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July 2007
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September 2007

If you thought new windows were boring, just wait until you hear about my new dishwasher

Over the weekend we got a letter from GE kindly informing us that our dishwasher could potentially and possibly and also very bloody damn well likely set our house on fire. And then they offered us $300 towards a new one, presumably without the HOUSE GO KABLOOMIE feature. Unlike when Fisher Price informed us that we were the proud owners of several toxic tub toys (assholes, by the way. and Mattel too. can't we parents buy cheap plastic crap in the likeness of brain-rotting TV characters with confidence?), we were actually happy to hear about this recall, since we thought the dishwasher was a piece of shit to begin with and planned to replace it anyway. So we bought a shiny new dishwasher this weekend, and I am currently twiddling my thumbs and waiting for it to be delivered and installed today. (Aren't you impressed at how good my typing still is?) Yes, this is truly my only news to report. Yes, this is truly what my life has become. If you read this post (go on, I'll wait, I'm thisclose to getting a traffic bonus for the month over there and I also need some damn drapes), you'll know... Read more →

That's Hott

I wrote this sign as a reminder for the window guys, who are here today to finally install our long-awaited new and non-crap windows, but I'm finding it extremely helpful for myself, as I keep walking into the bathroom, noticing the sign and making a panicked run up the stairs, cursing the terrible inconvenience of not being able to use the toilet closest to my body at all times, and finally remembering how I used to live with just one toilet that was on a different floor about 99% of the time, even while pregnant, and I wonder: where the fuck was my medal? In other news, did I mention the new windows? The team descended on our house about an hour ago and I am surrounded by a literal symphony of destruction as they smash and destroy the old (chipped peeling drafty non-stay-upping) windows and there is no better sound in the world. I'm tempted to ask them to leave one behind for me to take a baseball bat to, Office-Space style, in the backyard. Jason and I had a little anniversary thing last week -- nine damn years, he's been putting up with my nonsense -- so we... Read more →


I woke up this morning with a weird sickish vibe -- similar to the feeling I get right before flying cross-country. By myself, with four connections. I had at least three anxiety dreams last night, all of which were about me oversleeping and having to let the evaluation people in while only wearing my underwear. So I woke up at 6 and was dressed and ready and staring at the door by 7. They came at nine. Two ladies -- one speech pathologist and one special education teacher. They were warm and friendly and lovely. They took one look at Noah and gasped. "He's GORGEOUS!" they gushed. I liked them instantly. Jason stayed home and we sat on the couch, while I positioned myself best for subtle kicks to his ankle if he got too braggy about Noah's abilities because THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT. STICK TO THE SCRIPT. ALL IS DIRE AND LOST AND WOE. They gave Noah a series of puzzles and toys and simple instructions. His Royal Hamness excelled at almost all of them. He looked for praise and smiles and deftly manipulated pennies into a coin slot. He didn't understand when they asked him... Read more →

It is too hot to write anything; here, have some pictures

My lands. I just went outside to toss an entirely reasonable number of empties into the recycling bin and nearly caught on fire. Had a playdate with Jodi and Michael yesterday; a playdate that ended with me sort of...camping out at their house for a really long time, well past reasonable playdate hours for various complicated reasons, one of which is that I'm an asshole who doesn't really plan her days all that well. And I think that is perfectly illustrated in this photo: That's my kid, eating another kid's dinner, wearing a dishrag for a bib. (REDRUM! REDRUM!) Luckily Michael seemed more than happy to share. Did you know that 2.5 year olds are like, fully formed little people? Who don't sit in high chairs or use bibs and can like, TELL you that they don't want their little lion, they want their BIG lion, and also about the time they saw a polar bear at the zoo? Noah spent most of our time at Jodi's playing with a bag of Dungeon & Dragons dice. Oh, and playing in a fort that her husband made for the boys after he got home from work, because you know, I WAS... Read more →

Dirty Spoiled Rotten Scoundrel

Oh my God, can you even stand it? A trip to Target for a picture frame and some coffee filters resulted in an inflatable Thinking Chair instead. Luckily I have learned that a paper towel can be used instead of a coffee filter. That's one to grow on! Not much else to report here. Still marking time until our assessment on Thursday, still alternating between worry and heartburn and feeling pretty optimistic about everything, especially since Noah said "bye-bye Dada" this morning, all by himself, the first time we've EVER heard two words put together, even if "bye-bye" still sounds suspiciously like "ball-ball." He's saying "truck" again, but now we've lost "car." I blame the SUV market, frankly. We also went back to that Moroccan restaurant (shut up. the bastilla is soooo freaking gooood.) with some friends, and after insisting OVER AND OVER LIKE ASSHOLES that we needed to go early, before the belly dancing, because Noah would freak out otherwise, can probably guess what happened. We were just waiting for our check when I noticed it was pretty close to dancing time, so I pulled Noah onto my lap and told him that "the pretty sparkly lady is... Read more →


A comment from mcewen, from a couple days ago: I've just been reading some of your first posts from way back when. I wondered if you ever did too, just to see how much your life has changed? I avoid my own archives like the plague, actually, since every time I go through old entries I cringe and get all delete-post-happy. But trust me, I know what you mean, and it does blow my mind sometimes. Especially since I still wouldn't change a thing. I've gotten quite a few emails (politely) asking for more details regarding the squishy and mysterious "sensory issues" I keep dancing around. Everybody wants to compare notes. Everybody wants to know whether they should worry. What does your kid do; mine does this; our therapist said this but our doctor said that. Here's the thing: I am not a doctor or an expert and in fact, have not yet read more than five pages of the book in that photo, and I read those in the aisle at Border's while Noah pitched a fit and the woman who was thumbing through What To Expect While You're Expecting stared at the book in my hands with this... Read more →