Did you ever see that film called 'The Fly'? Scared me shitless. Any pics? I'm grossly fascinated.

Flies! Great fun all around. I'd rather hear about Noah, though--even if it's about his speech delay.

Are you guys calling Terminex yet?

For flies, spray them with Windex. Especially nice since they are hanging out on your window, you can just pretend you are cleaning. It'll make it hard for them to fly, and they are easier to whack. Spray them enough and it'll kill them right out.

"Just because a fly drops to the ground does not mean it is remotely dead. It is merely stunned -- 'tis a flesh wound -- and when you return with a tissue to clean up the carnage it will be gone, and it will heal and learn and assimilate and you will find it later doing the backstroke in your Pinot Noir."

jesus god I just spit out my water.

do NOT underestimate those flies. they may appear to be carefree and perhaps ignorant of the world around them. but secretly they are plotting. if after the window change, they are still there? run for your lives. (or call someone who can kill them.)

What is it with the flies this year? We've got them like crazy in VA too. Horrid, kamikaze ones that even the cat won't attack. The best remedy I've come across?

A three pack of old fashioned, wire handled fly swatters from Dollar Tree.

One for you, one for hubby and a clean one for Noah so he can get in touch with his kill-insect instinct.

Oh and taking out the trash more than once a month helps tremendously... not that I know anything bout that.

I didn't want you to change the subject. Even if you had changed it to something less gross and inane ;)A-wanna hear about Noah's speech progess, please!

Per "AGH" - you actually don't need to quite whack them with the dishtowel. You need to snap the dishtowel in the air by the fly as if the fly were a man's ass in the gym. The noise of the snapping towel will be a sonic boom in fly decibels, and it will drop to the floor, stunned. Pick it up with a paper towel, consider a just death, and then flush it, squish it, microwave it, whatever.

OMG! I had the same problem in my apartment last year! I had them in there for weeks! They would greet me at the windows (staring at me stuck to the window) everytime I came home from work. I don't like pesticides either, so each morning and evening I would go fly hunting, even invited my sister over! I ended up having to seal around all of my doors and shut my windows and make sure they could not crawl in....somehow once the first few got in, they would run in and out and show the rest how to get in....and then they bred. One night, the night of my meltdown about a week and a half into it...I had fly guts and blood smeared all over my cabinets. eh. Had to COMPLETELY bleach and clean everything everyday. But once I sealed it up (made sure all cracks were sealed, weather stripping in place), they were gone....just like that! I got really good at killing them mid-fly though--I'm a pro flyswatter. That should be a sport!

You know you've made it when you can post about flies and people are lining up to post their own stories about flies on your comments page. Not that there's anything wrong with discussions on flies and other insects, because there isn't. I'm just sayin'...

Someone told me that with fruit flies, a jar with a little cider vinegar in it and saran wrap with little slits cut through it over the top works well. Will this trap bigger flies? I don't know, but it is worth a try.

Just a flesh wound! Good luck rousting the buggers!

Whatcho' gotta do is get yourself some of those No Pest strips. You can hang them high enough to be out of reach of little hands (of course, you'll walk into them but it beats being dive bombed by insects) (involuntary shudder).

While pet sitting for my sister, her house was set upon by A Swarm of Biblical Proportions and those strips cleared it up lickety split.

I second the electric flyswatter thingie. It's like a tennis racket and make satisfying pops, crackles and sparks when you get one of the buggers. Doesn't work great on fast-moving flies, but it's more fun than the tea towel.

My BEAGLE eats flies! I am not kidding. She catches any that dare enter our house. It is amazing. So rent yourself one of them or something.

If only she could catch carpenter bees. (If that's what you have, they NEVER go away in my experience). At least not in the 5 years we've had them, and we have an exterminator that comes regularly. Because we have gross gross ants and are dirty dirty people too.

"...we are gross gross grossy people who live here covered in gross."
HA!

Alas, I have no helpful fly-killing solutions but can commiserate with an annoying bug problem of my own: little gnat-like things that ONLY show up after dark on a particular patch of wall in my master bath. That is all kinds of Amityville Horror WEIRD. Ick.

A wine bottle with a tiny bit of wine left in the bottom and sugar sprinkled on the opening and then down inside. They go down to do the backstroke (as you noticed), but for whatever reason can't fly back out.

I use this to trap both house and fruit flies. It's a nice, incognito way to trap them since all my friends are used to seeing wine bottles around my place anyway.

I recommend replacing the bottle every couple of days until they've all died horrible drowning deaths.

Ummm...flyspray? It won't kill you, you know.

Ummm...Amy?

fly babies=maggots

Not sure if you already thought of that. Kinda amps up the ick factor, huh. Gawd I hate flies.

We have a "little house" in the woods. Built by a friend at my parents' house. Anyway. It gets FILLED with flies. Everywhere. One time when I was younger, my mom charged me with ridding of the flies. I was babysitting, so gave the two school-aged boys flyswatters and shut the door. They came out FIVE minutes later, looking pleased with themselves as if they'd just been to an amusement park or something. I went in, and EVERY DAMN FLY was dead.
My advice? Hire a couple of school-aged boys with cheap-ass flyswatters to come in a take care of the problem. They'll think it is fun and you're problem will be gone (with a bit of luck, that is).

Yeah, if you spray them with almost anything mid-flight (bug spray, windex, hair spray) you'll stun 'em enough to swat then dispose. I would suggest that you carry an ample supply of tissues on your person to avoid their disappearance.

Our problem this summer seems to be beetles in the house. I really have to whack the crap out of them, since they are about four times the size of a fly with a hard shell (but tasty, creamy fillings), before scooping up with a tissue to flush.

I'm assuming you have a dyson or other similar bagless vac so the vac thing is just as gross as the smash.

Go to the HomeImprovement SuperCenter - get a jug of ortho home defense - spray liberally after putting Noah in a safe place (I'd spray from the outside in). laugh your ever lovin' you know what off as they die - then suck 'em up and laugh more.

Fly swatters might work better than Vogue. Flies are fast. Vogue is slow.

I live in the country. I know this because I too am dealing with flies but am also dealing with a mole (or two....fuckers...terrorizing my flower bed and new plants and fresh mulch). Oh, and I ran over an armadillo the other night on my way home. It was the grossest thing ever.

In my land, we also have spiders. The spiders like to live under the baseboards. So, if you whack the fly to the ground, generally a hungry spider will get them before the fly snaps out of it. My husband discovered this and promptly yelled across the house "Hurry, it's the circle of life in our own kitchen! Cool!"

We have flies to. Scratch that- HAD flies. Here are my secrets:
1) Get out the hose attachment to you vaccum. Suck them and their baby eggs out of the windows.
2) Go to a farm supply store and get this tiny little square of yellow brick looks like plastic stuff. Farmers use one little one for a who barn AND it's same to use around animals, babies, and FOOD. Caterers use it in pantries and the like. Hang it on a ceiling fan in a central room.

You'll never have another fly again.

Well, at least until the yellow thing dries up in two years.

Oh my god, my parents have those crazy-ass burrowing bees in their front yard and they scare the crap out of me! What kind of a bee digs holes?

Flies die in like, three days. Wait...don't ask me how I know that. Ew!

Maybe use your blacklight to show them just how disgusting they are and they will collectively fly into a passing car windshield because they are so disguted by their own disgustingness.

Seriously, though, we have a new kitty -- a black kitty named Snowball -- and she lives for all things flying. She is afraid to step toe outside, but if a bug gets in, watch out. She will hunt it down and eat it. Yes, it is quite disgusting, but we have nary a pest in our house!

We have also been having fly issues... we just moved into our new house and those bitches are CRAZY. Our builder said it's just the area and that it's so hot outside, whatever I want them out of here. I find that my son's pajama pants (when he isn't wearing them of course) are best to kill those suckers. The pants seem to fly REALLY fast and give the fly NO warning whatsoever...

And I agree with your first point about that flies... the first hit almost NEVER kills them. That's why a shoe comes in handy for the second part haha...

Remember in My Big Fat Greek Wedding how Windex cured everything? It is THE MOST effective fly killer on the market with the added bonus of making your windows spot free. I've used a whole bottle this summer alone and my windows have never looked better, plus the soul sucking flies are dead.

I hate flies. I get violent with them, meaning, I kill them dead.

I also use a lot of kung-fu moves. You might try that.

I certainly can't add to the suggestions on how to get rid of flies in the house. But I can say this: Don't leave out pet food! they could use that for food and a place to lay eggs. Found that out the hard way...I woke up to a bazillion new flies on the kitchen ceiling one morning and found out the pet food had been their prefered source of protein. I can't spell Giant Freak Out Session in large enough letters on here. It was like something out of a horror movie. I hid in the bathroom and alternately screamed and cried and stuffed towels under the door while my husband killed all of them and cleaned up the kitchen. Just had to share!!

Kozy Shack Chocolate Pudding is one of my guilty white trash pleasures. I go for the tub. Heh.

As for the flies...well, my cat loves pwning them. Your little pooch obviously isn't into it. Orkin man?

Delurking to say that I, too, have flies right now. Granted mine are fruitflies, but they are gross and I want them gone gone gone. My mom suggested spraying, but I think I might try that something in a jar tip suggested earlier. Thanks Amy for the post about flies!

(I've been really enjoying your posts lately: they are so frank and honest. I hope things progress with Noah fantastically in the next few months. He is a darling boy!)

We had a fly invasion last week after leaving the door open for half a minute while at the same time grilling. One night of fly paper (yes, the shack in the woods sticky kind) hung under the lights (which seemed to attract them) got rid of them. Not exactly classy, definitely gross, but very effective. And no poison contaminating our home.

Delurking to swear by zip-loc bags filled with about 1/2 - 3/4 cups water. Tack it near or above your doors/windows and the flies WILL NOT come near. These bags are used in many BBQ restaurants down south (NM) to keep the flies away. I'm not sure how well they'll help since the flies are already inside, but it will definitely deter them from coming in. And trying it is free.

I probably shouldn't post here because (even though I'm an avid reader) the only other time that I've posted was to comment about the fact that I can relate to the flour weevel (sp?) infestation. Hence, commenting here to relate to the fly infestation only leads you to believe that I have a HUGE problem with bugs!!! But, alas, you do too, so here I type! Ummm, all I wanted to add was a forewarning of the massive amuonts of unexpected fly poop that you will find here there and everywhere. Little black dots on window sills, floors and the dreaded roman shades that the stains will NOT come out of. If you find a solution for the fly pooh removal please let me know!!!

Since I can't see Noah I have no way of knowing if you may or may not be overreacting. What I do know is that this development is really upsetting to you and that's what is important.

Until Noah gets his own blog and writes about his genuine amazement over his obsession with Philosophy Purity Made Simple face wash, I come hear to read what is important to you.

Blogging about possible language delays? Bring it.

Eww! Eww! Eww! The Bugs! They are gross! Fortunately, we don't get too much more than the occasional intruder, which I leave up to The Husband to take care of. I often tell him the only reason I got married was to have someone kill bugs and open jars. (But he knows I really love him!)

Home Defense Max by Ortho(?) is a good do-it-yourself Bug Stopper. (And cheap!) That's what I use here. Buy the larger size with the pull handle gun trigger nozzle whatchamacallit. Much faster to apply!

Also, I have NEVER EVER EVER seen a cochkroach in real life. And I'm completely ok with that.

I have drowned several dozen flies with Windex this afternoon, and while that is one awful, excruciating death, I LOVE IT. BWA HA HA MOTHERFUCKERS.

The only problem is that I have to keep Noah away from my fly-slaughter activities because it seems to upset him. Too much Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends, perhaps? Or maybe just all the screechy psychotic glee from Mama?

Hi! Hi! I'm still feeling sympathetic and supportive. Noah rocks and is perfect. All will be well, including Project Flyswat

Okay you kill me with the Grey Gardens reference... You are hilarious, my dear..

I totally vacuum mine too...it works really well, and isn't as gross as squishing them.

Wow! I've been out of the loop for awhile and have just been catching up and feel like I'm experiencing a flashback. My son has been there. He's now six and going into first grade, but he wasn't talking by 2 years old, had problems with certain textures of foods, great gross motor skills, etc - a lot of the same things you're talking about with Noah. Speech delays are SO common in kids, especially little boys for some reason. I know that doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but it WILL be fine. My son just finished a year of normal kindergarten after being in Early Childhood Education through our school district for 3 years and he's doing great. His speech is so much better.

Sadly, we did find out that he was born with mild to moderate hearing loss and that is the main cause of his speech delay. I'm telling you this only because I want you to be able to rule that out with Noah. Please make sure they test his hearing.

I totally agree with you when you talk about trusting your instincts. You are his mother and you know him best. For too long, I let people talk me out of thinking that something was going on with our son.

It's also your right to be upset about it and talking about it definately helps. Unload on us, we can take it and none of us will ever turn on you.

I swear we went through the stages of grief when we were told our son's speech was delayed. It's hard to deal with, but you'll all get through it just fine - and when you can't get him to stop talking out in public at this time next year, you'll laugh and remember back to when you wanted so badly for him to be able to talk!

Keep us posted - we care!!!

Beware of flies that come back to life. Bossy isn't kidding. What looks sufficiently dead turns out to be "stunned". Sorry you won't be at BlogHer. Bossy was looking forward to meeting you.

I flush all offending insect-type things at my house. Also receipts I don't want my husband to see but that's another story. I think your mistake is in not having your tissue in hand when you are stalking your prey. Also, a very white-trashy tip for future window installation that actually works. Take those clear plastic vegetable bags from the grocery store and fill them about 1/2 full of water. Hang them about top-of-head level outside somewhere in front of open doors and windows. For some odd reason this is a Road Closed sign to Flies. Your neighbors may talk but your house should be fly-free.

This actually just happened to us - but I think because my children cannot seem to understand the words "CLOSE THE DANG DOOR!"

I used a bug spray. I waited until the kids were out of the house or in their rooms and sprayed "flying insect spray". Flies are finally gone.

(Of course, this was after the home inspection when potential home buyer walked through the infestation - yay!)

And also? Sometimes it's ok to not change the subject. :-)

I just moved from New York to London. you know what the big difference between our countries is? it's not that they say lift instead of elevator. it is that THEY DO NOT HAVE SCREENS ON THEIR WINDOWS. they don't have screens period.i have killed at least a million flies. and these are not your garden variety houseflies. they are the size of pigeons! i smacked one the other day on the window and it left me the gift of maggots!!! bleck, i just skeeved myself out. i have to go lie down.

I have one of those electric flyswatters. They aren't going to reduce the amount of flies in your house, but the ZZZPTTT electric noise they make when they fry those little suckers is oh so satisfying.

here is another ridiculous story of terrible parenting. this kind of tragedy has been happenng far too often recently! check it out and let me know what you think: http://www.mypetpeeves.com/plog/index.php/archives/2498