Teeth. In a no-rest-for-the-weary kind of thing (what's with all the cliche butchering today?), it appears Noah's canines are coming in, mere DAYS after his fourth and final molar cut through. The molars took TWO SOLID MONTHS of varying degrees of awfulness, and for some reason I thought we'd get a little break before the next onslaught. So we have another cold, lots of drool, low-grade fever and all that. I'm feeling like crap too, of course, but holy hell, I've written this "waaaaah teeth cold snot bleh" entry before and I am so tired of writing this entry, but I'm too tired to think of anything else to... Read more →


Last year, we spent about 40 minutes in line trying to keep a small bald turtle child awake just long enough to see Santa, and arguing over why BLUE SHOES ARE NEITHER CHRISTMASY NOR MATCHY, JASON STORCH: This year, we spent 15 minutes in line (the 15 longest damn minutes of my entire life, and that's about how long my c-section took) trying to keep Noah from throwing yet another temper tantrum over GOD KNOWS WHAT (seriously, what? what do you want? what are you pointing at? why are you flailing? how do you DO that, when your whole body turns to ungrippable goo?) and jumping out of line to get a stupid balloon from the mall concierge because Trader Joe's has created a Balloon-Loving Monster, but hey! At least Santa looked slightly less lit this year: Plus, I picked out his outfit. Although yes, it's totally bugging me that you can see his diaper even after I straightened his clothes out a dozen times, but he's about .2475 seconds away from throwing his arms up and body-gooifying his way off of Santa's lap here, so whatever. Another magical childhood moment, all for only $17.99 plus tax. Read more →

Hopefully we can all agree that this counts as updating

Or maybe we can't. I say it totally counts though. This is a waaaaay belated birthday shout-out to reader Clark, at the request of his girlfriend Karley (right down to the wording of the sign, and I really excel at following directions and spelling five-letter words). Karley was actually super on top of things and asked me for a photo plenty of time before his actual birthday. Which was last week. Ha HA. I was feeling so super generous and in love with the real estate community, so I was all: SURE! AND I WILL GO YOU A STEP FURTHER AND POST IT ON MY PERSONAL BLOG-TYPE WEBSITE FOR ALL TO SEE, FOR HOW EASY OF AN ENTRY WOULD THAT BE, MWA HA HA! GOD, I AM SO AWESOME AND NICE. And then I didn't, for many many days. It's a long story, and one that I actually omitted from the already long-ass story I told you on Tuesday, because I thought I was just being neurotic and whatever, the sale of our condo is totally NOT in jeopardy, chill out. Everything is fine! Except that our sale kind of was in jeopardy for awhile, and I was a total... Read more →