i have to say this, it's in my cnontract....First?

Did I miss something? What's with the picture of Ted from Airplane? It's been several years since my last screening, but I can't remember the connection...am I a big giant nerd for asking that?

If it makes you feel any better, I do that too. Totally fine and normal but then I catch sight of those white Dr coats or the nurse's shoes and I lose my ever-lovin' mind.
But the kids are still alive and in my care so it must not be too bad. Right?

Love the airplane pic. Noah is very handsome boy, and I can't wait to have one of my own. Except, well, one that looks like a clone of my husband not yours, because then family members will be looking for the mailman. I appreciate that you can just be honest and candid about your approach to motherhood, because I don't feel like I'm the only one out there who doesn't think my baby should speak more languages than I do - unless, of course, he can negotiate better prices on things from Cabo San Lucas, in that case, that'll work.

OMG Amy... he's even cuter NOW with his "lil man" look instead of "lol boy"! /sigh I miss those days!

Regular cup = spills = more work for you. Of course you wouldn't give him a regular cup, you're smart.

He does get cuter every day! Love those jammies!

I took my 6 year old in today and I still feel like this. Is she able to do everything asked? Is she up to date on shots? Does she weigh to much? To little? Believe me, it never ends. ((HUGS))

Damn fine job on a damn fine kid.

WOW, does he look like you in that picture! It's almost like looking at the picture of young Amalah from your header. Freaky cool!

Jesus Kuh-riced! Breathe, Amy. Breathe.

And I thought *I* was a spaz...

you mean a cup without a lid? Ah crap.

I must say, put that giggling Noah photo next to your adorable baby pic and holy mother or Noah!

Hell, *I* can barely drink from a cup without spilling!

My oldest son didn't visit the ER till he was 16 and the rope swing broke in the jungle gulch behind our house... o sweet jesus, waiting for my husband to run down there and scope things out and revive him (my son! was! unconscious!) and carry him out of there was the LONGEST FIVE MINUTES OF MY LIFE. I made all kinds of promises to all kinds of deities during those five minutes. Maybe I sold my soul! It was THAT scary.

Of course, he was fine--a mild concussion and a few stitches--but I learned anew how deep and intense my fears are for my kids. Motherhood for neurotics is a long, strange, scary trip, isn't it? But from here, Amy, it sounds like you've got the fundamentals down pat. You're doing a great job, and the proof is right there in your lap, or under the table trolling for Cheerios, or chasing Dogalah around the living room. Noah is perfect... but you already knew that, didn't you? :o) Hugs from Hawai`i...

Noah is in good shape. Professional mothers make me want to hit them upside the head with their flashcards. BTW, my 3YO is not much more beyond 25 lbs. Skinny, but healthy and energetic so I don't worry about it. He quit eating at 18 months and hasn't really taken it up again.

Ok, I'm freaking out right now and I'm just sitting on the couch. My son is not yet 10 months old and he is BIGGER than Noah. He exceeds 95th percentile for height and weight and we know those charts are the gospel of good mothering. OHMYGOD, I've got a giant freak baby. He's 28lbs and 32 inches. Oh yeah...and he isn't crawling yet. And even if there's nothing wrong with him at all...I'm still gonna feel guilty about it.

I just barely started giving my three year old a cup without a lid, but she's only allowed to use it AT THE TABLE WHILE IN A SITTING POSITION.

ps- Noggin's catchphrase is "Preschool on TV," which makes it alllll ok.

The cup thing? Waaaay overrated. My 17 month old insists she gets to because her older sisters get to drink from a big girl cup at the table.

This means mopping after every freaking meal, and now her feet stick out from under the full-body bib I have her in, so no socks while drinking.

Bleah... try working on it this summer with cups of water in the back yard. Until then, again... BLEAH!

What a great post! I didn't get to the only semi-freaked out stage until the 3rd kid. By this point, I figure that if all 3 are still alive, eat a couple times a day and are relatively clean, I'm not doing too bad. But I still have freak-outs at the doctor's office. Because the body part knowing skills are lacking in this household as well.

I TOTALLY had the distended belly fear-mostly because my child eats no vegetables, and seemed to also be knock-kneed. So I was convinced he had rickets. And at the 18 month visit with my only-sort-of-talking child, I was already asking questions about autism. Of course by 2 he had a full vocabulary-I only had to introduce a sibling to spur the talking...

Fingerpaints are awesome! If you get the crayola washables ones. You just strip them down to their diapers and then strap them into their booster/high chair and tape the paper down. I actually only tried it because I thought my kid was the only kid NOT doing it and I thought "no! My child will not be behind the rest of the world with the fingerpainting!" but it turns out very few of our friends are doing it. She loves it though..and it's fairly neat when you tape the paper down and then march their dirty butts right up to the bath afterwards.

But on all the rest of the stuff..been there done that! You do a great job!

This post made me laugh out loud - thanks for sharing! When my son was 18 months old, the pediatrician predicted (based on his measurements that day) that he would be a six-foot-seven, 180 pound adult. Think the gangliest NBA player you've ever seen...

Are you my clone? I have 4 children, two of which are GROWN, and I'm still the same way. Give me a break - does it ever end?

P.S. He is adorable, handsome and looks perfectly normal to me.

I think the crazy question thing is a east cost thing. None of my west cost friends ever get asked about blocks or cup drinking.

See there? See that picture? Just look how unhealthy, how malnourished, how underdeveloped he is. Why would you post such a thing?

What a punkin! You do know they wrote 'PERFECT' all over that chart after you left, huh?

Tee- I do the same thing. Especially with my first, I'd completely panic and then overcompensate by boasting loudly about how great my daughter was while they asked me those questions. Now, at my third? Yeah, the doctor asked me some questions and I had NO IDEA what the answer was. "Can he say 'mama'?" Ummmm...probably? I think so. I dunno, really. I can't even really hear you, doc, over the other 2 kids. "When did he start trying to pull himself to standing?" WHAT??? (while spinning around and seeing him pulling himself up on the doctor's chair...)

I hate those guidelines. I know why they're there, but darn it, they cause so much stress!

Ya know, when I read that you never called the doc's after-hours answering service, I thought, "A thousand blessings on you and your generations forevermore". Because I could just strangle those people who seem to think that I'm sitting at a computer with nothing better to do than discuss a rash over the phone. (I can't see it. Really, I can't. And it's 3 AM. Shut up.) The doctor on call has worked A Very Long Day and has Another Very Long Day ahead of her, and the milk of human kindness has often run quite dry by the tenth call for "forgotten" Vicodin scripts.

Anyway.

Where was I going besides hijacking your blog?

Oh yes.

Then I died laughing at your panic at the well child visit. I had no idea parents did this. To me, all those questions say Yes, I am a Very Smart Doctor, and taking Very Good Care of your child, see all my Documentation of Very Important Milestones?

I didn't realize that it felt like the Gestapo on the other side.

How can I make this easier for ya'll? (Heck, I don't even have kids. I just read off the chart to see what they should be doing. And then I give parenting advice! Hah! ROFL.)

Thanks for letting me know why I get deer-in-headlights looks sometimes. I had no idea.

That photo from Airplane made me laugh out loud.

Once again, you hit the nail on the head.

And like Mrs. Q above me, the scene from Airplane made me chortle insanely to myself.

My best friend picks up her kid's pacifier off the floors of restaurants and gives it right back to him (much to the disapproval of nearby patrons). And you know what? He's still never been sick a day in his life.

all i care about is if my kids can mix a sweet cocktail by the age of five.

then i know they can survive college.

All hail the "good enough mothers". Can we have a club?

My daughter had a 'obligatory' medical appointment with the regional doctor just before she was to admitted to grade 1.

She was feeling goofy that day but the doctor was seriously without humour and because daughter didn't feel like speaking properly the doctor "COMMANDED" an appointment with a speech therapist for a check up.

I ignored the command because I knew perfectly well that my daughter was "taking the piss". Then I got a letter in the mail from the school board that said "GET YOU TO THE SPEECH THERAPIST OR FEEL OUR WRATH".

God.

So we went and wasted my time and the speech therapists time but at least the school board is off my back now...

How can you say he's perfectly average when he's OBVIOUSLY extraordinarily cute?

Ha! Isn't it the truth how the dr's can make you flip right the hell out when you *know* your kid is ok? Mine wouldn't stack blocks, but I have a photo of him stacking LeapFrog magnetic letters 13 high (they don't magnetize when stacked, so it's good). Mine had *just barely* started to walk before his appt (right at the end of the "acceptable range for walking") and the dr wanted to see him again in 6m because she wasn't happy with his gait. He'd just started!! Dr's don't understand how messed up they can make Mom's feel. You know your kid better than they do.

I hate to be the one to tell you this (though judging by the bazillion comments above, I might not be the only one to do this), but while you have a point to make in tantrums being part of the language development journey, those tantrums will likely continue even after he's perfectly able to tell you why the hell he doesn't want his goddamn shoes on.

Love your stuff,
Mike

My 4 year-old sister refused to talk until she was nearly 3. Everyone was so worried, but my dad said it was probably a good thing because when she did start talking (which she did) she would never shut up (which she doesn’t). Until then, she just used “No” and “Coke” which seem to suit every situation in which verbal communication was necessary. Oh, and for nearly a year, the only thing she would eat was Spicy Doritos, apple juice and ranch dressing. Despite her eating habits, she’s a perfectly healthy little girl who loves to challenge my dad to push-up contests. Noah seems to be a bright, healthy ABDORABLE child. He makes me want one of my own. But only if I could guarantee to have one that cute! ~ L

GREAT post today! A healthy dose of 'chill the F out' for us all! Thanks for sharing...

My 14 month old says one word: Ball. By now, his sister could say many more words, including animal noises and body parts.

I'm a ball, the car is a ball, his sister is a ball and that thing between his legs near his weiner is also a ball.

Well, he got one of them right.

I fell prey to all crap when my oldest was entering pre-K. He went a year early because he was speech delayed (he's right on track now) and the teacher marked him down for not being able to use a pair of scissors. SCISSORS. I calmly explained to her that was because I've never given him a pair of scissors. I've found that tactic works for me every time.

Well Noah has my boy beat...at 18 months he was 22 pounds and only 31 1/4"....same stats as his 12 month check up!

When my sister was 2 (we're 15 years apart), I sat her down on the tile floor naked with finger paints. I framed the end result for our mom on mother's day. 15 years later it still hangs in her office. She gets asked all the time who the artist is! Give him the finger paints!

Did you watch Notes from the Underbelly?

Very funny as always. And true. My friend is a physical therapist who works just with infants and kids. She said to me, your son has great gross motor skills. I guess she would know. This was before I remember what she did for a living so I thought it was an odd comment.

Can I say that my son at 2 3/4 can leap from one chair to the couch? My husband lets him jump off of the couch. Ugh.

He looks so much like you in that picture.

I had to laugh because as a Mom for the second time around, I should know about the 15 month appointment, but I still didn't take her. I wanted to wait on the vaccine and knew they'd pressure me so I thought screw it. It's not like we haven't been there for the winter sick season of hell enough this winter.

OMG, tears rolling down my checks... must link this to my blog...

It is funny how competitive we become when we are under pressure. I obsessed for days when everyone we knew said 'oh yeah my kid can count to 10 and even 20.' My son counts like this - 1, 2... 5, 6 long pause 11. Then he moves on. I would hound him every time I saw him counting out numbers from 1-20. Then I realized 'WTF am I doing? Who cares what my son can do versus another child.'

It really does not matter at this age AND he is a beautiful, bright, and loving two year. He will learn to count, and he will learn to poop in the potty and he will learn to catch a ball - when he is ready to do those things.

Thanks for the honest and hysterical post! You are the best :)

I'm sure someone quicker than me already said this... but... you should totally frame this picture of Noah next to the one of you that is used in the header/sidebar/profile thingy. He looks just like you, and it is ADORABLE!

Congrats on the healthy little man!

Um, did the doc mean spilling the cup on accident or on purpose? On purpose seems to happen here a lot. Oh, and my doc never asks about milestones like that. I think now I am going to overobsess and get a new pediatrician.

Typical first time mommy syndrome. Dont feel bad we have all been there and all thought our kid was retarded at one point. I know I was constantly worried with my first one but now I am pro..haha. I cant even tell you how much my 5 month old weighs and I have no idea what milestone he should met next. He is fed and happy and normal. Done.

Good Heavens! If I could give Matt a sippy cup at 14 yrs old I would. Giving a toddler a real cup?
Why not just give him some silly string and a gallon of bubbles ? Make sure when Noah tries out the big boy cup that he does it at the doctors ofc. He is adorable !

This is just the first of many moments when you will second guess your parenting and second guess your child and then draw the conclusion that there must be a great big conspiracy to ensure that your progeny's true gifts are under appreciated. Just wait for school...it's sooo exhausting.

Noah is adorable! My son was 29 lbs at his 18 month checkup. he is now 21 months and weighs 30 lbs. I would say that your son is faaaaar from underweight. ha!

Anyway, I am coming out of lurkdom to say hello since I blogged about you on Friday. Figured it's only fair.

Never once, while raising my son, did I question if he was developing normally compared to other kids. Maybe a small difference between men & women there. He talks, he walks and on the weekends runs wild with the wolves in the back yard. All is good.

Before entering kindergarden, I made sure he knew the alphabet, all his numbers, could tie his shoes, knew his address, could write out his own name and read books for his age group.

Everything else was a bonus.

He has grown up to be a fine young man that I am so proud of.

Just raise him well.

Life will take care of the rest.