On having a boy
April 06, 2007
I wanted a girl.
Oh, God. It HURTS to type that. To admit that. It's one those big secrets of motherhood that nobody ever talks about, right up there with pooping on the delivery table. That you even had a preference in the first place, much less that you had a strong preference and cried when you found out you weren't getting what you wanted. Like I did. Oh, God.
And then I spent the rest of my pregnancy feeling so guilty about it and alternating between "oh shit, I'm having a boy" and "oh shit, I don't deserve to have this boy because what kind of horrible mother thinks that way?"
I wanted a girl for all the normal stupid reasons -- the clothes! the hairbows! she'll be my best friend and we'll go shopping! -- and because I felt so incredibly incapable of raising a boy. A BOY. With sports and bugs and aiming at Cheerios in the potty and...yeah. That was about the extent of my boy-raising knowledge.
Probably still is, actually.
My friends tried to tell me how amazing little boys were -- how incredibly precious and special the mother-son bond can be -- and I smiled wanly but secretly remained entirely unconvinced. Not because I didn't like little boys or anything, or because I doubted that my son would be precious and special -- but because I just doubted myself, plain and simple. I doubted my ability to love and adapt and just DO this motherhood thing.
I probably would have done the same thing if I knew I was having a girl, too. I would have just found something else to fixate on. I was wholeheartedly committed to allowing anxiety to rule my pregnancy, pretty much.
And then Noah was born. And they put him in my arms and every cliche in the book hit me like a ton of bricks. A ton of bricks cemented to the grill of a Mack truck. A Mack truck that was towing the Empire State Building.
Just...love. Primal, crazy love. And it was like someone let me in on this Great Big Secret. Little boys! The mother-son bond! It's so precious and special!
Why didn't anyone TELL me?
Ha.
Noah is such a boy. SUCH a boy. He owns dolls and sweet fluffy stuffed animals. He tosses them aside in favor of toy cars and blocks and soccer balls. We go on nature walks and I show him flowers and butterflies. And he couldn't care less, because look! Dirt! Rocks! Trucks! Yanes!
And it all delights me to no end. This boy! This amazing little boy. My buddy, my clown, my sweet son who climbs into my lap for kisses and gives the best hugs in the world. And then begs me to chase him around the house while making stompy dinosaur noises.
I know one day we probably won't be so close. Mothers and sons aren't supposed to be too close, right? Nobody wants a mama's boy. Nobody trusts a man who still worships his mother. He needs to grow up and away from me, even though I doubt I will ever stop craving everything about him. His face. His dimple. His laugh. His chubby body and his full-tilt-boogie bear hugs that come at 100 toddler miles an hour.
Having a boy is the most amazing, precious and special thing. You can see the years stretch out before you, full of sports and bugs and inevitable heartbreak, and you know it will all be over in the blink of an eye. But it doesn't matter. I don't doubt my ability to love and adapt anymore. He's my son, and he's everything I ever wanted in the world.
Friends of ours are expecting their first baby in August and just found out it's a boy. I clapped my hands with joy when I heard, because oh, they're in for the best time.
(Totally Random PS: Any DC locals attending or thinking of attending the Taste of the Nation event on Monday? You should TOTALLY go. Good food, a great cause -- and I'll be there and probably drunk off my ass in a most undignified fashion. What more could you want on a Monday night?)
So sweet! I'm so excited about the future with my little boy!
Posted by: Becca | April 06, 2007 at 12:21 PM
Oh Amy, that was so sweet! I love hearing about living with a little boy.
I also love food! I wish my town had events like Taste of the Nation. Have a glass of wine for me!
Posted by: Sarah Marie | April 06, 2007 at 12:21 PM
WOW! I'm 15 weeks pregnant, and founf out it's a boy at week 8... I was heartbroken...I really wanted a gril..and now I feel very guilty for feeling like that!
But after reading that I feel a lot more at ease!
and can't wait to meet the little guy!
Thanks
Posted by: Fernanda | April 06, 2007 at 12:22 PM
Amy, I am so glad you wrote this. I am due to give birth to my first child, a baby BOY, in just 7 weeks.
I have to admit that I, too, wanted a little girl. And I was disappointed when I found out he was, well, a "he." I still don't know how good of a mama I'll be to a boy, but I'm sure that I'll adore him.
Thank you for this post. I have so much to look forward to. :)
Posted by: Kelly | April 06, 2007 at 12:26 PM
My son (he's 3) told me I am a beautiful princess and he is going to marry me. Boys are awesome! My daughters never said that kind of stuff to me. I'm sure my son won't always want to marry me, but hopefully he will always think I am a beautiful princess!
Posted by: tori | April 06, 2007 at 12:29 PM
I have been so ashamed of myself since we had the definitive sonogram at 24 weeks and found out. And I cried in line waiting for my burrito afterward.
I knew I was crazy then, but I couldn't help myself. And 8 and a half months later? I really how truly crazy that was. I don't think any girl could match the love and joy I have experienced with my son.
Thank you for writing this.
Posted by: Tamara | April 06, 2007 at 12:34 PM
Boys are dope. I highly recommend them.
Posted by: Kelly | April 06, 2007 at 12:35 PM
That is good to read. I am 12 weeks pregnant and part of me really wants a girl. I wondered if I'd be sad if we have a boy, but now I don't think I will! Plus I do know from my nephews that dragging each other around on the wood floors while riding a blanket-sled is an awesome game, but my nieces think it has too much potential for injury.
Posted by: Joceline | April 06, 2007 at 12:37 PM
even if he's just a sparkle in my eye right now, i've always wished for a boy. sugar and spice is fine and dandy, but seriously, not much can compete with puppydog tails.
Posted by: cadiz12 | April 06, 2007 at 12:40 PM
I've always heard that little boys worship their mothers, and therefore, I have always wanted to have a boy. But I think that part of that is also insecurity about raising a girl - if she is half the brat I was, I don't know if I could handle it.
Posted by: Lori | April 06, 2007 at 12:46 PM
I'm a girly girl and I never thought I would have anything other than a girl. I was so excited about all the PINK! and all the cute DRESSES! It's such a silly reason to want a girl, but that's how I felt. Plus, I have a sister and I've never been around little boys. I have no idea what to do with them. Well, I'm due with my first baby in July, and we're having a boy. I tried to pretend like it didn't bother me b/c that would make me "bad" mom, but I was disappointed. Thank you for this post. It makes me feel better to read that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling.
Posted by: Luba | April 06, 2007 at 12:48 PM
I've never commented before but I truly enjoy your blog. You're like my faux mommy friend without even knowing it, since most of my friends are still single. Anyway, I too had a boy just a few weeks older than Noah but I wanted one. I have a tricky relationship with my mom as do most women I know and I had always heard about the special son/mother bond. He'll eventually grow up and move away and no doubt date women that I will never quite approve of (kidding!) but in the meantime I get to experience the rough-and-tumble hugs and bugs glory of true boyhood. Of course, he is growing up to be a Daddy's boy, but that's okay too.
Posted by: Kendall | April 06, 2007 at 12:48 PM
As fellow mom of a 3 year old boy and soon to be (only 6 weeks left!) mom of another boy, I wholeheartedly agree. With my son, I didn't know what I was having and didn't care. With this baby, I really wanted a girl, but when they told me it was a boy, I wasn't disappointed (much to my surprise)! I am so thrilled to have another little boy to cuddle with in the morning, and to clean the layers of dirt off of in the evening!
Posted by: Elizabeth | April 06, 2007 at 12:49 PM
Honestly, I swore that I wouldn't know what to do with a girl. I wanted a BOY sooooooooo (it goes on) badly that it hurt. But you know, I got a GIRL! She is 18 months old, stubborn beyond belief and staunchly refuses to talk...but I love her to death. I had a grueling labor and delivery (mercifully short, but induced, so hellish nonetheless) and the first words from my mouth were "She's so worth it"...my next words were I want a steak.
Amy, I can relate to you completely.
Posted by: Nichole | April 06, 2007 at 12:50 PM
I was a single mother of 2 girls until they were 10 and 9. All estrogen household -- until the boy came along. We were SO "OMG -- what are we going to do with a BOY? With a PENIS! He's going to throw off the estrobalance in the house! Eek! And then....While I was going through the rebellious teen years with my daughters and feeling oh so alone and desperate, my son gave me the best gift ever: love, love love. From all directions. In all forms, shapes and sizes. He didn't love me because I was a good mom or I was doing the right thing all of the time. He never judged me. He just loved me because I existed. He offered all of himself, all the time. He trusted me to love him back and to take care of him. He kept me grounded and anchored and feeling more love than I could have known. Unconditional love. The way it's supposed to be. No inhibitions, no fear. I know that's how ALL children are. But somehow it's even more pronounced between boys and their mamas. I don't know how to explain it -- my girls and I are actually close after all of that (bad divorce). But they, too, have strong feelings for their little bro -- we all melt when we talk about that boy. He's OUR sunshine.
Posted by: Divina | April 06, 2007 at 12:52 PM
After two girls who would actually stay in one place when put there, a boy was hard for me to swallow. Now? He just turned 3 and I am so glad he waited to be last. We worship each other on a daily basis and I can't imagine life without him. I won't let him play football and he will make sure to take care of me in my old age. He tells everyone, "I Mama's boy-fiend."
Posted by: Miss Hope | April 06, 2007 at 12:54 PM
I was a single mother of 2 girls until they were 10 and 9. All estrogen household -- until the boy came along. We were SO "OMG -- what are we going to do with a BOY? With a PENIS! He's going to throw off the estrobalance in the house! Eek! And then....While I was going through the rebellious teen years with my daughters and feeling oh so alone and desperate, my son gave me the best gift ever: love, love love. From all directions. In all forms, shapes and sizes. He didn't love me because I was a good mom or I was doing the right thing all of the time. He never judged me. He just loved me because I existed. He offered all of himself, all the time. He trusted me to love him back and to take care of him. He kept me grounded and anchored and feeling more love than I could have known. Unconditional love. The way it's supposed to be. No inhibitions, no fear. I know that's how ALL children are. But somehow it's even more pronounced between boys and their mamas. I don't know how to explain it -- my girls and I are actually close after all of that (bad divorce). But they, too, have strong feelings for their little bro -- we all melt when we talk about that boy. He's OUR sunshine.
Posted by: Divina | April 06, 2007 at 12:54 PM
I had the exact same feelings as you except the opposite gender. I wanted a boy. I wanted a boy so badly that I knew I would get a girl. But I still wanted that boy. I dreamed of him. I had fun fantasies in my head about him. Then, on the day of the sonogram, I had to mourn the loss of that little boy I wanted to bad. My doctor announced it was a girl. A perfectly healthy little girl. I cried. It's not that I didn't want my little girl. I just really wanted that little boy in my dreams too. I felt guilty all the way up until the day she was born that I wanted a boy. I didn't resent her. I just felt so guilty that I had had a preference and that preference wasn't a girl. But just like your situation, all that went away when she was born. She's my little girl and I love her more than I could have ever imagined. She just turned 1. It was the most amazing year of my life. It just goes to show that we don't always know what we want or need. Life if full of unexpected surprises. That's what makes it so great. I loved this entry. It made my day. Have a wonderful Easter weekend.
Posted by: Stacie | April 06, 2007 at 12:54 PM
You captured what it's like having a little boy perfectly! I have a 2 year old, who also gives the best hugs and kisses in the world! When I look in on him before going to bed, my heart melts because who knew I could expenience love like this??
Beautiful post!
Posted by: Sara | April 06, 2007 at 12:55 PM
I wanted my 1st to be a girl. He was a boy. I wanted my 2nd to be a boy. She was a girl. I wanted my 3rd to be a boy...finally! Someone listened! Boys are awesome, girls are awesome. I wouldn't change any of 'em. But I can tell you that I am SO glad I only have one girl...cuz, the hormones....oy! (And she's only 3)
Posted by: AmyM | April 06, 2007 at 12:58 PM
I wanted a boy.
Like you, I've been looking at that sentence for a little while. I can't believe I typed it either, especially because my little girl is everything to me and I can't imagine having a boy now. (Though I still hope to someday, I just am so glad it turned out this way).
Like Kendall above, I don't have the best relationship with my mother, though it's getting better, and I'm terrified that I don't know how to have a good relationship with my daughter.
But after reading your post, I think that perhaps none of us first-timers really know consciously how to have good relationships with our kids, we just live and love each day as it comes.
Thanks.
Posted by: Michelle | April 06, 2007 at 01:00 PM
Gee, thanks for making me cry.
Posted by: Neena | April 06, 2007 at 01:03 PM
Oh, this makes me feel better. We're only going to have one child (complicated story, involving two children from a previous marriage, a much older boyfriend, and one extra kid floating around in there somewhere), and I so, so want it to be a girl. I don't know what I'll do if my body produces a boy.
And yet, this gives me hope that it'll be okay.
Posted by: Cordelia | April 06, 2007 at 01:06 PM
What are "yanes"? Or may I assume from the context that this is Noah-speak for "trains?" Come to think of it, probably so.
Posted by: mizburd | April 06, 2007 at 01:10 PM
I wanted a boy (grin).
And you know? Mine is 12 and lied to me about a girl for the first time ever this week (your future is my blog - heeh) but still - he's still my best friend on so many levels. We went and saw Blades of Glory together last weekend and laughed our asses off the whole time. Just wait - it gets even better.
Posted by: Zoot | April 06, 2007 at 01:16 PM
Can you take another OMG I felt the exact same way response? Good.
So I desperately wanted all girls. Desperately. I don't know what to do with a boy! They have extra parts! I don't want to deal with that! My first was a GIRL! Woo! Then...I got surprised with a boy. We didn't find out until the delivery room (same with the first, I love surprises) and you know what, it DID NOT MATTER, not an ounce, when he was born. Not a single OMG I wish he were a girl thought went through my head. Even though I thought he was a girl up until the very last second, it did not matter.
Then, with my 3rd pregnancy, my hubby decided that I'd gotten my way with the first 2 (surprises) and so this time, he wanted to know. So, we found out. And you know...I didn't even *know* that I desperately wanted a girl until I read 'boy' on that little piece of paper while sitting in Barnes and Noble. Oh the guilt...I wanted to cry for days. I was so upset, both that I was heartbroken that I wasn't getting another girl AND that I wasn't getting another girl. And...again...in the delivery room? It didn't matter. Not a bit. When our eyes met, it was absolute love. Loooooove. And so far, he's my favorite.
Oh, wait, we aren't supposed to have those either, right?
*Probably because he isn't screeching and talking back and throwing tantrums yet...and, most likely, my last. Which makes him special. And I understand now why my little brother has always been the favorite...
Posted by: psumommy | April 06, 2007 at 01:19 PM
Every woman wants a girl to be her best friend, but that relationship is so complicated...I definitely hated my mom for at least 5 years as an angst-filled pre/teen.
Boys are less ocmplicated. They generally don't hold grudges or freak out on regular bases about random inconsequential things. They are less likely to dress like skanks and battle with eating disorders because of the media's portrayal of models. They don't bleed monthly.
Is it bad that I want a boy because it seems easier?
Posted by: andrea | April 06, 2007 at 01:19 PM
I know exactly how you feel! I just knew I was having a girl, told everyone that I was 100% positive. Then I found out I was having a boy and I cried in the ultrasound room too and I also have guilt from feeling those feelings. Now he's 20 months old and I wouldn't change a thing, in fact I hope I have another little boy. He's my little man!
Posted by: Kerry | April 06, 2007 at 01:30 PM
I knew I wanted a boy from the start for some reason. Girls scare me! I scare myself, especially during the teen years...OUCH!
I know how you feel about that mother-son bond. It is incredible! I love the way he looks at me and reaches for me. It is a undescribable feeling!!
Posted by: Mandy | April 06, 2007 at 01:32 PM
My youngest boy, who is 9 (ALMOST 10!!!!, he would say) cuddled up with me this morning in the bed. When I asked him what he was doing, he said, "Getting my Mommy Fix."
He is my world, as is his brother. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Posted by: Lisa | April 06, 2007 at 01:33 PM
Luke isn't what I'd call a momma's boy, but he has a wonderful relationship with his mother, swaps e-mails back and forth with her on a regular basis, and calls at least once a week. Plus, we see his parents all the time.
Just so you know there's something left to hope for. :)
Posted by: Frema | April 06, 2007 at 01:36 PM
I can relate, to an extent. I tell people that I was MEANT to be the mom of boys.
I am not a girly girl, most of my friends had been, until the past couple of years, guys. When DH and I both read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", he said (and I agree) that I am more of a guy.
When our first son was born, I knew he was going to be. We had no trouble on a boy name, but we couldn't come up with a girl name we could agree on.
Three years later, we decide to have number two to fill that third bedroom of that brand new townhouse in Maryland. I wanted a 'matched set', because that's what you're supposed to have, right?
High risk pregnancy meant I had tons of sonograms and I told them I didn't want to find out. I was sure I was having a girl, because this pregnancy was sooooo very different from the first one. One of my OB's (yes, I had a few) kept saying "I bet you're having a boy", but he was a jokester, so I figured he was wrong.
Planned C Section, on the table and "Suzanne, you have a boy". I had NO name for him and for a few moments, I was speechless. Where was my girl? This definitely was my last pregnancy, due to being high risk, so I wasn't getting a girl.
7 years on, I would not trade this boy for ANYTHING. My older son is on the autism spectrum and I feel like my younger son was given an extra helping of everything his brother missed out on. Loving? To a fault. Generous? Whatever you want. Funny? Oh yes, and he will do ANYTHING to make you laugh.
He just came over to give me hugs and tell me I'm beautiful. I know it won't last forever, but you know what? I'm cherishing every moment of this boy being who he is and I don't miss that girl at all.
PS, I'm so glad I don't have to try to dress a girl these days? Have you taken a look at the other side of Children's Place, Gap Kids or Gymboree? Yikes!
Posted by: Suzanne | April 06, 2007 at 01:39 PM
That was beautiful! Some days, between the sippy cup throwing and clothes wrestling Olympics, I forget how special my little man is. 17 months and counting... oh how I must savor the moments.
Posted by: Shawnna | April 06, 2007 at 01:39 PM
oh I totally hear you. I wanted a girl. And we didn't find out the gender, and I was so woried if it was a boy I'd be dissaponted when he was born. But you know what, they put him in my arms and it was fine.
We are not planning on another one, but if we did have one, I would have to find out, b/c I'd so want a girl, and feel like I'd need more time to process it. But, in the end it does not matter.
Posted by: jodi | April 06, 2007 at 01:39 PM
Oh. My. God. Yes. Exactly. I so desperately wanted a girl and tried so hard not to feel cheated when I found out we were having a boy. But now, I have a three year old noise with dirt on it, running around and making me the proudest, happiest mommy I could ever hope to be. I can't braid his hair and we don't play dolls. Instead, we run around the house, shooting monsters, and wrestle on the floor. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
Posted by: Cymber | April 06, 2007 at 01:42 PM
Felt the exact same way with BOTH of my children. Both are boys! I absolutely would not have it any other way.
With the first, I TOTALLY knew it was a girl. I even called her Lola! My husband informed me it was a boy(both times!). Turned out he was right! Both times!
We are going to srart trying for baby number three later on this year. I want it to be a girl.Odds are pretty good it is going to be another boy! And that's okay too.
Posted by: Jenny H. | April 06, 2007 at 01:47 PM
Disagree with the mama's boy comment...I once heard that the way a man treats his mother is how he will treat his wife. I have found that to be true- unless you count Norman Bates. I have a boy and a girl, and I love them both- much less drama with the boy,though! And the girl hates bows and dresses, so I had to give up on that little fantasy long ago.
Posted by: Jeanette | April 06, 2007 at 01:50 PM
I wanted nothing more than to be a mom to boys. I love boys. Boys love their moms, even when they're teenagers. Girls? Not so much. Girls are heartache from 11 to 19.
The first time, I got my wish and I had my son and I love him even more than I thought I would. That bond is still strong now that he's 9.
We didn't find out about number two until she was born and they handed her to me. I cried. Not because she wasn't a boy, but because at that moment, no one on the planet wanted a girl as much as I did.
Posted by: Colleen | April 06, 2007 at 01:53 PM
We aren't pregnant yet, but my husband and I want a girl. And not that we 'want' one, but for some reason, we both FEEL that our first child will be a girl. I don't know. Strange I guess. But I have a 3 year old nephew and adore him beyond words. So really, when we get pregnant and find out the sex of the baby, I don't think I'll be disappointed. The only thing that seems to suck is boys clothes are boring. Other than that it should be good! Great post. And yeah, you made me cry too.
Posted by: Samantha Jo Campen | April 06, 2007 at 01:59 PM
That was amazingly sweet.
Posted by: Kyla | April 06, 2007 at 02:02 PM
I am having a boy in 6 weeks (!) and here I am, at work, trying not to sob too loudly, so my coworkers don't think I'm crazy. Thanks for this, Amy. I can't wait to join the club.
Posted by: Allison | April 06, 2007 at 02:02 PM
Long time lurker who truly enjoys your blog. Thank you for a beautiful post about mothering and loving a little boy. It made me cry! I am a mom to three boys - ages 4, 2 and 4 months. There is nothing quite like the love shared between a mom and a son. While I also shared a small pang of sadness when I found out my third was going to be a boy, I know now that I would never change a thing. I also know that I am going to make life pretty difficult for whatever little hussies come along to take my little guys away from me. Just kidding. Sort of.
Posted by: Tara | April 06, 2007 at 02:02 PM
Delurking to say this is beautiful. I can't wait to have a baby one day and deep in my gut I feel it will a boy. I hope it is!
Posted by: Molly | April 06, 2007 at 02:05 PM
I totally wanted boys, and thought I would be the Queen of my castle. I got girls...two of them. During both pregnancies, I could have sworn I was going to have boys. I cried on the ultrasound table when I found out I was having my first daughter. I just laughed when I found out my second child was also going to be a girl.
It’s not that I didn’t want a daughter, but I just know how hard it is to be a girl. The mother/daughter relationship isn’t easy either, and I still struggle with dealing with my own mother. The toddler stage is tough enough, but I am really fearful of the teenage years!
Posted by: Amanda | April 06, 2007 at 02:08 PM
I felt the same way when I found out I was having a boy at the ultrasound. What in the heck did I know about boys? How was I supposed to raise one of them things? God, you really messed up this time, you should've given me a girl!
But you know what? It was exactly like you said. When I saw him, that was it. He was and is my everything, along with his daddy and now his baby sister. The mother/son bond isn't like anything you can explain. He is my heart and my joy and a combination of everything good in the world. And my love for him is crazy, even when he is pissing me off by getting a 69% in math!
He's 11 now, and the love, it just keeps getting more monstrous.
Ain't motherhood great?
Posted by: Missie | April 06, 2007 at 02:09 PM
Aww... it may not come naturally to me to play in the dirt, or roughhouse, or generally goof with my 21-month-old boy... but the joy and love in his eyes, and the giggles that issue from his mouth make being the mother of a boy so wonderful. (I wanted a girl, too!)
Posted by: Pamela | April 06, 2007 at 02:14 PM
You sound just like me. I wouldn't trade my son for anything but when I first heard it was a boy I cried. To make matters worse I had 2 frieds who were pregnant at the same time, both with girls (one w/ twin girls). Life has a funny way of giving you what you didn't know you wanted...
Posted by: earlyduckie | April 06, 2007 at 02:17 PM
I wanted a girl, but I wasn't sad to find out I was having a boy. But our families (two grandsons on both sides, no granddaughters) were SO DISAPPOINTED and that killed me. They very nice about another boy, but I just *knew* everyone was hoping for a girl and somehow I'd let them down. What a dork! I'm totally looking forward to this boy now and everyone else can suck it. Your post just made me more excited.
Posted by: maggie | April 06, 2007 at 02:18 PM
I was a single mom, and 21 when I gave birth to my son. In the 9 years that he has been in my life, I have grown in unimaginable ways. All while watching him grow from a helpless newborn, to a curious toddler and now into a wonderful young man. At 21, everyone told me I was going have to give up my life. What they didn't tell me was that the life I had before, would cease to matter. He gave me life. He turned me overnight from a self-absorbed girl without a care in the world, into a MOTHER who worries day and night...My son is 9 years old and ducks from my kisses in front of his friends, but unabashedly holds my hand on our daily walks. When I asked him why he still did this, he replied "I have to protect you Mom..." Indeed. My daughter was born 18 months ago, and with her came the pink frilly things and the hairbows and the dolls. I thought, at last! I can finally be a girl again...It has been so much fun and she is a joy in our lives. But it is true. Nothing on this earth will ever touch that thing between my son and I. That unspoken and perfect bond is always there. Glad you found yours...
Posted by: Chantelle Burke-Allman | April 06, 2007 at 02:19 PM
Boys ROCK. I have three. When I was pregnant with my second, i was hoping it would be another boy, because i so wanted my oldest to have a brother, and i knew he'd be a great big brother to a boy. When i was pregnant with my third, I hoped for another boy, because, well, I know boys. I'm comfortable with them. Not to say I wouldn't have loved and adored a little girl, but I think God in His wisdom knew I was meant to be the mom of boys.
It irks me when i get asked, "So are you going to try for a girl now?" or "Were you trying for a girl?" Though more often I get, "Oh, three boys, what a blessing!"
And it is.
Posted by: Catherine | April 06, 2007 at 02:27 PM
I have 5 boys, 21, 19, 6, 5 and 3.....every one as you described, plus the dirt. One girl 18, who isn't my friend...actually, most times you would think she hates me. One day, when she has children of her own, maybe, she will like me and want to be my friend ( or at least understand that I do what I do because I am her mother and I love her) there is much sadness that this one girl of mine has always been so feisty and ready for battle, we always imagine just how things 'will' be, mostly they just turn out how they turn out and we live it and love it. Motherhood is the most incredible journey that doesn't end when they hit adulthood, no retiring from this job bit the benefits are incredible.
Posted by: Helen | April 06, 2007 at 02:29 PM
I wanted another girl so they could be sisters and share a room and wear each other's clothes. I'm getting a boy, but I don't feel guilty about it. I know I will love him too (and enough of ittybit's clothes are boy clothes that they will still be able to share). And while I worry about our relationship dynamic, lots of people are telling me that while boys are different that doesn't mean less loving.
It was put to me this way: Girls are going to try and spend the rest of their lives not being like you and boys will try to find a woman to marry who's just like you.
So that has to say something. Right?
Posted by: toyfoto | April 06, 2007 at 02:29 PM
What a sweet and awesome post! We just found out a week ago that we are having a BOY in August and couldn't be more thrilled. :-)
Posted by: Amber | April 06, 2007 at 02:34 PM
My husband calls his mother every night. To see how her day was, to make sure she ate dinner (she's a new widow), and mostly just.... because.
He's a Momma's boy allright, and I love him all the more for it.
Posted by: Kim | April 06, 2007 at 02:34 PM
I wasn't at all disappointed that Arun was a boy - but I have 2 nephews and felt very comfortable with the whole Boy Game. However, when I found a few weeks ago that our 2nd baby is a girl, I was shocked at how relieved I was - I didn't even realize how much I wanted a girl this time around. I am over the moon that I get to be a mother to a son AND a daughter.
And yeah, I've been totally obsessing over barrettes, but I come by it honestly. When your progeny is half-Indian, hair is a feature they come with from the "starting gate", so to speak.
Posted by: cagey | April 06, 2007 at 02:34 PM
I'm delurking to say that I couldn't agree more! Boys RULE!
And now I'm 34 weeks pregnant with a girl...what am I going to do?
Posted by: Jennifer | April 06, 2007 at 02:41 PM
When I got pregnant, my S.O and I thought for sure it was a boy. We had all boys names picked out (Noah was actually our first choice), all the dreams I had featured boys, we had even came this close to buying a boys nursery set. At our Ultrasound, we found out it was a girl. I was thrilled, my parents were disappointed.
She's so much fun, we play tea party, barbie and dress up, but we also wrestle and chase each other all over the house. She's my best friend and I don't know how I ever got along without her. But I'd love to have a boy someday, just because how awesome they are!
Posted by: Jaime | April 06, 2007 at 02:45 PM
I have three boys. I know the feeling!
Posted by: Aleks | April 06, 2007 at 02:49 PM
hi there. this doesn't have to do with any particular posting, but i came across your site the other day. i enjoy your writing. i am a writer as well. (who isn't, right?) i have yet to enter the blog world but i am ready to get my stuff out there in cyber space. any suggestions on the best hosts? should i get myself my own site verses using a host? i am a newbie to it and i want to start out on the right foot, so any info you might have to share or pointing me in the right direction, I would be greatly appreciated.
regards,
d. smith!
Posted by: d.s. smith! | April 06, 2007 at 02:49 PM
I didn't want to know what we were having with our first baby because I knew that I secretly wanted a girl and I didn't want there to be any perception of disappointment if we found out it would be a boy. I told everyone we didn't care, we only wanted a healthy baby, we were planning on having more than one baby anyway so it didn't matter, but I kept thinking, please, let it be a girl.
I'm one of six kids, five of us are girls. I had very little boy exposure and I didn't know what I would do with a boy. I lived in fear of being a mother to three boys. If I'd had two boys, I would never have dared to try again for a girl.
My first was a girl. And I was relieved and overjoyed. She's perfect. Then we were expecting our second I wanted to know whether or not to save the pink clothes and dresses and whether or not to bother to come up with a boy name. So we found out we were expecting a boy. I still worried that I wouldn't know what to do with a boy.
And now I have my little boy and I'm relieved and overjoyed and he's perfect.
Posted by: Ellen | April 06, 2007 at 02:50 PM
hi there. this doesn't have to do with any particular posting, but i came across your site the other day. i enjoy your writing. i am a writer as well. (who isn't, right?) i have yet to enter the blog world but i am ready to get my stuff out there in cyber space. any suggestions on the best hosts? should i get myself my own site verses using a host? i am a newbie to it and i want to start out on the right foot, so any info you might have to share or pointing me in the right direction, would be greatly appreciated.
regards,
d. smith!
Posted by: d. smith | April 06, 2007 at 02:54 PM
So it isn't wrong, then, that I have only ever wanted sons? I just feel like I will be a better mother to a boy; like I was meant to be a boy's mom. I like little girls fine, but I fall in love with every little boy I meet. Something about boys, as rough-and-tumble and dirty as they can be, is more fragile and sweet and innocent than little girls.
Posted by: Sadie | April 06, 2007 at 02:57 PM
That was an incredibly sweet post. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing these kinds of thoughts with us. I love your honesty, your writing and your insight. And I can't believe how big Noah's grown!
Posted by: Shawn Elizabeth | April 06, 2007 at 02:58 PM
My dad was so pissed when after two boys he got a girl. Because what about the football! golf! beer drinking! Little girls don't like those things. Amazingly enough he ended up with a girl who likes pink, Coach, football, beer and can hit a golf ball a hell of a lot better than her brothers.
I guess these things just work themselves out.
Posted by: Heather B. | April 06, 2007 at 02:58 PM
Oh wow. I am not pregnant, and I don't have kids (yet), but reading your post made me tear up. It was really sweet. Thanks for sharing that.
Posted by: Bethany | April 06, 2007 at 03:10 PM
Thanks Amy...We just found out we are having a boy in July and I feel the exact same way. I really wanted a girl...I know NOTHING about boys. I am an only child and ALL GIRL! I'm sure I'll love him so much it hurts but it's great to hear these word from someone else! BTW, Noah is a cute cute little guy!!!
Posted by: rayshell | April 06, 2007 at 03:16 PM
I thought the exact same thing. Then I thought I was an ass because I wanted a girl because I was a girl and I only knew girl things. All I know is that you can totally point out the moms of boys. There's just something about them: the no-BS attitude, the take-no-prisoners approach to life. You have to be that way because boys are INSANE.
Posted by: Dana | April 06, 2007 at 03:20 PM
I am so glad you posted this! I have two boys, aged 4 and 2, and am pregnant with a third child...we don't know the sex yet, but My husband is desperately praying for a little girl, and I wouldn't dare tell him that I am counter praying for another boy! There really is no love like mother-son...the hugs are the best, and the kisses are snotty and muddy, but oh so delicious and I'm pretty sure that when they're fifteen they won't call me a bitch, unlike my fictional daughter I enivision when I tell her she can't wear that short skirt! OH, I am TERRIFIED to have a little girl, yet I was just like you and I cried pitiful tears when I found out we were having a boy the first time...yeah, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Little boys can be made of sugar and spice too...but you also get the frogs and snails and puppy dog tails!!!! Also, Noah is so cute and squooshy, and Yanes totally effing rock!
Posted by: *emily* | April 06, 2007 at 03:25 PM
"Boys are dope. I highly recommend them."
I love that comment, also the boy who told his mom she was a beautiful princess.
I love when you tell about motherhood.
Posted by: Starbuck | April 06, 2007 at 03:26 PM
I had a nanosecond of "whaaaa! I wanted a girl" when we found out Jack was a boy. But then I told my husband and the ultrasound tech, "We're totally tying his right arm behind his back because they'll let any lefthander pitch in the Majors!"
I love having a boy. It's just like you say: trucks and bugs and dirt and rocks. But when he needs the owies kissed, he only looks for mommy.
Posted by: SprengBlingBling | April 06, 2007 at 03:31 PM
I am 10 weeks pregnant and I am TERRIFIED of having a boy. I have a 2 year old girl. I know girls. I'm prepared for a girl. I don't know what to do with boys. How to play with, what to buy, how to change the diaper (most terrified) of a boy. PLEASE reassure me that in the event that this baby is a boy that everything will be ok, cause right now I am praying for a va-jay jay.
Posted by: Dawn | April 06, 2007 at 03:32 PM
I wanted a boy, and got a boy! He's Noah's age and absoultely all boy and wonderful! I love my boy so much, I want another boy! The thought of having a girl strikes fear in my heart. terror really. Girls are so complicated. Of course, if we ever have a girl, I'm sure it'll be wonderful and happy and all kinds of girly goodness :)
Posted by: Jamie | April 06, 2007 at 03:46 PM
I love this topic! Same boat here - exactly. I tried not to act disappointed after the ultrasound, where we didn't want to know, but we both thought we saw "something..." (the "family jewels" as my hubby says)
Now that he's 3, I can't imagine loving a little person any more than I love him. And I love playing cars and trains with him every day. And I love that he sleeps with his cars!!
Oh yes, you Mommas pregnant with boys, you are in for a treat. Don't you worry... you'll figure it out. And you'll be crawling around with Matchbox cars and Thomas the Tank Engine before you know it! With a shit-ass grin on your face. It's true.
Posted by: Marie | April 06, 2007 at 03:49 PM
i have no kids. i SO want a boy when i do have kids. i'm not a girly girl by any means, but also not a tomboy. my husband was raised by his grandfather so instead of sports, he learned a strong work ethic. i'm gonna have to show the kid sports and i think i could do that a lot better than showing a girl how to twirl in ballet.
second note, my hubs calls his mom or she calls him everyday. i love their relationship. i wouldn't call him a momma's boy, but i hope to have the same relationship with my "would be, could be" son, someday.
Posted by: Sweet T | April 06, 2007 at 03:50 PM
Dawn--
Use the diaper as a SHIELD. I'm TELLING you..> SHIELD!!!! Heheh
I have a boy. I honestly didn't care whether he was a boy or a girl. (He was getting the same name either way heh. Adrian or Adrienne! Bwah) I knew this was most likely going to be my only child. I was SUPER high risk and had been very sick throughout the pregnancy. The Husband wasn't gonna let me go through another pregnancy. I didn't even want to know if it was a boy or a girl. I had TONS of ultrasounds and EVERY fricking time they'd ask if I wanted to know the gender. Finally I gave into a moment of weakness and said... TELL ME ALREADY.
"It's a boy!" "Are you SURE that's not just the umbillical cord?" Yeah.. they laughed at me. A lot. heh. Once we got home I realized how exicited I was to be having a boy. If I could only have one I wanted it to be a boy to carry forward my husbands family name. He's a joy. A brat... but a joy!
Posted by: Tessa | April 06, 2007 at 03:56 PM
To the mom who's son calls her the beautiful princess:
Boys are awesome..my three almost four year old says to me: "you're the prettiest girl in town sweetheart." WHA? where did he get that? But all I know is that I hear this ALL the time, and also that he wants to "get married to me" and i melts my heart EVERY time...I hope he never grows out of it...well, except maybe the wanting to marry me thing...lol
Posted by: *emily* | April 06, 2007 at 03:59 PM
Thank you for posting this! My partner and I spent the entire 9 months of her pregnancy denying that we had a preference one way or the other. We didn't find out the sex of the baby in advance because we wanted to be surprised. People asked if we had a preference and we both replied "A baby". I had myself completely convinced that we were having a boy. Then it was a girl and I almost died because I WAS SO RELIEVED! My partner and I and HER lesbian parents talked about it days later, and we were all so glad that we had a girl because none of us had any clue what to do with a boy. Sure, we would have learned, and it would have been great, but... And we had all been thinking the same thing ("please be a girl, please be a girl...") for 40 weeks and didn't want to admit it to anyone because we all felt so bad about it. You're right. No one tells you about this. I realized that all my daydreams and fantasies about the child I would someday have featured a daughter.
Posted by: Yet Another Amy! | April 06, 2007 at 04:07 PM
Amen!
I've wanted boys all of my life and when I found out about Anders, it was the happiest day ever.
Posted by: whoorl | April 06, 2007 at 04:07 PM
I have 2 boys, ages 10 and 12 and I also wanted that girl. I was convinced I was having a girl. I cried.
Let me tell you what I have learned in 12 yrs.....
BOYS ROCK!
They play hard, they fight hard and most importantly they love harder.
Posted by: Niki P. | April 06, 2007 at 04:16 PM
Hi Amy!
I saw you and the "cutest boy ever" at the bookstore today where you were buying the 'eating book' for Noah. Hi! I am officially a little stalkery now. Sorry. ;)
I have always wanted girls, and when we decided to adopt it made being able to choose easier. Now that Becca is here, I know I would love her little soul whether it inhabited a little girl or little boy's body. Would not matter at all.
That does not mean I don't dress her up while I can. Considering her current favs are trains, plans and automobiles (not the movie), I may have only a little time left.
Since becoming a parent, I have met some of the neatest little boys and know I may want to parent one someday!
So neat to see you out! I will try not to scare you next time.
Posted by: Krista | April 06, 2007 at 04:26 PM
OH my gosh I love this post so much!!! I like them all, but this one really hit home more than ever for me. We're expecting our second child anyday now and it's a girl. At least, that's what the sonograms say. LOL My husband keeps throwing it out there that "hey! But what if the baby is a boy huh???" So, anywho, yup, we're having a girl after I myself mourned having a boy the first time around. And I felt so bad for even having to "mourn". With those feelings I also had to learn to even like being around my son when he was born because I doubted myself. I kept thinking, "wait a second here..I can't be a mom. No way." And then I forced myself into the role of mommyhood, didn't like it and I still can't figure out how things switched, but I went from that to LOVING THIS LITTLE MAN so so so much that it ached. Maybe it's when he started babbling and rolling around on the floor. Not sure. But, my point is, I thought, too, that it was because he was a boy. Not so much. I could have had a girl and felt the same exact way. And now, I await the arrival of Natalie and have never felt so much intense love for someone I've never met before. And I didn't have that while pregnant with James. I think it has everything to do with getting comfortable in my own skin as a mom. And that's okay. ;)
Posted by: Dawn | April 06, 2007 at 04:34 PM
Ack. Sniff. I needed to read this. After 1 1/2 particularly frustrating hours with my darling 2 year old son-- fighting a nap, hitting, throwing, biting, pulling my hair and finally, reducing me to tears, I am ignoring him for fear that I will lock him in the basement. But thanks for reminding me how amazing these little creatures are. I too felt completely unprepared for a boy-- the full-throttle energy, stubborness, rough and toughness and all. But I wouldn't trade him for the world (even if today I'm tempted to trade him for a child who will just lie down)... I'm due in 6 weeks with #2 and joke that I think it's another boy because "I always thought I'd be outnumbered in my house." Truth is, I would love another. I can always buy Barbies for my nieces.
Posted by: Mrs. Q. | April 06, 2007 at 04:45 PM
I have three boys and finally cried with the third one. Ugh, no girl AGAIN. But, it's the greatest thing in the whole world!
Posted by: Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats | April 06, 2007 at 04:47 PM
I did the same thing when I found out we were having ag boy and like you I've discovered what a joy it is. I know he's going to break my heart someday but what a thrill it will be to watch him get there.
Posted by: Dani | April 06, 2007 at 04:51 PM
OH! You always have something to say that kind of comforts me. Because even though, right now? TOTALLY not pregnant. Still trying. And someone asked me the other day if I preferred a boy or a girl and I answered "either a girl or a drag queen, I'm indifferent" and while yes... completely kidding... kind of? Not so much. The thought of being a mother to a BOY with their trucks and their mud and their TOTAL LACK OF HAIR BOWS AND PINK and also their hangy-downy parts? Makes me panic a little. Okay. A lot. But I do know that regardless what we end up with, it'll be wonderful. And hopefully? Will totally love pink...
Posted by: PaintingChef | April 06, 2007 at 04:55 PM
Ah, what a sweet and truthtful post. I have 2 boys and a baby girl. And each is wonderful and horrible in their own ways. I'm glad you posted this as you seem to have many first time moms of boys reading your blog! This will hopefully help them and validate their worries over "But I didn't WANT a boy!!"
Posted by: tracey | April 06, 2007 at 05:03 PM
I was the opposite - I wanted a boy first sooo badly, and cried and had to come to terms with it when I found out my daughter was on her way. Now, years later, I have two of each, and you are right - that boy bond is such a special thing.
Posted by: FishyGirl | April 06, 2007 at 05:04 PM
Oh I soooo wanted a girl. I cried on the sonogram table. I cried at Waterloo Ice House waiting for my chicken sandwich after the sonogram. But then I had him and oh my god is he ever sweet - even at 19 months now.
Then the second time I was pregnant I wanted a girl all over again. And I'm pretty sure I would have cried again if she hadn't been a girl. I just really wanted to experience one of each.
Posted by: Cara | April 06, 2007 at 05:13 PM
Oh, I did that same thing...I even exclaimed on the damn birthing table, "It's a BOY??!!!"
Now that boy is 12, his brother is 11, and they STILL hug Mama, ask for kisses, talk to me, and snuggle on the couch. Boys are the best thing ever.
Talk to the men around, man oh man, do they love their mamas. And I think, that'll be me!! Squee!!
Posted by: Melissa B. | April 06, 2007 at 05:18 PM
You made me all teary eyed and I am not even prego yet. We got our girl the first time around and I am terrified that the next one could be a boy. This post made me think maybe next time I will hope for a little man. Thanks Amy.
Posted by: Emily | April 06, 2007 at 05:29 PM
I just came across this post: you might like it. Matching (uncreepy) tatoos for mother and son on his 21st B-day. Wow.
http://chinamom.typepad.com/place_just_right/
Posted by: Gina | April 06, 2007 at 05:46 PM
I teared when they saw the first one was a boy. Then I cried when they said the other baby was a boy too. Now I love my boys more than anything, but part of me still wants a girl.
Posted by: Jenn | April 06, 2007 at 06:05 PM
My first two are girls and I love them to pieces. My third is a boy, and while I thought that a child would be a child, a boy IS different. He fits many of the stereotypical 'boy' things but he is also tender and sensitive and loving and all those wonderful things you hope for in a child. I was worried that I'd not know how to raise a boy but he is showing me the right way every day.
Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | April 06, 2007 at 06:11 PM
Put me down as another OH EM GEE AGREE EXCLAMATION POINT. We were so sure our first was a girl-- we just seemed like "girl" people, and bows! tutus! tiaras!-- and, because I'd had a few horrible experiences with men in my past, I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to love a boy; knowing there was a chance he could grow up and do those things to other women. And the minute he was born, every doubt was completely erased. He has been pure unconditional unfettered love, joy, mischief, creativity, adventure and challenge and laughter and warmth and loyalty and every good thing in the world since he came into it.
Such a good post. I've been reading a while but this is the first time I've commented.
Posted by: becca | April 06, 2007 at 06:18 PM
I am currently in my 4th hour of labor with my first child. A son.
I read the opening lines of you post and burst into tears because of how very ME that sounded. And I was still worried with the boy "coming down the pipe" (as it were) how much I "don't deserve to have this boy because what kind of horrible mother thinks that way?" and "oh shit I'm having a boy" thoughts.
This post made a difference today, made me feel like I can do this. Raise this boy to be a fabulous, feminist, amazing man (like his dad!)
Thank you for choosing today, of ALL days to write it. :)
I love your work...
Posted by: Megling | April 06, 2007 at 06:58 PM
What a sweet post! Boys and girls alive are all evenly chompable and loveable. I wanted a girl with my first and got my wish, I wanted a boy with my second and got a girl. There was an unknown want in there, that the girls would grow up and be best friends and have someone to talk to during the tough times besides mom and dad. The third time, we had a boy...a sweet baby boy...he's not even 2 and I love him more than that world!
Posted by: Tirzah | April 06, 2007 at 06:59 PM
Here's my story:
I really, really wanted a boy. My dad had only girls. My father-in-law had only one boy and the rest were girls. My husband wanted a boy. I didn't want to have the mom/daughter talks about sex, etc.
Of course, I found out I was having a girl. I cried. I felt guilty. I'm a teacher and so the very day that I found out I had three major discipline problems in my classroom dealing with very "boy" things such as throwing things across the room, yelling out "masturbation" during class, etc. It quickly became very clear to me that I was supposed to have a girl.
And I love her every bit as much as you love Noah.
Posted by: Courtney | April 06, 2007 at 07:25 PM
I could have written this! I, too, cried when I found out I was having a boy. Silly me. My boy is great, and now I can only remember the time when I "thought" I wanted a boy.
Posted by: susie | April 06, 2007 at 07:37 PM
Great post...and I can relate. I cried at the ultrasound for both of my children when I found out they were boys. My husband and I had picked out our daughters name before we were even married...and we were having boys?? That wasn't how it was supposed to happen.
Now, though, when I look at my two little boys (4 & 2) I am so thankful that they are who they are and even though I would still love to have a girl someday, boys totally ROCK!
Posted by: JAB | April 06, 2007 at 07:37 PM
Amen, sistah. AMEN.
Posted by: Heather | April 06, 2007 at 08:18 PM