And all I really want is a *bleep* in a box
An Inauspicious Start

This one goes out to my peeps at Time Magazine

Thanks for naming me (and the millions of other jackasses out there with a camcorder and Windows Movie Maker) Person of the Year. If you aren't regretting that call already, you will be after you see this:

the exisitential dilemma of pet videos on Vimeo

Music: Ben Folds, Rockin' the Suburbs

I gave the pets some catnip, a fuzzy mouse and a peanut butter Kong for Christmas, and then I videotaped them doing pretty much nothing for a bizarrely long time. And then I put EVERY MINUTE OF IT on the Internet. The end.


kim at allconsuming

I'm first!!!! Comment to follow


damn you kim!!


Um, is Max HUGE or is Ceiba tiny?! I can't decide...

Also, you could roast a sucking pig on that fire.

kim at allconsuming

OK - I'm digging the laminate. I watched the whole damn thing simply because I love Ben Folds, was trying to comprehend that you own gold shoes and was in awe that you have a cat and dog that co-exist. We have a cat and two dogs and while the dogs would LOVE to just lick that cute furry thing to death, the cat would prefer to scratch their eyes out and probably eat them in a sandwich of tuna treats.

Happy Birthday too!

and congrats on the move! (I am still VERY impressed with the timeframe in which you did this AND that it was just before Christmas - you should be bleeding this for far more glory and accolades than you have been.)



Laying on the floor lol letting my puppy watch the movie with me he loves it!


I love it. You're testing the limits of what we'll take as content and we're just gonna lap it right up aren't we. Maybe I'll only watch it three times.

Nice flooring. And song choice.

kim at allconsuming

OK, the level of stoked-ness I am feeling on being first is an indication of just how pathetic my life has become.


I liked it when Max swiped Ceiba's Kong right out of her mouth. That was cool. Max is cool.


I just love the fact that your cat is 2 1/2 times the size of your dog. It's somehow so fitting.


Effing AWESOME. There just are no other wordz.


Please provide more information on the cute gold shoes.


It sure *is* hard being male, middle class and white. These pesky ovaries make it pretty much impossible.


Wow. I just spent 4 minutes 58 seconds watching your pets not do much. That's a bit odd really. Though I did rather like the shot of Ceiba prostrated before the fire in flame-worship mode.


lol @ drunk pussy


I am really questioning my sanity because I watched this whole thing and even popped along with it. Your cat looked like he really enjoyed the cat nip.


oops that was really supposed to say i bopped along with it OOPS


WAIT! I thought I was person of the year. GOSH!


Max and Ceiba look like they're rockin' the burbs just fine. Nothing like a little catnip and peanut butter to ease the transition! But, those gold shoes...I didn't even know they were ALLOWED in the suburbs! Is it a 'burban' gangsta thing?

Ooh, can we all be your peeps??


That has to be about the most hillarious thing I have seen in a long time! All your little wordings had me laughing out loud! I LOVE that Max is twice as big as Ceiba!!! So very cute! :)


Awesomely hysterical. Nice shoes!


That was cute. Happy Birthday to you, and congrats on your move :)


You're awesome.


So the laminate's grown on you, right? heh. Our dog has a cong and he just adores the thing. It's a little scary ;-)


The goldlady grandma shoes are Michael Kors, via Bluefly. Super comfortable. And they're on sale now.



And that is why you were voted person of the year! Those captions were a riot.

I love catnip (and sometimes I even give it to the cat!). Ceiba is just the cutest flying hamster mine eyes have ever seen.


Sweet little, tiny, baby jesus, that is one large kitty! Or is Ceiba just really small? I can't decide.

Loves the gold shoes.


Love the video! Now you have me thinking about saying "Forget the hubby's allergies! I wants me a kitty!" Kitties on catnip are a happy thing!

Mrs. Davis

That is the BEST song ever. Especially for a video of your pets at the new house.

Nicole P.

I like your vicious attack Max. He's all "Damn you, Ceiba! The catnip is mine. All miiiinnnnneeee!!"

And fess up, you have a gold tooth to match your shoes, Ms. Gangsta of the Burbs, dontcha?!

"Mah Grillz have mad Vimeo skillz, y'all." - direct imaginary quote from Gangsta Amalah


That? Is awesome! How are the pets adjusting to the new digs? Is Max the type of cat to hide until he feels comfy or does is rub his face on everything right away and mark it as his own as he explores the new territory?


Amalah, my husband would like to know what kind of video camera you have as your video looks really good. I quote: "The color is good, the image isn't washed out, and it doesn't _look_ like a home video."


I just have to tell you how awesome you are. AND, totally gangsta fresh.


The credits slayed me.


Heeeeeeeee, that was awesome. And I'm about to move temporarily into a house that has FOUR dogs even tinier than Ceiba. And my two cats? Not tiny. Not tiny at all. They could eat those dogs like Tic-Tacs. Awesomeness will clearly abound. AND we get to have all four dogs and my two cats in a car from NJ to Georgia tomorrow. Um. Help.

Sarah L.

Why couldn't I look away? And just for the record: Where's Noah? Who said we need pets? All we need is Noah.

Miss S

i am very impressed with the obivious amount of pinot noir.


happy birthday! it always feels good to be gangsta... great song / movie / shoes? okay, there is a sort of ballarina esque to the shoes, I will give you that, but gangsta needs some tims... (timberlines)

PS..... love! love!love! the captions during the movie......


Alright, I'll ask the geeky question: What kind of camera do you have? Easy to upload onto the computer? How big a file is, say, a movie of your pets, complete with captions?

I can think of no better reason for camcorders to exist than babies and cats. (Dogs too, I suppose.) :)


That was pretty painful, but proved a VALID point sister!! I only watched as long as I did b/c I love the song, and your floors ROCK! :)


Love the video! I just sat here cracking up. Could be the bottle of Pinot I just consumed!


Um. I love Pinot Noir. And Sealpoint Siamese. And mini pinschers. I'm not sure if that's the actual order.

Dude. Best. Pet video. Ever.

Also? WAY TO CLEAN UP ON CHRISTMAS, NOAH. You keep rockin' the cute, blonde haircut, you'll keep cleaning up at holidays and birthdays. Seriously. Speaking of which, Happy Birthday Amy! Hope Jason got you something fun! *snickers and thinks dirty thoughts*


Oh but you did it with cute gold shoes on, making it all the more fantastic!

mr nice guy

i, a fellow TIME person of the year, salute you.


that.was.awesome. and you wear shoes when you're
drinking at home. shoes we all love.


Holy S&%T, I thought that was a real mouse for a second. Happy New Year in the new digs!


Your cat is, like cross-eyed.

But still adorable, so whatever.


Bitchin' gold shoes.

And I f*cking loved the video. What the hell is wrong with us that we don't even have the pinot noir as an excuse for enjoying it?

Have a Happy New Year!


You are a genius!


That's hilarious.


OMG your video was awesome... I think if I took a video of my grandmother's Yorkie humping his baby comforter (yeah he went from teddy bears to baby comforters...sicko!) it might be too graphic but yours rocks!!


The pets! They are alive! So, the captions? Completely made that movie worth it. I may just watch it again.


That was awesome!
I love that song, and your gold shoes. And Max is such a gangsta.

Where was Noah during all of this?

Flo-Queen of the Bad Mommies

I love that Ceiba keeps trying to figure out what the hell Max has, and whether it's better than what she (he? so sorry, bad with pet gender) has or not.

I think you should send this to George Will.


Love the whole thing - thank god for your humor! PS: LOVE the shoes, WANT the shoes!


I think there's been some sort of mistake. I won that award. I've already given my acceptance speach on my blog and Wil Wheaton even stopped by to acknowledge it. And that pretty much seals it, no?


Hey, merry happy belated Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa whatever birthday!


How are Max and Ceiba handling their newfound celebritydom? :)

I could make an inappropriate comment here about Britney and pussy and the interweb, but I won't. For Max's sake :)


Im in ur website watchin your movie!

Also, if his full name really is Maximillian Thunderdome, that's very possibly the best. Cat name. EVER.

Ceiba is cute, and that picture of her stretched out in front of the fire made me laugh. Just me that thought that looked like some kind of Playboy mansion pose? First Noah in his robe, then Ceiba by the fire... You should be on the cover next!



Your movie was tight, yo.

Keep it rizeal.

Peace in yo (suburban) hood.


your animals are adorable! however; your camera skills made me take a motion sickness pill.


Heh heh. Funny. Fu-nny. FUN-ny.


And I watched the whole They do seem happier in the burbs!


That was hilarious! Without sound! Now I gotta watch it at home where I HAVE sound. Love your shoes!


Oh, also, and love your fireplace and floors!


That's so weird. My mom told me she was Time's person of the year and should be worshipped as such.

Great shoes!


Your floors look like mine. Only maybe cleaner.

Cute critters. Awesome shoes. I'm repeating everyone else because it's hard to be original when you are the 56th comment. Anyone after 10 is bound to sound like a comment stealing chump.

Oh, great. Now I'm the 57th comment.

Black Belt Mama

Just getting caught up after missing a few entries. Took the tour of your house and it looks so nice. You're going to LOVE that yard in the spring and summer-fenced in and perfect for little Noah.

Congrats on the new digs.


okay that was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

And imagine my 21 month old totally rocking out and nodding his head like that bad Will Smith song, nod your head!!

How drunk were you when you made that?


Hey, yesterday's comments are closed but wanted to tell you happy b-day. I'm a 12/26 girl myself.

So -- did you get The Combo Gift from anyone this year? Gotta love the combo gift, huh?


Two nights ago I bought catnip mice for my cat, Reno(who looks exactly like Max), then video taped him rolling all over the floor (exactly like Max). If I knew how to upload it I would prove it to you.

You didn't happen to buy a betta fish or two at the pet store did you? That would be too much.

Nice shoes.


Did you see the blogger chick they interviewed on 20/20 tonight? I was just thinking that they totally should have interviewed you instead :)

kim at allconsuming

Oh. Well. If they're Michael Kors...

Jenny H.

I am wondering... how do you get your Kat to do that???

Just curious, because mine will not do JACK SHIT!!!!!


Maria P.

That is an exceptionally boring video ;) but your pets are cute and you have great floors.


What I love about Time's choice is that it's bestowed upon all the "little people" who have made the Internet such a dynamic place. You, me, your mom, all of us! Very cool way to end the year.


how many of us went to bluefly and then decided to google "gold flats" to see if we could find a knockoff pair because it is a week after Christmas...need I say more


I want a siamese cat!!!

God Bless,


You have nice flooring.


Ha! Your cat is high.

Loved seeing some shots of the new digs too. I hope you guys are all feeling more settled.


1. My goodness that is a long (but hysterical) video!

2. Good grief Max is a chubster!! I love him!!

3. Those shoes are rockin'! Where did you find them?

Happy New Year to you & the fam!


A: Damn, I thought Time was talking just to me! And, 2: I would kill for your laminate floors. We bought our house from an old lady that carpeted the whole damn house in dusty rose carpets. (Dusty rose levolor blinds as well.)


How much does Max weigh? He looks like a 12-15lb cat. my boys are 10, 13, and 17lbs :)


That video just cracked me up! In my house we call catnip "kitty crack" because in some cats, it makes them "high"! Mine act the same way when they get it and we howl with laughter every time. Yes we are easily amused. Wine makes it funnier. Love the shoes and the floor. Happy New Year!


Brilliant, Oscar worthy.
Happy New Year!!


thanks for shots of the pets, even if they don't do anything, you know, cool or anything. Get a cat high and that's what it does? Pathetic.


Happy New Year and all BUT please! post soon!


I love the gold flats. :) Happy New Year!

Bethany Coffey

That was great. Mostly because of the ben folds but it's nice to know that Max and Cieba are rockin the suburbs!!!!


Um, just commenting to say that I had very similar gold flats in the early 90s. It still cracks me up that flats have even come back! Seeing your flats brought back a lot of memories from my college years! I am definitely feeling my age right now.


Um, just commenting to say that I had very similar gold flats in the early 90s. It still cracks me up that flats have even come back! Seeing your flats brought back a lot of memories from my college years! I am definitely feeling my age right now.


Minus the lack of any resemblance of a was hilarious. :-)


You are a blogging revolutionary! ;)

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