Descent into Madness
Title Intentionally Left Blank

The Mean Reds

It's not just me, right? There's definitely something going around. Something in the air, maybe. Or in the water. Or in the multiple cups of coffee I drink to function during the day because I can't sleep at night.

Maybe it's that winter came back and ate spring and all the pretty little flowers that were blooming in my yard. Maybe it's because I even have a yard in the first place, and I miss our old condo and the cement and grit of the city.  Maybe it's that Noah's nose has been leaking like a faucet for days now, that Jason's already sick and I'm trying not to even acknowledge the scratchy feeling in my throat.

Maybe it's the terrible news at Virginia Tech and my inability to turn of effing CNN.

I don't know. Maybe it's just all these Girl Scout cookies I've been eating. (Damn you, Tagalongs! Fill the void already!)

Whatever it is, I don't think I'm the only one feeling this way. (Right? Right? That's your cue, commenty-type people. Hello? Fuck.)

I'm sad. Anxious. Constantly on edge. I've been having nightmares. Stupid anxiety dreams mixed with full-on weird ones, like a recurring dream where I've killed someone and gotten away with it -- but then the Backyardigans start singing to me from the television about how murder is oh so wrong, oh so wrong! and I am consumed with guilt --  Dostoevsky meets children's television, folks. Only in my brain. So I just stay up all night instead.

It's hard to write when I get like this. I know it will pass, I know everything is fundamentally okay, and I know I would regret writing some overwrought, navel-gazing rumination on any of the stupid petty shit that's wigging me out, so I should just...I don't know. Shut up and post some photos or something.

I would, except I don't know which Photoshop filter gets rid of toddler snot-face.

So here. Hold this photo up to a mirror and discover the name of the one thing that pretty much delights me to no end. It's the brain teaser placemat!


(God, but I am dumb. Physics! Objects in mirrors, and such.)

We still don't have our archives back after this happened, and we don't have a solution to the Open Thread/captcha quagmire, but damn, it's good to have the site back. Because where else am I gonna post stuff like this?  The Muppets make everything so much better.



You're not alone. I've been really weepy the last couple of days. I'd like to blame it on the Second Coming of Winter, but unfortunately that makes no sense. I suppose the honest answer to all of this is that we humans have had a little too much bad news: Vonnegut, Virginia Tech, and for me, the continuation of a war that has now deployed two of my very good friends.

It'll get better. I'll send you some good vibes :)


No, you're not alone. You're right, I'm not sure if it's the weather or what, but I am feeling totally overwhelmed by everything I should be doing, and so instead I do next to nothing.

And the toddler nose, and therefore snotty mommmy shoulder? It NEVER ENDS. Help.

Maybe the good weather scheduled for this weekend will help.


I love the expression on your face. It fits perfectly. It's kind of "meh"

Let us know if you find out more about that snot filter for Photoshop. :)

Wacky Mommy

it's not just you.


You're not the only one feeling this way.

I wish the rain here would stop.

I wish someone would do all my laundry & packing for our trip at the end of the week.

I wish I didn't just watch the Today Show crew do their show from the campus of Virginia Tech. You can go on and on about how beautiful the campus is, but there are 33 sets of parents who would rather have their children back than a beautifully manicured drill field.

Did I mention that I wished the rain would stop?


You're so not alone. I've been blaming it on the postpartum hormones, but lately I've felt like something big is going to happen. And I've been just sort of waiting for it. I caught a guy breaking into my car, and that freaked me right out, but even after that I thought, that wasn't it. Something's coming. And even after yesterday's awful, awful news, I thought, that's not it either. Blech. Anxiety.

I just cuddle my baby and try to think happy thoughts, because it's impossible to be anything other than deliriously happy holding him. (Well, maybe not exactly deliriously happy at 4 in the morning, but, you know what I mean....)


It's been that kind of week. This weather turns me into a puddle of unhappiness.


Amy: I left McLean Gardens more than 3 years ago, and I still miss it. We may retire there someday. The campus feel of it; it's proximity to so many cool places; the pool that I could do laps in and then read my book; the community of pretty nice people; the dog-friendly environment; the safety of being able to walk your dog at night and feel safe, because there were tons of other dogs walking around too; the convenience of not having to take out your trash or tend to your garden; the trees -- I will always miss that little spot.

Heather B.

Will work for Mamapop t-shirt...



Nope, definitely not alone. About to graduate from law school in 3 weeks, having regular panic attacks about my lack of a job, my lack of motivation to find a job, and my lack of motivation to write the papers and study for the finals that will allow me to graduate. Yay! I just paid $100K for daily panic attacks!!


can't comment...
cnn is still on...

(might have to turn it off soon...every time they play that cell phone video, i can't stop thinking about how each of those 27 or whatever gunshots is the sound of someone's child getting shot. i think i have some tagalongs in the pantry...maybe they will help?)

Amy H


I am with you on the feeling like...meh...or bleh...or however one says what this feeling is. But mine didn't start until yesterday. I am pretty sad about what happened at Virginia Tech. I went to the University of Texas where we had a similar (but way less deadly) event long before I was even born. It was always something that marked my school but I was not personally affected by it. I didn't see it. Hear it. Understand it.
With the 24/7 news media these days we are all able to feel the pain of the kids at VT. And the thing day my baby will go off to college. One day she will be in class somewhere. I just never want this to happen to her. I'm sure it wasn't even a thought in the minds of the parents that sent their kids to VT.

sorry to post so long on your comments. I just wanted to say that I am with ya on that feeling and that "It's Friday, but Sunday's comin'" (which is a reference to Good Friday and Easter...guess I need that right now).


Ahh, the toddler snot nose, how I hate thee. I swear, that crud is never-ending

And I too have been feeling a sort of shapeless melancholy fueled by the general state of the world, which was not helped by watching Children of Men last night (hint, don't watch this movie if you are feeling the way you described). I couldn't even finish the movie because I knew the lead up to the ending (and probably the ending itself) would depress me for a month.


Snot, snot, snot! I feel like it is my life right now! Urgh!!!!!

Hang in tehre! I felt that way about 2 weeks ago and I htought I was going to lose my mind! It is almost gone! I am sleeping now and not feeling like I am going to lose it any second of every second of the day!


I completely understand. The last couple of weeks have just been so...down! My daughter is sick too, my husband stayed home with her today...uh, that never happens. I wish the rain would stop and the sun would just come out already...I mean, I am a Californian...I do sunshine...not clouds and rain and yuck! And my boss sucks and I am looking for a new job and VTech (where a cousin of mine goes to school) and Vonnegut and Imus and all the crap that has been happening lately....yeah, I understand and no, you aren't alone.


It's definitely contagious. I hung up an "out of service" sign at my blog because of it. And yesterday didn't help.


In my office we're blaming it on the new moon. And we're all with ya, Amalah. There's something yucky happening in our collective psyche.


Me too on all fronts. I am finishing my MBA in just over a week and daycare was closed yesterday, but instead of facing my last paper and just doing it, I wiped snot. And got a sence of accomplishment from it. Ugh. Even the toddler was melancholy.

And those poor parents. I just prayed for them and thought about them in the darkness last night.


STOP THE COUNTRY I WANT TO GET OFF!!! Is the refrain I have been repeating to my husband for a week now.
I am trying to start my journey to a simpler life by SHUTTING OFF THE DAMN TV! But.. it's hard not to watch a society self distruct.

(sorry for all the yelling)


Too much sadness in the world indeed

Foodie Kristy

Before yesterday, I was blaming it on the weather and the fact that I am STILL wearing my winter clothes to work because I'm not going to be miserably cold all day! I want my sandals, and flip flops, and cropped pants!

anne nahm

Yeah, it's golf ball through a garden hose power suckage at my place.

I was a little scared to hit your muppet link. A couple of days ago I saw Kermit the Frog cover "hurt" in a very NSFW kind of way.

Hope you feel better soon. And as soon as you do? Write something perky and help an easily suggestible reader out, k?

Jenn T.

My sentiments exactly. Except it's not the Backyardigans singing, it's Boots the Monkey. And Tico, but in Spanish. (Oh, and the clone tool or healing brush in Photoshop works great for toddler snot face.)


Feel better soon...spring will return.

Or i'm gonna be mighty grumpy.


My goodness, I so know what you feel like. I wake up every hour through the night. I am having crazy nightmares, too. I feel like I'm going to cry over stupid stuff all the time. Everything seems extra stressful. I hope we all start feeling better soon.


No, it is not just you. For me it is the news and the weather blues.

Hang in there.


I went and looked for the Kermit video that Anne Nahm referenced and it's all kinds of sick and bad and just plain wrong.

However, it *is* hilarious. Funny makes it okay, right?


It's anxiety, I had it, it sucked, I visited a therapist and I worked it all out. Always being on edge is very exhausting, plus I never was able to really sweat the big stuff, I was always on the small stuff.

Christine Simon

Here in the other Washington we have had several false Spring starts. But Sunday was glorious and today is nice and sunny and cheerful. And it's almost 45 degrees!! BUT -- snow is predicted for somewhere around here, probably the mountains.

Sorry Noah's sick again. I remember this age (up through about 4) being a constant snot fest. Eventually the well will run dry, so hang in there.

Also, you are just so lovely. Kudos for keeping your forehead in the frame!!


Had to de-lurk to comment - you are not the only one! Could be because I might quit my job to stay home with my new baby, might be moving across the country, or because of the state of the world in general, but I am feeling very anxious and stressed lately as well.


You are so very cute. Thanks for brightening my day with your posts.


No, it's not only you. It has been that kind of a few weeks, for very many people if not everyone. Definitely for me. Weather is part of it, news is part of it; we even share the eating-too-much, although in my case it's many random things instead of Girl Scout cookies. But that's only because I don't have Girl Scout cookies. Anxiety dreams? Multiple ones per night, sometimes.

But it's going to get warm and better, and some of the flowers will live, and you look very cutely mischievous in that picture with your Awesome T-shirt, actually. Let's all hang in there.


I'm with you, Amy. This morning I woke up yelling from the weirdest dream EVER. I haven't been able to update the ole' blog, because I feel the pressure to be witty and funny, which are far from what I'm feeling. Anxiety is the worst, then throw in coffee while watching the shooting coverage, and there you go. I'm throwing in the towel for now and taking a break.


WINE. NOW. XOXO - we'll all pull through, it's almost summer!


Oh, and if you can find it (maybe Trader Joe's will have it), linden tea might help with that scratchy feeling that doesn't exist in the first place, and with honey and lemon will definitely help Jason's chest and throat nastiness.


You're so not alone. I've been feeling the exact same way lately. Like I have constant PMS...sigh... Oh and the dreams! WTF? I just broke down on Sunday because of a horrific dream I'd had the night before. The crappy weather, too much saddness in the world... (plus, I'm dealing with the terrible twos at the moment.bleh.)


You know, now that I spend hours dumping all my blogs that I read into google reader, and I just read what downloads when someone updates, I didn't even realize Mamapop had sort of exploded but was just noticing it had been a while. Am dumb.


I mentioned I'm dumb? I also can't finish a thought. Much less a post or even a damn comment before accidently hitting the post button instead of TAB.
Am having the same trouble over at my own blog, lots of other people have mentioned it lately, too. The new post page, it taunts me. I don't know if its spring fever, or allergies, or what, but I kind of want to unplug for a while, ya know?


This is weird. It sounds like the collective "women of the world" intuition meter is going ninety. I have felt like unexplainable crap for a week or so now. Anxious, uneasy and blah. Not sleeping but definitely eating because nothing seems to cure that habit. I don't know what it is but I hope we aren't all feeling a collective worry for a major reason. I hope it is just the weather and we will feel better tomorrow.


It's the weather and the awful, awful news. Turn off CNN! Your being upset does not help the victims. Watch some Muppets instead.

By the by, THANK YOU for the "Danny Boy" video. I saw a partial clip of that on about 5 years ago back when wasn't lame and they showed video clips, and I've been telling people about it for years. You do know you can buy The Muppet Show Season 1 on DVD, yes? You can also get Sesame Street Season 1.


it's not just you. thought i am unable to pinpoint what's wrong, my anxiety and sadness linger and were only enhanced as i could also not turn! off! the TV!

i am just going to keep praying for spring to return. because really, sunshine and flowers and all that crap are what we need right now. minus the allergies that accompany them.


Also, your hair looks pretty.

It always cheers me up when people tell me that, but that may be because my hair so rarely looks pretty.


I have been feeling the same way.
The acid-on-the-playground incident already had my insides twisted, then
VT. I have just had this "close to tears" feeling for days.
Hope we all get to feeling better soon.
Bring on the summer.


I am a big awful mess lately. I've been irritable, moody, sad and nervous- but not sure what any of it is regarding. I cried for hours on Sunday night. It felt a little better after. I don't know what to blame it on, but you aren't alone.
Things will get better, they always do.


I blame my mother in law. It's as good an answer as anything else I guess. And maybe it's just me but I find that double stuff peanut butter oreos always make me feel better.


It's not just you. I'm 7 months pregnant, and have had a cold for the last 3 weeks, swollen tonsils for the last week. I had dentist appointment this morning and almost missed it because I slept in. While I was at the dentist, my husband parked the car and took our daughter for breakfast (see the part about sleeping in). Then, he couldn't find where he parked the car. TWO HOURS LATER, he finally finds the car after telling me it must have been stolen. Refer back to the part about me being 7 months pregnant and then imagine me waiting in an office building with a four year old, as my blood sugar plummeted and my sciatic nerve made my leg go numb. We're in the middle of a severe rainstorm as well.

Anyway, I came home and burst into tears. Spring has to come (for good) eventually, right?


Maybe we should all have a collective snack of milk and cookie? Cookies are magic makers!


I am here to assure you that it is, in fact, something in the air. I've been going crazy lately with anxiety, nightmares, and the like. I hope it passes for all of us soon.

p.s. nice shirt!


Amy, I was feeling the same way last week. Then we arrived in D.C. for a much-anticipated tour of all the typical tourist-y history-ish sites. A few days walking around all the memorials and museums and soaking up the history made me feel less like the nation is hurtling toward self-destruction, and more like all this is just a temporary blip. (Although I did insist on standing outside the fence and flipping off the White House. I'm sure surveillance video of me was archived into a database somewhere, but it sure felt good, if not mildly childish.)

Anyway, sometimes a walk through history helps me put all the crud in my life in perspective and makes me feel a lot better. (Well, that, and a Swirlie from the Austin Grill...)


Reading this post and these comments is a relief.

It's not just me.


This is my first official delurking. I've been reading your site for almost a year and love it. Saw your Mampop muppets episode and thought you'd get another laugh out of this one... . We can all use a laugh these days, can't we?


Nope, not just you. Like Jackie above I feel like I have horrible PMS but I don't. I'm just sad. I have SO much work to do and no desire to do it, I miss my boyfriend who is 2 hours away so much it hurts and on a totally selfish point considering all that's going on in the world my bestfriend's husband got her a new Coach bag "just as a suprise" and I'm totally jealous. But then when I think about all that's going on I know I should just be thankful for all that I do have especially my friends and family because that's all that matters. If it helps any you look pretty, I can never just clip my hair up and it look that good. Spring is coming, I believe it! I'm going out for lunch now to sit outside hoping some Vitamin D from the sun rays will help!


The feeling is everywhere. It felt that way on my campus yesterday as the news unfolded about Virginia Tech. I'm sure it will continue to feel that way for the rest of the week. Its a horrible loss and I can't even begin to imagine what those families are going through. I think on my next trip home I'm going to stop and leave some flowers. Late May isn't too late, is it?

I do find it interesting we all have the cookie thing in common. I just made up a batch of cookie dough. I'm going to bake them after history class today. Maybe we should have a milk and cookie night tonight over on MamaPop.


I've been "snappish" (to use a Fishism), high-strung and twitchy for the past week. I attribute it to a) the hormones of my first postpartum cycle, b) the fact that our house has been a maelstrom of viral activity, including stomach flu for the tot, and c) we've been attempting (and failing) to buy a house. My husband asked me to shoot him last night. But if I've learned anything in my short time on earth, it's that periods of intense misery are just as fleeting as the periods of intense joy, so we just have to wait it out.


No - you are most definitely not alone. Yesterday I was hit with major anxiety that I have not felt for quite some time. My son is only 6 1/2 years old. In his lifetime we've had 9/11, the sniper attacks, a senseless war in which kids are dying every day and shit like this VT massacre happening more and more often. I wanted to leave work, drive to school and just hold him. Smell his smell and breathe him in. It is tough to stay balanced and grounded right now.


Just had a Xanax prescription refilled that I had not even thought about using in over 2 years. Cheers to medicating oneself!!!

Not that I condone that...but it works for me. 1 Sleepless night was enough.


Spring always does this to me. It's something about the world waking up, and I never quite feel like I am waking up as fast, or meeting the potential. Writing that makes me feel like a navel-gazing loon.


I am so glad to know it is not just me. Bad dreams, general feelings of ick, rain, rain, rain. We need sunshine! We need cook-outs and happiness. I had nightmares about Virgina Tech all night and I don't even live near it or know anybody there. This is terrifiying! I have been on all day and came over to you because I keep tearing up. Not cool at work, you know? Like I said, I'm so relieved it isn't just me, but not glad that everyone else is feeling the "mehs" too.
PS I heart Mamapop too!


You are definitely not alone. My daughter goes off to college in the fall and this VT stuff is freaking me out.

The weather is not helping.


You're not alone, definitally not. The past 2 or 3 weeks, I've been feeling depressed. And no, not just down in the blues, dumpy so sad cheer up little emo kid depression, but full out why am I bothering, I'm not good enough for anyone depression. A feeling I'm use to, only around December, January. So, I think it is just the season. So, cheer up, emo kid. ^^ It'll all be better soon, and the flowers will be blooming, and the buterflys with be a flyin, and the birds will be a chirpin, until you want to strangle their little necks. =)


So glad it's not just me!


I appreciate your reference to Breakfast At Tiffany's. When I tell people I've got the Mean Reds, they usually just stare blankly. I *hate* the Mean Reds. "FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU o don't leave me EVER but go get me some Oreos right NOW, motherfucker." Does that about sum it up?

Amy, though I've been a casual visitor for a couple months, I have spent the past few days reading your blog like a book. Ehhhrmmm, because I'm compulsive like that. I started with 'a tree falls in the forest...'--your very first post from November 2003--and I've gotten as far as October 26, 2004. Just ONE YEAR! And I read FAST! This blog is hella DENSE! There's some astonishing stuff here; you're a spectacularly gifted writer (and I don't write that offhandedly; it's what I do for a living, too). And you're pretty! And hot! (See? I'm paying tenshun.)

With a long, eventful year of your life fresh in my mind, my first instinct is to try to remind you of some things that might help you RIGHT NOW. Right NOW. Here's a list...

1. A new Coach handbag
2. Sepphora ANYTHING
3. Some great live music (you LOVED Carbon Leaf!)
4. A long session with Todd, the strapping young masseuse, errr, masseur
5. Animals. Ceiba's arrival in your life helped bring the end of the blues. Visit a petting zoo.
6. Doing odd creative things that have no cash value. Remember Haiku Smackdown? The Bold & the Bloglicious? Your unbelievably brilliant Victoria's Secret photoessay? Joy!
7. Palm Beach. Or Vegas. A change of scenery.
8. Drinking and eating with women who are similarly funny, brilliant, irreverent, pottymouthed, pop-culture-obsessed, delightful. Always a good thing.
9. Somebody before me suggested you turn off the TV. Oh, honey. What happened at VT was horrific. But you don't need to immerse yourself in it, or feel guilty that you don't want to do that.

Seems like there should be a 10 but I haven't got one. Hope there's something here that helps, Amalalalah. Hugs from Caroline, who does NOT live in Hawai`i where there are shhhh v o l c a n o e s (okay, I lie, but it's because I loave you... and I am sorry for the long post.)


De-lurking too because everyone feeling this way should be comforting, but now I am more stressed out!!

My son that goes to bed at 10, cannot sleep for the first time ever, my toddler is staying up til 3-5 am and my anxiety is raging.

Makes ya wonder what the heck is happenin' here!?!


Try Prozac. It filters out all my toddler's nose snot, my flooded basement, the damage to the house from where the tree limb hit it, and assorted other insults added to the injury that was this past weekend. One little white pill makes absolutely everything go away.


wow, i'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this!! I've been having the oddest nightmares as well. It MUST be something in the air...



10. LET'S GET SOME SHOES. 'Nuff said.

yet another from the legions of Amys

Oh, man, I understand. Last week I was feeling like that. The weather in New England is dismal and getting worse. But! Things are looking up--it's school vacation week so I have a week off work, my 11 month old is only waking me up once or twice a night lately, and we (miraculously) haven't lost power in this storm we are in the middle of. My point? It always gets better. Hang in there.


I'm on the internet right now to distract myself from that very feeling. It's good to know I'm not alone.


This weather is not helping. Once the kidlets can go outside every day, I think we will all feel better. Are you getting sorta settled into your new neighborhood. I fell into a funk a little while after we moved here. If you need any suggestions for kid stuff, let me know and I will try to help. Or if you already know the area really well, then help me!

Believe me, you aren't the only one in a funk right now. I just try to get out of the condo everyday and that seems to help me and my daughter.


I can't explain the funk we all seem to be feeling, but I can tell you that everyone I work with is having a lousy enough week that I actually said aloud the thought "Can we just scratch this week and try again?" And it was only Tuesday morning. I haven't turned on TV news in days, and I'm even limiting my NPR. So, lets all write this start off and try again tomorrow...

Fairly Odd Mother

Wow, am I glad that this wasn't just a 'me' thing. I've even considered posting my children on ebay just so I can start napping in the middle of the day.


I went to VT. I remember watching Columbine unfold from my safe little couch in my safe little house in my safe little town thinking it could never happen there. I had nightmares about it and now, well, I can't imagine what these kids are going to go through. It affects all of us and it's so addicting to watch and relive every single minute of this event on CNN or MSNBC. Go for a walk. Listen to your Ipod. And know that the entire nation is funking with you.


I am feeling the same. My car was broken into last week so the nightmare of cancelling my checking account and credit cards has added to the crappy feeling, but it was there before that, too. Don't leave stuff in your car, even for a second. I was walking the dog in the park, not 50 yards away. It's just stuff, but it's not fun to replace.
Then Virginia Tech. It's unspeakable tragedy.
Reading and mamapop are bright spots in an otherwise gloomy, dreadful week. Thank you guys.


i think many of us are feeling it ...some kind of existential universal funk? maybe. i've been starting to think that maybe i don't suffer so much from seasonal affective disorder so much as maybe the seasonal CHANGES are the problem. i don't transition well. and this whole dragging out the matter is not helping up here in canada. i wonder if people in the south are feeling this angsty?

Elle Kasey

It is definitely not just you. Things do seem suckier than usual. And the VT news to me, feels horrible and also cumulative - like there have been so many things that never really healed (maybe especially for us DC area peeps) and each one seems to build on the feelings of all the earlier tragedies. It's probably a good time for an extra hour of sleep, eff-it have donuts for dinner, wear the fat pants, and a nice escape trip to movie world or a trashy novel.


Yup, national depression, weather that indicates Armageddon, a child slaughtering other children, troops bogged down in misguided overseas adventure, things are pretty grim in total. And I'm busy bitching about my personal drama and feeling entirely self centered. I hear you.


Tracey, the south is in a funk as well. My roommate and I were just discussing it. I'm in NC, Southwest of Asheville and it snowed here on Sunday! Its also been unusually cold and I already took my winter stuff home to Maryland thinking I wouldn't need it down here. Now I have my mom saying "I told you so." Ugh, I think I'll taping into some vodka later.


I am miserable, too. My 16yo did something incredibly stupid and it is going to cost me somewhere between 800-1400 dollars to get her out of trouble. I have been sitting around pitying myself all week. Then I saw the Virginia Tech tragedy and realized that each of those grieving parents would gladly give everything they have to trade their grief for my minor problem. I love my kids.


I vote for the "Winter ate my spring" deal. Although there are many other potential causes, this is most amusing because it resembles the "dog ate my homework" excuse we all know and love. Hope it passes sooner than later, although all your posts are amusing and make me smile and sometimes laugh full belly out LOUD. :D


I'm so right there with you. I have waay too much going on right now, and this is a great place to unload, so thanks, Amy!

So yesterday was the 10-year anniversary of my father's death...while I was remembering that, I was also grieving for the Virginia Tech community (I went to college in Roanoke, VA). I HATE this weather.

I have two big papers to write for law school by April 30th, and an exam after that. I have a months-long project due at work on May 1. I'm trying to get my Virginia bar application in the mail soon (argh, it's soooo time-consuming). I have about 40 people coming to graduation next month, including over a dozen from out of town. Ella gave me the creeping crud (a sinus infection that has caused my eustachian tubes to collapse). My husband keeps asking me if he can go golfing and kayaking and on a trip to Maine and NO! you can't go ANYWHERE for the next month!

And Ella is not fully understanding potty training and I need to get our passports (hers and mine) soon and my brother is moving to this area so he's calling me every day asking stupid questions that he could find out by using the Innernets and the Google.

I just can't WAIT for it to be this time, next month. :-)

shy me

"I'm sad. Anxious. Constantly on edge. I've been having nightmares. Stupid anxiety dreams"

Yep. Haven't slept in ages. Anxious. Bummed out. No particular reason. Just want to curl up and sleep for three or so months.


I have been in a horrible mood for the past two weeks, and I'm generally pretty cheery. My best friend and I got into our first spat today, and nothing seems to be going quite right. I'm a freshman in college, and I just want to go home, something I don't usually want. Things are not anywhere near horrible, but they aren't as sunshiny as they usually are either.


*waves to all the other insomniacs out there*



Eurgh, I've barely slept at all the past 2 nights, I've been having nightmares all night. Last night I saw 300 and then dreamt I was a Spartan all night.


I can't sleep so bad I feel like a combination a the lady in the commercial chasing zzz'sss, The man who can't stay asleep in the lunesta commercials and the lady who has a hard time trying to get to sleep in the ambien commercials!!


Bossy feels the same way but figures it's nothing a Personality Disorder Medication can't cure.


Had to de-lurk to throw my 2 cents in. It must be happening all over. I have my second cold in less than 2 months, which I get from my 4 year old daughter. So we have crappy weather (I live in Cleveland, what did I expect? But it's even crappier than usual), snot rivers at my house, psychotic dogs (and a psychotic mastiff is not something you want running around your house), can't sleep, guns, shootings........HELP....make it all stop...................

Emmie (Better Make It A Double)

No, you are not alone. Honestly, Spring always makes me anxious. It's like I'm invited to reflect on my life, make lists, get shit done, and instead of feeling like I can tackle any of it, I just can't sleep and can't get started. It always passes, but it never feels like it will. Fall is alsways very calming for me. I'm going to a little cabin in the woods at a monestary/hermitage this weekend for 30 hours of sleep and solitude. BY MYSELF. Apparently, what I desire for a couple of days off is the exact opposite of what I have every other day...I hope you feel better soon.

Katie Kat

Better living through pharmaceuticals (sp?) is my mantra!

The world IS going to hell in a hand basket, but then you get little tidbits like the Muppet link, and you know it's all okay. Muppet Therapy rocks...


I get all the sadness, and the "where's spring?," but what I want to know, is how, HOW, HOW is it that you still have girl scout cookies??

*insert crazy jealousy here*

My cookies are all safely being stored on my hips.


I'm sad. Anxious. Constantly on edge. I've been having nightmares. Stupid anxiety dreams

You've summed up exactly how I've been feeling. When I feel this way, I always think it's just me.
So...thank you.


Yeah, me too. Those are all classic signs of depression though - sleep problems, anxiety, depressed (duh) - you should think about seeing your doctor. A couple of prescriptions later and you're back to yourself again.


Delurking to say I'm right there with everyone else. I had been blaming the weather, but this morning had an almost overwhelming sense of anxiety. Something bad was going to happen, but I didn't know what. Then a bus crashed into one of our university buildings (off-campus, and I'm on campus) but I wondered if that wasn't related.

Blah. It's supposed to be warmer this weekend. Dumb DC weather.


I work downtown, and on my lunch break I had to go to the bank that's about half-a-block away from my job. On the way to the bank, an airplane flew overhead. I don't know if it was just a low flying place, or if it was just loud from the sound reverberating off the tall buildings, but in the 2 minutes it took me to walk over to the bank, I imagined the plane crashing into the biggest building near me, and what I would do if such a thing did occur, in a pathetic attempt to save my life, I guess.

So no, it's not just you.

b Side

I swear this is just National Shitty Week, everyone my job has been feeling the same way. I wasn't considering using any kind of mood elevators, I was just kind of Amalah medicating by shamelessly reading your archives...God, I need a life. And also...can I borrow some Tagalongs? PAHLEEEEEASE!?


I am here too.

Also- those who give pills the thumbs up- just remember how they effect everyone very very differently! They can make some people worse, so proceed with caution :)


OY! Apparently 3 geniuses over in one of the male dorms decided to create a draino bomb last night and throw it from a 4th floor window. It exploded of course, scaring the hell out of everyone. Luckily no one was hurt and no property was damaged, but wait til you hear what they are being charged with. This is from a campus email:

"In keeping with the university's "No Tolerance" stance for incidents of violence, all three were arrested and charged with one count of Possession of Weapon of Mass Destruction and four counts of Possession of Explosives on School Property. The individuals were booked into the Jackson County Jail with a secured bond of $27,500.00 each. Two of these individuals are students and university student disciplinary action is also pending."

Can you imagine the phone call home to mom and dad saying you've been arrested and are being charged with possession of a weapon of mass destruction? Dumbasses.


Yeah, I've done the meds before. I've even blogged about doing the meds before.

I will never do the meds again, ever.


I'm a raging insomniac. In fact, very rarely sleep. But I'n not dperessed, I don't know. An none of the sleep drugs work.

I know, not the point of this point, but blogged about Va tech and just can't say anymore.


I'm so out of touch in the past.. well... 2 years or so. I haven't even gotten the whole VT story.

I'm sick just like everyone else, same sinus/throat/now cough thing. Working. Not getting that damned thesis done. More family death stuff again.

I just helped DHL towards ruling the world via paying $45 to send some papers to my husband (4 papers, by the way) last week; today I spent $123.10 mailing him what I hope to be the last package ever. God, I hope so. Tuesday is his interview and I cannot even function because what if he gets denied? What if I never see him again? What if we're just put on hold for the next 2 years to no end with no answers? What if he's approved? What if he actually sets foot here-- not only in my house but in the USA!-- for the first time after he gives his last finals June 3? And we can do all kinds of crazy things like sit on the couch together? Eat together? Talk in bed? What if we could start a family like we've always dreamed about? But I can't get excited. What if he is denied? And I never see him again? Sigh.

I'm restless.

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