A Million Shades of Beige

Further Proof of How Stir-Crazy the Hardwood Install is Making Us

"Noah, today we're going to teach you the meaning of America."


"Let's go eat some wings and ogle some waitresses."

Noah was unimpressed and possibly a little embarrassed for bringing Dora to such a tacky place, although our waitress scored some points for knowing all about Swiper the Fox (I'll BET she does, heh heh) (I have no idea what I even mean by that).

Frankly, we were a little disappointed to learn how very un-subversive it is these days to take a toddler to Hooters.


The wings were awesome though. So there is that.


I did end up taking him to the playground, by the way. We do occasionally participate in enriching and age-appropriate activities.


Oh, who am I kidding. I only took him so I could show off my new iPhone to all the hot SAHDs.


It's a total man magnet, ladies. And I highly recommend it.


It also takes pretty good pictures.


Just remember that in the 30 seconds it takes you to think, "Hey, I wonder if I got any new blog comments or email or I wonder what the weather in Paris is right now," your child will have run clear out to the parking lot and you'll suddenly be the asshole with the iPhone who can't find her kid but hey, have you ever seen that sneezing panda video? It's hilarious. Let me show it to you.



You have an iPhone!? AND a gorgeous child!?

So. Jealous.


Hooters! I'd love to take my 2-year-old. He's lately gotten into winking at women. No men, just women, and from what my husband says, he has wonderful taste. He'd probably sprain his eyelid at Hooters.


I second Tory. LUCKY!


I haven't been to Hooters in years...really need to get back there and have some wings...I'll put it on my to do list.

Also, that iPhone does take really good pics!!! And Noah as always is super cute!


Those are good picture and that playground looks very modern and cool.

Im just suprised that A) Hooters has a cool Kids mat to color on and B) yall went to HOOTERS? But there are so many better resturants!


Now I'm going to be thinking about wings all day.

The quality of the iPhone photos is great.


Never been to Hooters and I don't even have a REGULAR cell phone.
I used to have a cute little boy, though. He just graduated from high school.
Amy, the next fifteen years are gonna FLY. Hug Noah HARD.


The iPhone makes Bossy feel like her Grandmother Charlotte who, ten years after the inception of answering machines, used to leave messages on Bossy's as if she'd never heard of one, like, "...said after the beep...hello? Maidele? I can't hear you if you're talking to me, hello?"

Fraulein N

Wow, those really are some high-quality photos.


Now you need to knit yourself an iPhone (see Daddy Types July 4 entry) so you can hand it to Noah to play with and he doesn't wreck yours!


I like to turn on Airplane mode and then turn it off. You get to see the orange plane fly away, which is always fun.

Trick: If you are in a program where pressing spacebar after a period won't automatically return it to ABC mode (basically Safari) or you want to write then just slide your finger from the 123 button to the .PERIOD. and then lift up--ta da, auto-back-to-ABC w/o a space.

Also, if you start typing in Safari without flipping the iPhone sideways, the keyboard locks it in place. You have to flip it widescreen BEFORE you allow the keyboard to come up.

A few tidbits from someone who quit the Apple Store juuuuust after the iPhone launch.


oooh. iphone's are pretty. i have been trying to win one via internet contests all damn week.

it's not working out so well.


iphone are so pretty. You're so lucky.


Your baby! He's a little man now.

Also, my husband is DYING for an iPhone. You would definitely attract him with your man-magnet.


My dad an my brother have taken my nephew to Hooters since he was about two. He's almost 9 now and still thinks girls are yucky, but he's well on his way to become either a vertically-challenged chauvinist or a champion-caliber wings eater.

cathy walker

Did you have to wait in those long lines for your phone? Did you take those pictures with
it because they were awesome.Noah is a little man now he is so adorable. He still looks like you. Have fun


Count me in with the jealous commenters. I WANT AN iPHONE!
And I think you should take him to Hooters now before he's old enough to really get why he shouldn't be there. :)

Woman with Kids

Hooters would be Boy 1's dream... We don't have one around here, but talk about a playground for teenagers. Or at least, hormonal teenage boys.

Anne Glamore

If i took my boys to Hooters they'd spend the rest of the week wondering why I wear this contraption called a "bra" on my chest when I clearly do not have what those waitresses have.

They might even use the word they tried to look up in the dictionary last week ("tits") but fortunately the Children's Scolastic Dictionary left that word out.

Heather B.

Ok you really need to stop talking about the iPhone because I'm crying over here. And it's not nice to make your friends cry.

I can't wait to touch that sucker.


I have never been to Hooters, my husband won't take me. Go figure.
And an iPhone? Well...ain't you friggin' speshul?!? I am not the slightest bit jealous. *coughliarcough*
I love the little Blondalah boy!

jive turkey

I hope that if you ordered milk for Noah at Hooters, you did so in the style of Michael Scott from "The Office."

"Get it? Milk!"


HOOTERS. I love it. Also, is it just me, or are the outfits horribly dated? They make them wear TIGHTS. TIGHTS AND THICK SOCKS and 80s sneakers. It drives me nutso every time I'm in there. If I'm going to Hooters, I expect...well, I do expect something other than tights and 80s sneakers. Someone needs to update that shit, yo.

(Yes, every time. We go often. It's close! And I like their shrimp!)


And not just TIGHTS (no, I cannot let this go). NUDE TIGHTS. NUDE FREAKING DANCE TIGHTS.

They must be so...sweaty in there. And Jesus, the potential for yeast infections.

hello insomnia

I'm suffering iJealousy now.


I once pretended to knee the Hooters owl mascot in the groin on Robson St. in Vancouver... but I totally connected, thus it wasn't so much with the pretending. Oops.

I didn't really feel any guilt.

I think Hooters has a slightly different rep here in Canada, because I don't know anyone that's actually been in one, but it seems like all y'all hang out in them down there. Weird.




The pictures are too cute. I've been scrolling up and down between the first two playground ones for about thirty seconds now, saying in my head, "Near. Far. Near. Far."

Black Belt Mama

I missed the movie post window of commentability. Just wanted to say that Nemo was when I took my oldest daughter. She was about the same age. It was great until I ran out of food and then it was running up and down the aisles for the remainder. I reminded my husband of that little event when he suggested we take our daughters (little one same age as Noah) to see the same movie. He still wants to try. I say he can try it on his own!

Wacky Mommy

With few words, you said so much here.


You lost me at iPhone. Am so jealous now, I will try to hate you.... Can't do it, overwhelmed by adoration. (Still blindly jealous over iPhone, though)

Humor Girl



yeah yeah enough about everything else, we need pictures of the iphone and a full commentary on it and OMG YOU HAVE AN IPHONE!!!!!JERK


I don't think there is anything better in the world than seeing a baby in Hooters. I don't know why but it brings me joy

laughing mommy

You have hot stay at home dads where you live? I don't think I've EVER seen one here.


i think i may have to do a one-time gig as a prostitute, so i can get me one of them pretty iphones.
p.s. hooters=yummy.


My 8 yr old son L.O.V.E.S. Hooters. He long ago figured out I will no longer indulge him in McDonalds - but Hooters, totally nutritious! Whenver I go to the bathroom I just leave him up at front sitting with all the girls - that's where he prefers to be anyway.


Great, now I have no excuse when my husband says "let's have dinner at Hooters".

And I think you took Noah to that playground because his shirt coordinates with the playground floor and wall. Right?


The other night i dreamt my husband bought me an iPhone as my 'push prize.' I woke up disappointed.

Full review, please: do you love it?


I do not get the iPhone hysteria. Am I the only one who thinks it's a waste of money? Ok then...I'll shut up!


Amy talks about her deep love for the iphone in great detail over at Mamapop. I only understood about a third of what she said, but, did grasp that she loves it! Check it out.


Did you take those pictures with your iPhone? Man, talk about quality! Steve Jobs is a rockstar!

Lisa V

My teenager and my husband both want to move in with you for your iPhone. They will watch Noah, and entertain him, AND potty train him when the time comes in return.


Okay, Noah's little mini-man Pumas are crazy-cute, made lethal by the socklessness and the mini-man outfit. Lordy, I love me some children dressed up as miniature people!! :)

Andrea C

I now offically hate you both for having the iphone which i am dying for but refused to move to AT&T.
two for hooters wings. i love them. I hope you explained to Noah that the uniforms there are very outdated and should not ever expect his mommy to wear such terrible clothing!


Oh, and iPhone? YOU WHORE I HATE YOU.


i LOVE his pumas!!


Serious, serious iPhone jealousy.


I've never been to Hooters, apparently I am missing out. I am always up for a good helping of wings.

My husband would be all over you at the playground to get his hands on your iPhone. I really want one for myself, but can't quite justify it, yet.

That boy of yours gets cuter every day, I love his hair!


iPhone? *drool*

I'm way more jealous of that than the hardwood floors.

Mama Zen

Man magnet, huh? That iphone is looking better and better!


Are those baby Pumas? Er, excuse me, toddler Pumas? Too cute!

Also, you're a bitch for having an iPhone. :P


You got an IPhone? Sqeeee!!! I am totally geeking on that, and I have always been a 'take the free phone the cell company gives you' person.

Hooters is awesome with a cute kid. I have no problems with the young ladies with the perky boobs and their food is great. When you've got a cute kid, the hubby is happier, because the waitress pays more attention to your table!

Now, when you go into one right next to the airport you're flying out of and you're a female by yourself, let's just say that makes all the guys look at you funny! I just like their Buffalo shrimp far more than any of the food offerings at that airport.


I am more than a little relieved that y'all like Hooters too. I feel so close to everybody now! Let's hug.

To be fair, we actually tried to eat dinner at this little hole-in-the-wall Asian place that's supposed to be amazing, but we ended up hating what we ordered and left starving. And since it was the 4th we didn't have a lot of other choices, and I decided that eff this, I wanted cheese fries and beer. And honestly, of all the big chain restaurants that serve deep-fried crap, I think Hooters' deep-fried crap is the most delicious. Plus! Hot ass in support hose! Bonus!

Oh, and like I keep saying about the iPhone: yes, it's insanely expensive (Jason surprised me with it...I had NO idea he was even thinking about getting one), but it's not just a phone. It's a camera, an iPod, a dayplanner AND a mini-laptop with email and Internet, all in one. Even if you just buy a camera and an ipod, you're probably going to spend more than the price of the iPhone.

But still. I can't afford to go to Blogher now.


We also got wings and cheese-fries on the 4th (from Glory waitress had a lot more clothes on). Totally American!

When my husband found out you got an iPhone, I think he nearly crapped his pants. He wants one SOOOOO bad that he put the little iPhone ring-tone on his Motorola Q (sounds like some gay marimba to me...which I announce each time it rings in my presence). If he was pushing out this kid, I would consider getting it for him (even though I have an employee discount with Verizon and AT&Ts coverage out here sucks), but he's not, so I'm not. He can just keep reading your blog and drool instead.


Oh I get it, you ate at Hooters because you spent so much money on the iPhone.

Did Jason include a review of Hooters on his blog?


I got one too! I got one too!

I actually feel really silly pulling it out in public.

But secretly, it makes me happy to just have it in my pocket.


"Life begins at Hooters"

Why do I think that that may be truer than they realize

sarcastic journalist

Awww, you got the iPhone? WHY?????


Did Jason get one too? Or do you share the joy? You gotta make it to Blogher! Just knowing you're in Illinois (with me!) would crack my shit up!


sneezing panda? where's the link?


He's a cutie. I might try that phone, I could use a little attention!

Moving Mama

So funny about Hooters - it seems like everyone says those wings are outrageous...

moosh in indy.

And now my husband has an excuse to take us to Hooters, just because someone else did it.

Kathy/ Lessons from the Laundry

I never would have guessed that Hooters has a kids coloring menu??? All the cultural experiences I need to expose my children to...

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