The Absolutely Everything I Have Learned About Speech Delays Entry
Weekend: Horror Movie Edition

A Little Off the Top

I've been dragging my feet all week over this post, but y'all are so lovely and sweet and caring that I just cannot lie to you anymore. I simply must confess.

We cut Noah's hair this weekend.

Wait! Don't cry! It's okay!

We actually cut Noah's hair once already, way back in February, at one of those kiddie salons. I asked the...stylist? barber? person who cuts hair with the same finesse as a toddler cuts construction paper with some safety scissors? leave his hair longish. "Just trim the bangs," I said. "Maybe clean up the back a little bit."

Of course, her internal cutting computer defaulted to BOY = SHORT = DWEEB and she practically shaved his head.



But there was no doubt that his hair has been getting a little ridiculous lately. I found myself contemplating a spray bottle at the drugstore so I could spritz and scrunch his curls back into shape during the day.

(Okay, so maybe I was the one who was getting a little ridiculous. But clearly, I had to be stopped.)

This time I took him to my stylist, and let me tell you, there are few things better than watching a flamboyant gay man with a bleached mohawk gently fuss over your child's hair. Especially when the whole affair is so pleasingly color-coordinated.


"Please don't make him look dweeby," I said. "Or Republican."


"I know not to cut the curls," he said. "Trust me, I KNOW."


I don't know who this man is or what he's doing to me, but if anyone messes with mah juice I will set this whole place on fire.

So. We still have curls and hippie hair. It's just a little less tempting to pull his hair into ponytails tied up with little bows now. He still looks pretty adorable while wearing my headbands, not that I would allow that sort of thing, or put them on him deliberately, and anyway, we call them hats.


We're getting professional photos taken on Tuesday. So we just need to make it through the next four days without any new face bruises, cuts, fat lips or black eyes. I should probably just pad the entire house with a layer of bubble wrap.



My son's first school photo? He was wearing concealer to cover the giant bruise he managed to get down the center of his forehead and all the way down his nose!


I'm first? yay! i've NEVER been first! and noah's hair? is still yummy. (tho i nearly stroked out at the first photo, thinking it was current!)


crap. beaten by heather.

hello insomnia

I would just dress him up in furniture padding because, hey, if it worked for my couch, then it certainly could work for a toddler, right?


ADORABLE! Although I gotta say, I loved the little mormon republican cut. It was so classic little boy!


In that close up picture of him with his juice, he looks EXACTLY like you. And I love the new hair cut. That kid is a doll.


Gasp! We shan't have our children looking Republican!
Noah looks quite adorable. Which is typical Noah style. And I LOVE the expression on Jason's face in the 3rd picture! I wonder what he was thinking at that moment?
Also, does your stylist make house calls? To Michigan?


I love the new 'do. He's gonna be a heartbreaker!


ACK! You guys are too fast! I am still fixign teh typoos.


We call them hats? Dahahahahaha! I love it!


I dont know if your comments accept links, but have to show you these. (I know I've pointed this out before.) LilZ and Noah have the same hair (but LilZ's was darker):

Our first republican haircut:

It didn't stick:

problem girl

Good luck on the picture taking. I have yet to have professional pictures of either of my kids done where they don't have some kind of massive wound or another. Seriously, if you look at my son's legs in his 3 year pictures it looks like he was just run over by a tractor. I don't even know what happened.

The haircut is adorable by the way. The hairstylist did an awesome job leaving the curls intact.


He looks terrific!

I still weep to think of my son's first haircut. He was SIX WEEKS OLD and my husband sneaked off to the barber when he was supposed to be staying with him while I grocery shopped. I came home to a classic U.S. Marine Corps haircut on my formerly wispy haired infant.

The aforementioned husband is, of course, an ex-husband now. Not necessarily because of scalping my baby, but you can see the general attitude.


How is it fair that a boy has such perfect natural highlights? And curls? Not that I'm jealous...

He's a doll!


Oh my gosh, love the haircut! Those curls are to die for. And love your stylist too!


I love his curls! I just made an appoinment for my son's first hair cut. I actually cried when I got off the phone. But I know that baby mullet is not a good look and our plan is to just clean up the back a bit. We'll see how that goes....


His cut looks so great!!!


wrap the kid IN bubble wrap, not the house.


That's so funny -- his hair is adorable. This democrat/slightly hippy Mama has a child with a Republican hair "do" that has grown that way naturally -- complete with receding hairline (actually, it the opposite of receding -- what is that anyway -- since it's growing IN not OUT). I think people must think we cut it that way, but I long for curly locks on my boy . . .


Jill (CDPJ)

Cute cute cute!! I love those curls. My boy has very little hair and when it does grow in, it gets all shaggy and coarse, not cute, so we have to keep it short. Looks like you found a good hair-cutter-person.

And... a bruise or other facial mark only makes professional pictures that much more memorable. Or at least that's what I tell myself when I look at The Boy's first "school picture" (from pre-school) where he has a giant bruise on his forehead from running square into a door frame two days earlier... gives the pcitures more character :-)


Adorable!! I'm so glad that he knew better than to touch those curls. And, he most certainly does not look dweeby or republican. Good job, gay mohawk man!


Eeeee hee hee! So cute! Love "those" hair dressers. They do the best job.


Ok, I think I've been reading since June, so I missed that first haircut, but let me tell you that I did a shard inhale and a breathy "Nnnooooo....." when I saw that first picture. "Not his precious HAIR!" Something is clearly wrong with me. He's beautiful any which way, but his new 'do is perfect!
My son has eyelashes that go from here to the moon, and every once in a while I chase him with my mascara. He's still faster than me, though.

Or IS he?

Miss Britt

I'm just impressed you can keep his hair that LONG.

I know my son's hair would look like that still if it grew out... but I can't get past the "in between/look like one of the Munsters" stage to GET to that point.


Dude, your stylist has a wallet chain that could wrangle all the kids in the tri-state area. My daughter would EFF with anyone who touched her milk.


Oh Mah Gawd, he's gorgeous beyond belief. (Noah, not the gay stylist with the blond mohawk...y'know, in case you wondered which one I meant)


It's perfection! Just like Noah! Man, I've been a mommy for over 4 years now, and NEVER have my kids had that good of a haircut....I wanna put your haidresser in my pocket and take him home!

One of the Amy's

The burns....IT BURNS.

Dear God he's cute. Like I want him to marry my (older, but still within range) daughter. Or at least take her to prom.


His new 'do rocks! I want to go to your gay stylist. They are always the best.

Crystal D

That is the BEST baby boy haircut I have ever seen! I may have to save a picture just in case I ever have a boy. :)
What a little cutie! He could be a little J Crew kids model.


"still fixign teh typoos" - HAHAHA

Zoot - great pics!

I love little curly headed kids (in a good way, of course)!


He is too cute! Just adorable!


Noah's shoes in the third picture are totally bitchin' (it's an adjective when you drop the 'g', didn't you know?)

He's ADORABLE, by the way.


Still darling and delicious.


My retinas have been seared by teh Cuteness of teh Noah.


That man is a freakin' genius and I hope you gave him a huge tip! You dodged a bullet there--we all would have freaked if it had gone awry! Oh. And Jason looks thrilled to be in that chair.

Vaguely Urban

Super awesome 'do. Took my eyes awhile to refocus after looking at the February picture and seeing how much he's grown up since then. SHOCKING!


That kid is too cute for words. And your hairdressers beer belly is HAWT!


well, I think he looks a tad republican. ;) but mostly cute cute cute delicious!

unfortunately since our kids screetches each time we touch his hair, he's gotten the Wahl clippers, and goes between looking like Noah's curls to a new USMC recruit. I think since the last time didn't get so much wailing and gnashing of teeth, that we will try my stylist (although I suspect he might slap at her and proclaim "stoppa widda hair!!!" in his little 3-year old Italian accent...even though we are not Italian).


oh my sweet jemima will you look at that boy?! my eyes! i can't bear it! the's blinding!

can i be his manager when his hugely successful baby model career takes off?! pretty please?!


I love that you put "Wait! Don't cry! It's okay!" Because when I read you had his hair cut I was thinking "Oh NO! Oh no no no no NO!" (Like Noah running around on the half-finished hardwood floors).
But he looks tres adorable, and your stylist did a WONDERFUL job. I love that you guys had him do it, and that he was cool enough to! I think he'll have a fan-club of your readers soon. Can't wait to see the new (un-bruised we hope!) pictures you have taken. Yay for cuteness! Yay for Noah!


OMG!! That first picture had me crying out! Thank God you kept his curls, he is too cute!


Usually I just lurk.... but that last photo is TOO MUCH! Hope you tipped your stylist!


Wow! In that close picture with the juice her looks JUST like you. I wish my babies had Noah's cute curls!


i wish isabella had hair to cut. alas, i'll likely have to wait until she's 8...

KJ and the Kids

I'm responding to your last post. Because it is closed and because this is something you should know. I blogged about this today !
This is an ASL website. You click on the letter of the alphabet and then the name of whatever you want to know. A clip of someone signing comes up and WHALA ! I like it because I need to see something to learn it and 2, it's FREEEEEE !!!!!!
Ok, back to lurking !


so cute!


Your child is adorable!


Oh I love little boys with curls and I'll never understand why some Mama's want to shear them like sheep.

I'm so jealous of your flamboyant gay stylist. I had to leave mine behind when I moved and this backwater southern town doesn't have any.


Awww, so sweet :)


It looks great!


I don't need to read every comment to know they all say exactly what I'm going to say, but I can't help it: What a gorgeous little boy. Oh my heart.


Oh Mah Gawd!

So frakkin' cute!


Oh, my 15 year old just got all HIS adorable blond curls cut off last week, and I am crushed. Though his hair color came from me, sadly the curls did not, so I mourn the curls on the floor, and contemplate collecting them and making then into a wig for myself. He mentioned some shit about it being 'too hot' during basketball practice. Whatev.


Your stylist is a god. He looks absolutely ADORABLE. Don't ever ever ever cut those curls!


Noah's curls are adorable. I'm glad you didn't cut them off. He is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen.


I would literally give my left eyebrow for your son's hair. Of course then I'd have to give my right hand for a new eyebrow and then my eyebrows would be mismatched and no one would notice my adorable blonde curls because they'd be staring at my mismatched eyebrows. And I'd have no right hand. Damn it.


oh my, he is so cute it's sick! :)


Noah's good looks kill me!
I can't wait to have kids... I have a secret love for small children with mohawks.

Li'l Foot's Mommy

AWwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! He's adorable. You nearly gave me a heart attack with that first photo though...not nice!!! :-) I think they did a great job cutting Noah's hair!!


OMG!! My heart sank as I seen the first picture with all of his beautiful curls gone.
That was not a funny trick for all of us Internet-Noah-Stalkers!!! lol.
The haircut is awesome, adorable. Can't wait to see more pics. And as always, thanks for sharing Noah with all of us.


I love his hair! I cried with they chopped off my son's white blonde curls..


I'm really loving the new haircut! I may have to show my husband so he can be inspired. ;)
Leave the curls dammit!


oh my god, that is lovely. my daughter has the curls too, but as she is a TOMBOY (how the hell did THAT happen?!?!?), you don't see the curls so much as food/dirt/art supplies smushed into pigtails...


Gah so cute! I like how his hair has that "I so didn't even try to make it look this cute-it just happened" look. Very GQ!


Oh my Gah! He is so freakin' adorable- I can't even believe it. And I would kill for hair like that. Kill, I tell you.


Oh so cute. I love the boys with hippie hair! Though mine has had about 12 haircuts in his young life he regains his hippie hair about 2.5 weeks post-cut. Love it!

Sparkle Pants

His hair looks SO CUTE!!!

Also, the stylist looks like Matt Nathanson. FTW!


Yeah. Hi. Your stylist LISTENS. What a concept.


That is one delicious baby. And also, one hell of a wallet chain.


awwww he's perfect!!!


(by the way, yes, he IS totally signing [and saying!] EAT in that last photo.)

(when Jason left for work this morning he yelled BYE BYE DADA and then looked at me and signed "cry")

(and then I DIED. THE END.)


He signed "cry" when DADA ovaries just released ALL of their eggs. ALL OF THEM. I'm going to cry.

Also, UM. Not sure if you know, but your child is beautiful and I only HOPE that when/if I pop one out it's half as pretty as yours.

AND. It may or may not be my first time commenting, but either way, you're pretty much the best. SUCKUP.


I have finally learned never to schedule portraits for little boys. They can only be done spontaneously, like if you happen to drive by a studio and the kid(s) are (a) in a decent mood and (b) without major injuries to the face. Then there's usually a store nearby where you can buy a clean outfit because the one they're wearing is bound to be covered in something. I've tried to schedule formal portraits twice in four years, and both times, it was disastrous.


It's the most perfect little boy haircut ever Amy! Sooooo adorable. (Good luck on those family photographs!)


*fingers crossed* I'm hoping no bruises or cuts or anything else on the face before picture day comes. Why does that always have to happen the day before pictures are taken??

The first picture took my breath more curls. But...I kept reading...I love the new style. Very cute and still curly ;)


I can't believe you hid this from us. I feel cheated. Neglected. Unloved.

All though, he's still adorable, and the pictures make me laugh, so all is forgiven because I have a short attention span.


Am I seriously the first person (at nearly 80 comments) to say OMG! is that Philip??

Noah's disgustingly cute. Would it be weird if I took that picture to my own hairdresser as an example of the bangs I want? Yes? Nevermind then...


Adorable! You could always wrap Noah in bubble wrap.

Miss MyLastName

Dang he's cute!


We're living parallel lives or something. I took P to get a haircut on Wednesday to tame the wildness in preparation for pictures and I WAS using a spray bottle of water to scrunch the curls back into shape. And now? P and Noah have the exact same haircut and they're both completely adorable.


Im completely in love with your adorable child!
Hes too handsome for words!


i used to take my kids to a kids haircutting place. if these women knew how to cut construction paper with blunt scissors i would be amazed. they took my wee little girl who had JUST STARTED to grow some damned hair and they CUT IT ALL OFF. i was on the other side of the child and thinking why is she spending so much time on that side of her head when all i asked for was the smallest trim to clean up her ends? well, she was BUTCHERING my child's hair. it broke my heart. broke it into a million pieces.

my son came out of there every time with crooked bangs. not a little crooked. a whole damned lot crooked.

we take them to our stylist now. needless to say.


Cheaper to just pad HIM in bubble wrap. Love the hair.


My mother has never forgiven me for "letting" Cartoon Cuts remove Jack's curls. (evil! butchers!) AND they never came back. *sob*

Toby is like Noah's freaky twin-ish cousin, but sans curls. He got my freakishly straight hair, of the fluffy baby-fine variety. It's still cute as all holy hell, but.. my god.. the curls.

Donna Pa

I love that the stylist left his curls. Very cute. But...for some reason it looks a little, well, mullet-like to me. Please don't give him a mullet! Not that he wouldn't be adorable with a mullet, of course.

Wacky Mommy

I can't really talk with you right now (leaves the room, sobbing).


I leave my teenage son to the stylists at a place I won't go - - but my daughter with her very long hard worked for hair sees the same stylist as I do. When there are things this important (like Noahs curls) you can not leave them to - less qualified stylists. (was that PC? I refrained from using the term I use at home - butcher)




Bossy wants to go to that salon with you and then out for drinks after and maybe a movie followed by Girl Talk and... what was this post about again?


It does NOT look like a mullet! It's adorable. I'm glad he still has his curls, although you know he would still be cute even with a buzz cut, right? But those curls-le sigh.


Awww, he looks just adorable!


Very sweet- I just had to say- your husband is HOT-like I want to lick him. Ok-just had to let it be known.


o THANK YOU for making him keep the curls and surf bangs! Noah looks fantastic. The stylist looks like he had lots of would seem hard to cut a toddler's hair in someone's lap. I'm taking my 3yo for her first real cut tomorrow, and I'm opting for a grownup salon too. The video games and airplane chairs at the kiddy kut places kind of scare me.

Jen O.

I got all dizzy when I saw the first picture, thinking you cut his gorgeous hair super short. Your son has the hair my daughter's hair wishes it was. So beautiful. And you're allowed to call a boy's hair beautiful when it is so obviously beautiful.


Noah may be why I have babies on the brain... The cuteness must stop! It HURTS me!!! (Done being dramatic)


Cute haircut! I need to find me some gay hairstylist to cut my son's hair for me! ;)

Anyway, I wanted to mentioned that a deaf man well known in the Deaf community actually "translated" Jabberwocky into ASL. Just saying... ;)

As for books, yes, I have two on-line resources that I rely on for my job as an ASL teacher:

(FYI: the latter site has some English Sign stuff...avoid them because it's not a real language like ASL is. Any questions, please feel free to email me. Oh, yes, you live in DC, the Deaf community mecca is located there: Gallaudet University...they have a bookstore with all kinds of stuff that you can check out, even children's books. Also, you can see if they have ASL classes for children. I'm sure there are community classes so it's worth asking.)


Question are your lips not permanently attached to that adorable child's neck?

Question #2...How many modeling offers have you gotten for Teh Noah? Ad agencies should be falling all over themselves for that kid.


Wow! That looks really fantastic!


love, Love, LOVE his hair!! Adorable.
By the way, you asked for more signs. Have you checked out They have Signs for Parents, Signs for Emergencies, and Signs for Travelers.

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