Home Implosion, Part Infinity, Plus One

Oversharing, Even More So Than Usual

You wanna know what we saw with the blacklight?


Aw. Come on.

What if I show you what we saw on a random, fairly unstained and decent-looking section of carpet? That wouldn't be so bad, right?






Apologies to anyone who was eating, and to anyone who still believes that their dog has probably only had "a couple of accidents, and we cleaned them up right away, so I'm sure it's totally fine."

Personally, I'm turning my dog into a wee area rug this weekend. I just need to find some decorative fringe.





Is it wrong that I totally want to see the really gross parts? Because I do. Morbid curiosity compells me. Plus, the people who lived in my house before me removed all of the carpet, so we were forced to get all new stuff when we moved it. It's nice to know we should have done that anyway.


i think i'm going to be sick. but i also drank waaaaay too much last night...so...hmmm.
it might very well be my own damn fault.


So after last night's So You Think You Can Dance marathon and a whole lotta vodka, I come into this entry, and knew full well not to look. But I can't NOT look.



um, ewwww?

I could never take a blacklight to my carpet - the previous owners had 2 cats and a large dog and, well, I have a very realistic idea of how much the cats puke. Even if the younger one does take care of the issue most of the time (ew! ew ew!).

(some tuxedo cat fringe for your purse dog rug perhaps??)

And Tiffany - so glad to know that other people drink on Thursday nights...I was afraid I had a Problem. :-)


Soooo gross. However, what alot of people don't know is that milk, melted butter and other stuff shows up under the light too. If that makes you feel any better!


I already have pulled up almost all the carpet in my house over the years. Now, up will come the rest....dang!


AHHHH!!!! The humanity!!! Thank you for reminding me why we have wood floors, and why our dog is an outside dog!


That stuff doesn't come out with a good washing from Stanley Steamers? Then I'm in trouble.


In addition to the thanks you've already received, thank you for reminding me of my dog pee phobia that to this day prevents me from having a pet. That, and the butt-scratch-drag on the carpet thing.


Thank god for hardwood floors! We have two more rooms to do and that has now taken the #1 spot on our to do list.

Virginia Gal

Guess you didn't want to get drunk and pretend you have a disco ball by turning on the black light and watching the bright spots on the floor spin? No?

Well then, Ick.


I'll admit, I totally wanted to see these pictures. It is completely gross though,and I think I would have hurried to remove the carpet too.


Time for a dog door? Our beagle did that in our last place, only we could see it without the blacklight b/c the wee had seeped into the wooden floor boards. Classy. We installed a dog door in our new place, and far as I know, the beagle is accident-free. Then again, we don't own a blacklight ;-)!


Have you confined yourselves to the non-carpeted areas yet? My carpet is the same color as yours and I am looking warily at it. Mine is only a fews years old, but we did get a puppy so I know what is there. Now, I shall go away and try to cleanse my mind.


I might think you were bad to be thinking of turning your dog into a rug. Except when my cat acts out I always imagine what an original looking handbag she would make...if I just attached the end of her tail to her ears. Instead of a Coach, she'd be a "CATCH".

(just kidding Animal Activist People!)

Except not...


Dude. That's kinda funky.

Oh, and Ceiba would make a better wall hanging than area rug, due to the texture of her coat.

And now I've put too much thought into the skinning and displaying of a Min Pin and I have to go pray for my own freaking soul.

(but I think some Max fringe would look awesome)

Katie Kat

Okay - ick, but I have MORE IMPORTANT THINGS FOR YOU....

AMALAH ***** RIGHT NOW!!!!!!
Go toss all your Veggie Booty! I saw this story online and HAD to pass it on...

Veggie Booty recalled due to tainting concerns
A popular snack food sold nationwide is being recalled because of concerns about contamination. All lots and sizes of Veggie Booty Snack Food are being recalled, the company said, following a report of 51 cases of salmonella poisoning.

RUN, don't WALK and pitch the offending BOOTY!!!!!


Actually a wee pillow would be more practical.


I volunteer with the Police Department and we had a class on CSI. We went into a public bathroom with a blacklight. After seeing what we saw...I don't think I'll ever use another public bathroom again. EVER. It's bad enough knowing whats in your own home, but a public area?!? Almost enough to make you never want to leave home!


"...wee pillow" That's funny...


We had to get a black-light when our cat was having some slight "issues" with another cat.
It's a good thing using that thing is so much fun. Makes up for the grossness that you find.
CSI: Suburbia - armed with Mr Anti-Icki-Poo and a black-light we can take on the world! Bwahhh hahaha.

Wacky Mommy

Blech. It's like that horrible Valerie Bertinelli movie, where they see all the bloodstains all over the walls.

Uh. Only not that bad.


Thanks for all the Veggie Booty warnings! Luckily Noah rejected it (along with every other food item on earth) ages and ages and ages ago. So we don't buy it anymore.

Kris H.

"CATCH"!!! Procrastimom...I LOVE IT!!!

I'm also diggin' the "wee pillow"...


Gag! I knew what was under the jump but I couldn't look away. (I totally want to see the really gross parts too.) Thank you for reminding me why I hate carpeting.

Who is going to entertain you with gymnastic skills after Ceiba is laid out in front of your fireplace? :-)


Ack! I'm torn between really wanting to buy one and check out our house...and wanting to live in denial forever.

Ewww. Do I really want to know?


The first thing I did when I purchased my condo, other than non-coin operated laundry, was replace the old carpet with hardwood floors. It's cleaner and no living with other people's mess.

Thanks for sharing your stains!


I don't need a blacklight to see all the stains left by our puking cats and peeing dogs. I just don't bother inviting people to our house anymore, and I know we'll have to replace the carpet (or provide a flooring allowance) when we someday sell this house.

If I can stand it that long. ICK. (the puke doesn't bother me as much as the pee, but then, the cats are my babies. . .)


A "wee" area rug? ROFL I am dreading the day we put this house on the market and have to rent a blacklight for our carpet first!


That is SO csi. And disgusting. I had to do that when my cats were having some issues. Mmm hmm. Brand new house + frize carpet + two peeing cats = insane lady. same equation - two peeing cats = happy lady. And I'm sure there's an old lady somewhere letting my cats pee all over her place!


Could you clean it fast enough!? We did that at a motel 1 time just to see......bought a camper!!


I'm too scared to check our carpets. the previous owners were clean, but they had a small child...and now so do we, plus two dogs and a lot of friends with both dogs and small chidlren who come to our house. I've been pushing for hardwood for the past 12 months we've lived here. Eventhough I don't WANT to know what's on/in my carpets, I'm going to buy a blacklight this weekend, and really skeeve us all into some nice hardwood. thank you for the wonderful idea - I thin kit is the only way to make my husband understand just how badly we need wood floors now that this child likes to eat her food off the floor eventhough I've steamed cleaned the carpets TWICE.

Dr. Johnny Fever

I wonder how that trick would work on the bearskin rug I, ahem, "used" when I was a pre-teen drunk on puberty and Farrah Fawcett.

Miss Britt

I refuse to buy a black light.

Ignorance is bliss.


See? This is why I DESPISE wall to wall carpeting. The sooner I can get it out of my house, the better. And I'm sure Ceiba wouldn't be able to make an ENTIRE area rug, surely you need two more dogs for the full effect? I happen to have a couple you could use.


Well, if you can't get ALL your carpet replaced at once (we are doing 1 room at a time), then you could always use your cleaner from http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2007/05/yes_im_procrast.html to tide you over! Heck, if it gets out "birthin' stuff" and "duck poop", then it should be good for a few months until you can get the rest of that carpet pulled out. I feel your pain, though...we only have 2 bedrooms, a hallway, and 1 family room to replace the flooring in and I CAN'T WAIT...and am also too scared to bring in the black light lest I lose the house altogether in my attempt to afford new flooring. Good luck! At least hardwood doesn't take very long to install. ;)


Oh man, I just ordered a blacklight off the internet yesterday because my cat has been having some issues of late. Now your pictures, combined with the fact that I'm in a rented apartment, has me seriously dreading its arrival. I may never walk around barefoot again.


This is totally making me grateful that the previous owner of our house installed brand-new carpet after her renters moved out and before we moved in. If only she hadn't painted the walls and ceiling and trim to match the carpet (which is gray)...


I truly said to Trillian yesterday, "Where are the pictures with the blacklight?"

We're the first people to live in our apartment, so any stains are our own. Our elderly dog lived with us the first two weeks we were here, but she didn't really have accidents. Nope, it would all be our son!


holy. fuck.


I am SO glad that the first thing I did when my best friend bought a house was peer pressure her into ripping out the carpet. Sure it took up the whole weekend I was visiting, but after one night on an airmattress on that carpet, I knew it had to go.

That was the "good" part of the carpet!??


OK, but seriously. My dog's pee is BRIGHT yellow, I can't miss it. I know for sure where she's done it until I clean it up. Oh, plus, we crate her when we're not home and all night long. SO, I get to keep my dog. phew.


Bring that light over, I am officially addicted.


Oh GAWD people....yes, is gross. But really, my husband (love you baby!) is so much grosser (?) than my 2 dogs and 2 cats combined, what with his complete inability to land all his piss in the fricking toilet bowl and all.

Let the black light be shined upon us disgusting humans before we shine in upon our furry well meaning companions.

-Sarah (tounge firmly planted in cheek and living in hardwood floor and tile bliss)


Hahaha and Ew that's nasty! Poor Ceiba...don't do it Amy, she's such a nice little doggie! God, that's gross!

Fraulein N

GAAAAAH! Thank gob we had new carpet installed before we moved into our apartment.


That is fucking awesome! You guys should call CSI.. might be a dead body hidden under there or something.. or just really kinky previous owners..


But our dogs have only had a couple accidents, and we cleaned them up right away ...


Time to tear up our carpet, I think. No blacklight proof is necessary, I'm sure our carpets are horrid.

Amanda Y

Gross, now in true train wreck fashion, show some more. Can't look away.


Ack! Mother of Pearl! I just wanted to thank you Amalah. Thank you for making me want to wear shoes with five pairs of socks when walking around in my own apartment.


De-lurking for my second time to say: I showed this to my husband, and he just kinda stared at it speechless for a couple seconds. I think that pretty much sums it up!

moosh in indy.



Oh YUCK. Our brand-new house has brand-new carpets, so I'm happy to know that each and every stain is there from my own cats and kids. But now? If I ever move into a house with old carpets? We're getting hardwoods installed.



Is this going to be on the next episode of Dateline?



Though I thought club soda showed up positive under blacklight as well as er um, well, maybe they liked getting it on on the rug?

Double ewwww. Thanking my lucky stars that yet again, this is brand new carpet in a brand new house.

Suzy Q

Yeah, EW and all that. More importantly, how the fuck do I get the autoflash to NOT go off on my digital camera> It's a Canon. Yes, I've read the manual. Am stupid old person.

Heather B.

I'm trying to think of all the times I've walked barefoot on that carpet...


YARGH! Gee-ross. (And I totally thought of the Valerie Bertinelli movie too!)


I want to laugh, but I am sure my carpet would hold up no better under the glaring interrogation of a black light. I have to go soak my bare feet in bleach now...


I just showed my DH those pics and he FREAKED - I don't think he knew you could do the "home version" of CSI. Thank GOD we ripped up the TWO, yes, TWO layers of old, peed up carpet when we bought our house 6 years ago. The owner had the oldest living (or not) golden retriever and apparently never let it outside, because our neighbors were like, "She had a DOG?" Gaaaaa. It was so bad we were gloves and masks when we tore it out.


uh, that would be "wore" gloves and masks..duh...


I live in a college apartment in near a big city campus..with carpet everywhere. I can only IMAGINE what it looks like.

Lady S

That's just gross.

But this saga is just one of the reasons I gave you an award, stop by and find out why.


So apparently you people watch as many bad lifetime movies as I do...because my first thought was of poor Valerie Bertenelli and her bloody remains under the blacklight...am wondering if you checked the walls for any glowing handprints on the walls, trailing down the stairs...god that movie will haunt me forever...


So after reading this entry, I immediately phoned Darren to ask if his work had a blacklight I could borrow.

He asked why, if I was going to do some CSI thing on the house that we moved into last October.

I said yes.

He said he wasn't going to feed my paranoia.

I have to go to Home Depot today.


I can NEVER do that at our house. We will be permanently blinded by the glow. The Pee Glow.


I am now even more resolute in my belief that unless you are actually a member of some sort of crime-fighting teams or living in the seventies with mass quantities of hallucinogenic chemicals coursing through your veins, blacklights have NO PLACE in everyday life.


I'm think you need a to have the dog whisper visit your house, or you need some SERIOUS obedience training. I have a dog and a cat and NEITHER of them have peep or pooped on the carpet. The cat did through up once..and I've had muddy paws but that's it.

Do you think you have enough fur for a pair of slippers?


Don't ever do this in a hotel room, by the way.

Trust me on this one.


You know, I've always wondered if that worked.
Unfortunately, you've confirmed my fears.
Since I know for a fact that my dogs are no angels, I shant be trying out the ole black light on our carpets.





Also, lolz to the fact that the brand name of the blacklight is "Stink Finder".


I was appalled by the pictures, and very happy that I only have two rooms left before my house is carpet free. Here's a site that may make you feel better. It lists household items that react under blacklight.

Love your writing!


Ok...so I know that this has probably already been said...but...that was totally NOT what I was expecting to see...I think that my head was in the gutter or something..hee

Mrs. Q.

Forget clowns, spiders and Freddy Kruger. That's the most frightening thing I have ever seen in my life. Now how the hell are you going to walk around without touching the ground? Eck. Time to Lysol the baby.

Mrs. Q.

I thought of you... one of the funniest lines on TV.


"What are all those stains?"
"Blood, urine or semen."
"God, I hope it's urine."


Can I borrow that thing for my van?


That dog has some real artistic talent. You should be proud and show off his masterpieces to all your visitors.


ewwwwwwwwwww! OUTSIDE DOGS rule for a reason!


No fair making Bossy laugh that hard and that continuously when long ago her stomach muscles petrified.


are you seriously telling me you couldn't see that from the first picture??
Girl.....buy a Dyson


You are a braver woman than I. Our results would be far scarier, I assure you.


Yuck! The people who lived in this house before us were druggies who never let their pets outside. The tile was stained from pee. The carpets had been steam cleaned multiple times, but still felt grossly greasy and nasty. We immediately ripped them all up to find it was so bad that the cement below the padding was pee stained. Yeah, everything got cleaned like you wouldn't believe and new carpets. *shudder* I can't even imagine if we'd taken the black light to it!

Two Happy Moms

OMG...how could that be?

However, the first picture seemed to tell something about it, too, I guess.

Drama Queen

I really hope *thats* just wee.

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