Suburban Perfectfit

Y'all, it is 8:34 in the morning and there is a goddamed meatloaf in my fridge.

I made it this morning, you know, to have for dinner tonight? So I can just heat it up? And pull it out of the oven in my apron and high heels right as Jason gets home? And then we will talk about his day for awhile before I go out back and shoot myself in the goddamned head? (And then I will chase the head wound with a proper vodka martini, of course.)

Okay, so maybe the morning meatloaf (dirty!) is the extent of my suburban housewifery, and it's probably just a passing novelty stemming from my LOVE and PASSIONATE PASSION for my new kitchen. Oh my lands, my new kitchen. It has more than four cabinets! I have a drawer for my measuring spoons! There's one of those flippy-down things on the sink for storing your sponges! My colander has its own space on a shelf and I can just grab the colander without having to remove the seven or eight mixing bowls stacked inside!

Jesus H. Christ. Right after we moved into our city place I emailed all my friends this hilarious story about how we saw this really drunk woman pee herself on a bench at the bus stop because she didn't think anyone would notice. And now I'm all, "My colander troubles are OVER, y'all!"

(Also, before anyone rushes to congratulate me on my incredible togetherness on having my colander unpacked less than 36 hours after moving in, let me confess that I am wearing a pair of underwear that say Thursday on them because they were the only ones I could find, and I totally found them in a box labeled LIVING ROOM, along with the TiVo and a bottle of olive oil.)

(Why yes, I do have stories about the movers, thank you for asking.)

Anyway, stories and photos will hopefully be sputtering out over the next few days, since I cannot find the stupid USB cable for my camera. (Oldest blogger excuse in the book there, and I confess that when you said it on your blog I probably thought you were lying.) Oh, and when the cable company says they'll be there "between 11 and 2," they really mean someone will show up "between twelveteen and never."

Obviously, we finally do have Internet now, but our wireless router isn't working yet, so I'm typing this on the living room floor, connected directly to the cable modem by the world's shortest ethernet cable. Seriously, it's like this long. (Holds up hands so Internet can see.)  Oh, and this CARPET IS GROSS. GROSS CARPET! HATE! But at least I have easy access to my olive oil and panties in here.

(Friendly reminder re: the Amalah Needs Some New Furniture Fund: I wrote this week's Advice Smackdown posts over the weekend, so those have continued on schedule, by the way, and ClubMom will resume at some point today. And we've got a slew of guest contributers over at MamaPop, who are all picking up my extreme slack in awesome form.)



Yay for internet and new kitchens! Enjoy your new place. :)


Just remember the mantra "The carpet can be changed. The carpet can be changed"....


What's it like to have actual space in your kitchen? I totally miss that. Hope you settle in quickly in the new place!


Congrats on the new house! Moving sucks. And Stanley Steamer is the best carpet cleaning ever if they have it near you. Good luck with the unpacking!


i've missed you. sniff.


I long, long for the suburbs. I never thought I would hit that point, but urban living is killing me. My husband cleaned mound of trash out of our front space-between-house-and-sidewalk (we call it a yard) this weekend, most of it from the slobs who attend the bar we share a frnce with. That would never happen in the suburbs. the suburbs are perfection to me now. Space and quiet and green! It all sounds so far away. Thank you for letting me live vicariously through you and you high heels and pearls.


I swear I am not as incoherent as the above post makes me seem.

Also, relatively close to FIRST!
(I had to).

Congratualtions on the move, i've been waiting for this entry.

Dr. Johnny Fever

Welcome back, peanut. Speaking of colanders, there's one in the new Snarkywood post we're working on. Maybe you should go take a look, and perhaps write some hilarity while you're there.

No pressure.

OK, a lot of pressure. But still...

Suzy Q

Hey, at least you're WEARING panties. Unlike all the skank ho celebs these days.

Congrats on your new place. Hope your entire family is enjoying it as much as you. Is Max still hiding?


Amy blogs from the suburbs! It sounds great. I think all the extra kitchen-room will make it all worth it. :)




And panties in the living room box? Nothing wrong with that. I mean, you're usually wearing panties in the living room, right? Makes perfect sense to me.

The olive oil, on the other hand, is a whole other ball of wax.


Oh, thank god you're back. I was so bored.

I will trade you your sponge-holding-thingy for my... um... tiny city kitchen which I hate.

*stews in jealousy begrudgingly mixed with happiness for you*

How is Noah taking the move? And how are the other babies?? My siamese cat always freaks out when we change ANYthing.


Welcome home.

Heather B.

That kitchen is massive. I'm jealous. And I might move in. Which means that you'd have like a live-in nanny and I'd have a kick ass kitchen. Think about it.

It really is a lovely house and HUGE.


Well done on the successful move, and the meatloaf. I can't believe you typed this whilst kneeling on the dodgy carpet! Showing your commitment to the Amalites, good on ya...


You will soooooo be cooking for a whole month and freezing it for conveinience soon - just like a good, organized and prepared for anything sububanite wife would:)


Oh man... you make me have the "moving bug" even worse than I already had it!!!!!!!

I can't wait to move again. I can't WAIT! (Shhh don't tell my kids that though - they seem to love it here).


Glad you made it through the move. I can't wait to hear all about the movers, and of course, would love to see pictures of your new place! How is Noah liking the new house? I can't imagine what an adventure it is for him.

Amy H.

YEA for the new house...gross carpet and all! I love those first few nights in a new house when it feels like you are actually in a hotel or something because you aren't used to the sounds or location of bathrooms...

how is Noah liking his new digs?


Pictures, we need pictures. Ah!


congrats on the colander space.
i'm in surburbia-land and i have my mixing bowls inside.



I don't even know why delivery/cable companies even give you a window of opportunity. They must be in a special delivery time zone that we don't know about or something.


YHEA for the move!! What time shall we all show up for the New Year's Eve party you are throwing?


Your house sounds awesome!!
As for the meatloaf, definitely will be fine to cook tonight.

And you know what is most delicious with meatloaf? Mashed potatoes. Oh, you want my version? Okay.

I love Yukon Golds because they are thin skinned and don't need peeled, unless you don't want the skin in your potatoes. Just scrub, cut and boil.

Mash as you normally would, EXCEPT -- use less milk, mix in some sour cream (or cream cheese)and chopped garlic (from a jar), plus butter, salt and pepper. It's all to taste, but start with about 1/2 cup sour cream and about a 1/2 tsp. garlic. The you can add more milk if it seems too dry.

And if you are feeling extra special and need to replenish all of those burned moving calories, you can sprinkle cheese on top and stick it in the oven for a few minutes.

Then you can grab your apron and high heels, make some martini's and meet Jason at the door.

Sorry it this was long, but I love cooking and wanted to share my family's favorite potatoes with your family.


Congrats. Can't wait to hear mover stories. At least you traded up, we remodeled our kitchen into a marvelous cooking and entertaining space, then we moved. Our new kitchen is what my wife calls a "one butt" kitchen. (Can't wait to gut this one!)


Olive oil, Tivo, and underwear in the same box -- that seems like it could have gone disastrously wrong. Congratulations on getting them all moved in safely! Oh, and I completely feel your pain regarding the carpet. I have been in my current place for seven months and I am still pissed about the effing carpet.


I am so very excited for pictures, you have no idea. I love houses and floorplans and paint and mmm.


You sound remarkably calm for someone who moved just before Christmas and made meatloaf before dawn. That justification for homicide in some states. Congrats, though...I hope there's room for a muffin pan in there, too.

Oh, and let me be the first to ask if your panties are now extra-virgin. (rim-shot)


I know you may be stressed, what with all the moving. But do you honestly mean to tell me that most people DO NOT keep their Olive Oil in the Living Room? If so, now I have to take a vaction to reorganize my house. What's next, no tampons in the mailbox?


Cable company says they'll be there "between 11 and 2?"


I recently had the gas company tell me that they would be there between '7 A.M. and Midnight.'

THAT was fun. Especially in an empty house.


Great place to find the underwear, next to the olive oil! Are you sure it wasn't a pair you used to dust the top of the tivo after you removed it from it's nesting place? Atleast you're only a day off as far as Thursday is concerned! Can't wait for pics of the new place!!

Miss Britt

When I first got my new kitchen I kept an entire cupboard for "lids". I was so stoked at my uber organizational abilities.

That cupboard is now for "lids-and-chords-and-papertowels-and-lightbulbs-and-wallflower-refills".


I, too, am eerily geeked for pictures and move stories. Hooray!

Congratulations on the move.


Congrats on the move.

I had to write in to this chat- I hope you do not mind...

Washington, D.C.: What do you think of all the Mom blogs out there? As a working Mom of a 2 1/2 year old there are a couple (Antique Mommy and Amalah) that I love. There is something comforting about reading about other Moms and the hilarity of motherhood.

Jill Hudson Neal: I really love some of the mom blogs. Dooce.com and finslippy are very fun - the writing is good and I think their tone is spot on. Can anyone out there recommend more?


hey amy! congrats on the move! sounds like you have a kitchen to die-for! i'm still living in a small-ass kitchen where yes, my colander is stuck beneath 8 other mixing bowls.


You don't have to say "oh my lands" here, remember? This is the place where you can say "holy fuck, my kitchen is spacious!" or "Jesus Christ on a cracker, my colander has its own zip code!" or even "haha, bitches, four people can fit in my kitchen at once! huzzah!"


I think panties can go in any box and seem pretty normal. . . they probably also make for nice packing material. Maybe next time I move I will use my panties instead of newspaper for glass items and such. :) But the olive oil! With the TiVo?! Oh my! I shudder thinking about the possible diaster that could have ensued!


ha! when I moved, I couldn't get my router working for the longest time, so, I bought the world's LONGEST ethernet cord! Seriously, it goes all over the apartment! it just looks trashy as hell!

Wacky Mommy

Yay! Enjoy the meatloaf and the new place.

Mary Tsao

Congratulations on your new place! Hey, if there's room for colanders and measuring spoons, it sounds wonderful.


I totally hate you because you have a sponge cubby!!! that is the one thing I totally forgot I needed when re-doing our kitchen, now everytime i have to throw a shitty sponge UNDER my sink, I curse myself for being so stupid and forgetting something I circled and talked about for MONTHS, MOOONNNTHHHSSSS.

Congrats on the house and all, but I'm still gonna hate you for having a sponge cubby. BITCH.


Trainwrecks are getting their asses reamed.


Congrats on the new townhouse!!!!And way to go on the meatloaf! I have mahi mahi in my fridge. I love making dinner in the morning. I'm such a nerd, I asked for a crockpot for the hannukah!

Salsa Queen

Brag about all that kichen space now Amy. In six short months...maybe sooner...you will be bitching about how there is no cupboard space in your kitchen! It happens to the best of us! Welcome home Amalah family, welcome home.


My colander is stuck in a stack of about four or five mixing bowls and it's never bothered me before. But suddenly now I feel an extreme sense of jealousy that your colander has its very own shelf. I gotta have that someday.




Honey, that's impressive! Too damn impressive. Almost Stepford-like. Am scared for you. Hold me.

Congrats on the move, can't wait for the stories.


Congrats on finding underwear! ;-) (I guess that is one drawback to having someone pack for you, huh?)

Your kitchen sounds wonderful. What did you make to go with the meatloaf?


Ok I am finally de-lurking.

Those sponge things are awesome!
It was totally the reason I moved into my new place!

Congrats on your move to you new home.


YAY Amalah, Babalah & Jasonlah! Happy new home to you! Oh shoot, I forgot the dogalah and catalah. Any other animals/people you haven't blogged about who made the move?

Anyhoooo have fun settling into the new home. Happy holidays!

Maxine Dangerous

Just don't cook. Whee, small kitchen problems solved ... aside from a surplus of pizza boxes and other takeout containers. :)

Congrats on your successful move. Hope everyone is settling in okay. :)


Congrats on the move!


Oh, come on, we want MOVER STORIES! No really, congratulations on the move. You sound really happy with your new place! Is the cat hiding? My cat hid for like three days when we moved in here.

P.S. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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