Sadly, I can commiserate. Except that I was in a lovely restaurant. In London. With my Mom. And I wasn't pregnant. "Uh Mom...I've got a little problem...

Hilarious!!!

Oh my, that was hilarious!

To make you feel better here are the highlights of my pee weekend:

-wear spanx to sister's couples shower
-go to bathroom
-realize the hole they leave in the crotch doesn't work so well AFTER your pants are pulled back up
-line out the door for the facilities
-try to find a blowdryer under random person I don't know's counter
-cry on the inside

Yes, this happened this past weekend. *Sigh*

Thank GOD you had an office--with a door!

When I was pregnant with my first and still working, I received some helpful advice. A nurse at my doctor's office told me to always carry around a bottle of water with me during those really big pregnancy months just in case I have a bladder control issue or my water breaks, then she said just spill the bottle all over yourself and blame it on being clumsy. I never had to actually utilize the bottle of water, but I always thought it was a good idea.

I'm about as pregnant as you are (a week behind) with a little boy who is a week younger than yours. Go figure.

Anyway, yesterday I had the joy of having my vomiting from morning sickness also cause incontinence. I was leaking out both ends.

Less embarrassing, maybe, but really. That's just insult to injury.

Please accept my apologies for laughing that much at your breathtaking incontinence. Now if you'll excuse me, I must pay a visit ...

Haha. Or the one where I really really really needed to make it to class because I was the teacher, after all, and all the students were already waiting, and I had to go so badly that I missed the highway exit and then peed allover myself and the car while driving and STILL had to go teach a class? With my jacket wrapped around my waist?

Snort. Yeah. That one.

Pretty much almost peed myself reading this.

So this'll have to be mostly anonymous but I thought you would feel better if I shared the fact that this happened to me....except it wasn't pee. The chair was fortunately not contaminated but OMG!! I've never admitted that to anyone ;)

Excellent PSA.

Next can you address how to "manage" that pesky pregnancy flatulence that OMG just leaps from your sphincter to make the loudest of loud sounds during staff meetings or per se in front of the male secretary whilst the two of you are standing at the printer waiting for your job to come through? Do you address it head-on or just keep talking like it didn't happen?

Not that the latter didn't happen to me last week. Ahem. No way.

Truly, am WEEPING with laughter!

My Godmother sneezed, farted and pee'd herself all at once at Sears when she was pregnant...if it makes you feel any better.

Never peed myself during my pregnancy. However, I did vomit in the room with a client. And even that doesn't sound that bad...but you see I'm a massage therapist. So, during your nice, relaxing massage...there is me in the corner wretching my brains out!!! Completely horrified...and the massage was completely free!!!

Ohhhhh, sweet baby internet. My favorite part is how you just played it off and kept chatting. Your coworker was a real sweetheart to play along.

I mean, uh ... of COURSE you fooled her. Totally!

I may or may not have peed like a liter of urine on myself at rite-aid a few months ago. I definitely wasn't pregnant. Thank god I was with a friend who was sympathetic, bought her stuff quickly and then we jetted.

(In my defense I had been holding it for hours and rite-aid is 1 block from my house. I think my bladder just kind of jumped the gun.)

Hilarious! Go McGuyver!

But, oh, honeychile, wait until you're older.

I peed on a friend's couch about a month ago. From laughter. Thank goodness he's gay and has a mother and a sister, and that the couch had a removable, washable cover.

What I didn't tell him is that he only found out about the SECOND pee. The first one, I hastily blotted up/blew on (while he was in the kitchen) until it dried. Wine+laughter=incontinence. I come prepared now.

Oh, I can somewhat relate. B/c when I was in first grade, I managed to pee my pants as I was going down the playground slide. And in my defense! I hadn't had an accident before for years before. I wasn't a bed wetter or anything! Total fluke as far as I can tell. Fortunately, or unfortunately, my brother was the kid who went down right after me and he immediately detected what happened. I remember him kinda announcing it when he got to the the bottom of the slide, but I don't think anyone else (except our mother) ever really found out. And now you and anyone else who reads the comments... I can't even bring myself put my real name up here! Eek. Kudos to you for the courage to share your story!

Near the end of my pregnancy I did the sneeze induced pee and was certain it was amniotic fluid! Sadly, it was not and I went a week overdue. Great story. I once farted in yoga class, similar but less clean up!

My best friend got pregnant in our senior year of high school. She was 30+ weeks pregnant when the baby did some crafty kicking right on her bladder and she wound up peeing on herself right there in our plastic, molded to fit high school butt, chairs. She was so mortified. She just took her maternity leave (is it called that in high school?) early.

When I was about 11 weeks pregnant with the J-man, I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch, because I didn't feel all that well, and figured I should eat something bland. I got the waiter to bring me out a biscuit and tea quickly because I started feeling really bad.
I realized I was going to throw up, and got to the bathroom in time, but while throwing up wet my pants so hard a puddle formed underneath me.
A phalanx of 6 waitresses escorted me to my car since my light gray pants were obviously very wet, as were my socks and shoes. "squish, squish, squish."

Ha! My mama was the same way when she was pregnant with my second lil' brother. I made so many diaper jokes...Best of luck with this pregnancy!

I've been reading this blog forever now and since there's always so many comments..I don't like crowds :)
This was too special..I love this story..thank you so much for a midday giggle

OMG I just laughed so hard I have tears running down my face and mascara is stinging my eyes! I'm totally sending the link to this entry to my sister...who is about 8 weeks along.

Awesomeness! I kind of thought that story was going to veer into panties-in-the-microwave territory when you headed into the office kitchen, and whoa, am I really glad it didn't.

Because if you think microwave popcorn smells bad? Well. I don't know anything about what wet panties in the microwave smells like.

Oh my GOD. I was bawling from laughing so hard and then I read the comments. What Missie said about Bobby Flay made me snort three times.

ok, so being infertile DOES have a silver lining! These things just don't happen when you adopt in China!
and I'm pretty sure we share a friend...

The comments on your 11 weeks post are closed, but I wanted to let you know that I did the exact same thing with the little doplar thingy-ba-bob. Except I still have mine. And I will definitely not be using it in the future. It's yours if you want it. Just drop me an email and let me know.

When you stop birthing babies and start approaching menopause, you're going to have lots of blog material.

Nah - if you were truly at the point of total-humiliation-for-the-sake-of-the-blog, this entry would have been accompanied by pictures of the offending puddle and a pile of soggy newsletters (both with witty captions, naturally).

Gah, I feel your pain. I never had such a, ahem, awkward experience, but let's just say I learned the hard way to wear pads the last few weeks of my pregnancy. The one really bad time I had was the one time I was sick (I know, I know, don't throw things at me) while pregnant. As if it wasn't bad enough that I was lurched over the bowl puking, I started peeing on myself at the same time, but of course I couldn't do anything about it because of the barfing. Oh, the cruel paralysis. To add more fluids to the mix, I cried the whole time I cleaned up the floor.
Thanks for sharing. You know this kid's gonna be worth it!

I almost just peed my non-pregnant pants reading that. However, I did just find this post especially ironic (for me to be reading) since I just drafted a post asking the moms who read my blog to give me reasons NOT to worry about pregnancy and childbirth. So... thanks?

The scene: 29 weeks with kid #3. At work, on the sales floor, wearing a cute navy blue maternity suit, pantyhose and navy blue heels.

Act I: I turn and walk away from a display and I feel a little "wet spot" like I had peed a little. I head to the ladies room and stash some REALLY scratchy paper towels in my undies.

Act II: I head back to the floor and with each step, it gets worse. I head back for more paper towels.

Act III: Coworker banging on bathroom door demanding to know what's wrong and if I'm okay. I tell that there's something wrong with my bladder because every time I move, I pee. She talks me into coming out and calling my OB.

Act IV: I call my OB, tell her my bladder is broken, she tells me to come right in.

Act V: I shuffle to my car with WADS of scratchy paper towels under my skirt. My shoes are now doing the "squish-squish" with each step and my stockings are turning blue from the dye in my shoes. Drive self to OB while barefooted because shoes are too slippery to operate pedals.

Act VI: Slink into OB's office wearing squishy shoes and ask receptionist if I could PLEASE skip the waiting room. Throw away pantyhose in Biohazard can.

Act VII: Doc examines me and proclaims, "You weren't pissing yourself, asshole. YOUR WATER BROKE."

Act VII: Oops. Drive self to hospital.

The End.

It's been 10 months and a million Kegels since I gave birth to my 3rd child...and I'm still having peeing issues when I sneeze.

I don't think my pelvic floor will ever been the same...or my living room floor...or my recliner...

Amy, that was hysterical. I love your stories. And I also really, really loved Dani's story up there. Especially the doctor's comment. ;)

Is this real or an April Fool's? Cos I am just never ever having a baby if it's true. Honestly, why do more people not tell you this stuff...oh wait, cos then we'd never have babies.

I think *I* may have peed just a little from laughing while I was reading that. And yes, I have to admit that, if it was me, there'd be a tiny little part of my brain thinking, "Well, on the upside, at least one day I'll be able to blog this..."

Thank the Lord that you had your own office, though. Me, I've only ever worked in open plan offices. With people. Some of whom were men. Oh the horror, the horror...

Uh, did you used to work in Oklahoma? Because *after* they gave me my chair, one of the IT guys mentioned some previous employee peed in it one time because she was stuck on a phonecall. Thanks a lot, new job, for providing me with the best equipment available.

Maybe Depends should start marketing professional chair liners?

I was in a bad mood and then read this...I cannot stop smiling. Thank you for turning my morning around and reminding me that I should take that trip to the bathroom now!

That was hilarious.

I, too, have peed myself before.

Several times.

In front of my friends in both high school and college from laughing too much.

I hate to see what would become of me if I ever got preggers!!!

I have two stories. The first was when I was having terrible bowel issues from a medication I was taking, and had to go pick up more medication at the pharmacy. While waiting for my drugs, the "urge" hit and I asked where was the restroom. Surprise, it's not in the pharmacy at all, but in the clinic next door! So I started the long trek across the parking lot - stubbed my toe on a rough spot in the asphalt, and lost it. I'd had no idea up to then that the toe was connected to the sphincter.

The second story is funny now, although at the time it was infuriating. I ride the bus to work, and sometimes the ride seems longer than others, and I usually really need to pee by the time I get off. Like NOW! So on this one particular evening I had gotten off, not at home, but at the grocery store, and I knew that first thing I was going to have to use their bathroom. As usual, when you really need to pee and you see the toilet, it makes the urge almost uncontrollable. I walked into the grocery store restroom, saw the toilet, thought "I need to hurry" and not wanting to put my bag on the less-than-spotless floor, simply tossed it into the sink with one hand while unbuttoning pants with the other. Sat down, felt the blessed relief - only to realize that their sink had one of the faucets that turns on when you pass something underneath it, and it was filling my purse as I sat there. I could do nothing but sit there peeing and watching my purse fill.

Aaaaaand commence Kegle workout.

I have had moments of public incontinence, but you haven't lived until you've waited for the breath between "In Jesus' Name" and "Amen" in a large, acoustically sound church to fart. Trust me.

I haven't commented in a long long time (because really, what's the point when 1000 people get there before me and say everything I could possibly say), but I have to tell you how much I love you for posting this. It made may day, seriously. I can't tell you how much I needed the laugh. And how good it is to know that there are people in the world who are a)so fucking funny and b) so willing to completely humiliate themselves for my entertainment.

Love ya.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, and this might be the scariest thing I've ever read.

Umm, I can't say I full on peed my pants in public, but a little trickle here and there during pregnancy is true. However, whenever I throw-up, I tend to pee at the same time. Kind of hard to throw-up and pee in the toilet at the same time. Oh well, such as life and pregnancy. Take the good with the bad and the embarrassing.

Y'all are scaring the hell out of me. Apparently this is par for the course, this whole pissing-yourself-while-pregnant thing. Note to future self: stock up on Depends.

I pissed myself once during an assembly in High School. It was one of those "hypnotists." he was hysterical, I was hysterical and doh~ all over the bleachers. Always wear a cardie. Take it off, wrap it around your waist. Done.

Hi Amy,

A former co-worker here delurking to say hello! It's JoLynn - may I have been the co-worker to have dropped by? I doubt it because I am not that funny. Anyway, I think of you often and would like to get back in touch! Miss you.