THROWDOWNUP with Amy Storch
The Toddlerese Phrasebook

Baby Legs and Everything In Between

I had my first dream about the baby this week. I was frantically ordering baby gear from Amazon at the last minute (note to self: we already have a swing and a crib aquarium, but we do need BATTERIES. you cannot parent without BATTERIES) when it was suddenly time for my scheduled c-section, and then suddenly someone handed me the baby. A big fat naked baby boy, who nursed easily and awesomely, and was just about the cutest thing ever, although he looked nothing like Noah. And oh my GOD, his thighs. I couldn't stop squishing them. I loved him completely, and was sorry to wake up and remember that October is still a long time away.

I had baby dreams all the time when I was pregnant with Noah, but never NICE dreams. They always involved the baby not being human, or us being woefully unprepared for his arrival (I still remember one where we were desperately trying to buy a carseat, and I lost the baby in an endless sea of racks of Washington Redskins sweatshirts.) The baby was always a boy, even before we knew we were having a boy, although I wonder if that was just another shade of anxiety, since I was pretty scared about having a boy.

I woke up and told Jason that we're having another boy, and he harrumphed and said he'd believe it when he saw it -- why is it that mothers (or fine, JUST ME) get all hand-wringy about daring to have a gender preference and fathers are perfectly okay with wanting one or the other? (Jason wants a girl. He claims it's because he doesn't want "us" to get tempted into having a third child in order to have a girl, like DUDE. I don't know where he gets this "we" and "us" business because I am perfectly happy with being the sole princess in a houseful of boys, but Jason is suddenly going ga-ga over the little striped tights in the girls' clothing section.)

(Okay, I do love the tights too.  But Noah has this pair of barely-worn baby Pumas that KILL. ME. Oh! And this little corduroy blazer and a pageboy cap! Plus, I just plain love baby boys.)

(OKAY! I would love to have a daughter. I don't care! I just don't want to throw up any more! I am easy to please!)

We're getting the nuchal translucency screening done in about two weeks and my doctor dangled out the possibility that, thanks to his new-fangled fancy 4D ultrasound machine, that we MIGHT be able to get a pretty decent guess at the sex. (Mr. Google tells me the 4D ultrasounds can correctly identify boy or girl parts at the end of the first trimester about 85% of the time.) Part of me is like, YEEHAW, SPREAD 'EM, FETUS, while another tiny part of me is wondering what it would be like to NOT find out this time.

On the one hand, I don't feel like Noah's birth was any less OH MY GOD MY BABY! because we knew he was a boy and were even 99.99999% sure of his name. Hell, we even knew what he was going to look like. And since I did have a slight preference for a girl (for dumb reasons that I've already covered), I felt like I needed to know ahead of time to make sure I wouldn't have that twinge of disappointment when a boy popped out. (Totally lame fear, I know, but clearly I had MASSIVE doubt in my mothering skills and instincts last time.)

On the other hand, I don't have a preference this time. The guessing game is sort-of fun even if it drives me nuts with the relentless pointlessness of it all. (Yesterday at Noah's mock preschool therapy thing another mother had me and another pregnant woman hold her three-month-old, since in her culture there's an old wives tale that says how infants react to a pregnant woman can predict the gender.) (Verdict: he cried when I held him [boy, and therefore his rival], settled down when the other mother held him [girl, and therefore his sweetheart]). I doubt I have the self-control to not find out since it's just so EASY, what with the ultrasound machine being six inches from me at every prenatal appointment from here on out.

On the other other hand, since I know there's a very good chance this pregnancy will end with a shockingly anti-climatic scheduled c-section, maybe not knowing the sex is my way of injecting a little bit of excitement and drama into the proceedings.

What do you guys think? Any experience with both finding out vs. not finding out? Totally worth it or just still sort of OH MY GOD MY BABY! either way? the heck would I break this to Jason who is completely and totally unaware this crazy idea is rattling around in my brain and thinks we're definitely going to find out, and how would I go about changing his mind by 9:40 am on April 9th?



This is great! I'd been wondering the same thing lately. We did find out with my son, but I'm not sure I will want to find out if we are able to have another. I like the idea about having the doc/tech write it down and putting it in a sealed envelope. That's definitely one to consider...


Well, I have two boys and a girl, and I HAD to know. With number 2 and 3, we wanted to know if it was a girl! And even though you don't think you'll feel the need to go shopping and register, once you find out you're having a girl, you will go CRAZY with the pink. I love having boys too, they are soooo fun and cuddly and loud and messy, and fantastic! Now I am a little scared about having this little princess..because I know she will oneday be a teenage princess, and I am scared of teenage girls. LOL! But, I have told my husband, if we ever felt the need to go for number four..I think I wouldn't want to find out the sex..because either way, YAY! We already have both sexes being surprised at the end is actually kinda cool!


Like other people have said, I liked how the gender turned the baby into a real person in my mind. It was so much easier to say "she" the first time and then "he" the second time than the cheesy (to me) "the baby." Plus it made the name fight easier and the clothes/bedding issue easier and more fun.


Okay, I promise you that if you do NOT find out, I may be forced to fly to D.C. and... like... sabotage your TIVO or something equally horrifying. So don't tempt me. :) You MUST find out! :)

Then again, I'm not good with surprises. And I never felt anti-climactic at all with knowing and having c-sections. But again, that's how I am and I'm admittedly wrong in the head. ;)

Plus, I totally agree. Boys rock and girl tights are way too cute.

Mom x 4

Are you going to actually tally these results? Yikes!
I vote wait. We were surprised with the first two and found out with the last two (because they were twins and who the hell wants to pick out four potential baby names, you know in case we got two boys or two girls?). I loved telling everyone and seeing their reactions after the birth of the first two (girls, BTW). After the birth of #2 they didn't tell me the sex for what seemed like forever and in my post-no-drug-delivery-delirium I SNAPPED at the nurse, "What the hell is it?" Now, a few years later, I love getting phone calls about births where I didn't know what they were having--it's just more exciting; otherwise, you already know the sex and name so basically the parents are just calling to say so-and-so is here.


Well, here in Brazil we have a blood test you can do starting on the 8th week, that tells you the gender! From the day I found out I was pregnant I counted the days to take the test!!!!!
I was hoping for a girl, but found out I was having a boy! Knowing that my entire pregnancy sure helped me get used to that idea!!
I could barely handle not knowing for 8 weeks... can't imagine waiting 9 months!


I am pregnant with my first after 4 years of trying, multiple major uterine surgeries to correct a deformity, and 3 IVFs (the 2nd resulted in a missed miscarriage). I was adamant that I did NOT want to know the sex it would really be the only surprise in this whole conception/pregnancy/birth process (I'm headed for a scheduled c-section).

So, today was the big ultrasound. We told the tech several times we did not want to know the sex, and we closed our eyes when she did that part. She had to leave the room for a while and during that time my husband was reading all of the data that had been collected thus far, displayed prominently above our heads on the viewing screen....and sure enough, the sex was on there. He quickly told me not to look at the screen. When the tech came back, I asked her to print out the picture and put in in an envelope so that I can find out the sex on my own time (probably tonight). There's no way we can go several more months with my husband knowing and me not knowing...I'm sure he'd spill the beans at some point! So, not exactly what we had planned, but it will still be surprise to me tonight when I open the envelope.


My philosophy: If someone plans on moving in with you for like the next 20 years, don't you want to know as much about them as you can before they arrive?

I found out both times with my boys and we called them by name throughout the pregnancies. By the time the arrived, it was like, "So, there you are! We've been waiting for you!"

No regrets at all!

ali (Into the Rabbit Hole)

I explained it this way to my husband (who was adamant about not finding out) - you're either surprised when you find out in the doc's office or you're surprised when you find out at the birth - but either way, you're going to be surprised. And it's going to be a wild ride - either way. But hey, do it whichever way you prefer - I mean, you did it one way before, you can do it the other way this time. A doctor friend prefers finding out prior to birth because he feels like you bond more with the baby - but I don't really buy that.


That's a good sign about the nursing dream . . . I had two very vivid nursing dreams with both of my girls and they were both champion nursers. My youngest is 10 months old and still nursing strong.

Weird thing . . . before I even knew my first was a girl, I had a dream wherein I was nursing her and she had lots of light brown hair and was wearing striped pink footed pajamas.

Flash forward nine months when she was three months old. I was nursing her and realized she was wearing the same pj's I dreamt about -- and she had lots of light brown hair. And the sensation of nursing felt EXACTLY the same as I dreamt it would. Weird.

Long story short, you're having a boy and he'll be a good nurser!



Delurking to say 1) Hi! I love your site! 2) Hi neighbor! I think I live sort of near you! and 3) My husband convinced ME not to find out our baby's gender by saying "But as an adult, how many fun surprises do you get?" and I thought it was so sweet, that I agreed not to find out the baby's gender until birth.


I found out with all three of my kids. The best advice I got on this was as follows: If you really care about the gender, find out ahead of time so you have time to prepare yourself. If you don't care, surprise away.

Although I didn't care too much. I was just way too impatient.

Plus, I'm thinking that even if it's a scheduled c-section for you, you probably won't find it boring, what with the whole new member of you family and all. :)


I found out with #1 because I needed the time to prep in case it was a girl (I didn't think I could handle a girl first).

For # 2 - scheduled repeat C - I didn't find out because I wanted something to wonder about (since we couldn't look forward to the wondering when it would arrive).

So having known and not known, I definitely recommend not finding out - especially for a scheduled repeat C.

I always thought knowing the sex would make it too much like a root canal - we'd know I'd be happy once the c was done, but you don't really look forward to major surgery.

But having the wonder about the sex made it easier to get excited as the gut-cut day approached.


Birth is shocking no matter what. This from a mama who has given birth both possible ways, and knew that both were boys. Without a doubt.


And. Pregnancy dreams. With the first, I dreamed (dreamt? Hmmm...)that I gave birth to my CAT, then proceeded to nurse my CAT. Gawd. I had issues.


We didn't find out with my son and it was the greatest surprise ever. It also kept us from getting much unsolicited advice. :)


I loved keeping it a surprise and the second time around someone gave me an ultra cute black long sleeved t-shirt that said across the front "NOT FINDING OUT" in simple white print. I wore almost every day!


We have 4--never found out. It was fun, but I know there's no way I could not find out if we had another, it's just too tempting! Actually, with number 4, I changed my mind half way through, and my Dr. wouldn't tell me--she said she knew we didn't really want to know, that I was just being tempted, and she wasn't going to tell me. Actually, in retrospect, that kind of ticks me off!

I hope the sickness passes soon.


We have 4--never found out. It was fun, but I know there's no way I could not find out if we had another, it's just too tempting! Actually, with number 4, I changed my mind half way through, and my Dr. wouldn't tell me--she said she knew we didn't really want to know, that I was just being tempted, and she wasn't going to tell me. Actually, in retrospect, that kind of ticks me off!

I hope the sickness passes soon.


I am alllll for finding out ahead of time, if only so you can address the little bundle o' joy by name.
I found out my second baby was a boy at the same ultrasound that told me that there were serious complications and they didn't know if he'd make it. I spent the next 4.5 months crooning to my belly, "Hang in there, Max. Be strong, Max. Mama loves you, Max."
And he did, and he was, and Lord, I do. Now he's 9 and he makes me insane every single day. What a gift.


I found out with both kids...with Gavin because we already had boys on both side of the family and I was hoping for a girl...and he was my first and I kept having dreams about a boy and I needed to KNOW. With Cooper I wanted to know because I was really REALLY hoping for a girl...and I saw he was a boy before the technician did (in her defense, she was making sure he had internal organs and such). My cousin is pg. with her third (already has one of each) and REFUSES to find out...pissin' me off, too, because I have the BEST girl gift but if I get it, she'll probably have a boy and I won't be able to return it because it's handmade. :( So since I'm selfish, um, maybe one of you should know...but that's just me. ;)


I hate surprises and I usually figure out the surprise beforehand but with both kids, I never found out the sex. It was strange with the first but with the second - it took my breath away. Literally. I hyperventilated.

I would do it again. The not finding out the sex that is.


As many have said, it is still a surprise, at 20 weeks or 40..I liked knowing with both of mine. Beacause many people knew the sex as well, I recieved some beautiful handmade gifts in various shades of "boy colors"..My youngest is eight and still sleeps with his "holey banket"
(crocheted afghan). Just another perspective on a choice that pales with the surprise of seeing your second one and thinking, well of course that is what you looked like these nine is surreal, and then having this incredible feeling of wanting both kids with you,right NOW!


My vote is to wait it out and then enjoy the surprise. It hasn't been until the past 20 years (give or take) that we've had the technology to know the gender of expected children. All the people that came before us managed to acquire appropriate gender related necessities after the birth of their children. There's a lot to be said for anticipation and surprise. Why not revel in it?

Jamie AZ

I'm very much a planner and a control freak, but I was surprisingly wishy-washy about finding out. My husband was very against finding out, so that's the way we went ("how many surprises are there in life?"). Since I didn't have a super strong feeling either way, we went with his super strong feelings for both of our pregnancies. Two boys - surprise!

With both, we definitely had a girl name picked out, but we were less decided for a boy. When I was laboring with #1, I had my husband write out the different first-middle name combinations for a boy and then I crossed off the ones that I really didn't like, leaving three left. At that point I said that I didn't want to decide unless we needed to. Both pregnancies we did this and had to make the decision between the three that were left.

Overall, it was fun not knowing, but I could have easily known and had fun with that, too. Good luck with your decision!


We didn't find out for my first, because she wouldn't cooperate or the doctor was so against us finding out. We bought neutral.

I found out my second was a boy, because I was evacauted for a hell of a storm and needed something to occupy me during a month away from home. I stood in the middle of Babies R us dumbfounded at to what the hell you buy for a little boy.

I was very disappointed that I was having a boy, because I knew girls and I thought I missed out on getting all girly the first time around. We were up to our eyeballs in greens and yellows.

In the end, they both managed to pee and poop on me several times, cry a lot, eat a lot and basically became their own persons whom I love with all my heart.

Good Luck


i just know of the Chinese old wives tale where if you're having a girl your nose will get bigger and if you're having a boy you'll get a lot of moles. It's a God-awful way to tell.


How can you wait? Gender is part of their identity and who they are. I cant imagine waiting to get to know him/her!


I've had three c-sections (two scheduled) and we didn't find out beforehand for any of them, and I don't have any good reasons except that it felt like peeking at presents before Christmas morning, which always left me feeling depressed and disappointed...because lord knows, babies are just Christmas presents in meat wrappers.


I didn't find out either time (and was glad I didn't), so that first phone call to the grandparents required disclosure of the sex as the first item on the agenda. I'll never forget this bit of dialog with my father, who was already grandpa to 6 boys: Me: "Dad--you have a granddaughter!" My Dad (a bit overwhelmed): "Oh migosh! Is it a boy or a girl?"


I personally had to find out what I was having...and I just had to tell you that I was horrified about the possibility of having a little boy till I saw pictures of your sweet preshus baby boy and how he adores you, mama. It made me feel better.

and after I felt totally ok with either sex, I found I was having a girl, the sex I "wanted".



In Asia here we believe that dreams of the pregnant mom predicts the sex of the child :) even in symbol imagery, like a bunch of grapes mean it's a little boy ;)


I'm with Susan WAY up there in the first few comments. We didn't find out with our first, and ended up having a c-section, and when I asked what the sex was, the doc looked at me like, 'huh?'. He must have forgotten that we didn't know. We had an ultrasound toward the end where the tech kept asking , "Are you SURE you don't want to know?" and we almost gave in, but I was so glad that we didn't. The second one, we found out, because we just wanted to. I also had an amnio toward the end, and had had a LOT of testing because of a possibly cancerous cyst that shared the space with the babe. I definitely preferred not knowing, because it was a fun little surprise! OH, plus torturing the grandparents, that was fun.


I don't have kids yet, but I just asked Josh about this, and he thinks it would be fun to let it be a surprise.

I believe in raising children as CHILDREN and not as a boy or a girl (in terms of society's gender roles), and let them choose whether they prefer blue or pink for themselves. I intend to dress my first baby in yellows and greens and such. Then I can re-use the same things for the second one, no matter if the gender is the same. :P


Given the choice, I don't know how you could NOT find out!! Pregnancy and birth are surprising enough -- I didn't need something else heaped on top of that the first time, and I'm not waiting this time, either. We were able to call our DD by her name at 18 weeks and felt like she was already an individual before we even met her. I say FIND OUT.

FWIW, I just had the nuchal translucency test last week and they couldn't see a thing (at 13w2d). Maybe it would be clearer on a 4-D (I had a 3-D) but it would be too weird to have them be wrong and then have to reframe it all 10 weeks later, you know? I would take what they say with a grain of salt until the 18-20wk. u/s.


A girlfriend said something to me once and I liked her reasoning: "There are so few surprises in life where either way, it's a GOOD surprise, that why not just let yourself be surprised?"

I agreed and didn't want to find out the sexes of our kids. My husband wanted to know, but promised he wouldn't tell me. NO WAY was he going to have that sort of information and not me, so we found out.

Honestly, I've always regretted finding out, just a little. I think that last moment of surprise would have been fun.


We have 2 little ones and didn't find out the gender either time. For me, it was simply that I didn't want to let go of both fantasies until the very end. One day I'd daydream about it being a little girl and what she'd be like, the next day it was a boy and how raising a son would be. I didn't want either version taken away from me.

The first time I had a secret preference for a boy. I pushed my last push and they announced "It's Isabel!" (we always gave the nurse both names) and I can honestly tell you there was not a twinge of disappointment. It was a girl, of COURSE it was a girl!

The second time it was much easier to wait, knowing how exciting that announcement at birth was. Knowing how wonderful my daughter is, I had no problem having another girl, and a boy would have been great too.

Last push and my husband cried, "It's William!" Goosebumps, and he was gorgeous (all 9lbs 2 oz of him).

So, I'm on the "wait and see" side of things. Yes, it's a surprise no matter when you find out, but I just loved having both options until the very end.


One more thing. I always find it so much more exciting when friends or family have a baby and we don't know what it is until birth. When you get the big announcement it's so much more exciting (JMHO).

I, too, remember the calls to my parents (who are 1200 miles away). "You have a granddaughter!" and "You have a gorgeous grandson!" **tears**

kim at allconsuming

With Oscar we didn't find out - although Chef declared he saw dangly bits on our 18 week scan but somehow we just knew we'd have a boy.

With Felix I was convinced he was a girl and we decided to find out as a way of helping Oscar be prepared (what a load of codswallop that is - it's a baby for Chrissake, they don't care at that stage - it's little and it makes mummy all cranky and snarly when you lean all over her boobs) so in a way that was good to know it was a boy - but he was 10 days late so we knew 1) he was a boy and 2) the day he was going to be born. It was all a bit of a fizzer - and not because we weren't excited to have him arrive,it was more everyone elses reaction - no one was excited enough for my attention whore tendencies. I know this sounds RIDICULOUS but I feel like everyone has been underwhelmed by him and his birthday ever since. Yeah, I'm in therapy. Relax.

Jasper was a whole five and a half years later and we decided not to find out. For starters it is most excellent fun having all those months thinking about girl AND boy names. Secondly, in this day of supersonic scans, it is so much fun being in the minority who don't know. Thirdly, it really irritated our family and well, that is always a bonus.

For Grover we also didn't find out but seriously, after three boys I don't think anyone was under any impression it was going to be anything other than a boy.

But not knowing is just so exciting.

Don't do it, it will make those last few weeks and days of 'oh my GOD I'm a whale' so much more bearable.

I mean, how many opportunities and chances are there in our lives to have such a quantum unknown in our midst. It's too delicious to pass up.

kim at allconsuming

Oh, and I had a CVS with the final three as Oscar has a dodgy chromosome - so the results were just sitting there in my file just centimetres from me for all those visits and months.

kim at allconsuming

Oh and I am one of those women perfectly happy to be the only woman in our house. I love star wars, think lego is cool and would so much rather stand on the side of a footy field than a netball court. People can be so presumptuous and by Grover all I had was people saying, "so you want a girl" to which I would quite truthfully reply, "no, not at all."

I promise this is the last post.


No - no finding out unless you need to for medical reasons. As others have already said, there are so comparatively few "good" surprises to be had that we should make the most of the ones that there are.


ooh come on!!, the one last true surprise there is in life.
I found out with 2 out of 4 of mine, and I honestly liked the surprise. Adds alittle more spice I guess. I say WAIT, because you already know deep down, it's a boy, right????


I knew what I was having with my first (boy) and decided to go with the surprise for the 2nd. I wanted a girl desperately and was afraid of being disappointed if it were to be a boy during the rest of my pregnancy, rather than just happy that the baby (boy or girl) were here and healthy. NO ONE could believe I could stand the suspense, including me. The only really hard part was during my amnio and ultrasound where the baby was putting on quite a show b/c EVERYONE in the room other than me and my husband knew the gender. I was literally covering my closed eyes and yelling at my husband not to peek. The techs, dr. and nurses were peeing themselves laughing. I am NOT the type to NOT know anything. But waiting was totally, completely worth it. When they told me it was a girl, I was so shocked I kept asking if they were "sure", until they shut me up by showing me the baby. It was and remains (2.5 years later) the most amazing thing I've ever waited for and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.


I vote for the surprise!!!


Do whatever you want, but I can guarantee that if between now and April 9 you decide to NOT find out, you're 99.9% DEFINITELY going to change your mind the moment that Dr. puts the wand thingy on your belly.

Plus, with both my pregnancies at my first appt. (you know, the great one with the vaginal ultrasound?!) my Dr. could tell me I was having a boy. I was 10 and 11 weeks pregnant at each appointment. So if he could tell that early with that "crappy" ultrasound machine, then your Dr. will totally be able to tell you at this next ultrasound.

Yay! Oh, and since comments are closed on the Throwdown post- Holy Shit! Jealous! Awesome! Is Bobby Flay cool or is he an ass?


We found out with our first child and my husband convinced me to let the second child (2 yrs later) be a surprise. I'm so glad we didn't know, because the 2nd pregnancy was a "been there, done that" pregnancy, being only 2 yrs after the first and very similar. Also, I was so distracted by the toddler I barely had time to pay attention to the 2nd pregnancy, so not knowing the sex was a way of making it new again.

Good luck either way you choose! (But I vote for the surprise baby! Oh, and we had a TON of ultrasounds, too, and still managed to stay in the dark.)


I found out with my first and not with my second. It was so anti-climatic finding out the first time and so exciting not knowing in the delivery room the second time. I wish we had not found out both times, but it was nice to experience both ways. Good luck!


I found-out the first time for the same reasons you did. I really wanted a girl and knew I would need time to get excited about the idea of having a boy, and I didn't want to feel disappointment at the birth if it was a boy. (turned-out to be a girl) I think I need to find-out for the next one for the same reasons, I STILL really want a girl again! Maybe for the third we'll be surprised, because at that point, does it matter? =) Y'all can always do what my friend did, have the ultrasound tech. write it down and seal it in an envelope. Hide it or give it to someone to hold for you, that way if you can't stand it anymore you can find-out, but if you want to be surprised, you don't have to know!

Renee in Seattle

My vote is FIND OUT. My second child never got in a good position to find out the sex the entire pregnancy, so we couldn't find out when we wanted to. The doctor actually had to kick me out of the ultrasound room because I didn't want to leave; I wanted him to keep trying....

Also, I dreamed my first son was a boy, and we did not find out what he was until he was born.


We went for the surprise, with the whole "we'll find out for child #2, but let's be surprised with the first."

And now, we can't imagine knowing ahead of time for as-of-yet hypothetical 2nd child (child #1 is a whopping 8 weeks old)

It was just SO AWESOME when the doctor held the squirmy little thing up and said, "it's a girl!" (I was totally prompting myself for a boy, for the same OMG I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT LITTLE BOYS WHAT WILL I DO reasons as you. Can totally relate). Although "It's a boy" would have been just as exciting.

My choice was solidified by a coworker's totally anti-climatic outcome. Knew it was a girl, knew the name, knew the induction date...where is the surprise?

And plus, when I unexpectedly got an induction date scheduled, that eliminated that surprise.

But ultimately, it's your call, what you're comfortable with. Some people can't bear the suspense, some people are planners, and some of us just like yellow. ;)

Thrilled for you, regardless. :D


One way of looking at it that might not have been mentioned (doubtful!)

When I got pregnant with my first, I thought to myself that I have spent my whole life not knowing what sex my children would be. I always knew I wanted to have them, I always imagined it one way or the other, but of course I couldn't know. And realizing that, what's another few months of waiting to find out?

Not trying to convince you that one way is right or wrong, just maybe another thing you could tell Jason to get him to go along with it if you decide to wait. :)

Dawn B

We went back and forth while I pregnant with my second, whether or not to try to figure out the sex. When I had an ultrasound at 15 wks we were undecided as to whether or not to ask if they could already tell. Then the ultrasound tech says at towards the end, "oh I think I can tell what this is!"'s a baby.
She was very sure it was a girl and boy did I cling onto that. And I wanted a boy again so bad! For myself, I realized later that it was only because I was used to having a boy and I wanted to stick with what I knew. Girls, to me were so scary. Especially since it's scary have kids now in this world anyway and also knowing how as a girl, you have so many different struggles growing up. I still AM scared that Natalie will have to endure this world unprepared.
It was nice finding out that she was a she! Anyone who can hold out finding out the gender has patience of steel in my book. I just don't have that type of patience. lol
And now that we have a boy and a girl we always hear, "ooooh so you have the perfect family!!" I kind of hate that..because if Natalie were a boy we'd be just as complete. Because 2 is enough for me. LOL
Good luck!!!!


Wow, it seems you've hit on a popular topic!
We're still trying for our first, but this will be a huge issue for us. I'm all for it being a surprise, with the reasoning of "there are a so few *good* surprises in life!" My husband's response to that is "hello?? surprise, we're having a baby? how much more surprise do you need?" Maybe I'll have to select only the comments here that agree with me and email them to him to try to convince him...once it comes to that, anyway. I do live in fear, however, that some ultrasound tech will say something stupid and ruin the surprise.
Either way, congratulations, and hopefully the whole morning sickness thing will ease up on you soon!


Seems like most people find out these days, but we made a point of not knowing, both times. I would have felt gypped without that exciting "It's a (boy/girl) moment." There's nothing like it.


Part of me absolutely HATES it when people "want it to be a surprise"..I find it pretentious..but I'm stupid so who cares.
I asked my hubby what he wanted and he said he wanted a boy..but then tried to clean it up by saying the customary "I'll take either, as long as it's healthy" line.
Anyway now that I have returned from digressville, I hope you have a you can put shiny things in her distract silly people like me.


I can't believe you asked the internet about this. But since you DID: I liked that I felt more connected to the baby each time, like instead of thinking of "it" or "the baby" it was "the boy" or "Dylan", etc. Plus, am no good at controlling my curiosity. Plus plus, if I knew we were having a girl the second time around there would clearly have been a need to do some leisurely pregnant-lady shopping for a variety of Pink Foofy Things.


We knew with our first that we were having a girl, sheepishly sending family and friends copy of the ultrasound photos with 'labia' printed in all CAPS in 36 point times new roman. The second time we didn't find out and yet when they swooped the baby from between my legs and declared her a girl I cried with total certainty, "I knew it." Four weeks from now we are having another little girl and I can honestly say that it's equally amazing in the delivery room whether you know or don't know.



Oh! Wow! I've had 4 C-sections and although only the first one was an emergency, I never found out beforehand for the EXACT reason that scheduled C-section = planned surgery, planned date, planned time, and really the only thing I felt I had any control over was my baby's gender. I wanted one thing to be a surprise, and I'm so glad that I didn't find out with any of them. The last few months are so uncomfortable, and personally I would have found it very difficult to stay on top of things without having that one wonderfully tantalising thing to day dream about and get me through to the end with some iota of excitement.

Personally, it didn't bother me one way or the other what the baby was. It's not like you can change anything, and you love that baby no matter what it is. There's just something so wonderful about waiting for your baby to arrive, this little stranger, waiting for it to be lifted out of you and having the whole new world that a new baby brings opening up right at that very instant.

FWIW, I had very strong feelings about the sex of each baby, and with each one, my dreams were only ever about a boy, or a girl (i.e. the dreams were consistently one sex all the way through a particular pregnancy). And I was right every time. Girl, boy, girl, boy.

Also, with the last one, people thought we were crazy. here is Israel EVERYone finds out beforehand. We had to warn people whenever we walked into an appointment, an ultrasound, when we were called with the amnio results, etc. And then when we recieved the amnio results in the post I didn't open the envelope, but kept it sealed til my next checkup. My dr opened it, read the results, and then stapled the envelope shut again and gave it to me to take home. And it sat in my home office for 4 months without either me or my hubby taking a look.

I'm sure you'll do whatever you want to do, but your request just struck a chord with me because of the very question you asked. Something about a planned CS just wants you to retain a little bit of something just for yourselves, and I really understand that. So -- for what it's worth, I will add my 2c and say I think it's worth holding out to the end. You'll never regret it, and you'll be so proud of yourselves, and so thrilled on the day.

Either way, your baby will be adored. :-)


I didn't think I'd have a strong opinion about it one way or the other. BUT, it really sucks to have yellow and green clothes (which generally aren't as cute) and all you want to do is dress her in pink or him in blue. The wee little dresses with wee pink bows. sigh... She's five now and I'm glad I found out. I scheduled an ultrasound at the technical college and let the trainees have a go. She had her legs demurely crossed at the doctor's office. You'll know what to do, go with your gut and do what you want.


We found out with both our pregnancies and both were c-sections as well (the second one planned). I loved knowing ahead of time. I couldn't not find out. I don't have that kind of will power to wait. I don't think it was anti-climactic at all. Even with our second, knowing I was having a c-section and knowing it was a boy. Absolutely nothing can take away from how thrilling it is to give birth and see your child for the first time. I say, if you want to find out, do it.


We didn't find out last time. It was cool not knowing, but eh. I think we'll probably find out next time, because it is more convenient to know, and I felt like the moment when we met our daughter would not have been any less mind-blowing if we had known her sex ahead of time.


I'm no help at all b/c I'm in the same position as you (well, if I ever manage to get myself knocked up again). We found out early last time--the joy of high risk pregnancy is seeing your baby almost constantly via ultrasound.

This time I'll have that dull old c-section and I'd kind of like something to be exciting about it. But like you, Husband probably can't fathom the idea of not knowing ASAP if we need to buy blue or pink.


We didn't find out with our first baby and for our second baby, we had the tech write it down and put it in an envelope. We opened the envelope together with #1 on Christmas morning. Both intros were equally fantastic, both knowing and not knowing. Now that I've done it both ways, I'm finding out for sure if there's a third!! Good luck.


We aren't finding out this time, I am 17 weeks along. As the date for the 20 week ultrasound gets closer, the more I DON'T want to find out!!


I do not for the life of me have enough patience to be "surprised" with the sex.

The way I looked at it, I was suprised the day they called me and said "congrats, your amnio results are good...and it's a girl." Surprise!

Plus there's that naming thing. Took us 8 months the second time. Glad that it was 8 months after conception and not after birth.


I had to find out, all 3 times. (And my oldest son? Was totally showing us his boy bits at the ultrasound, there was NO question). I am just not a spontaneous person, I have to plan. Not knowing whether to buy light blue Carter's receiving blankets or light pink ones? Would have driven me NUTS.

Maybe you could just close your eyes during that part of the Ultrasound, or have them write it on a piece of paper or something.


Jesus, I don't have enough time to read 166 comments because I have GOT to go to bed.

But--if we spawn again it is pretty much guaranteed to be a scheduled C and so I agree with you that not finding out would be the cool baby drama since the when would be pretty much taken care of (barring unforeseen circumstances).

Then again I already have one of each so the stakes are not as high either way.

I have heard that mom's dreams/intution about baby's gender are pretty accurate. I never had an inkling with my first, but with my second I held his 8 wk u/s pic next to her 12 wk u/s pic and said (as a joke) to my husband, "Hey, they look like brother and sister!" So I knew he was a boy. Confirmed at 20 wks. Weird. And then he looked SO much like her as a newborn. More weird.

But anyway, have fun dithering.

creative-type dad

I had to know. My wife didn't, so I told her I would have the doctor tell me and we wouldn't tell her.

That didn't work, because I can't keep a secret.


3 kids, 3 surprises...just how we wanted it.


Umm...I have no clue.

Except, I kinda wanna know!

On the other hand, when we finally get the baby nine months from now (or, you know, eight. Or seven...) it might be nifty to get a big unveiling.

Sorry, I'm useless here.


Hi, and Happy Easter!
I have seven children, and only "found out" twice. It is definitely so much more exciting not to know until the end. The excitement builds each day and there is nothing ever in your life like it. People could never understand why I didn't want to know, but I like to open my presents on Christmas, not in September!!!! Whatever you decide, it is still fantastically exciting, being a part of creating a new little life. God Bless!


I've never commented here before but this is something that I have strong feelings about based on my own experiences.
Baby 1 - we did not find out. I REALLY wanted a girl, REALLY! However, when they said, "It's a girl!" It was not at all what I thought it would be. The excitement was that she looked EXACTLY like my husband and stepdaughter who was 19 at the time. It was so cool to see their faces in hers.
I was stunned that the "IT's a girl" moment was not the "AH HA" moment I thought it would be. Sooo.
Baby number 2 we found out! Again, I really wanted a girl. I have 4 sisters so a sister for my oldest was really important to me. DH already had a son so that pressure was off. We found out and the excitement at the ultrasound was even better than at birth. The focus was on just that, her gender. The anticipation was awesome. No pain. No crouds of doctors in the room (my first deliver was somewhat complicated). I LOVED knowing ahead of time. Choosing a name was tricky so we had plenty of time and could focus on that. Go ahead and find out! Surprise your self before hand. Once you have a house with a preschooler and an infant, your life will be full of surprises!

Reluctant Housewife

I liked finding out - you get to do another announcement. You get, "I'm pregnant!" And you get, "It's a BOY! " or "It's a GIRL!" And then, finally, you get, "Hey everbody I just had a BABY!"

I guess I'm all about the attention.


As if you need more opinions, but here goes...

With #1, we didn't find out, partially because I was totally convinced it was a girl. When both Dr. and hubby said, "It's's a...BOY!" my first reaction was, "It IS???" Clearly, not words I am proud to have welcomed my son into the world. Three years later, I was pregnant with #2 and completely terrified at the thought of having a girl. Plus, it was time to buy a winter coat for #1 - could I buy that cool red-and-black one, or did I need to buy something gender-neutral that could go to a girl? So, we went to the ultrasound in October, fully planning to have the technician write it down on a piece of paper that we would open on Christmas morning. Instead, she told us, then we wrote it down on a piece of paper for my Mom to open on Christmas morning.

BTW - #2 was a boy. PHEW!


Well we also found out with our first (also a boy) who was born a few months after Noah and now we are about eight months along with our second and we decided that it would be a cool surprise so we didn't find out. Now I do not have the opportunity to have an ultrasound at every appointment, actually I only have had one and since we opted not to find out at that one I guess we won't know for several more weeks. BUT, we both regret not finding out now. The name thing doesn't bother us, but we feel a little less conected this time around not knowing. It seems for us knowing the sex helped us glimpse into who this person is in a more real way than the vagueness we are experiencing now. Maybe it will make the delivery room more exciting (that was our inital thought), but how could that not be exciting anyway? Just my two cents.


We didn't find out with either of our kids. I didn't want a blue or pink nursery, and I kind of wanted some neutral baby stuff that we could use both times.

I found out that if you don't find out ahead of time you get a bunch of green/yellow clothes for the beginning of the baby's life and once the baby is born people are so excited to know if it's a boy or a girl that they run out and buy you and bunch of blue or pink stuff anyway. Double gifts!!

I love watching A Baby Story but I usually flip the channel if someone is having a scheduled c-section and they know the baby's name and gender. Kind of boring, IMO.

Betsy Bird

With #1, we found out. With #2, we didn't (although I suspected I had seen a penis on the ultrasound, and I was right). I think it was more fun not knowing for sure. We had a girl name and a boy name picked out the second time, and the big surprise turned out to be not our son's gender, but the fact that my husband and I each looked at him and realized that the boy name wasn't going to work. I don't know what a Griffin looks like, but our son is what one doesn't look like.


Alternate solution - Find out and don't tell the internets!


I was going to read all of these comments, and see what mothers from both sides have said. And I couldn't get halfway down before getting confused.

I think it's up to you Amy. There are great advantages on both sides. It's whatever you and your wonderful husband decide? You know? Do it your way!

(I love surprises, but I also like mixing it up. So, whenever I have kids, I think I'll probably do it both ways. Just for fun. There's no sense in taking it too seriously, is there?)

Gretchen Tucka

I had a baby in October 2006 - we found out the sex ahead of time, baby girl!! She is very sweet. Anyway, my dental hygienist delivered a little baby boy whose gender was a surprise 5 days later. She was very disappointed that she waited to find out. She said she was so wrapped up in labor and all the "surprises" that go along with it, that the news of a boy was very anticlimactic - just glad she finally had the baby. So, there's my story - she wished she would have found out by ultrasound.

Cheryl D

Delurking for the first time because this is a topic close to my heart. My husband & I always felt we shouldn't find out the baby's sex because it is one of life's great surprises. So many people told us they didn’t know how we had the willpower not to find out, but honestly, we enjoyed playing a guessing game for nine months. Every symptom, every little twinge, set us off on an explanation as to why the baby was a boy or girl. I even tested out several old wives tales towards the end of my pregnancy to see what the results would be (they came out 50% girl/50% boy). I admit it was hard to walk past baby clothes at times, being unable to buy girly or boyish clothes, but it was all worth it for that ultimate moment in the delivery room. Even though my husband and I felt sure it was a boy, we loved the moment they announced “It’s a girl!” I’ve talked with several friends who found out the baby’s sex beforehand. None of them remember that special moment of announcing the baby’s sex because it either wasn’t announced or they didn’t really pay attention. When you don’t know, you are living for that moment!

My husband has admitted that he was in shock, not disappointed, when they announced it was a girl. (It’s pretty hard to be disappointed at the baby’s sex when all you can think about is that you have a healthy baby!) My husband was pretty well set on a boy throughout the pregnancy, but it didn’t take him long to decide girls were the only way to go. Anyway, I highly recommend not knowing. If we ever have another baby, I would go the same route in a heartbeat!


Too bad no one has an opinion on this, huh?
With my first (one month older than Noah) we found out- girl. I almost never even questioned whether or not we would find out- the whole pregnancy/baby thing seemed so scary and new that I wanted as few surprises as possible!
My second is two months old and we decided not to find out- I just sort of wanted the surprise, and I thought it would add a little bit of excitement to the whole second pregnancy-rerun type thing. I loved loved loved being surprised and having my husband be the one to announce it in the delivery room. I also really, really didn't care if we were having a second girl or a boy, I would have totally been thrilled with either(it's a boy!). Anyway, I vote for not finding made the last few weeks of pregnancy more exciting than they would have been otherwise and the phone calls to family and friends were that much more fun the next day. Plus, with a second baby most people send gifts after the birth anyway--this kid isn't drowning in a sea of yellow outfits or anything. Have fun deciding- and congratulations!!


I found out the first time as I was totally freaked out about being pregnant and insanely sick like you.
Second time around I wanted to be surprised, even though the pregnancy was exactly the same as the first.
Ended up with two gorgeous baby boys and wouldn't trade them for anything.
Trying to talk my husband into adopting a girl at some point in the future because I am SO DONE with being pregnant.

Julie @ Letter9

Jeez, even wrapped birthday presents make me all crazy to the point that I almost open them early. COME ON!


I didn't find out with both of my girls. I loved the suspense and torturing my friends and family was an extra added bonus. I don't know any other women who have kept it a suprise. It was so much fun to hear the Doctor announce the birth of both Cassidy and Ali to the room. IT'S A GIRL! I still get goose bumps. If you have it in you, it really is worth the wait! :)


We elected to not know both times. It made each birth that much more special. Neither of us cared if we were getting a boy or a girl and didn't want to dwell on it.

And the fact that SO many people place SO much importance on what colors to decorate with or what color the gifts should be had absolutely NOTHING to do with it.

neither of our babies cared what color they were wearing - they didn't know that boys were supposed to wear blue or girls pink.


We didn't find out with our two kids and won't be finding out with this one either (I'm due at the end of September). I'm always induced, so like you brought up with the c-section, it's our way of adding a little excitement to an event that's very planned out and expected. For our first one, I wanted to find out, but hubby really wanted a surprise. For the second, I loved the surprise of the first one so much that I didn't want to find out (even though hubby would have liked to have found out). Personally I love the surprise each time!


I found out the second time, because it made it easier to get my 2 year old son prepared. We talked about "baby Helen's arrival" and "baby Helen in my tummy..." and I think it just made things easier. Plus, I wanted to get as much clothes sorting done as possible before my second was born, which meant I needed to know the sex.

Tina C.

i didn't find out last time and i'm not finding out this time. Am i the only one who does it this way??? i figure getting the baby handed to you is one surprise in life that's actually a happy one. also, for this 2nd one, i'd be happy if #1 got a baby brother to pal around with (I always wanted a sister) or if #2's a girl in which case i get to pal around with her. either way, it's all good. I'll wait and see who it is!! all baby #1 clothes are gender neutral already, and anyway who cares about matching colors to gender! girls can wear blue and boys can wear pink! i don't really care about that!!


Amy, for the love of God, how do you expect us all to survive until October without knowing the sex of this baby!?


First we found out and it was great. Second time we didn't and it was great. Should there be a third, I won't find out. I like surprises and this is about the only one that I will get because my hubby sucks at surprising me.

I am no help, but I loved not knowing and I am a total Type A planner.

Declans mom

Find out, I found out that I was having a boy after I kept dreaming about having a boy. That last month is so long (especially when you are two weeks late) Not knowing would have killed me and my husband. oh, and I don't ever want a girl but my husband says the same thing as Jason "If its a girl than we can be done otherwise we might want to try for a third to get a girl"


i hesitate to even comment because you get so much traffic... however I commented a couple days/weeks who knows I lost track ago about being in the same boat as you due same time etc.. anyhoo I am also going for the neck measuring thing on April 9th... excited but wondering if they will really be able to tell boy/girl...

the real reason I am commenting is I am trying a new thing today read online.. taking a benedryl and the b6 today.. I puked so much yesterday I am willing to try it. Benedryl is on my dr approved list sooooo anyway.. have you tried it?


I just couldn't handle not knowing. WH and I are arguing about it ahead of time, before we even ever start trying. I don't like to live with strangers. :)

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