Sorry, sorry. Sorry! I mentioned that Friday's evaluation wasn't the important one, that it was probably just formalities and paperwork and that sort of thing, so after it turned out to be JUST EXACTLY THAT I couldn't think of anything to say about it. Formalities and paperwork. The Nonevent of the Century. A very nice woman came to our house. We all marched downstairs to Noah's basement playroom, which I'd frantically cleaned that morning, and I even stacked the Play-Dough neatly and in rainbow order, like I don't know WHERE Noah gets this crazy need to arrange his toys in tidy little lines; the kid is such a freak sometimes. She asked a million questions about Noah and pulled out some toys. Noah obliged her requests to put some blocks in a bucket so long as everybody would applaud for him, then called a reflection of himself "ababee" and stared blankly when asked to name some Teletubby dolls. I told her we were more of a Dora and Blue's Clues household, and she wrote that down. (MOTHER ADMITS CHILD WATCHES CARTOONS. FAIL!) We signed some forms. We received more helpful worksheets and checklists and a freaking awesome booklet called DREAMS... Read more →

I just got a phone call from Early Intervention: our initial intake assessment (which consists of signing paperwork and making sure that we don't keep Noah locked in the liquor cabinet) has been bumped up from August 8th to...tomorrow morning. 9 am. I'm thrilled that we're getting things underway as soon as possible, but also pissed as hell because Jason has neglected to put out the recycling for two straight weeks and now I have to go hide empty wine bottles like...like some kind of person who drinks too much wine. God. Anyway, this isn't the important assessment (the one that will determine what services Noah qualifies for, if any, and oh dear GOD he better fail that one spectacularly), but it's something. In the meantime, how about some pictures? Baby vs. Sprinkler, the Final Showdown (I can SO still call him a baby. He's still got his elbow and knuckle dimples.) By the way, despite being QUITE the chunker at birth, Noah only ("only") weighs 26 pounds now. He wears 6-12 month shorts. We buy 18-24 month shirts, which cover his belly but the sleeves hang past his elbows. He wears size 7 shoes. None of those numbers make... Read more →

A big manilla envelope arrived in the mail yesterday -- a welcome package from the Early Intervention people. It was addressed specifically to Noah, and cover letter was both exceedingly chipper (Dear Family! Hi! Welcome! Thank you SO MUCH for submitting an application! It was just what we wanted and exactly the right size.) and kind of vague (Someone from our staff will contact you by phone. More information will be available at that time. This letter will self-destruct if fed through a shredder.). The package included several helpful worksheets and "Help Your Child Learn to Talk!" checklists, most of which boiled down to: Have ya tried reading to your kid, jackass? *** I was folding laundry in our bedroom yesterday, and Noah was down the hall in his room. Reading book after book after book. He'd pull a book off his shelf and slowly page through it, pointing at objects he recognized, cocking his head and pondering ones he didn't. Then he'd close the book with a soft sigh and reach for a new one. He didn't say a word. I debated joining him. I should be reading those books TO him. I should be labeling all the pictures... Read more →

Our county's Early Intervention department called this morning. Initial intake assessment will be done on August 8th at 9 am. The two-hour one, the important one, will probably be done the next day. FYI to those of y'all using this blog to gauge your own child and the appropriate level of concern: After listening to our worries and the extent of Noah's vocabulary, they originally told us the big evaluation probably couldn't be done until the end of August or even the beginning of September. But once we told them about how Noah loses words (plane/light/fan all turning back into "nah" after awhile, for example, while other words vanish all together), they ever-so-suddenly bumped him up to the front of the line and gave us the August 9th slot. I have no idea what that means, if anything. And I don't really have much else to say today. I read the new Harry Potter. I got my hair cut. We bought some ice cream cones and ate them while Noah splashed in a fountain. Jason turned to me and said, "You know what? I'm not worried about him anymore. I think he's going to be just fine." "I agree," I... Read more →

So it's been a full week since Noah's appointment, since this relatively minor, unbelievably common little thing swept into our lives and just completely trashed the joint. We're still at least a week away from an evaluation and a plan of action, which makes me feel like we're standing still. Except that we're flies, and we're standing in a puddle of Windex, wondering how the fuck we got into this mess in the first place. Not that I would know what that looks like, or anything. *cough* *spritz* *maniacal laughter* Anyway. I've spent the past week analyzing and over-analyzing Noah, feeling incredibly guilty for over-analyzing Noah, and wishing I could just go back a week when it was all just a nagging worry (a nagging worry I was perfectly able to push away with a dollop of denial, as evidenced in this post, where I expertly masked the fear that prompted me to make the appointment in the first place by blaming "them" and the easily-scapegoated "they") instead of a nagging question mark of Is He Okay And Why Is He Doing That Weird Thing? I've also spent the past week going on sangria-soaked playdates, making Thomas go round his... Read more →

Jason has advised me to change the subject, by the way. After I got a little blubbery for what was probably the 20th time over the weekend about all the emails and comments and that rare sense of being understood (you get me, you really get me!), he gently reminded me that the Internet will turn on you faster than a...um...fast, spinning-type thing...once the Get Over It Mafia decides that it is time to get over it, and the fact that you are not getting over it suggests a calculated decision to exploit your child in exchange for delicious, life-affirming triple-digit-comment numbers. What can I say? I have been blogging too long, and also have a very rich fantasy life. And I enjoy dipping it into some velvety paranoia once in awhile. (Also: Using delicious, rich, dipping and velvety in the span of two sentences suggests that I am hungry, and should go make some pudding. There. You now know everything there is to decoding my psyche.) So I sat down and tried to think of something else to talk about, and all I can come up with are the flies. You see, we have flies. And... Yeah. Flies. The... Read more →

Video of me. (It's off the homepage now, so click on "Videos" and then "Keyboard Confidential.") Podcast of me. Another podcast of me. There. Go. I can't bear to watch or listen to any of them. I am hiding behind my fingers at the THOUGHT of watching or listening to any of them, but it's okay if you watch or listen just PLEASE DON'T TELL ME ABOUT THEM. La la laaaaa. The video is an interview from last year's Blogher with the lovely Leah of leahpeah. And me. And my upper arms and the not-flattering right side of my head. The first podcast is from the panel I was on at SXSW Interactive earlier this year. It's been available for awhile but I finally decided to link to it today, since it's suddenly some kind of Amalah Talky Moving Picture Media Day over here. I talked a lot, I remember, even when questions weren't really directed at me. I also brought the sap near the end, and generally just kind of sucked. Everybody else was smart and pretty though. The second podcast is from that Sirius radio show I did last week. It was very early and they made me... Read more →

Noah's fortune cookie: Amy: *gets all weepy, because there is will! there is way!" Jason: Noah could totally spot the typos in this one. Jason's fortune cookie: Amy: *gets all weepy, because we will not remain idle! we will press forward! we will get through this!* Jason: Wait, did I just get insulted by a cookie? Amy's fortune cookie: Jason: Huh? Amy: Dude! We're totally going to an orgy. Read more →

I woke up in a terrible, horrible self-pitying funk on Friday. Noah was humming away in his crib and...all I heard was a symptom on a checklist. (I should clarify that Noah's babbling is not really "babbling" sometimes -- he usually just hums a steady vowel sound but changes his pitch and inflection. He mimics the melody of speech but not the lyrics.) It wasn't my son, it was my son's "disorder," and the realization that I was letting this "thing" change how I look at him sent me on a huge crying jag. And I know (AH KNOW) that this thing is not a big huge serious thing. In the realm of big huge serious things, this is a blip. A trifle. A story we will one day laugh about, probably while trying to have an adult conversation over the din of Noah's VERY IMPORTANT STORY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON DORA TODAY MAMA, DORA WENT OVER THE TROLL BRIDGE AND YOU KNOW WHAT? MAMA? YOU KNOW WHAT? THE TROLL WAS GRUMPY. But while this is a tiny thing, this is also MY BABY we are talking about. My... Read more →

Well. He's speech delayed. All official-like. Oh, dial back on the melodrama, Self. Whatever. He's okay. I'm okay! I was a little late to our appointment. Because I kept changing my shirt. I was looking for my most-capable-looking outfit, as Cher Horowitz would say, and couldn't figure out how best to look like a responsible, informed mother...but, you know, not like a helicoptering stage mother who spends too much time on Google. I am thinking that mother owns a lot of sweater sets. In the end, I wore shorts and a tank top. But! I wore a BELT. I was READY. I read all of your lovely comments while we waited in the exam room (iPhone! iPhoneiPhoneiPhonemmmm), and after the dozenth or so story about a late-talking kid who went on to be perfectly fine and smart and become President of the United States and inventor of the TiVo, I began to feel really silly for even being there. This is ridiculous! He's fine! So I shoved my phone back in my bag and waited for the doctor to come in and tell me how fine everything was. Noah was particularly charming during the entire appointment and clearly developed a... Read more →